Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Yours too! Look at it, just look!
I am 40...which amounts to approximately 28 years of abuse to my physical being. Quick rundown...
I started smoking when I was about 12, got falling down drunk for the first time when I was 14, was raped and became pregnant, and had my first baby when I was 15.
Married when I was 18, had 2 more babies, and stayed in an abusive relationship for 12 years.
During those 12 years there have been more than a few...injuries.
There was more than one time that I drank myself into oblivion. I have blank spots in my memories of my life, some from alcohol, some from my mind trying to protect me.
I spent some time in the lowest pits of depression and dealt with the aftermath of self injury.
I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and stayed uneducated on what was good for me and what was not.
One by one, I made changes to my life. I stopped drinking and I left my husband and found someone who made me feel pretty for the first time in my life, we were even happy for several years.
I even managed to drop a couple of pounds...albeit, I was doing it totally the wrong way, but I did feel a little better. I even checked out some yoga to do at home. I have always been a bit clumsy so needless to say, there were a few yoga induced bumps, bruises, and rugburns! The beginnings of yoga helped immensely with healing my inner self. Realizing who and what I am, the beginnings of realizing my self worth.
I found myself single again about the same time as my beau found himself single. We had been friends online for a few years at this point and everything just clicked for us. I found myself head over heels and my only unhappiness was in my body. About 6 weeks before I moved to be with him, I was in a minor car accident, major for the car, but minor in injuries for my friend and I.
I quit smoking and found a touch more happiness in the fact that I hardly ever snore anymore, lol!
My beau is nothing but supportive, almost to a fault. He helped me with my first major weight loss...about 56 pounds. I was on the 6 week body makeover and while it did work, and while taught me several things about the hows and whys of my body and its workings....it was not the right path for me.
Moving along...there is a point to all this, I promise!
I found SP through an ad....I think it was something on Facebook, it was for an article that looked interesting, I clicked it, signed up and promptly forgot about it for a month. I finally found a bit of time to check out the website and was immediately hooked. I can't tell you how much y'all inspired me!
I dropped a couple of pounds and by a couple, I mean like 2....and got another spark from my cousin on FaceBook. She and my other cousin ran a half marathon and I heard something in the back of my mind.
I WANT to be healthy, I WANT to feel good and have good food! I WANT TO RUN!
Thanks to you good people, I have the education, inspiration, and I have found the determination to get what I want!
I started my journey crying when I had to actually put my feet on the floor in the morning and asking them to bear me up yet again. I started in fear of a heart attack, stroke, or some other life altering or life ending event. I was afraid to move too much, afraid of falling and either needing help up or just being embarrassed in front of other people. I don't know which would be worse.
The recent events of my falls and mishaps have taught me something else as well. Not only did I fall and get myself back up, but I did not die from embarrassment either! My bruises have mostly faded, the lumps and bumps have mostly receded, my body even let me jog for 3 solid minutes yesterday! No knee pain, very little foot/ankle pain, no shin splints or side stiches.
My body is a wondrous creation! After putting it through hell and back for 28 YEARS, it still heals itself! All I had to do is get out of my own way.My body and mind may have strayed from the path, but neither one is broken.
I still make mistakes...I AM human after all!
But I learn from them, I appreciate them, I don't beat myself up about them. I work on healing my mind...which heals my body...which heals my mind, its a beautiful circle.
Love yourself and let your body do its thang!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Haven't gotten enough exercise this month. I was hoping to do better with the number of minutes than I did in August, but it doesn't look like I am even going to do as much as I did then! Its been a rough couple of months here, but I am not beating myself up about it.
Right now, I am doing all I can do and that's a good thing. My numbers are still improving and I still have enough energy to make it through each day....with an occasional nap.
It was too late to go for a walk or jog tonight after I finally got supper cooked...still very leery of walking near or after dark, so I opted to use my healthwalker and watch a bit of tv. I don't know if it is the way my foot moves in the stride or if its the shape of the foot thingy, but it kills my right heel and both feet were numb after 15 minutes.
I am glad I got 15 minutes on it though.
I am thinking of putting it on freecycle.org to give it away and see if anyone has a stationary bike they are wanting to be rid of. I love that website!
Today was the first day since my fall on the road that I have been able to shower myself without my hands feeling like they are on fire....well, mostly by myself. My beau helped with my hair....I found out the hard way yesterday, that shampoo and new, raw skin are NOT a good combination.
So I am clean and have fresh bandages on and am feeling alright.
I got a bad call from my sister this morning, her ex, who I still consider family, passed away this morning. They deemed it most likely a heart attack. He was only 47. My sister and him had their problems but he was a good guy.
Another shake in my wake up call.
Edited to add that my health walker thingy is a glider, like a gazelle...no impact walking.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Well, she (I) didn't.
I was determined not to let my fall in the road on Saturday bother me. I cried tears of stress and nerves on Saturday evening. By Sunday, I was relaxed and trying to make light of my new war wounds.
My ankle (from my previous fall) is doing much better and I decided that with all the bandages I am wearing, I just might have to be a mummy for Halloween!
By Sunday night, I was having second thoughts on walking to work on Monday morning. I steeled myself and decided that I would NOT let a mishap interfere with what I wanted to do.
Monday morning arrived, dreary and rainy, but I set out anyways. I took a back route which is about the same distance from work. I wore light clothing and have a huge rainbow umbrella and when I cut across the parking lot at the corner store...someone almost backed over me. I scooted out of the way and took a few deep breaths and continued on my way....mind you, this is the same route that beau and I took the night of the fall.
By the time I got to the corner that I needed to cross 5 lanes at the light...my feet were soaked through and everything else was damp, I was still sore from the fall, and terrified to cross the road. I finally gave in and called one of the guys from work to come and get me.
I took a ribbing from the guys at work about the whole incident, which doesn't bother me much but I am furious with myself for being afraid.
Today, I drove to work as I will tomorrow and the rest of the week. Maybe I will try it on Saturday when traffic is very light in the mornings.
Moving onto the positive!!!!
I walked 1.25 miles yesterday. My pace is a bit slower because I am still taking it easy on my ankle, but its not far off my usual pace.
The sales manager at work has a brother in law that is a mechanic and if we buy the part, he will fix the car for us this coming weekend and let us pay him for the labor when we are able.
My beau is extremely proud of himself for getting me hooked on Dr. Who.
I have been doing pretty good with my eating. Keeping snacks under control...actually a bit under my min cals, which is ok because since getting hurt and rehurt, I have slowed my exercise a bit.
And speaking of exercise, I think the pool at the gym will be ready next week so we can get back to the gym. Timothy can't do anything in the gym because of his neck/shoulder, but he is ok in the pool while I do ST. I get so much more done at the gym....at home I get distracted by housework.
My son has been walking a bit on his own. I saw him a few days ago when I was walking to work, he was coming up the street the other way.
And on the room mate front...I was a bit disappointed but not really surprised when I came home from work today and nothing was done. I asked her specifically with help with the dishes because of all the missing skin on my palms...there is no way I am sticking them in hot dishwater! So when I got home, there were 2 days worth of dishes....my beau helped me do some of them, he washed and I rinsed and stacked. He has a hard time with anything moving his arms....especially crouched over the sink. My son did up the rest of them when he got home. I swept up the whole apartment and tossed the throw rugs into the dryer to freshen them up a bit.
I feel so much better when my home is clean and counting down the days until she is in the other apartment and my son is here. (13)
Thank you for sticking with yet another long winded blah blah blog!
Take care of you.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Exercising should not be this difficult! I fell again tonight. In traffic no less, almost won the Darwin Award.
We decided to walk to the corner and get an ice cream....they were closed, so we walked a few blocks over to the smoothie place...they were closed too.
In crossing the main road to McD's, the light changed and Timothy had a hold of my hand while we were hurrying across, I couldn't keep up and lost my balance ended up flat on my stomach in the middle of the road with cars coming.
All I could see was headlights out of the corner of my eye and I knew my back or legs were going to get hit and I covered my head. Timothy got in between me and the car and half helped me up and half pulled me out of the way.
I got to the curb and started shaking and the third car in line stopped and asked if I was ok. I told them I was and Timothy noticed me bleeding from both of my hands. I lost skin on both palms right above the wrist, banged a rib, put a knot and yet another bruise on my left knee along with taking off one more layer of skin there. (I lost a layer the other day when I fell and twisted my ankle)
I am down 25 pounds now and my balance seems to be getting worse and worse. The only thing I can think of to do about it is to keep getting back up and keep going and hope my balance works itself out.
For too long, I have let my life and events drag me along the wrong path. At 310 pounds, I was having a hard time with everything. Moving around, shopping for more than 30 minutes, forget the mall, getting dressed was even a chore. Since I started eating better and began the c25k. I can walk 5k in an hour and am actually able to jog for very short intervals....Jogging! ME!?
I feel good when I eat good things.
I feel good when I jog.
I feel good when I walk.
I feel good when I do strength training.
***I*** am going to be the boss of me! I am going to tell my body what to eat and what it is going to do!
It may keep pushing me down...literally...but I make it get back up and continue doing what ***I*** say!
If I fail to get back up, then I have failed myself, and THAT is something that I refuse to do!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I really don't know what else to add to this...a picture is worth a thousand...and in this case, most of them would make a sailor blush.
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