_MOBII_   18,987
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints
_MOBII_'s Recent Blog Entries

Adventures in walking to work: Day 1

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I really don't know what else to add to this...a picture is worth a thousand...and in this case, most of them would make a sailor blush.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SBIRD4 9/15/2012 10:58AM

    My goodness - perhaps you could benefit from better footwear?

I hope it gets easier!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEBBLES706 9/14/2012 6:14PM

    OUCH! You're right the picture said it all.


Feel better soon, take care

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENAE954 9/13/2012 9:59PM

Hope you heal quickly.

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVELY_EB 9/13/2012 9:47PM

    emoticon emoticon Sending lots of pain killers your way!!!
emoticon You could try walking around like this for awhile to give your foot a rest!
emoticon And something cold to put on your ankle (not eat)!!!!!


Report Inappropriate Comment
.DUSTY. 9/13/2012 9:42PM

    OUCH! I REALLY hope you get the car situation worked out soon! Hugs!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LILLEAN 9/13/2012 8:35PM

    Oh Lord your feet looks like it needs a reward like a soft massage emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADARKARA 9/13/2012 8:26PM

    oh noes =( feel better soon!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETSALONG 9/13/2012 7:21PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon oh no! owie..... you might get to see an ever changing rainbow there sweetie!!!


(just had a chance to catch up a bit, sorry about the car... way to walk instead! Proud of U! I do hope you are dancing in the rain again! I really love the determination, spark & fire I hear in your blogs, to try, to keep going, to push thru!!! I know it's hard.... i hope it is better soonest!!! Hugs! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
LADYPIXEL 9/13/2012 6:37PM

    Ow! :( Not good! Take it easy!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Are you feeling the rain?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

For a few weeks now, all I have been doing is feeling wet.

I have always been overly sensitive and with that sometimes comes overly emotional.
Since starting on this journey, I have had countless panic attacks.
I have also had countless accomplishments as well.

I expect perfection from no one, including myself, but I do expect myself to strive for perfection.
An unattainable and unrealistic goal, no? The satisfaction (for me) comes in the trying. If I stop trying, stop learning, stop growing....what is the point?

When I began all of this, after the first few days, I felt so good again. I felt the rain, I enjoyed not only the highs, but the lows still brought a level of satisfaction. After so many years alone in my head, in the darkness of depression...I could FEEL again!
I hit a rough spot and was bombarded with one thing after another after another in a relatively short period of time and I lost track of the goodness of feeling things.
In other words, just feeling wet instead of feeling the rain, and I am missing it.

I am NOT going back to being that person who misses out, the martyr.

The other day, I met someone who I considered to have treated me quite rudely. He had his opinion of people in general, everyone is entitled to an opinion. My mistake was in letting his opinion cause me to question myself and my place in the universe.
I have come to realize that his opinion is just that...an opinion. Not gospel, and not how I view myself and not how those who love me see me.

I have bills...who doesn't?
I have a job, far too many do not.
I have enough (good) things to eat...entirely far too many do not.
I am getting healthier.
I do not have a car right now, but I have two working legs to take me where I need to be.
I have 4 great kids and 1 angelic grandbaby.
I have a good man who I am crazy about and who loves me no matter what.
I have a brother and two sisters who mean the world to me.
I have the willpower and the ability to....well, to do whatever I want!

I took this picture several weeks ago. I got up in the morning and when I looked outside, the sky was so high it was dizzying. It was so beautiful and I am thankful that I got to see it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADARKARA 9/13/2012 8:46AM

    Great outlook! I don't have everything I want, but what I have is good. =)

Keep your chin up and don't let some a**hole bring you down!

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVELY_EB 9/12/2012 9:32PM

    Beautiful picture!!! I much prefer feeling the rain to just being wet, too! You are getting there! We ALL have times when we are just wet! And we all have to figure out how to get back to feeling again! Great blog!


Report Inappropriate Comment

There's a silver lining here...I KNOW there is!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I was planning on jogging tonight after work....I was supposed to start week 3 of my c25k...I got a surprise 2.25 mile walk instead.
My car is dead, not good considering that 3 people depend on it for work right now. Hoping it is just the battery. Timothy is walking to buy a new one and replace it right now. I have been so stressed over the last few weeks....I am trying to just remain disgusted instead.
Since I had on my work shoes and warmer clothes that I would have had on, my ankles and feet are killing me and I was wondering what heatstroke feels like towards the end there.

Trying to find the silver lining....
I mapped out my route after I got home and finally cooled down. I walked 2.25 mile in about 50 minutes...I guess thats not bad after about 5 hours of sleep last night (and the night before), working about 9.5 hours today, and having on the wrong shoes/exercise clothes.

I am very thankful that I wore my Sketcher Shape-Ups today though...I was contemplating wearing an off brand pair that I don't wear too often....they have sparkles on them, but are kinda uncomfortable. The Shape Ups need to be replaced, but like I said, it could have been worse.

I had to stop and call my beau...he was almost at the auto parts store and I noticed that the car keys were still here....he just came back and took off again.

Game plan for tomorrow if it doesn't work....I walk to work, my son walks to his work and my beau takes the bus. I can leave early and there shouldn't be too much traffic. Its a bit scary that there is no sidewalk and pretty much no shoulder on the road once I cross the main highway, I could tell the difference in my ankles on the bumpy grass.

At least there was is no excuse NOT to exercise when there isn't a choice, eh?


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACQUEBO 9/12/2012 12:16PM

    Silver lining. You are able to walk to work. You have a car at all, even though it needs work. You have a job to walk to.
Hang in there. I know it seems like things happen all at once. I hope it was just the battery and that you are back on wheels now. Let me know if I can help. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADARKARA 9/11/2012 10:07PM

    I know it seems crappy, and it is crappy. But at the very least the silver lining is that you work so close to home! You can walk to work every day if you wanted to. Sometimes I wish I could walk to work, lol. I work almost 7 miles from home.

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVELY_EB 9/11/2012 9:50PM

    Keep you chin up and channel that anger and frustration into your exercise!


Report Inappropriate Comment

Working through it.

Monday, September 10, 2012

It has been a rough 3 weeks for me and I apologize for all the pity parties that I have posted on here. I am trying to work through all the other events going on in my life right now.

I am going to make a bigger effort to see the positives that are happening with my life.
My beau is there for me, every minute of every day, he is here and so far, he has not shrunken from the amount of tears on his shoulder....he gets extra brownie points for not running away either!

Even with all the stress and emotional meltdowns, I have not resorted to junk food and I have been active for 6/9 days so far this month. Jogging is getting somewhat physically easier, I am not sure if it will ever be EASY, per se, but I don't have anywhere near the amount of aches and pains that I did several weeks ago.
We finally had a cool front come through and it has me thinking about autumn, which is my absolute favorite time of year. Also, in October, one of my favorite tv shows will be back, I love AMC's 'Walking Dead'
I can't wait until Halloween, even though I have not seen a trick or treater in ages, I still love it.

I am taking my ankle and heel pain in stride and I have a doctor's appointment scheduled in a month and I am planning to ask him for help with my anxiety. Oh, and I decided to stop taking my Lipitor. Part of my decision comes from the fact that my cholesterol levels were just about normal when I had them checked last time and I had been off of it for a month...the other part is that I have less leg pains when I am not on it. I am also on a mission to take as few pills as possible. I am down to taking 1/2 of a pain pill in the morning along with 1 tylenol, and 1 naprosyn. In the evening, I take 1 pain pill.

I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought almost all healthy items, there was so much that I needed to stock up on. My son (who is 21) went with me and seems to be making a bit better choices in regards to eating healthier. He likes the quick and easy things to eat...who doesn't? But he does listen and we do compromise on what he gets. He lives in the next apartment building but eats most of his meals over here with us and is getting used to healthier food.
He asked about getting a pack of Oreos this week and I let him get them and reiterated portion size to him and we work on nutrition labels and what foods go into what categories...protein, carb, etc, and how much of each he should have a day. When he balks about not having a junky food, I tell him that he CAN have it, but he needs to watch the portion size and make it a treat, not a daily indulgence. I don't want to restrict him totally away from treats and such because I don't want him to end up on a binge.

My son and my beau have come to a solution to our room mate issue. As of the first of October, my son will be moving into our spare room and the room mate will be moving into his apartment. Since she has 2 kids on weekends, and a storage locker full of stuff, she needs more room. We will still help her out (a little bit) with rent and such, but only until December, after that, she is on her own...she is our age and should be able to get her act together by then. With my son here, it will help with my anxiety because I can deal better with having one of my children here vs. someone who is not related.
It will also help because I just don't think he is ready to take care of himself. His apartment is a wreck and I usually have to call and make sure he is up and showered for work. I will also be able to help him eat better and since he will be able to save up some money, he can get a membership at the gym with us soon. He likes going to the pool with us, but at $10.00 per session for a non member, it doesn't happen too often with as tight as money is lately. Right now, the pool is closed for resurfacing anyways so that gives him some time.

I have decided to just relax a bit at work, I will do the little bit of paperwork and such that I have been assigned to do and if they want me to do more, they will tell me, if they decide that I am no longer needed, well, there is really nothing that I can do about it and lets face it....I was looking for a job when I got that one. I thought I could get get some extra hours by cleaning up and sweeping and mopping on the weekends, but they hired someone to come in every 2 weeks...although if she thinks that it was bad in the 6 days it was let go from the last time that I did it, she will be in for a surprise with it going for 2 weeks. But thats how often she thinks it needs to be done, and I am taking the hint that they do not want me doing it, so I am not worrying about it any more.

I really appreciate all the feedback on my blogs, comments, and goodies that everyone has sent. They are much appreciated!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COFFEELADY68 9/10/2012 11:15PM

    It's a huge step that with all the stress you're dealing with you did not resort to junk food! Good for you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVELY_EB 9/10/2012 2:35PM

    Sounds like a good plan! Definitley get some help for the anxiety. It's a horrible thing to deal with!


Report Inappropriate Comment
LADYPIXEL 9/10/2012 1:05PM


Shopping is one of my worst trials. I love food... I love cooking, and I love eating. So for me, shopping is difficult, if only because I want to eat EVERYTHING. :) Good for you at being careful about it!

Here's hoping that the job situation stabilizes!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JACQUEBO 9/10/2012 12:02PM

    It sounds like you are coming up with solutions to help both you, your son and your roommate out. I'm sure that your anxiety levels will go down with her out and your son in. Good job on teaching him about nutrition. Keep up the good work and always make the best choice possible.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAHGRET 9/10/2012 10:12AM

    Glad you worked out the roommate issue, that would make me so anxious, I am not sure what I would do.

Hope your job works out ok.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADARKARA 9/10/2012 7:01AM

    I'm glad there's finally a solution to the roommate conundrum. I told myself after my last roommate (in 2003) that I would never live with an adult I wasn't sharing a bed with! Now it's just my husband and I, and it's great. I know what you mean about money being tight. We suddenly have a very strict budget, but thank goodness we still have enough income to pay off some of our credit card debt. (I had to finance $2600 of dental work in July that needs to get paid off by June to keep the 0% interest!)

I also know what you mean about slowness at work. At my previous job, as a draftsperson for a civil engineering company, the last few weeks before I was laid off I literally had to walk around the building myself and ask people for work to do. The only good news is my supervisor was really nice and gave me a raise a few weeks beforehand, so I could get more unemployment. If my husband had had a job at the time it would have almost been a relief to not have to work there anymore, since there was so little to do. But he couldn't work because of his immigration status, yay! lol

Anyway, my dad told me something that's helped me out. He said 'the work fills the time'. Make your work last as long as you can. =)

Report Inappropriate Comment

I NEED a pick me up...and quick!

Friday, September 07, 2012

Apologies in advance....its another lengthy blog.
Another of THOSE days for me. It started out bad and it was one thing after another after another after....well, you get the idea!
Started off with a panic attack which was either accompanied by, or turned into an asthma episode, which turned into crappy breathing all day because I was upset all day.

A long day at work during which I found out that one of my uncles passed away yesterday/last night. I am still not clear on the details. I know he had cancer but I thought he went into remission awhile back.
He was actually a cousin-in-law of my dad's, but we all referred to him as uncle. He and his wife (dads cousin) always hosted the family reunion when we were growing up. I haven't seen him in ages, not only because that part of the family was extended family who lived in another state, but also because I live across the country now. The last time I saw any of the extended family was at my dad's funeral almost 7 years ago.
Sorry, my concentration has been terrible today....back on track.
His passing brought back so many memories from when I was growing up, going to the family reunion once a year was a HUGE deal for us! An entire weekend of controlled chaos, I would say that between adults and kids, it was probably in the neighborhood of a 100 or so people. Our family is so fun, all the kids bedded down in the basement, we would stay up and tell ghost stories, trying to scare the pants off each other. We would have to go upstairs to use the bathroom and the adults were usually up there doing their thing, everyone laughing and joking and a good bit of singing. We have several excellent singers in the family....I just don't happen to be one of them, lol!
We got goodies that we usually didn't get any other time...my dad was a single parent and while we always had what we needed....wants were another story. At the reunions, there was always pretzels, chips, soda, and dad would even get a pack of the little boxes of cereal for us for breakfast for the weekends....
Off track again.
My uncle Tom is at peace and I hope that peace will find my cousins and all of my family soon.

Things just got better and better at work (yep, that was sarcasm). I had an entire day of....you guessed it....still NOTHING to do at work. The only thing that I have been doing so far with the new company is sorting a bit of paperwork and putting it in folders to be taken to the main office. Myself and the lady at one of the other locations that was bought out went from being admin assistants to having a nice generic label of 'the secretary'. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to have a job and a paycheck, but I hate going to work (or anywhere for that matter) and not knowing what I am supposed to be doing, not contributing at all. Firstly, because I hate feeling useless....and secondly, because I feel like dead weight to the company, which scares me because dead weight gets the boot rather quickly.

I sat in the dispatch office all day today and read on my nook, played on my phone, and picked up the phone to help the dispatcher out....supposedly. Anyone who calls wants the dispatcher, not me who is unable to answer any of the questions because I do not work directly with the concrete, or the drivers, or the trucks, or the scheduling....I was doing payroll and employee scheduling before! So I answered the phones and turned my head and said 'James, line 1 holding for you...James, line two, etc...'

Everyone there is very laid back, everyone pokes fun at everyone and there is usually a good deal of cussing going on. When the sales manager got back from taking paperwork to the main office, he asked me how many locking cash bags I have on hand, I went to check and on the way back, I saw that my water, phone, and nook were in the main reception area. I asked him why he put my stuff out there and he smarted off to me.
Normally, it wouldn't bother me and I would have come back with a choice word or two for him....not so much today. I walked out and closed the door firmly behind me, grabbed my stuff and went into my office and shoved the door shut. I was even more upset because I over reacted and when he came in a few minutes later asking why I was slamming things around (my door is NEVER closed, but I had enough today), I have no clue what my face looked like because he apologized up one side and down the other and I busted out crying.
I HATE crying at work! He closed my door behind him and asked what was wrong....he always drags it out of me when I am upset. So I let him have it. None of it is work related, but he asked for it.
A lot of the panic is coming from the fact that we are late on our bills this month, which I also blabbed out to him. Then he asked me what the date was and I told him and in between gasping for air, asked if I was getting a raise in a week because it is 1 year since my 'official' hire date with the company that was just bought out.

Real nice. Here I am, not doing a damn thing that is productive, boohoo-ing my personal crap at work, slamming doors, crying like a little girl with a skinned knee....and asking for a raise. I am embarrassed of how I acted and over-reacted and wouldn't be surprised at all if I was shown the other side of the door.

To top it all off...when I get upset, aka crying, I usually don't eat. I ate pretty poorly today, my choices were good, but I am most likely pretty far below my minimum cals.
So, no eating, no exercise, no nothing except for waiting for my pain pill to kick in so I can go sleep and not have to deal with anything else today.

If anyone has read this far, thank you for hanging in there and I apologize for what feels like a pity party, but if I don't get it out, I feel like I will explode.
I promise I will get back to my normal self soon.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACQUEBO 9/11/2012 10:27AM

    This too shall pass. If your boss didn't care, he wouldn't have come in and asked what the problem was. We all have those days. I'm much like that myself. My office is away from everyone else's, so it makes it easy for me to go and get by myself. People don't come in my office unless they need something from me. I can't keep my door actually open, but it is always accessible. I hope that this week has been better. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
UP2ME_CC 9/9/2012 4:35PM

    Put it behind you and move forward. We all have moments we wish we could take back or redo.

Hang in there. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOPE4LOSS1 9/8/2012 3:21PM

    I'm sorry to hear about your day and my condolences on the loss of your uncle. As to the outburst at work - We don't always respond in the best manner, sometimes we over-react, sometimes we don't react enough. It sounds like the stress got the best of you, but it doesn't mean that that ONE moment encapsulates who you are or the value you have at the job. One rough moment doesn't equal all that is worthy and good about you. You are human.
Wishing you strength and calm. Thinking of you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINDA7668 9/8/2012 12:33PM

    I'm sorry that you are going through so much right now. Although crying at work is never fun, I'm sure that your boss understands that you're going through a lot right now. I think it's wonderful that he cares so much. Keep your chin up, it will get better. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAREN608 9/8/2012 12:21PM

    Aw, that was a bad day! Well, it has to get better... sigh.
And YES the little cereal boxes ...so cute and sure made a kid happy ...me included.
They were so special!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANGIEN9 9/8/2012 4:05AM

    Sending you hugs and positive thoughts!! Angie

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEBBLES706 9/8/2012 1:16AM

    sending you hugs, you'll get through this. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETSALONG 9/8/2012 12:07AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EWL978 9/7/2012 11:27PM

    Sometimes it seems as though life just stinks!!!! Get some rest....that might help. You're stressing out and need to get past this.

Hope tomorrow is better. It's the weekend. Do you work on weekends??


Report Inappropriate Comment
POSITIVELY_EB 9/7/2012 10:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 Last Page