Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I am sitting here listening to all the music on my computer, its been far too long that I let music move me or touch my heart.
My music tastes are quite varied, but most everything that I listen to speaks to my heart...
Playing now is Edwin McCain's "Write Me A Song"
Its one of my favorites, the chorus always gets me:
"She said write me a song
Fill it all up with words
Like brilliant and heavenly
Make it sound just like me
Just like the first time I love you was heard"
When my dad died, I lost myself. I let grief push me to the edge of suicide and back into self harm. Its a place that I had been to before then, but this time it didn't scare me.
As much as I want to take all the blame in the failure of my marriage and my life at that point, it takes two to tango and my ex played his part in it all.
I will no longer accept ALL the blame in what should have been a partnership.
We parted ways and I got help from my doctor and from my beau, whom I had only known as a friend online at that time, we had chatted for a few years at this point.
In the months that turned into years that followed, I pushed music out of my life. I pushed a LOT of happiness's out of my life. I was so angry, I was angry at God, at my dad, at myself, my family, my ex....everyone.
I got together with my beau and found my smile again. He makes my heart pitter patter like no other. He has helped me find myself again and realize that although I may be different and a bit worn around the edges, he loves me because of who I am and what I am and even when I cannot love myself.
I came to realize that I was still harming myself, passively-aggressively.
I would just eat this or that and be happy for a minute and work out tomorrow. I thought I was taking care of myself by letting my aches and pains rule my life...such as 'I have a bad back, I shouldn't put any stress on it'
I made things out to be worse than they were (in my head), I babied myself when I KNEW BETTER. I fed myself so much bullsh*t that my eyes should have been brown!
These days, I love myself. I love myself enough to take care of not only those around me, but ME too!
I LOVE that I started the c25k, I LOVE the feeling of accomplishment and the endorphins are an added bonus. I LOVE having a goal and working my way towards it.
Today, I figured out how to get to non-workout-friendly music off my phone and loaded about an hours worth of corny 80's music onto it.
Silly, but its what gets my ass moving and where my ass goes, the rest of me tends to follow!
We will begin with what played on my phone once upon a time at the gym and has now been dubbed by me as either the right-est or wrong-est workout song EVER...
Fat Bottomed Girls - by Queen
No More Mr. Nice Guy - Alice Cooper
I Wanna Rock - Twisted Sister
Welcome To The Jungle - Guns n Roses
Poison - Alice Cooper
Look But You Can't Touch - Poison
Nothin But A Good Time - Poison
Smokin In The Boys Room - Motley Crue
Talk Dirty To Me - Poison
We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
Simply Irresistible - Robert Palmer
We Will Will Rock You / We Are The Champions - Queen
And for the curious....yes, there IS a reason for the order of the first and last two songs LoL!
I am planning to start as the first and end as the last!
My mini goal is to be able to exercise through the whole playlist...that should turn me from a 'fat bottom gir'l to being 'simply irresistible' and 'make me feel like a champion'!
So, what music moves your heart or body? What do you listen to (if anything) while working out?
I would like to thank you good people for listening...I am going to go pick up my beau from work!
Sunday, July 08, 2012
I'm TIRED today! Hungry too!
It's only 7:00 here and I am out of calories for the day. I don't know why I am so hungry today. Maybe I am coming down with a little something...woke up with a sore throat and now my sinus' are misbehaving. I just want to curl up with some comfort food and my Nook reader.
Yesterday was fine...my beau ad I went out to eat, I figured that if we were going to go out, a late lunch would be better than dinner since I tend to want to eat more in the evenings, after we ate we had to pick my son up from work and then took him to the movies with us to see the new Spiderman movie (it was good) I had some popcorn, but not a whole lot, I just shared out of my beau's bag and for myself I got a scoop of no-sugar chocolate raisins and some pecans.
After we got home, my beau and I went for my 3rd jog this week. I did a lot better I think, I got 3 jogs in 20 minutes, I lasted 60 sec/45 sec/45 seconds. I am not hurting today...per se, but I am definitely more sore than I have been! Everything loosened up with some walking when I went to the farmers market and the grocery store.
All the veggies I got at Fresh Pickin's were GORGEOUS today! Evidentally, Sunday is the day to go! I spent the afternoon chopping veggies for the week...
Those will last almost a week, the only thing I didn't cut up was the cucumbers, tomatoes, and zucchini...those are the zucchinis in the pic...they were huge this week!
I will make myself a small protein shake in about an hour and head to bed early methinks.
Take care of you
Thursday, July 05, 2012
I actually jogged today!
The day before yesterday, our first walk/jog day was rained out after about 6 minutes (I posted the rain pics in my blog the other day)
Well, today was full of horrible ups and downs for me, I don't know what is wrong lately but everything is bothering me more and today I busted out crying when I had to shell out almost 400.00 for 4 new tires for the car because NO ONE would replace just two! I realize they all needed replacing but the two front were worse and while we could swing getting two done, all four this week put off paying other things. NOTHING was going well today!
Anyways...after spending a couple of hours sobbing on and off, I didn't know if I would really have the energy to go out and do any more than walk this evening. I was way short on calories for the day having missed both my morning AND afternoon snack. So I decided that tonight it was pasta for dinner. I am still WAY short on protein but a shake is most definitely in the works!
By the time all my errand were done and dinner was made/eaten/settled, I was bound and determined to jog AS I HAD PLANNED!
My beau and I set out and I must have still been po'ed because he actually had to prompt me to slow down a bit on our first lap of the block...which, as it turns out, is about exactly 1/3 of a mile.
After that first lap, we jogged...it wasn't as hard as I thought in the way I thought it would be. My feet seem to be alright, although a bit tingly now that I have been off them for a little now. the c25k alternates 60 seconds of jogging and 90 walking....I was only able to do 45 seconds the first time. I got a stitch in my side and in my right shoulder and collarbone almost right away.
It was a HUGE help that my beau was counting down for me. The 90 seconds of walking was much easier, lol!
Just about the time that I caught my breath from the first jog, it was time to do it again. The second didn't hurt quite as bad in my side but my collarbone area was still not happy. That finished off lap #2 around the block.
Its still pretty warm out and by this time, I could feel my face was beet red, so I told my beau that I was about done but wanted to do a third lap to cool down a bit.
When I got in the house, I pulled out my mat and stretched out my legs and back and took a cold shower....which felt awesome!
I must have spent 5 minutes just standing under the cold water feeling overjoyed and so proud on myself.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday! Here in the States anyways...for everywhere else, I hope you had a happy and safe 4th / 5th depending which side of the date line you are on, lol!
We got the day off so we slept in late...or would have if I had turned the alarm off on my phone, lol!
Stayed in bed late anyways, made breakfast as usual and then my beau and I dropped my son off at work and drove out to the health food store and then grocery shopping. Finally had to cut the shopping trip short because I felt like I was ready to keel over.
Most of the healthier eating options were closed for the holiday so we ended up going to a bbq place....its not that unhealthy, they smoke everything and all the sauce is served on the side.
The bad part is that they were packed! We waited in line forever to order and then waited some more for the kitchen to order up for us and since we had groceries in the car (and no where to sit!) we had to get it to go. I didn't think I was going to last on the drive home, it smelled SOOOOO good, I could have gnawed my arm off.
I ordered a brisket salad which was awesome, I only ate half of it, no dressing, just dipped my fork in the bbq sauce before poking at the meat...it didn't even really need the sauce, whatever they use in their smoker is awesome. I also ate a couple of onion rings and maybe 4 sweet potato fries...and promptly felt overstuffed.
I know I ate fast because I was hungry and I think my sugar was dropping quickly by the time we got home and I started eating. I ended up with a headache and needing a nap, I got the nap and still had a headache when I woke up so we ended up cancelling our plans to go see Spiderman and fireworks tonight.
I feel like I ruined everyone's afternoon/evening.
I also came in 107 short on my calories which I had planned to fix with a small protein shake this evening, but I REALLY do not want to put anything else into my stomach tonight.
Onward and upward though...tomorrow is a new day. We are prepared for workout day number 2 of the couch to 5k program! Maybe Mother Nature will send us some more wind and rain to cool it off again!
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
I was bound and determined to get out and start my couch to 5k today, and I did! Well, sort of...the plan was 20 minutes of alternating a quick walk with a light jog....
My beau and I got off of work a bit early and just as we were driving home, it got darker and the wind started picking up and cooled it down about 10 degrees in just a few minutes.
As soon as we got in the door we ran into the bedroom to get changed, my beau grabbed his water bottle and we zipped out the door just as a few fat drops were thrown our way by the wind. We decided that it wasn't going to hold off 20 minutes so just decided to make one trip around the block...its a city block so its not too little.
We set off at a quick pace and before we got to the corner, I could feel my shins complaining....I told them that was too bad and they would get over it.
Halfway around and I could feel it in my lower back, not too bad though.
Three quarters and my shins are complaining louder and my beau asked if I needed to hold on and he would pull me....
Made it back in the door and yanked out my floormat and stretched my legs out...although I am not too sure about how to stretch my shins and give them some relief....
Heard lots of thunder outside about 5 minutes later and peeked out the door and saw this...
Which was quickly followed by this...
And then....sideways rain!
My legs and feet are a bit tingly and my shins are mad at me, but I feel good....oh, my distance was .22 miles timed at 5 minutes and 50 seconds. Not much but I am thankful that I was able to make a start.
I am also thankful for the rain and for it holding off just long enough to accomplish my goal of making a new beginning today.
Oh and edited to add that I am thankful that Mother Nature decided to wash my nasty car too!
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