Tuesday, October 09, 2012
I am super sleepy tonight but there has been something nagging at me that I wanted to clarify.
In my blog a couple days ago, I said that I punished myself when I made myself go for a 5k walk when I really didn't want to get off of the couch....
I didn't mean punishing myself as in hurting myself. I am very careful physically with my body...even more so since all my falls. My beau also goes with me and he keeps me in check also. I am sorry if I gave a bad impression or worried anyone.
By punishing myself, I meant more along the line of getting out there and doing exactly what I had committed myself to doing for this month (going 5k every time I go out instead of 1 mile).
It is very frustrating and stressful for me to deal with my constant and ever changing aches and pains. I hate hearing myself whining about it but haven't found a way to deal with it silently.
So...I went ahead and did what I needed/wanted to do in walking the whole 5k.
I am getting an extra rest day today, I had a long rough day at work, I actually GOT work to do, hurray! But at the same time, it wiped me out!
I still wonder about my long term goals...my ultimate goal it to go do a hm with my cousins out in Texas next fall. Thats both my goal and my reward.
I guess I will just have to see when the time comes, either I will be ready...or I won't be. But either way, I'll be there!
Monday, October 08, 2012
After a half decent night's rest last night, I am feeling a bit better about things. Thank you to everyone who comments on my blogs, especially all those who comment on the downs as well as the ups!
I am going to continue working at my 5k's...I figure that if I never am able to actually RUN, or even jog the whole thing...at least my walking times should improve....and I will be lapping everyone on the couch!
My pain levels are lower today and my anxiety level is doing pretty good too. With bumping up my walks to 5k every time, I definitely need a rest day in between and can tell the difference!
I got a nice surprise on the scale this morning, I actually lost 2 whole pounds....something I never do, my normal is 1 pound a week (if that!).
I weigh every day, it doesn't set my mood for the day, and I don't freak out if I can't weigh or forget to weigh, its more of a curiosity than anything. I just don't understand how I can stay at the same for 3 entire weeks (thats how long it was this time), and then BAM, drop 2 pounds overnight. It would seem more realistic that I lose a couple ounces each day.
Just my body having to admit that its not allowed to hold on to that weight any longer I guess. I never claimed to be normal!
I worked until two today...let me clarify that, I worked until about 9am today and then sat there until 2. I sure hope they find more stuff for me to do, because I cannot imagine sitting at my desk for 5-7 hours a day with nothing to do for the next 20 years...and yes, I am looking on the bright side that they will keep me around that long!
I had a doctors appointment this afternoon and am a bit miffed that the doctor was not in, I had to see the PA. IMO, they should have called and asked if I wanted to see the PA or move my appointment.
Please don't get me wrong, I had one certain doc's office that I went to for a couple of years and never saw the doctor except one time. I was totally comfortable with that PA. I am so very picky about how my doctor interacts with me and don't feel quite comfortable with someone jumping in the middle of things.
I got almost everything addressed with her and she was nice enough, but there are a few things that I would rather have my doc check out.
The PA did give my knees and ankles a good going over because of my falls, I showed her all the pics so she knows how bad they were, she was quite thorough with it and even checked out how my hands were healing up after my last fall.
She did a good job determining that I have a heel spur and not Plantar Faciitis, and showed me the difference in where it would hurt during the exam.
They are supposed to be referring me to an ENT, to check my hearing because everyone around me mumbles, lol!
Also I told her that I needed my mammies grammed and I think they will end up sending me to the same place they always do when I need something xrayed, which is nice, because its a walk-in place and they are right around the corner from my house.
She also gave me something to help with my panic attacks...and since is starting me on a new med, I have to go back in 2 weeks....this time I will check to see if the doctor is going to be there or I will reschedule!
Blessings to you.
Sunday, October 07, 2012
No pun intended.
My goals are to do a 5k by the end of the year, a 10k in the springtime, and a half marathon by fall of 2013.
I am wondering if I am asking more than my body physically is able to do.
So far, I am able to WALK a 5k.
In my c25k program, I have not been able to progress past week 2. I was able to jog for 3 whole minutes ONE time, in all these long weeks. I went for my first jog/walk on July 3, 14 weeks ago.
Granted...I CAN tell a difference between then and now and I KNOW I am much improved, but except for that one single time of jogging for 3 minutes, I usually don't make it much past 1.5 minutes.
I don't understand why either. I know that I have had a few falls and other assorted mishaps, but they are livable, I know that I am still 285 pounds and that is asking a LOT of my lower joints and muscles...and I know that I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, BUT I see people who weigh more than I do and they don't seem to have any problems.
Today is also the first time in a LONG time that I punished myself. I MADE myself walk 5k, just because I my body did not WANT to get out the door to do even 1 mile. I keep telling myself that my body needs to do what *I* want it to do because I am the boss now.
But the whole time I was out there, I was wondering if my goals are unrealistic or will EVER be realized.
I have a 5k picked out for November 21 and all I can imagine is me having to walk the entire thing. I haven't even dared to imagine how I will accomplish a 10k and a HM at this point is almost unthinkable.
My mindset tonight is that I am not afraid to try....but I am terrified of failing.
Saturday, October 06, 2012
Since the room mate started moving, I got to put MY kitchen back together how I like it!
I washed out the fridge and filled it up with healthy food...I think it looks B-E-A-UTI-FUL!
I also got all my grain jars washed and filled back up, looking all pretty on the countertop. I am SO glad the junky food is gone, healthy stuff looks so much prettier! I love having my kitchen back!
Amaranth and quinoa, speckled beans, flax meal, flax seeds, steel cut oats and wheat mix for mornings, and jasmine rice....my favorite!
Oh, I tried something new for breakfast today as well....I made french toast using 15 whole grain bread...in the waffle iron! You make everything the same but cook it in the waffle iron instead of frying it. I got the idea from ravenous.runnersworld.com/#
The only thing I added to the recipe was a few drops of almond extract...it was super yummy!
I hope y'all have a great weekend!
Friday, October 05, 2012
I stopped at the store after work...something I have been trying to put off due to...well, a lot of reasons. I got a text from my beau while I was there "guess who is moving out this weekend."
Thank God, the room mate has started to move her stuff! She took her bed and about half of the stuff in her room and will be getting the rest tomorrow.
We were out walking tonight while she was moving her stuff, my brain keeps trying to tell me that I am a bad friend for not offering to help her load stuff into the car....but then again, I would never take advantage of a friend the way she has, so, I really don't feel bad.
I had intended on walking 5k tonight, but we had a truck that passed us twice and was spraying for bugs (PeYew!), we finally resorted to walking back and forth in front of the apartment for awhile and watching her move stuff out. I was worried about a couple different things, for one...she has my desk in her room, a desk that she moved into her room "for one night", which was a several months ago...and I don't want it walking out the door with her. My anxiety got worse and worse until I finally told my beau that I was done with walking for the night. I don't think it would have been so bad if I had not been burned before, I have had room mates walk out with my things, things my dad gave me, my dishes, etc....I even had one walk out with every single bit of food in the house, down to the last can of beans.
I got 1.88 miles done with a 19'44 pace. I started out with my elastic ankle/foot braces on, thinking I would be nice to my ankles and before we got a half mile, the bottom of my right foot and ankle were screaming! I pause my Nike app and yanked the brace off...it was IMMEDIATE relief!
I can't wait until I get to the doctor on Monday so he can check it out, at this point, I would even take a shot in it, if that would help!
Things on the food front are going pretty good still, I got a bunch of good-for-us-stuff at the store today!
I also got a couple of sweet treats...I have been doing very well with portion control and have never had a problem with binging. I have a bigger problem overeating carbs than I do with sweets.
Tonight's dinner was turkey Italian sausages with baked tater tots (sweet tots for my beau) and some roasted fresh broccoli, and dessert was 2 devil's food cookies at 50 cals each, yummy! I had them along with some really good hot tea that I found. Its made by Lipton, its orange blossom hibiscus flavor...decaf and it has rosehips and other good stuff in it.
Now that I have my kitchen back to myself, I can get all my good stuff back in order. I have all of my grains and seeds back on the counter in their pretty jars, flax, amaranth, jasmine rice, flax meal.
I also have my big jar of a mixture of steel cut oats, wheat, flax seeds, and groats that I make in batches for breakfast throughout the week. Pop a couple cups of that stuff in the rice cooker and set the timer for the next morning...its perfect! (I don't even make rice in that thing!)
I have to work for a couple hours tomorrow and then when I get home, I am planning on cleaning out the fridge and moving all of our stuff back from the little fridge into the regular one. (she had so much junk food in there we ended up buying a small camping fridge just for our healthy food.) We will put the little one to use by putting our pre-made containers of food in there, then all we have to do is grab and go in the mornings before work!
My beau and I have a lot of hard work to do to catch things back up financially, but I am sure we can do it. We have been through rough times before and I am sure that we will get through this one as well.
We can do anything together.
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