Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Well, she (I) didn't.
I was determined not to let my fall in the road on Saturday bother me. I cried tears of stress and nerves on Saturday evening. By Sunday, I was relaxed and trying to make light of my new war wounds.
My ankle (from my previous fall) is doing much better and I decided that with all the bandages I am wearing, I just might have to be a mummy for Halloween!
By Sunday night, I was having second thoughts on walking to work on Monday morning. I steeled myself and decided that I would NOT let a mishap interfere with what I wanted to do.
Monday morning arrived, dreary and rainy, but I set out anyways. I took a back route which is about the same distance from work. I wore light clothing and have a huge rainbow umbrella and when I cut across the parking lot at the corner store...someone almost backed over me. I scooted out of the way and took a few deep breaths and continued on my way....mind you, this is the same route that beau and I took the night of the fall.
By the time I got to the corner that I needed to cross 5 lanes at the light...my feet were soaked through and everything else was damp, I was still sore from the fall, and terrified to cross the road. I finally gave in and called one of the guys from work to come and get me.
I took a ribbing from the guys at work about the whole incident, which doesn't bother me much but I am furious with myself for being afraid.
Today, I drove to work as I will tomorrow and the rest of the week. Maybe I will try it on Saturday when traffic is very light in the mornings.
Moving onto the positive!!!!
I walked 1.25 miles yesterday. My pace is a bit slower because I am still taking it easy on my ankle, but its not far off my usual pace.
The sales manager at work has a brother in law that is a mechanic and if we buy the part, he will fix the car for us this coming weekend and let us pay him for the labor when we are able.
My beau is extremely proud of himself for getting me hooked on Dr. Who.
I have been doing pretty good with my eating. Keeping snacks under control...actually a bit under my min cals, which is ok because since getting hurt and rehurt, I have slowed my exercise a bit.
And speaking of exercise, I think the pool at the gym will be ready next week so we can get back to the gym. Timothy can't do anything in the gym because of his neck/shoulder, but he is ok in the pool while I do ST. I get so much more done at the gym....at home I get distracted by housework.
My son has been walking a bit on his own. I saw him a few days ago when I was walking to work, he was coming up the street the other way.
And on the room mate front...I was a bit disappointed but not really surprised when I came home from work today and nothing was done. I asked her specifically with help with the dishes because of all the missing skin on my palms...there is no way I am sticking them in hot dishwater! So when I got home, there were 2 days worth of dishes....my beau helped me do some of them, he washed and I rinsed and stacked. He has a hard time with anything moving his arms....especially crouched over the sink. My son did up the rest of them when he got home. I swept up the whole apartment and tossed the throw rugs into the dryer to freshen them up a bit.
I feel so much better when my home is clean and counting down the days until she is in the other apartment and my son is here. (13)
Thank you for sticking with yet another long winded blah blah blog!
Take care of you.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Exercising should not be this difficult! I fell again tonight. In traffic no less, almost won the Darwin Award.
We decided to walk to the corner and get an ice cream....they were closed, so we walked a few blocks over to the smoothie place...they were closed too.
In crossing the main road to McD's, the light changed and Timothy had a hold of my hand while we were hurrying across, I couldn't keep up and lost my balance ended up flat on my stomach in the middle of the road with cars coming.
All I could see was headlights out of the corner of my eye and I knew my back or legs were going to get hit and I covered my head. Timothy got in between me and the car and half helped me up and half pulled me out of the way.
I got to the curb and started shaking and the third car in line stopped and asked if I was ok. I told them I was and Timothy noticed me bleeding from both of my hands. I lost skin on both palms right above the wrist, banged a rib, put a knot and yet another bruise on my left knee along with taking off one more layer of skin there. (I lost a layer the other day when I fell and twisted my ankle)
I am down 25 pounds now and my balance seems to be getting worse and worse. The only thing I can think of to do about it is to keep getting back up and keep going and hope my balance works itself out.
For too long, I have let my life and events drag me along the wrong path. At 310 pounds, I was having a hard time with everything. Moving around, shopping for more than 30 minutes, forget the mall, getting dressed was even a chore. Since I started eating better and began the c25k. I can walk 5k in an hour and am actually able to jog for very short intervals....Jogging! ME!?
I feel good when I eat good things.
I feel good when I jog.
I feel good when I walk.
I feel good when I do strength training.
***I*** am going to be the boss of me! I am going to tell my body what to eat and what it is going to do!
It may keep pushing me down...literally...but I make it get back up and continue doing what ***I*** say!
If I fail to get back up, then I have failed myself, and THAT is something that I refuse to do!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I really don't know what else to add to this...a picture is worth a thousand...and in this case, most of them would make a sailor blush.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
For a few weeks now, all I have been doing is feeling wet.
I have always been overly sensitive and with that sometimes comes overly emotional.
Since starting on this journey, I have had countless panic attacks.
I have also had countless accomplishments as well.
I expect perfection from no one, including myself, but I do expect myself to strive for perfection.
An unattainable and unrealistic goal, no? The satisfaction (for me) comes in the trying. If I stop trying, stop learning, stop growing....what is the point?
When I began all of this, after the first few days, I felt so good again. I felt the rain, I enjoyed not only the highs, but the lows still brought a level of satisfaction. After so many years alone in my head, in the darkness of depression...I could FEEL again!
I hit a rough spot and was bombarded with one thing after another after another in a relatively short period of time and I lost track of the goodness of feeling things.
In other words, just feeling wet instead of feeling the rain, and I am missing it.
I am NOT going back to being that person who misses out, the martyr.
The other day, I met someone who I considered to have treated me quite rudely. He had his opinion of people in general, everyone is entitled to an opinion. My mistake was in letting his opinion cause me to question myself and my place in the universe.
I have come to realize that his opinion is just that...an opinion. Not gospel, and not how I view myself and not how those who love me see me.
I have bills...who doesn't?
I have a job, far too many do not.
I have enough (good) things to eat...entirely far too many do not.
I am getting healthier.
I do not have a car right now, but I have two working legs to take me where I need to be.
I have 4 great kids and 1 angelic grandbaby.
I have a good man who I am crazy about and who loves me no matter what.
I have a brother and two sisters who mean the world to me.
I have the willpower and the ability to....well, to do whatever I want!
I took this picture several weeks ago. I got up in the morning and when I looked outside, the sky was so high it was dizzying. It was so beautiful and I am thankful that I got to see it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
I was planning on jogging tonight after work....I was supposed to start week 3 of my c25k...I got a surprise 2.25 mile walk instead.
My car is dead, not good considering that 3 people depend on it for work right now. Hoping it is just the battery. Timothy is walking to buy a new one and replace it right now. I have been so stressed over the last few weeks....I am trying to just remain disgusted instead.
Since I had on my work shoes and warmer clothes that I would have had on, my ankles and feet are killing me and I was wondering what heatstroke feels like towards the end there.
Trying to find the silver lining....
I mapped out my route after I got home and finally cooled down. I walked 2.25 mile in about 50 minutes...I guess thats not bad after about 5 hours of sleep last night (and the night before), working about 9.5 hours today, and having on the wrong shoes/exercise clothes.
I am very thankful that I wore my Sketcher Shape-Ups today though...I was contemplating wearing an off brand pair that I don't wear too often....they have sparkles on them, but are kinda uncomfortable. The Shape Ups need to be replaced, but like I said, it could have been worse.
I had to stop and call my beau...he was almost at the auto parts store and I noticed that the car keys were still here....he just came back and took off again.
Game plan for tomorrow if it doesn't work....I walk to work, my son walks to his work and my beau takes the bus. I can leave early and there shouldn't be too much traffic. Its a bit scary that there is no sidewalk and pretty much no shoulder on the road once I cross the main highway, I could tell the difference in my ankles on the bumpy grass.
At least there was is no excuse NOT to exercise when there isn't a choice, eh?
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