Sunday, June 24, 2012
Ok, weekends might turn out to be tough!
I ate too much today, not that I sat with a bag of chips or anything, but I was just hungry all day and I'm not sure why. I did good last weekend but was not any busier, so I don't think it was boredom, I was actually busier this weekend. I think that the difference might be that when I am at work, I have to plan everything out and pack breakfast, lunch, and snack the night before. And on the weekend, I have more time to cook...something that I LOVE to do...even if it doesn't always turn out so well, lol, think 'blue shrimp'!
I tried making chard tonight...a new food item for me, and it turned out well, all the way up to the point that I went to add a bit of season salt to it...it came out WAY faster than I expected. I ended up adding some spinach to it to cut the salt. It ended up tasting ok, I think I will look for another way to cook it though.
I am also running late on my water today too, I messed up on my food today, but I WILL get my water in....downside being that I am gonna be up in the middle of the night so I don't wee the bed, haha! I always tell my beau that if I can't make it out of bed some night, I will make sure to scoot to his side!
I WILL do better tomorrow!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I made it. It was such a rough week but I made it.
Today my beau and I went to my company picnic. I did pretty good, I ate chicken, skipped the rice, had 1/4 c potato salad and some sort of smoked sausage.
The sausage blew it for me, I came in ok calorie-wise but blew my fat and salt way out of whack! Extra water for me tomorrow!
I was pretty busy running errands all day today except while at the picnic, oh, did I mention the temp was over 100 today with the humidity? Everything on me hurts and I have taken my pain meds so having a bit of trouble focusing.
My beau insisted that we go buy another air cleaner for in the house since I have an asthma diagnosis. So will have to get used to a different sound in the bedroom.
Anyways, things are really kicking in now so I will bid you goodnight.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Corny Star Trek Reference...of course it sounded way cooler in my head with Captain Jean-Luc Picard narrating for me. THE best of the ST captains! And might I add...that man is in fine fine shape!
Oh ok, where was I going...?
Yes. What a week! The week stared out rough, then got really good, my doctor's appointment on Thursday went so-so, I have asthma now and I just started on the inhalers, which both help and bother me immensely, and then....last night happened.
I work 40+ hours a week and my beau works 60 a week...when we get home, I like some peace and quiet. We pay our rent on time every moth, we pay our bills, and we mind our own business.
I have been actively trying to keep my stress level down. My beau has begged me to let things out and just let them go. Which I have been working on and succeeding for the last two weeks.
The upstairs neighbor decided to try and jump their way through my ceiling yesterday evening. We had words. By the time I came back in to my apartment, I was so mad, I was shaking and I could feel how hot my face was so my blood pressure must have been through the roof. I finally managed to calm down and my beau and I went to the pet store and window shopping for camping gear. I started to blog last night and got a phone call from my son next door....'Mom, I'm having a problem, the cat knocked my cup of water over onto your laptop and now is says something about hard disk not found.' I let him borrow it until we could get the old desktop up and running for him and I use my beau's laptop...which is too big and mine had better specs.
I told him to unplug it, and dump the water out and stick it in front of the fan...maybe it will dry out, maybe not, we will have to wait and see. After I got off the phone, I started the shaking again and my beau suggested that maybe I we should just call it a day and head to bed, at which point I just burst into tears.
I have just had it this week. I have a company picnic this afternoon and am just hoping that it goes ok...kinda nervous about the food, but if I am nervous, I should be able to control myself.
One more blog to go for this week, will be posting again this evening re: my goals and better things (hopefully).
I just had to get all this off my chest, thanks for listening, Constant Reader.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Holy hell, it's Wednesday already and I haven't blogged yet this week! One of my goals is to write 3x a week because I think it helps me with some of my emotional anxiety.
Lets see...its been an up and down week, I did pretty good over the weekend and had a pretty good amount of energy until Monday, then forgot to take my pain meds Monday evening and slept horribly. Tuesday was terrible, I forgot how bad that 'start-of-diet' crash is for me! That, combined with being dragon-ass tired and in pain...well, I am sure I was a peach to be around!
I give myself a +1 for not giving in yesterday though. I didn't have energy to get much (anything) done, I didn't even do any housework, but on the way home, I was so hungry and pulled into McD's. I sat in the drivethru for a minute, thankfully there were two cars ahead of me, I was SO planning on a cheeseburger, but I told myself that if I didn't get the greasy burger, that I could pop a sandwich together when I got home and would even allow myself some baked Dorito's.
So I left and had a half sandwich and the baked Doritos and I'm proud of me! I told my beau about it when he got home and he gave me lots of hugs and told me what a good job I did. I love him so much!
Remembered to take my meds last night and woke up early today feeling really good, I even got out of bed early, when usually I would have laid there until I HAD to get up to get ready for work. So, I got up early and showered, get everything ready for work and got here a bit earlier. I could feel my energy level still climbing and am SO glad that today was an easy paperwork day for me because I don't think that I could have stayed at my desk!
My beau works next door and if its raining (I'm in S. Louisiana, so we are getting a lot of storms), or if I am feeling bad, I drive over. Today I walked.
By the time I got back from lunch I had already devised a plan to get some walking time in....since my energy seems to peak at mid-day, when I got back, I set the stopwatch on my phone and made a few loops from my office to the breakroom...its really not that far, but every time I got up, I made a loop. Then I took out the trash from the 2 cans in the breakroom, the front office my office and my washroom...all one bag at a time, LOL
I must have looked like a nut running from one trash can to the dumpster outside and back again! Good thing everyone pretty much stays tucked into their own offices!
Oh, I also walked around the building to put stuff in the mail instead of cutting through the building!
By the time I got all that done, I had walked 15 minutes!
I was really glad to sit down though because I felt like I had a rock in my lower back, but I am proud of myself!
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered
“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
I heard this several months ago while watching a yoga documentary and it really hit home. Something keeps reminding me of this every so often.
I used to enjoy the small things in life, camping, walking or riding my bike on the miles of trails in the state park near where I grew up, hell, just sitting outside under a tree on a nice day or watching a thunderstorm moving in.
Little by little, I lost all those little enjoyments, there just never seemed to be time because I always think that if I am not out making money, if I am not working my ass off, not being productive or helping someone, then I must not be worth anything.
The worst part is that even though I AM doing all those things, I let my weight, health, and enjoyment sit by the wayside until I am to the place I am in now.
I am overweight, in constant pain, fighting depression, refuse to look at myself in a mirror, cry when I have to go clothes shopping, and try to argue with my self esteem daily.
I had to force myself to leave work today, I was basically done and all the little things that I have to file really could wait until tomorrow. My first thought was "Oh good, I will have time to go home and get in 10 minutes of exercise." Which was quickly followed by "I should stay and get it all done, I should have my desk cleared of everything before I go home, if I stay and work extra today, I can MAYBE come up with a spare 20 minutes tomorrow for exercising....because if I don't get it done today , I will only have worked 8 hours instead of 9 or even more and if I work more, I will make more money....blah blah blah."
Then the Dalai Lama spoke up in my head and I just pulled my crap together and left for the day.
I am happy to say that I made it home, walked for 8 minutes on my glider, rolled around on the yoga ball for 2 minutes, did 1 minute of cat-cows, and 3 serpent pose stretches afterwards.
My legs are kinda jelly but I did it and I'm glad.
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