_MOBII_   16,014
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A Little Quickie

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

I am super sleepy tonight but there has been something nagging at me that I wanted to clarify.

In my blog a couple days ago, I said that I punished myself when I made myself go for a 5k walk when I really didn't want to get off of the couch....
I didn't mean punishing myself as in hurting myself. I am very careful physically with my body...even more so since all my falls. My beau also goes with me and he keeps me in check also. I am sorry if I gave a bad impression or worried anyone.

By punishing myself, I meant more along the line of getting out there and doing exactly what I had committed myself to doing for this month (going 5k every time I go out instead of 1 mile).

It is very frustrating and stressful for me to deal with my constant and ever changing aches and pains. I hate hearing myself whining about it but haven't found a way to deal with it silently.
So...I went ahead and did what I needed/wanted to do in walking the whole 5k.

I am getting an extra rest day today, I had a long rough day at work, I actually GOT work to do, hurray! But at the same time, it wiped me out!

I still wonder about my long term goals...my ultimate goal it to go do a hm with my cousins out in Texas next fall. Thats both my goal and my reward.
I guess I will just have to see when the time comes, either I will be ready...or I won't be. But either way, I'll be there!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETSALONG 10/10/2012 7:55PM

  emoticon ah, so you pushed thru the urge to ease up & did what you scheduled & were able to do! Sparktacular!!!

(trust you would have adapted/adjusted if you have a truly special reason to make an adjustment. otherwise i have found it helps me to treat workouts quite like as important as going to work or the doctors... not always fun, but most days aren't so bad and sometimes we even enjoy it &/or find ourselves whistling while we work... Well done!!! U R rockin this! :)

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RICHILA 10/10/2012 3:32PM

    Spark On! We Got This! emoticon

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POSITIVELY_EB 10/10/2012 9:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MAHGRET 10/10/2012 8:59AM

Congrats on your great hm goal.

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TRICIAE2 10/10/2012 8:53AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KAREN608 10/10/2012 7:22AM

    oh it is not punishing the word you want is disciplining your body. It is like eating your veggies, drinking your water, taking medications. Stuff that is good for us but it sometimes feels like getting punished in our minds! Or it does for me.

One day at a time.
And you learned you need a rest/recover day so you learned something good there.

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FATBASTICH 10/10/2012 6:45AM

    I get it. :)

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UP2ME_CC 10/10/2012 5:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Feeling a bit better

Monday, October 08, 2012

After a half decent night's rest last night, I am feeling a bit better about things. Thank you to everyone who comments on my blogs, especially all those who comment on the downs as well as the ups!

I am going to continue working at my 5k's...I figure that if I never am able to actually RUN, or even jog the whole thing...at least my walking times should improve....and I will be lapping everyone on the couch!

My pain levels are lower today and my anxiety level is doing pretty good too. With bumping up my walks to 5k every time, I definitely need a rest day in between and can tell the difference!

I got a nice surprise on the scale this morning, I actually lost 2 whole pounds....something I never do, my normal is 1 pound a week (if that!).
I weigh every day, it doesn't set my mood for the day, and I don't freak out if I can't weigh or forget to weigh, its more of a curiosity than anything. I just don't understand how I can stay at the same for 3 entire weeks (thats how long it was this time), and then BAM, drop 2 pounds overnight. It would seem more realistic that I lose a couple ounces each day.
Just my body having to admit that its not allowed to hold on to that weight any longer I guess. I never claimed to be normal!

I worked until two today...let me clarify that, I worked until about 9am today and then sat there until 2. I sure hope they find more stuff for me to do, because I cannot imagine sitting at my desk for 5-7 hours a day with nothing to do for the next 20 years...and yes, I am looking on the bright side that they will keep me around that long!

I had a doctors appointment this afternoon and am a bit miffed that the doctor was not in, I had to see the PA. IMO, they should have called and asked if I wanted to see the PA or move my appointment.
Please don't get me wrong, I had one certain doc's office that I went to for a couple of years and never saw the doctor except one time. I was totally comfortable with that PA. I am so very picky about how my doctor interacts with me and don't feel quite comfortable with someone jumping in the middle of things.

I got almost everything addressed with her and she was nice enough, but there are a few things that I would rather have my doc check out.
The PA did give my knees and ankles a good going over because of my falls, I showed her all the pics so she knows how bad they were, she was quite thorough with it and even checked out how my hands were healing up after my last fall.
She did a good job determining that I have a heel spur and not Plantar Faciitis, and showed me the difference in where it would hurt during the exam.

They are supposed to be referring me to an ENT, to check my hearing because everyone around me mumbles, lol!
Also I told her that I needed my mammies grammed and I think they will end up sending me to the same place they always do when I need something xrayed, which is nice, because its a walk-in place and they are right around the corner from my house.
She also gave me something to help with my panic attacks...and since is starting me on a new med, I have to go back in 2 weeks....this time I will check to see if the doctor is going to be there or I will reschedule!

Blessings to you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN608 10/10/2012 7:18AM

    It does seem pain is one of the hardest things to overcome for many of us.
A light rain storm blew threw and last night my knees & thighs were amazingly
painful. Still light pain this morning, but better.

At least you are doctoring, and taking good care of yourself.

I go in November, and since I am 10 lbs lighter it should go well for that visit.

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UP2ME_CC 10/9/2012 9:31AM

    emoticon I smell a victory!

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JENAE954 10/9/2012 6:28AM

  Glad you are feeling better.
Wow... Two pound weight loss in a week.
Way to go!

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FATBASTICH 10/9/2012 4:24AM

    two pounds is great! hang in there - it will get better.

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 10/9/2012 1:02AM

    Sounds like she did a good job at least, but I totally get where you're coming from with the being uncomfortable with someone new jumping in!

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FEMISLIM 10/8/2012 11:40PM

    It is well with you. You will get stronger. Woo Hoo for the 2lbs loss!!!

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LADYPIXEL 10/8/2012 10:59PM

    I still can't actually run. But oh, can I walk fast now. You'll get there! :)

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POSITIVELY_EB 10/8/2012 10:30PM

    Well, it sounds like she's thorough, anyway! That's good! I know how you feel about seeing a certain doc though!!!


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Wondering if I have bitten off more than I can chew....

Sunday, October 07, 2012

No pun intended.

My goals are to do a 5k by the end of the year, a 10k in the springtime, and a half marathon by fall of 2013.

I am wondering if I am asking more than my body physically is able to do.
So far, I am able to WALK a 5k.
In my c25k program, I have not been able to progress past week 2. I was able to jog for 3 whole minutes ONE time, in all these long weeks. I went for my first jog/walk on July 3, 14 weeks ago.
Granted...I CAN tell a difference between then and now and I KNOW I am much improved, but except for that one single time of jogging for 3 minutes, I usually don't make it much past 1.5 minutes.

I don't understand why either. I know that I have had a few falls and other assorted mishaps, but they are livable, I know that I am still 285 pounds and that is asking a LOT of my lower joints and muscles...and I know that I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, BUT I see people who weigh more than I do and they don't seem to have any problems.

Today is also the first time in a LONG time that I punished myself. I MADE myself walk 5k, just because I my body did not WANT to get out the door to do even 1 mile. I keep telling myself that my body needs to do what *I* want it to do because I am the boss now.

But the whole time I was out there, I was wondering if my goals are unrealistic or will EVER be realized.
I have a 5k picked out for November 21 and all I can imagine is me having to walk the entire thing. I haven't even dared to imagine how I will accomplish a 10k and a HM at this point is almost unthinkable.

My mindset tonight is that I am not afraid to try....but I am terrified of failing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YESCURLYCAN 10/9/2012 3:16AM

  Mobii you got remember that you have made great progress in this battle. You couldn't do what you are doing now and walking a 5k is emoticon, be proud of that. You gotta walk before you can run right? The other thing is that it seems like you are "wondering if you have bitten off more than you can chew" right now because you do indeed have a fear of failure and by "punishing yourself" you participating in a little self fufilling prophecy. See if you punish yourself, and then get injured, you will say "see I failed!". Basically its like sabatoge.

Don't punish yourself with the extra exercise. Thank your body for carrying itself the distance while weighing what it weighs. Thank your body for being strong and capable to do 5k's in the first place. Be kind to yourself. I think those goals aren't far fetched. We believe in you, so how about believing in yourself? emoticon

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UP2ME_CC 10/8/2012 6:35PM

    So what if you end up walking the entire 5K; at least you're out there.

I will make a prediction. After the 5K you will tell us that you jogged/ran 1/2 of the race.

emoticon emoticon

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IM2READY 10/8/2012 4:52PM

    Don't be terrified to fail because if you keep trying you are not failing yourself. It may take a few tries but you will succeed. You don't want to hurt yourself either because you will have to restart again when you are better. Push yourself just enough you will succeed. I think you are an inspiration and I admire your pushing through! emoticon emoticon

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FIT@401 10/8/2012 10:19AM

    I to have that same goal. My first was to run a 5k in August. Did not happen. The second was to run a 5k this coming weekend. That is not going to happen. But I do know I will be to this goal. Each week I find myself getting stronger and having more energy as the weight is dropping off. You will find this also. I started where you are now in terms of weight. Just keep working at it and you will find you can achieve it. I have a friend who was pushing herself and she has a stress fracture in her foot and has been on crutches since 7/4/12 and not able to walk or run. So I say do what you can and just keep moving you will get there.

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POSITIVELY_EB 10/8/2012 9:16AM

    emoticon Be easy with yourself! By "easy" I mean that pushing is one thing - punishing is quite another. Even SparkGuy will only do 10 minutes if he's not feeling up to it!!!


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SHOES17 10/8/2012 2:23AM

    YOU CAN DO IT!! Hang in there .... I got so busy writing a blog you inspired, I just now got back here to comment! You can do it!! Chew slowly...

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FEMISLIM 10/7/2012 11:01PM

    Take it easy,. Walking a 5k is amazing enough. If you keep walking and the weights keep going down, you might eventually find the jogging easier. Don't stop trying but don't push yourself into injury. It is well with you.

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NEWKATHYNOW 10/7/2012 10:36PM

    Slow and steady usually gets you there. If you push yourself you're risking an injury and that would sideline you a while. There's no shame in walking part of it if you have to. You're out there doing it and that'a what counts!!

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GETSALONG 10/7/2012 9:31PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon2 people come to mind... ~Indygirl who walked her 1st 5 k with a walker, i think... and Ontovictory... not sure if he walked it or partly or at all but he has built up and is now training for ironman! I *think* even if you end up walking, that's ok, it's important to respect your body & push enough, but as beth says, not push yourself over!!! (or into injury :) The rest will come as you keep at it! Hang in, you'll get there, 1 way or another, even if that means adjusting your goals tailored to your real needs ~ that's not failing... it's realistic & when you do get there, it will be Sparktacular! & partytime to celebrate :)

Comment edited on: 10/7/2012 9:34:43 PM

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.DUSTY. 10/7/2012 9:28PM

    Punishing yourself is just not right! You should rethink that.

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Reclaiming my kitchen!

Saturday, October 06, 2012

Since the room mate started moving, I got to put MY kitchen back together how I like it!
I washed out the fridge and filled it up with healthy food...I think it looks B-E-A-UTI-FUL!

I also got all my grain jars washed and filled back up, looking all pretty on the countertop. I am SO glad the junky food is gone, healthy stuff looks so much prettier! I love having my kitchen back!

Amaranth and quinoa, speckled beans, flax meal, flax seeds, steel cut oats and wheat mix for mornings, and jasmine rice....my favorite!

Oh, I tried something new for breakfast today as well....I made french toast using 15 whole grain bread...in the waffle iron! You make everything the same but cook it in the waffle iron instead of frying it. I got the idea from ravenous.runnersworld.com/#
The only thing I added to the recipe was a few drops of almond extract...it was super yummy!

I hope y'all have a great weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RITA61MOODY 10/9/2012 11:55PM

    No more junk food emoticon
That means less temptation ! !

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SHOES17 10/7/2012 10:05PM

    emoticon That looks so good and I love almond!! My kitchen is soooo jealous!!

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ADARKARA 10/7/2012 7:23PM

    that french toast looks delicious!

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LADYPIXEL 10/7/2012 12:14PM

    I'm working on my kitchen. It'll come together eventually. :) Good for you!

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YESCURLYCAN 10/7/2012 2:05AM

  Love the french toast in the waffle maker idea and your kitchen looks great. It's so nice having things the way you want them emoticon

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POSITIVELY_EB 10/7/2012 12:34AM


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MAHGRET 10/7/2012 12:22AM

    Thanks for sharing, now I feel inspired to clean and arrange my kitchen. Also to make french toast in my waffle iron!

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GETSALONG 10/6/2012 10:31PM

  emoticon Luv the sparkly kitchen overhaul! French toast in wafflemaker ~ what a clever idea! Thanks for sharing!

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Finally, Finally, FINALLY!!!!!

Friday, October 05, 2012

I stopped at the store after work...something I have been trying to put off due to...well, a lot of reasons. I got a text from my beau while I was there "guess who is moving out this weekend."
Thank God, the room mate has started to move her stuff! She took her bed and about half of the stuff in her room and will be getting the rest tomorrow.

We were out walking tonight while she was moving her stuff, my brain keeps trying to tell me that I am a bad friend for not offering to help her load stuff into the car....but then again, I would never take advantage of a friend the way she has, so, I really don't feel bad.

I had intended on walking 5k tonight, but we had a truck that passed us twice and was spraying for bugs (PeYew!), we finally resorted to walking back and forth in front of the apartment for awhile and watching her move stuff out. I was worried about a couple different things, for one...she has my desk in her room, a desk that she moved into her room "for one night", which was a several months ago...and I don't want it walking out the door with her. My anxiety got worse and worse until I finally told my beau that I was done with walking for the night. I don't think it would have been so bad if I had not been burned before, I have had room mates walk out with my things, things my dad gave me, my dishes, etc....I even had one walk out with every single bit of food in the house, down to the last can of beans.

I got 1.88 miles done with a 19'44 pace. I started out with my elastic ankle/foot braces on, thinking I would be nice to my ankles and before we got a half mile, the bottom of my right foot and ankle were screaming! I pause my Nike app and yanked the brace off...it was IMMEDIATE relief!
I can't wait until I get to the doctor on Monday so he can check it out, at this point, I would even take a shot in it, if that would help!

Things on the food front are going pretty good still, I got a bunch of good-for-us-stuff at the store today!
I also got a couple of sweet treats...I have been doing very well with portion control and have never had a problem with binging. I have a bigger problem overeating carbs than I do with sweets.

Tonight's dinner was turkey Italian sausages with baked tater tots (sweet tots for my beau) and some roasted fresh broccoli, and dessert was 2 devil's food cookies at 50 cals each, yummy! I had them along with some really good hot tea that I found. Its made by Lipton, its orange blossom hibiscus flavor...decaf and it has rosehips and other good stuff in it.

Now that I have my kitchen back to myself, I can get all my good stuff back in order. I have all of my grains and seeds back on the counter in their pretty jars, flax, amaranth, jasmine rice, flax meal.
I also have my big jar of a mixture of steel cut oats, wheat, flax seeds, and groats that I make in batches for breakfast throughout the week. Pop a couple cups of that stuff in the rice cooker and set the timer for the next morning...its perfect! (I don't even make rice in that thing!)

I have to work for a couple hours tomorrow and then when I get home, I am planning on cleaning out the fridge and moving all of our stuff back from the little fridge into the regular one. (she had so much junk food in there we ended up buying a small camping fridge just for our healthy food.) We will put the little one to use by putting our pre-made containers of food in there, then all we have to do is grab and go in the mornings before work!

My beau and I have a lot of hard work to do to catch things back up financially, but I am sure we can do it. We have been through rough times before and I am sure that we will get through this one as well.
We can do anything together.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWKATHYNOW 10/6/2012 8:38PM


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POSITIVELY_EB 10/6/2012 9:40AM

    I've been in your situation and am so glad you finally got your home back! You will enjoy it all the more for the experience!!!


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GOULDSGRANITE 10/6/2012 9:17AM

    My Mama always said, "There's no house big enough for two families". In my life, it sure has turned out to be fact! Glad to see you are getting a fresh start bump! My DH and I face tough financial times and we usually end up playing our own version of "survivor". Keeps it a little more fun to be broke, ya know?!? emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ADARKARA 10/6/2012 8:02AM

    I've had some horrible roommates! I had two at once that hated each other and waged a war against each other. I moved out a week before the one, and when I got the electric bill for that month it was $800!!!! FOR ONE MONTH! He'd had the heat turned up to 85 the whole week! I swore I would never live with ANYONE I was not sharing a bed with. =P

Glad your stinky roomie is moving out. =) *hugs*

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UP2ME_CC 10/6/2012 8:00AM

    It sounds like you got just what you deserved......your freedom! emoticon

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JENAE954 10/6/2012 7:33AM

  Looks like you will be doing the happy dance this weekend.
Room mates can be a problem.
Had one years ago who was in her early 70's.
She didn't tell me she was a sex addict.
There were men coming and going all the time. Pardon the pun.
It took an act of congress to get rid of her and it was a costly experience for me as well.

Good luck with the doctor on Monday.
Please keep us posted.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/6/2012 7:34:15 AM

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FATBASTICH 10/6/2012 7:31AM

    Good to hear all around!

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DREAMINGIRL 10/6/2012 7:25AM

    Glad to hear that things can get back to normal at home for you again! I like your "little fridge" idea with pre-made stuff! Sounds like you have a good plan, and just remember....you're sparkfriends are just a click away!!!! And....now maybe you can walk at more ease today, knowing that you have less stress! emoticon

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