Saturday, August 04, 2012
This is my dad.
Today would have been his 65th birthday. He has been gone for 6 years now and while it hurts my heart every single day, special days are particularly tough.
We grew up mainly with my dad, mom was only an occasional part of the picture. Not faulting anyone, its just how it was.
We didn't have a storybook life. My dad was a blue collar worker and while he was not home for a good deal of the day, he was still such a huge part of our life.
We could always depend on him, especially for the important things. It seems like that should be a given in any parent/child relationship, but sadly, thats not always the way it is.
He had a way of teaching life lessons by letting you learn them, not necessarily the hard way, but in the way of "Here are your options. Here is my opinion and why I feel this way. And, here is my support in your decision."
My dad had a GREAT sense of humor, always full of laughs and he had a great laugh that started in his belly and worked its way out. It was a good honest laugh that always touched his eyes.
Dad was always a big guy, but as he got a bit older and had to deal with diabetes and his diet changed for the better, he dropped about 80 pounds which still left him technically overweight but much happier and much more pain free....also quite amused as he had to start wearing padding when he played Santa.
He had played Santa for the last several years of his life and got the biggest giggles when kids would come up to him year round and ask 'Are you HIM?'
I know my dad would be proud of me and what I have done so far, and I know he would be supportive with how far I still have to go too.
All I can do on days like today is to remember how it was to have him as my dad, my friend, my protector, and my biggest supporter in everything I did and everything that I do.
I know that every day that I am frustrated with changing my diet,
Every time I wear myself out exercising,
Every sore muscle that I complain about (and I DO complain! Just ask my beau!)...
Every inch I drop from my waist,
Every pound that I drop,
Every day that I have the found-again ABILITY to do some task whether it be a chore or recreation....
Every challenge found and every victory...
I know he is still here cheering me on, I know because my heart still feels him.
Happy birthday, Dad, I miss you so much.
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Yesterday I did...nothing.
No resistance band.
Nothing but work, make dinner, watch the Olympics, and then to bed.
It made me kind of antsy but I just kept thinking that it would be good for my knee to get a good rest.
I only had a little bit of pain in it during the day today...a nice change from the sick, squeezing, pulling pains that lasted for a couple hours at a time!
This evening my beau and I did a half and half at the gym. 30 minutes in the gym and 30 in the pool. It went GREAT!
I did .5 mile on the stationary bike, restretched my calves and shins and got on the treadmill....one minute of walking, one minute jogging, and NO complaints from my knee!
Two minutes walking and I was able to do ANOTHER minute jogging! It felt so good! And while my knee was complaining this interval, it wasn't as bad. I finished up my rounds in the gym and hurried to change into my shorts for the pool.
It felt wonderful to jump in, but I miss my music in the water....I don't think the silver swim class would have appreciated me blasting 80's music all around their get together on the other side of the pool, lol!
Walked .5 mile in the pool in 30 minutes and I was DONE!
My knee was pretty sore but not bad enough to even wrap it up. After we got home, I popped dinner into the oven, put on my nice warm jammies, put my feet up and here I sits!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
After spending 9 hours in a mild panic attack at work today, on top of everything else (I hate month end at work!), I am feeling much better after a 45 minute round at the gym.
We had planned on walking in the pool this evening. After taking it easy all of last week because of my knee, I had a very low level pain day (maybe due to actually taking a half of a pain pill this morning), even with the panic chemicals floating around in my body all day, I felt like I just needed a shot of endorphins. I NEEDED the accomplishments.
I started off with my usual stretches to get everything going, put on some Kid Rock on my headphones and blasted my ears off (figuratively speaking of course)
I tested my knee out with a mile on the stationary bike, stretched my calves and shins again on the cool little rocker thingy they have there, and checked out the treadmill.
I walked for a couple of minutes and couldn't resist any more....got the speed up for a jog and breezed through 60 seconds, slowed it back down to a walk and then my knee woke up asked what the fudge did I think I was doing?!
I tried out the elliptical again...I tried it several months ago and my hip joints can't handle the shape of that movement, and found that they still cannot, lol, so the elliptical will remain permanently OUT of my routine.
I moved on to the thigh adductor and abductor machines, 3 sets of 15 with 30 pounds for each.
Chest press 3 sets of 7 with 10 pounds (thats the sissy setting!)
Curls 2 sets of 7 with 10 pounds (I never have had any upper body strength)
The pull down bar thingy (don't know what its called but it works the back muscles), that one I can do 3 sets of 15 with 30 pounds.
Followed everything up with a quarter mile cool down back on the stationary bike followed by stretches and ice on my knee when I got home....just in case.
After it was all said and done, I am favoring my knee only slightly and my calves are still quite sore....I think they have been bothering due to being a bit overambitious in the pool on Saturday.
I am still going to take it slowly and not risk damage to my knee, if it is my knee and not my sciatic or something else, either way...I am not going to risk damaging anything. Tomorrow is an evening at home with stretching and resistance bands only, and Thursday we will actually go walking in the pool again. No more heavy stuff or jogging until Saturday at the very earliest.
I feel much better, feeling very accomplished and a bit more at ease about life in general.
I am proud of my solid 45 minutes at the gym and for making a healthy dinner after I got home and resisting/avoiding the carb overload that the room mate made for dinner. I made a turkey burger with lots of fennel and savory in it, along with asparagus and green onions steamed in a bit of chicken broth.
I knew I was an endorphin aficionado before....but I think I am quickly approaching junkie level!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I have been working so hard over the last few months at not being stressed out.
My beau lost his job yesterday and I am not dealing very well right now.
My son lost his job a couple weeks ago and should be starting a new job this week, but we are going to have to help him out with his rent that is due...oh, tomorrow. Our rent is ok to wait until Friday. Our room mate only pays her share when she feels like it. She has been with us for a few months and only paid us about 300.00....150 of that we had lent to her to pay her storage locker fees when she first moved in.
I KNOW he will get a job soon, but the panic is still here. I can't figure out whether I feel like eating, over eating, or under eating. Stress does that to me.
I only hope that my work day goes smoothly and I can work off some of the panic energy at the pool tonight without hurting anything else.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I just had a thought...maybe my actual knee isn't the problem, even though that's where it hurts.
My beau has extreme and constant pain over his shoulder and down his arm....after a couple of years of misdiagnosis' we found out that he has cervical spinal stenosis and we are to the point now of waiting for surgery for him to correct this....its the nerves that begin in his neck/spinal column, that are being pinched and causing the pain that actually hits in his arm.
When I got up this morning, my back was sore....I have bulging disc in between L4-L5 and L5-S1....I also have a lot of trouble with my sciatic nerve....that begins there and where does it run? From my behind, down my legs! That stupid nerve runs right behind the knee!
Of course I will wait to be sure of what the xrays and stuff say when I go to the doctor again, but if they don't turn up anything definite, I will bring up the problem with my sciatic and see what he thinks about that.
In the meantime, I can work on my back issues and get the right stretches done for that problem and if nothing else, I can get some relief there!
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