Thursday, December 06, 2012
Since I have been sick for a week now, I actually have more time since I haven't been trying to fit exercising in to my schedule. More time to contemplate about things. I know there are a lot of things that I post on here that may not seem to have anything to do with losing weight...but for me it does. My body is the only home that my mind has and I don't seem to have the ability to make improvements to one without improving the other. When my brain gets bored, I eat, when I get upset, I don't eat anything at all. When I get stressed or depressed, I never know which I will do, eat or starve. So by getting some of the thoughts out of my head on here, it helps mentally, which in turn helps physically.
Its a vicious cycle either way, how I handle it decides which it will be.
I think I am finally coming out the other side of my most recent run of anxiety, thank you God! When it gets bad and my depression decides to chime in to the party in my head at the same time, all I can do is keep my head down, let it ride me, and try to make it to the end of each day. Somehow over the last year or so, I have figured out that it is easier when I go with it instead of fighting so hard against it...I am definitely more gentle with myself, if I have a bout of crying or whatever, I give my permission to feel and express it.
I think we are finally catching up a little bit financially, it helps that my son is living back with us and helps out, and my stress has diminished a little because he is where I can keep an eye on how he is doing...yesh, he is going to be 22 in a couple of days but there are a few things about him that I am concerned with. Also, his girlfriend seems to have moved out...not sure what is going on there, but I really think it is for the best.
I am SO looking forward to going grocery shopping this week, I plan to get all sorts of veggies and healthy food to get back in to the house. While it is cheaper in the long run to eat healthy, there are times that a full tummy is priority. I think our financial rough spot stresses me out more because it is something that I have not had to deal with in several years. I feel like I got spoiled by having the ability to go to the store and get whatever groceries that I wanted when I wanted. I tried buying some of the premade hard boiled eggs and a salad for work yesterday and everything just tasted....off. Even this morning, I stopped and got a container of the cut up fruit with grapes and cantaloupe and stuff, but it tastes funny, not bad, but just not quite right. I though it may be because I am sick, but I haven't noticed anything off that I have made at home. Maybe it is all in my head, or maybe I got used to not eating so many preservatives and junk. I even remembered to boil a dozen eggs yesterday that I was going to keep in the fridge and use them for a couple of days, but I forgot them on the stove and they kinda burned, lol, its not the first time that I have done that with eggs, and I don't do it with anything else! So into the trash they went and no eggs for me today :(
I am looking forward to being over my cold and get back outside walking/jogging! I have managed to drop those extra couple of pounds I put back on a couple weeks back, and have been status quo since then so I cannot wait to start moving in the right direction, although, I will admit that the pain in my feet is MUCH less since I have been off of them.
What to do, what to do...
Remember that one step and then the next will get you where you are going!
Monday, December 03, 2012
I have been sick! Its been before I changed my diet, so I haven't have a cold, flu, cough, or anything since before May of this year, so 7 months.
AND I am a big whiney cry baby about it too! I'm sick! My throat hurts, I think my voice will be gone soon, I even came home from work early!
Weekends are usually tough for me, I work full time and I do all the errand running and a good deal of the housework so on top struggling with what I eat vs. what I SHOULD eat, I am pretty worn out and catch up on a lot of z's on Sundays.
But this weekend...I think it started out as an allergic reaction...I am allergic to cats, dogs, dust, grass, etc, You know....life!
I have a cat, but she is short haired and spends most of the time outside, She doesn't even have a litterbox in the house, and since being diagnosed with asthma, we have purchased 2 air scrubbers, one in the livingroom and one in the bedroom. Well, Friday, we had to clear out my son's apartment and...have you ever seen the show 'Hoarders'?
Ok, it may not have been THAT bad, but there was nothing put in a drawer or closet, there was trash all over the floor along with clothes and cathair everywhere (his cat has long hair), full litterboxes and where do cats go when the box is full? Everywhere they can.
I started at the back of the apartment and swept every thing to the front and anything that he did not pick up and save before I got there went into the trash. The power has been off over there for about 3 weeks and although they have been living over here since then, they never went over and cleared out the fridge. Everything in it went into the trash as well as about half of the dishes. The fridge was the one thing that I could not handle, I made him and his girlfriend do it. I knew his apartment was messy, but really didn't know HOW bad it was. I came home in the middle of cleaning and cried. I am so worried that there is something really wrong with him and not just the fact that the years he spent with his dad were not filled with housekeeping tips.
With them being over here, the rules have been laid down. If he cannot or will not take care of his cat and catbox, we will find her a new home. They also have chores to do here also. First, it helps me out, and because it will (hopefully) help them learn better habits.
Ugh, back on track! So, I think all the dust, cat hair, and who know what else kicked my allergies, and they, in turn, decided to kick me right in the face and throat!
I was reduced to buying soup for the day on my way in to work, the warmth feels so good on my throat. Don't get me wrong, I love soup, but it doesn't stick with you for long, I have eaten 3 cans today and shudder to think of my sodium intake. I tried to bulk up the last can I ate with an egg and some crackers....so far, so good, but its only been about an hour and a half since I ate.
I did indulge in birthday cake and ice cream for my birthday the other day...and all weekend long. We didn't get a big cake for my birthday, I knew better than to do that and I did watch my portion size when I had some. The ice cream is another story. Part of it is because of my throat, but mostly its because I am a sucker for ice cream!
I had a good run of 12 days exercise streak but lost it yesterday. My goal is still 365 miles from Dec 1, 2012 and Dec 1 2013. I am in serious doubt that my sinus', throat, and chest could handle a brisk anything right now, but as soon as I can breathe, I will be at it again.
My first goal of a 5k is done....10k next up!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
19.5 weeks, 100 miles, and over 17,000 calories burned just in jogging/walking!
Happy birthday to me! Next goal is to average 365 miles from Dec 1, 2012 through Dec 1, 2013!
I GOT THIS!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 23, 2012
When I signed up on SP, I filled out my website registration, closed the page and forgot about it for a month. When I came back, I fiddled around with the meal tracker and also started blogging like mad. After I got over that initial few days of dragging my butt around, I regained my energy level and then got that amazing burst of energy that comes with a nice detoxed body.
I cruised along on this energy for about 4 months and it was amazing!
Then I don't know what happened. Life happened, I suppose. My beau and I have had lots of setbacks financially, and I have had some setbacks physically. I made it through problems with my knee, fell and twisted one ankle, followed by the other ankle about 10 days later...then my nice big fall in the road banging up both knees and peeling the skin off both palms several days after that. There have been days that I have been so stressed that I felt like I was climbing the walls, and my panic attacks are worsening again.
Today, I realized something. I probably will not live to be very old. I have treated my body very poorly throughout my life and I cannot get the stress under control. I hurt. All the time. In doing some checking online and I am pretty sure that one of my falls twisted the cuboid bone in my foot. At the moment I am not able to get to the doctor to have him check it out....so brilliant me decides that while I cannot afford a co pay right now...I will try to manipulate it back into place myself. The result being that now the area surrounding the cuboid bone feels much better, but I put a lot of pressure on my ankle joint...so I am still walking funny. Along with the heel spur on the other foot...well, I have been hurting from my feet clear up to my hips from walking funny.
Both of my ankles are swollen 24/7, sometimes I wrap them, sometimes ice, sometimes heat, always elevated when I am at home. I have tried pushing my way past the pain while walking/jogging, and I have tried not jogging at all. Nothing is working for very long. I am only moving now out of stubbornness and refusing to give up. I have backed my walking/jogging down to 1 mile at a time, but I am going out every day now. Funny thing is that my feet and ankles hurt LESS when I jog, but I am not able to keep up a slow jog for more than a tenth of a mile.
I will be hitting the 100 miles of exercise in a few days, it is my birthday present to myself. Actually, I will hit 100 on the day before my birthday with doing 1 mile per day.
I am VERY bothered and upset lately with not being able to progress past 5k, and now not even being able to do that much. Every day that I have to limp through a mile, or limp to the bathroom from the living room, I feel like my goals are slipping away. I accomplished my 5k goal within the timeframe that I wanted, now I am worried that I will not make my 10k goal by the end of spring 2013 and my HM....I feel like I should just forget that all together.
Soooo....if you have made it reading this far, thats my excuse for being MIA. I just needed a break. I feel like I am slowly failing in all that I had set out to do in this. I am back to those few days in the beginning, congratulating myself for being able to actually make it out of bed and drag myself to work every day. I feel like my diet has gone to hell, I spent a couple of weeks playing with the same 2-3 pounds, but I am pretty sure at this point that I have just put those 3 pounds back on. I am, however, making the effort to get my water intake back up and have been getting my fruit and veggie intake back as well.
I just wanted to check in and let y'all know I am still here and I will continue to cruise on my pigheaded-autopilot for now.
I. Will. Not. Quit.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
*Waves* I am still here!
I haven't been doing too much for the last couple of weeks, I needed a little break from everything. I still do, but am managing the best I can with what I have to work with. I haven't been doing much in the way of exercise OR eating, my feet and ankles continue to be a painful problem, I did a 5k walk/jog on Oct 30, and another on Nov 6, and nothing in between or since.
I eliminated about half of my feet pains by loosening my shoelaces a bit...who the hell would have thought tight laces would hurt that bad?!?! Hoping that Santa has a new pair of shoes in his budget for me, I am thinking (hoping) that will help even more with my foot pain.
I slacked off on my eating as well...my mind just needed a break from what feels like endless meal planning, on top of trying to eat perfectly on a very tight budget.
I am thankful that my beau is able to get in to work now....now I am just praying that he get lots of sales done because he works commission only! One thing at a time though. We have been through the rough before and we can handle it again.
With all that has been going on and my focus being mainly on not flipping out, I have actually maintained my weight, pretty much, I have been bouncing 2 pounds back and forth, but its something I can live with for now.
I even got up the nerve to try on some of the other jeans that I have hanging in my closet, and while many of them are comfortable to wear standing up...I would not be able to sit in them for 8 hours at work. My muffin top is just still too much when I sit.
I am so frustrated with only having one pair of jeans that fit and was hoping that with losing 31 pounds, I would be able to get in to something smaller. I was in a size 26, but they were stretchy so I am guessing they are more like a 28, because the 24's are just not going to work if I want to sit.
I also noticed that while I have lost lots of inches, they seem to be coming off from my whole body evenly, which means I still have the shape that I hate...I will be working on my tummy and hips next.
So far, I have dropped 31 pounds, and my cholesterol is just about normal. Oh, and I also dropped 5 points off of my BMI....my next project is working on my tummy and core muscles....I think I slouch when I jog...I usually stop every 3/4 to 1 mile and have to touch my toes and let my back pop, it pops all the way from my tailbone to my shoulderblades!
I will be postponing my official 5k. Kind of a bummer, but there will be others. At least I know that I am ABLE go that far, whether it is with a big group of people or alone. Thinking about beginning my work towards my 10k that I want to be able to complete by springtime.
Peace to you and yours.
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