Ashamed and proud all at the same time....
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Well, it's now February of 2008 and I'm ashamed to say I'd given up on dieting and given up on healthy living. Unfortunately I've been extremely depressed over the last period of time since I last posted.
I haven't been working, and my ambition level has gotten to an all time low and I put on weight. Right after Christmas I went into the hospital to find out why I was in excruciating pain and ended up having my gall bladder removed. It gets pretty scary when they start taking things out of you. I got horribly frightened. That's the horrible part.
Now the good part...I've come back out of that terrible time in the hospital with a new friend....me! I've chosen to live...after a few days of extreme depression, and totally lost inside an inner demon that said you're not going to be good anymore, you'll share the same fate as your father and sister, and you're just not going to get better, it's all downhill from here. Need I say more....I ended up in fight or flight mode and I chose to fight.
I'm proud to say that with the help of my Doctor, I found that I am just going through some normal depression after surgery, and it's nothing new. Plus I found out that many women my age go through the same type of surgery, it's a natural course of events.
Yet in reading more about gall bladder problems, I found that high cholesterol is many times a cause of gall stones, and so I felt, what more is going to get bogged down, so I'm back, to stop cholesterol from getting worse. So I chose Chantix to help me quit smoking, which has been a horrible slave master to me for 36 years. And am proud to say that I am now 32 days without a cigarette! So things are worthwhile when you make yourself your own best friend. When the doctor checked the new blood test results I found that I don't have diabetes after all, I have high cholesterol but it dropped down twenty points, and my good cholestrol went up four points. Which I might add was not as a result of my quitting, that has yet to appear in the scheme of things over a period of time. But Yay me! Big hugs and kisses to me....