hahaha - couldn't help adding this pic mom - it's so me talking to you tonight - here i ask for help and when you offer it when i really need it i take it and get so mad - you were so kind to go against what you knew would make me happy and spoke the truth - i so wanted to go and have fun tomorrow, but the gym was the plan for tomorrow - and that's that - and i need to go to the gym...cuz i need to be brought back to it being my most important goal/role...there will be time to go up north with my friend - another day...but not tomorrow...all day my food has been yelling, screaming, haunting me - driving me near tears and i could just scream right back - i want to throw plates...and stomp around and throw a tempertantrum and kick my feet and yell and tell everyone it's not fair - but then i return - as i write this and remind myself that this commitment - that this day i've committed to will begin and it will end and i have succeeded...maybe not perfectly, but i have succeeded in ways i didn't think were possible yesterday - and even though i sooooo didn't want to write tonight i knew that it was the most important thing i needed to do - get it out - cuz i do want to be healthy - i do want to see 14 days of "abstinance from bingeing" and know that i couldn't have done it with out all of you and him...and pray with all my heart to keep going and offer my greatest thanks for all the little angels that found there ways into my day - ok - took a couple of chill pills and am going to bed - praying that tomorrow will once again be the best day of my life - and yours - god bless...