Tuesday, February 12, 2008
So I've been wavering on the 170-mark. Just yesterday the gym's scale said I was 171. Which irritated me, because just the day before I was 170. And I had no clue why it was saying I had gained a pound.
I was down yesterday, (more winter blues) and could barely make it through any working out. I actually only worked out for about 15 minutes yesterday and then had to stop because I started to feel really dizzy and weak.
Disappointed in myself I went home and started on a crazy binge. Ok, not too crazy. But my lunch didn't satisfy me as it usually does. So I had a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich.
I thought I'd be fine then. But no, I was still hungry. So I had some 100-calorie popcorn. My husband called and I explained how nothing was making me feel like I'd eaten ANYTHING. He then brought me an ice cream cone from McDonald's. Usually that leaves me feeling full for a couple of hours. They're awesome!
But no such luck this time. I finally tried again with a Kashi bar. Finally I felt full! It only took lunch and four snacks apparently!
So then I thought, whew I'll be fine now. Ran a bunch of errands because my husband, being sick, didn't feel like going to the gym. I, still not feeling up to it, was fine with that.
Ate dinner, whole wheat pasta, 2 cups veggies, and a slice of toast. Again usually I'm feeling GOOD and full after that. Nope, so my husband tried with another ice cream cone. The dairy and goodness of it leaves me good for the rest of the night.
AGAIN, didn't work. Tried a 15-calorie popsicle. Which totally distracted me from wanting to eat. That is, until I finished it! Hubby drove to Safeway because I was out of Vitamuffins. Had a chocolate Vitamuffin and finally felt content.
In the end I ate just under 2,000 calories and only burned 100 at the gym. The scale this morning? 169. So apparently I lost two pounds by eating a total of SIX snacks and 2,000 calories.
Does this make any sense? No. Have I learned to just move on with my life? Yes.
Basically the scale never makes sense to me. It'll say I lost weight when I think I shouldn't have. It'll stay the same for days on end, mocking me. It'll say I've gained weight when there is no reason to. Does this stop me from using the scale? Not at all. It's the only way I have to show progress. Measuring doesn't work. I measure about once a month and there usually isn't much difference. I seem to have to lose more than 5 pounds or so on the scale before the measuring tape will reflect anything.
What I have learned is that while I'm baffled, I don't let the scale affect my mood for the day. Scratch that, I TRY to not let it affect my mood. Hey, I'm certainly not perfect.
What was the point in this blog? I don't know. It's mostly just to show myself that I can do this. Gained weight? Who cares, I can still make it to the gym. I can still (attempt to) eat right.
In the end I'm happy that I have a body. That I have something to get me where I need to go. And the scale can't change that fact.