Saturday, October 20, 2012
Its been a weird week...I haven't blogged this week because I haven't been able to get my brain to think and my hands to type anything that anyone other than me would be able to decipher....my thought process is a wreck sometimes! Please keep my beau in your prayers, he is such an angel for being able and wanting to deal with me. Through everything....he is always there for me. We have been walking a LOT more this week, and in our down time, we have been kicked back a bit, we are enjoying the new season of The Walking Dead and he is enjoying that I have become a Dr. Who fan, lol...I am planning on going back and watching the old old old episodes on Netflix, old, like from the 60's, haha!
We also sat and watched and were totally amazed at Felix Baumgartner's jump from the edge of space on 10/14. What an amazing experience to watch! I cannot even fathom doing something so great. While I am pretty much ok with my little place in the big scheme of things, sometimes I get a bit jealous of the people out there who do great and important things.
We are very much enjoying having our apartment back to ourselves for the time being...my son and his gf will be moving in at the end of November. Yes, after all the problems we have had with room mates, and I am the one who put forth the idea.
I guess the only reason that really matters is that he is my son. He is a good boy...yes he is 21 but still my little boy! In short, he just is not ready to be on his own. This will give us a chance to help him save money and learn how to manage his finances. Something he did not get while living with his father.
On my walking/jogging...I am confused...I wondering if I am overdoing it, or am I under doing it...how much how often should I be going jogging or walking anyways?
One person says one thing, one person says another. Both make sense too...letting muscles rest/repair for a day in between versus keeping moving while I can because with my aches and pains, I never know when I will be unable to get out of bed or walk to the door much less walk out of it.
I have been trying to stick with every other day but I think that I got that stuck in my head when I started with the c25k....which was a great start, but I have not followed the program for many weeks now. I have decided that I need to work WITH my body and when it is able to jog or when it should walk instead of letting a timer decide for me.
Is there really a reason that I can't or shouldn't go anytime I feel like it? My body is feeling better and better and is GETTING better and better too, hell, I finally figured out that I have legs for a reason, surely its not a bad thing to go out and use them every day....?
I was able to walk 5k 3 times this week. My pace times were 18'04, 17'42, and 18'09, I am very proud of myself. I went out on M,W,F and rested on the days in between, but I feel very anxious when I am not out there walking.
I would love to make it to the gym on the opposite days, but things are still up in the air with the car and I have a very limited amount of time in between getting off work and when it gets dark. (need a new alternator so we don't go out at night...no headlights, lol) If it doesn't get fixed soon, it will be an even bigger issue when the time changes in a couple weeks since it will be dark even sooner.
I also have not figured out how I am going to get an hours worth of walking in after the time changes either...will worry about that when it happens. I will have to either get over my fear of tripping and falling when its not very light out, or walk approximately 3 million circles in my living room during the winter to get exercise....I am betting on me putting on the big girl panties and dealing with walking in the evening in the winter.
I already have some reflective tape on my list for The Great Pumpkin or Santa...whichever one comes up with the spare cash first, lol!
My beau is getting some time in at work, the people he works with are such a blessing, they have been helping him either get to work or helping him get out to some of the jobsites. It is very frustrating for me though because with him working on commission only, and then the car breaking down right after he started, he has barely made back what we spent on getting him licensed.
I actually got two whole hours of OT this week because there is actually a bit more for me to do at work. I know no one would really say anything if I sat there and rode the clock, there are plenty of people there who do....but I can't live with myself being dishonest like that. On days that I have nothing to do there except read or mess around on my phone, its only because I am supposed to stay there until 3-ish. I love the overtime, but I want to get it by being a benefit to the company.
The diet side of things is going pretty good. I have been snacking a bit more than I probably should be, but at the same time, I am either maintaining or (very slowly) still losing weight. My 'official' weigh in day is Monday now, and I am thinking that this week will be another maintained week.
I think that my new absolute favorite snack is pears and peanut butter...my favorite pears are the brownish color ones...lol, I have no idea what kind they are! I am just trying to be very careful on the peanut butter amounts because if I don't take extra care, I could eat like a thousand calories of it!
Oh, and I learned that eating turkey, speckled beans, and rice is very yummy...I tossed turkey legs, a few handfuls of speckled beans, and seasonings in the crock pot with some water and beef broth and let it go all day like you would for ham and pinto beans...and ate it over a bit of rice.
While it was so good and stayed with me for awhile...it is another thing that I shouldn't eat before heading out for a long walk....I thought that the heartburn was going to be my demise. The other no-no exercise food for me is pizza...even several hours before because it sticks in my stomach like a rock!
So, not that that ^ was short, but in short, I am still here, alive and kickin.
Take care of you.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Soooo, they started me on something to help with my anxiety (not an antidepressant). I am supposed to take it 3x a day, but I am such a lightweight when it comes to meds, that I only took it one time last night and one time tonight. I will try it 3x a day on Sunday when I am not working and see how it really makes me feel.
I am not sure if its helping yet or if today just happened to be extra uneventful, lol, I asked my beau to hurry up and say something that would normally piss me off and he couldn't think of anything and ended up making me giggle...which has been only happening with great effort on my part lately, so maybe it is helping after all! The only other thing that I noticed was that I pigged out today, I went WAY over my cals (part of it was fast food from lunch, but I also feel like I have been munching all day.
In fact, I am ready for bed and I just ate a bowl of cereal and still have an urge to rummage in the fridge.
I think I might just have to get going to bed while the getting is good!
Have a great evening!
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
I am super sleepy tonight but there has been something nagging at me that I wanted to clarify.
In my blog a couple days ago, I said that I punished myself when I made myself go for a 5k walk when I really didn't want to get off of the couch....
I didn't mean punishing myself as in hurting myself. I am very careful physically with my body...even more so since all my falls. My beau also goes with me and he keeps me in check also. I am sorry if I gave a bad impression or worried anyone.
By punishing myself, I meant more along the line of getting out there and doing exactly what I had committed myself to doing for this month (going 5k every time I go out instead of 1 mile).
It is very frustrating and stressful for me to deal with my constant and ever changing aches and pains. I hate hearing myself whining about it but haven't found a way to deal with it silently.
So...I went ahead and did what I needed/wanted to do in walking the whole 5k.
I am getting an extra rest day today, I had a long rough day at work, I actually GOT work to do, hurray! But at the same time, it wiped me out!
I still wonder about my long term goals...my ultimate goal it to go do a hm with my cousins out in Texas next fall. Thats both my goal and my reward.
I guess I will just have to see when the time comes, either I will be ready...or I won't be. But either way, I'll be there!
Monday, October 08, 2012
After a half decent night's rest last night, I am feeling a bit better about things. Thank you to everyone who comments on my blogs, especially all those who comment on the downs as well as the ups!
I am going to continue working at my 5k's...I figure that if I never am able to actually RUN, or even jog the whole thing...at least my walking times should improve....and I will be lapping everyone on the couch!
My pain levels are lower today and my anxiety level is doing pretty good too. With bumping up my walks to 5k every time, I definitely need a rest day in between and can tell the difference!
I got a nice surprise on the scale this morning, I actually lost 2 whole pounds....something I never do, my normal is 1 pound a week (if that!).
I weigh every day, it doesn't set my mood for the day, and I don't freak out if I can't weigh or forget to weigh, its more of a curiosity than anything. I just don't understand how I can stay at the same for 3 entire weeks (thats how long it was this time), and then BAM, drop 2 pounds overnight. It would seem more realistic that I lose a couple ounces each day.
Just my body having to admit that its not allowed to hold on to that weight any longer I guess. I never claimed to be normal!
I worked until two today...let me clarify that, I worked until about 9am today and then sat there until 2. I sure hope they find more stuff for me to do, because I cannot imagine sitting at my desk for 5-7 hours a day with nothing to do for the next 20 years...and yes, I am looking on the bright side that they will keep me around that long!
I had a doctors appointment this afternoon and am a bit miffed that the doctor was not in, I had to see the PA. IMO, they should have called and asked if I wanted to see the PA or move my appointment.
Please don't get me wrong, I had one certain doc's office that I went to for a couple of years and never saw the doctor except one time. I was totally comfortable with that PA. I am so very picky about how my doctor interacts with me and don't feel quite comfortable with someone jumping in the middle of things.
I got almost everything addressed with her and she was nice enough, but there are a few things that I would rather have my doc check out.
The PA did give my knees and ankles a good going over because of my falls, I showed her all the pics so she knows how bad they were, she was quite thorough with it and even checked out how my hands were healing up after my last fall.
She did a good job determining that I have a heel spur and not Plantar Faciitis, and showed me the difference in where it would hurt during the exam.
They are supposed to be referring me to an ENT, to check my hearing because everyone around me mumbles, lol!
Also I told her that I needed my mammies grammed and I think they will end up sending me to the same place they always do when I need something xrayed, which is nice, because its a walk-in place and they are right around the corner from my house.
She also gave me something to help with my panic attacks...and since is starting me on a new med, I have to go back in 2 weeks....this time I will check to see if the doctor is going to be there or I will reschedule!
Blessings to you.
Sunday, October 07, 2012
No pun intended.
My goals are to do a 5k by the end of the year, a 10k in the springtime, and a half marathon by fall of 2013.
I am wondering if I am asking more than my body physically is able to do.
So far, I am able to WALK a 5k.
In my c25k program, I have not been able to progress past week 2. I was able to jog for 3 whole minutes ONE time, in all these long weeks. I went for my first jog/walk on July 3, 14 weeks ago.
Granted...I CAN tell a difference between then and now and I KNOW I am much improved, but except for that one single time of jogging for 3 minutes, I usually don't make it much past 1.5 minutes.
I don't understand why either. I know that I have had a few falls and other assorted mishaps, but they are livable, I know that I am still 285 pounds and that is asking a LOT of my lower joints and muscles...and I know that I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, BUT I see people who weigh more than I do and they don't seem to have any problems.
Today is also the first time in a LONG time that I punished myself. I MADE myself walk 5k, just because I my body did not WANT to get out the door to do even 1 mile. I keep telling myself that my body needs to do what *I* want it to do because I am the boss now.
But the whole time I was out there, I was wondering if my goals are unrealistic or will EVER be realized.
I have a 5k picked out for November 21 and all I can imagine is me having to walk the entire thing. I haven't even dared to imagine how I will accomplish a 10k and a HM at this point is almost unthinkable.
My mindset tonight is that I am not afraid to try....but I am terrified of failing.
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