Tuesday, September 11, 2012
I was planning on jogging tonight after work....I was supposed to start week 3 of my c25k...I got a surprise 2.25 mile walk instead.
My car is dead, not good considering that 3 people depend on it for work right now. Hoping it is just the battery. Timothy is walking to buy a new one and replace it right now. I have been so stressed over the last few weeks....I am trying to just remain disgusted instead.
Since I had on my work shoes and warmer clothes that I would have had on, my ankles and feet are killing me and I was wondering what heatstroke feels like towards the end there.
Trying to find the silver lining....
I mapped out my route after I got home and finally cooled down. I walked 2.25 mile in about 50 minutes...I guess thats not bad after about 5 hours of sleep last night (and the night before), working about 9.5 hours today, and having on the wrong shoes/exercise clothes.
I am very thankful that I wore my Sketcher Shape-Ups today though...I was contemplating wearing an off brand pair that I don't wear too often....they have sparkles on them, but are kinda uncomfortable. The Shape Ups need to be replaced, but like I said, it could have been worse.
I had to stop and call my beau...he was almost at the auto parts store and I noticed that the car keys were still here....he just came back and took off again.
Game plan for tomorrow if it doesn't work....I walk to work, my son walks to his work and my beau takes the bus. I can leave early and there shouldn't be too much traffic. Its a bit scary that there is no sidewalk and pretty much no shoulder on the road once I cross the main highway, I could tell the difference in my ankles on the bumpy grass.
At least there was is no excuse NOT to exercise when there isn't a choice, eh?
Monday, September 10, 2012
It has been a rough 3 weeks for me and I apologize for all the pity parties that I have posted on here. I am trying to work through all the other events going on in my life right now.
I am going to make a bigger effort to see the positives that are happening with my life.
My beau is there for me, every minute of every day, he is here and so far, he has not shrunken from the amount of tears on his shoulder....he gets extra brownie points for not running away either!
Even with all the stress and emotional meltdowns, I have not resorted to junk food and I have been active for 6/9 days so far this month. Jogging is getting somewhat physically easier, I am not sure if it will ever be EASY, per se, but I don't have anywhere near the amount of aches and pains that I did several weeks ago.
We finally had a cool front come through and it has me thinking about autumn, which is my absolute favorite time of year. Also, in October, one of my favorite tv shows will be back, I love AMC's 'Walking Dead'
I can't wait until Halloween, even though I have not seen a trick or treater in ages, I still love it.
I am taking my ankle and heel pain in stride and I have a doctor's appointment scheduled in a month and I am planning to ask him for help with my anxiety. Oh, and I decided to stop taking my Lipitor. Part of my decision comes from the fact that my cholesterol levels were just about normal when I had them checked last time and I had been off of it for a month...the other part is that I have less leg pains when I am not on it. I am also on a mission to take as few pills as possible. I am down to taking 1/2 of a pain pill in the morning along with 1 tylenol, and 1 naprosyn. In the evening, I take 1 pain pill.
I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought almost all healthy items, there was so much that I needed to stock up on. My son (who is 21) went with me and seems to be making a bit better choices in regards to eating healthier. He likes the quick and easy things to eat...who doesn't? But he does listen and we do compromise on what he gets. He lives in the next apartment building but eats most of his meals over here with us and is getting used to healthier food.
He asked about getting a pack of Oreos this week and I let him get them and reiterated portion size to him and we work on nutrition labels and what foods go into what categories...protein, carb, etc, and how much of each he should have a day. When he balks about not having a junky food, I tell him that he CAN have it, but he needs to watch the portion size and make it a treat, not a daily indulgence. I don't want to restrict him totally away from treats and such because I don't want him to end up on a binge.
My son and my beau have come to a solution to our room mate issue. As of the first of October, my son will be moving into our spare room and the room mate will be moving into his apartment. Since she has 2 kids on weekends, and a storage locker full of stuff, she needs more room. We will still help her out (a little bit) with rent and such, but only until December, after that, she is on her own...she is our age and should be able to get her act together by then. With my son here, it will help with my anxiety because I can deal better with having one of my children here vs. someone who is not related.
It will also help because I just don't think he is ready to take care of himself. His apartment is a wreck and I usually have to call and make sure he is up and showered for work. I will also be able to help him eat better and since he will be able to save up some money, he can get a membership at the gym with us soon. He likes going to the pool with us, but at $10.00 per session for a non member, it doesn't happen too often with as tight as money is lately. Right now, the pool is closed for resurfacing anyways so that gives him some time.
I have decided to just relax a bit at work, I will do the little bit of paperwork and such that I have been assigned to do and if they want me to do more, they will tell me, if they decide that I am no longer needed, well, there is really nothing that I can do about it and lets face it....I was looking for a job when I got that one. I thought I could get get some extra hours by cleaning up and sweeping and mopping on the weekends, but they hired someone to come in every 2 weeks...although if she thinks that it was bad in the 6 days it was let go from the last time that I did it, she will be in for a surprise with it going for 2 weeks. But thats how often she thinks it needs to be done, and I am taking the hint that they do not want me doing it, so I am not worrying about it any more.
I really appreciate all the feedback on my blogs, comments, and goodies that everyone has sent. They are much appreciated!
Friday, September 07, 2012
Apologies in advance....its another lengthy blog.
Another of THOSE days for me. It started out bad and it was one thing after another after another after....well, you get the idea!
Started off with a panic attack which was either accompanied by, or turned into an asthma episode, which turned into crappy breathing all day because I was upset all day.
A long day at work during which I found out that one of my uncles passed away yesterday/last night. I am still not clear on the details. I know he had cancer but I thought he went into remission awhile back.
He was actually a cousin-in-law of my dad's, but we all referred to him as uncle. He and his wife (dads cousin) always hosted the family reunion when we were growing up. I haven't seen him in ages, not only because that part of the family was extended family who lived in another state, but also because I live across the country now. The last time I saw any of the extended family was at my dad's funeral almost 7 years ago.
Sorry, my concentration has been terrible today....back on track.
His passing brought back so many memories from when I was growing up, going to the family reunion once a year was a HUGE deal for us! An entire weekend of controlled chaos, I would say that between adults and kids, it was probably in the neighborhood of a 100 or so people. Our family is so fun, all the kids bedded down in the basement, we would stay up and tell ghost stories, trying to scare the pants off each other. We would have to go upstairs to use the bathroom and the adults were usually up there doing their thing, everyone laughing and joking and a good bit of singing. We have several excellent singers in the family....I just don't happen to be one of them, lol!
We got goodies that we usually didn't get any other time...my dad was a single parent and while we always had what we needed....wants were another story. At the reunions, there was always pretzels, chips, soda, and dad would even get a pack of the little boxes of cereal for us for breakfast for the weekends....
Off track again.
My uncle Tom is at peace and I hope that peace will find my cousins and all of my family soon.
Things just got better and better at work (yep, that was sarcasm). I had an entire day of....you guessed it....still NOTHING to do at work. The only thing that I have been doing so far with the new company is sorting a bit of paperwork and putting it in folders to be taken to the main office. Myself and the lady at one of the other locations that was bought out went from being admin assistants to having a nice generic label of 'the secretary'. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to have a job and a paycheck, but I hate going to work (or anywhere for that matter) and not knowing what I am supposed to be doing, not contributing at all. Firstly, because I hate feeling useless....and secondly, because I feel like dead weight to the company, which scares me because dead weight gets the boot rather quickly.
I sat in the dispatch office all day today and read on my nook, played on my phone, and picked up the phone to help the dispatcher out....supposedly. Anyone who calls wants the dispatcher, not me who is unable to answer any of the questions because I do not work directly with the concrete, or the drivers, or the trucks, or the scheduling....I was doing payroll and employee scheduling before! So I answered the phones and turned my head and said 'James, line 1 holding for you...James, line two, etc...'
Everyone there is very laid back, everyone pokes fun at everyone and there is usually a good deal of cussing going on. When the sales manager got back from taking paperwork to the main office, he asked me how many locking cash bags I have on hand, I went to check and on the way back, I saw that my water, phone, and nook were in the main reception area. I asked him why he put my stuff out there and he smarted off to me.
Normally, it wouldn't bother me and I would have come back with a choice word or two for him....not so much today. I walked out and closed the door firmly behind me, grabbed my stuff and went into my office and shoved the door shut. I was even more upset because I over reacted and when he came in a few minutes later asking why I was slamming things around (my door is NEVER closed, but I had enough today), I have no clue what my face looked like because he apologized up one side and down the other and I busted out crying.
I HATE crying at work! He closed my door behind him and asked what was wrong....he always drags it out of me when I am upset. So I let him have it. None of it is work related, but he asked for it.
A lot of the panic is coming from the fact that we are late on our bills this month, which I also blabbed out to him. Then he asked me what the date was and I told him and in between gasping for air, asked if I was getting a raise in a week because it is 1 year since my 'official' hire date with the company that was just bought out.
Real nice. Here I am, not doing a damn thing that is productive, boohoo-ing my personal crap at work, slamming doors, crying like a little girl with a skinned knee....and asking for a raise. I am embarrassed of how I acted and over-reacted and wouldn't be surprised at all if I was shown the other side of the door.
To top it all off...when I get upset, aka crying, I usually don't eat. I ate pretty poorly today, my choices were good, but I am most likely pretty far below my minimum cals.
So, no eating, no exercise, no nothing except for waiting for my pain pill to kick in so I can go sleep and not have to deal with anything else today.
If anyone has read this far, thank you for hanging in there and I apologize for what feels like a pity party, but if I don't get it out, I feel like I will explode.
I promise I will get back to my normal self soon.
Monday, September 03, 2012
My mantra for today.
Thank you to everyone who posted support/suggestion on my last blog re: the room mate.
Unfortunately, I am a very non-confrontational (albeit passive-aggressive!) person.
Venting is one of the ways that I use to get rid of some of the stress that I would otherwise hold inside...trying to deal with my stress in a healthy way is one of my goals.
My beau and I will work on the situation here....oh, and btw, I read all of your replies to him! He thanks you all for support as well!
I did work today, since it was a holiday and nothing much to do, I got off around 12:30 this afternoon. On the way home, there was a turned over semi blocking the road that leads into my neighborhood...it was there at 7am and one of the guys said it was there at 6am when he passed by as well. When I came home this afternoon, there was another truck there, and they were unloading the semi's trailer. I guess he was full and they couldn't right the truck until it was lighter.
What on Earth it was doing turning into my neighborhood, I have no clue, it is all residential back here and the only other way out is all residential and very narrow streets with 5 or 6 90 degree turns so I don't think he was trying to cut through either.
They finally got it cleaned up somewhere near 4 this afternoon...I hope the driver was ok and that there were no other vehicles involved.
I had kind of a letdown since I got off work early because the gym was only open until noon today (because of the holiday).
Oh, and they sent out a notice that the pool will be closed for about 3 weeks for resurfacing....2 weeks if ya don't mind swimming in non-heated water! They said the draining and repairing will take a couple of weeks and that it will take approximately another week to get it back up to swim-able temp, but anyone who wishes to use it with cold water is more than welcome, lol...that won't be me thats for sure!
On a lighter note, I took the chance to check out some of our other games on the Kinect...I beat the computer to death on boxing a few times and also floated my raft on the rapids collecting coins a couple of times too, both games were awesomely fun, but on the raft one, you have to jump....well, every time I jumped, my t shirt would pull up some and my jeans sagged down, while that stupid Kinect was taking pictures! Lets just say there are more than a couple pics that I need to figure out how to delete off of there! Haha! Nothing indecent....just embarrassingly silly!
My beau was my own personal cheerleader! I told him that I didn't see any pompoms or skirt, hehe!
I messed about on the Kinect for about an hour and while it was fun, I really need to find some sort of ST that I enjoy...when the gym is closed anyways, at the gym they have LOTS of ST stuff that I like!
I have also gotten myself hooked on the BBC sci-fi show Torchwood. Its a spin-off of Dr Who...which is what I am watching right now, beau is trying to see if I am as interested in it as I am Torchwood. So far its....meh, its ok. Dr Who is a bit....cheesier, lol!
I am kinda picky about my sci-fi I guess!
Although...I did actually recommend going to a Comic-con! For one....John Barrowman (he plays Capt. Jack on Torchwood) was at Dragon-Con this weekend, and one of my favorite authors, Laurell K. Hamilton frequents the Comic-Cons also!
So...all in all, I am feeling better today, worked out 2/3 days this month (missed the 1st), and working on gettin my geek-girl on!
Sunday, September 02, 2012
1- Complete 1500+ minutes of fitness.
I fell WAY short of this With only 767 minutes. I had 13 days of missed opportunities in August. 13 days of NO exercise other than my normal errands/chores. I am NOT happy with myself on this one.
I am renewing this goal for September. I made it more than halfway with less than half of my days unused.
2- Lose 10 pounds.
6 pounds total...I am actually ok with this.
More than half and I think 10 pounds in 4 weeks is a bit of a reach for my body. I have always averaged 1-2 pounds a week. I think an appropriate change will be 7 lbs.
3- Lose 2 more inches from my waist.
I lost 1 inch...I'll take it!
The goal is still 2 inches for September!
I am still trying to deal with frustrations in my life.
For whatever reason, I get so irritated when people don't try as hard as I do. I don't ask anyone to do things that I would not do myself. (except kill spiders and other assorted creepies....but thats another blog!)
I thought about things today when I had some quiet time to myself. Weekends are hard for me...not in the physical sense, well, kinda physical...its hard to 'splain. Maybe I take things too personally, I dunno.
I am working my butt off...literally.
I have been working overtime and dealing with things at work, most times, I come home and have to make supper, IF our room mate cooks, I usually need to cook something healthier to eat. Then, most of the time, I pick up around the apartment and usually I do the dishes because I get tired of looking at them.
I know that I have had some unused (aka un-exercised) days last month, but I managed to get a fair amount in.
I go to bed around 11pm if I am lucky.
My beau has a new job and is physically not able to do housework and will not be able to until we can afford his surgery/gets health insurance. My son is working too and should be able to make all his own bills this month and is in his own apartment. He does help me out if I ask, but I generally don't because he is working full time and lives by himself.
Our room mate works part time, and is thinking of quitting her job because they are 'rude' to her. We are lucky if she gives us 100 a month. (Our deal when she moved in was 300 a month which is about 1/3 of the bills). She does get foodstamps but usually spends it on items that we don't eat. Usually ice cream, milk, chips, koolaid, etc...I spent between 80-120 a week on healthy food, for myself, my beau, my son, her, and her kids when they are here. My beau even bought me a smaller fridge to keep the healthy stuff in because I cannot find things in the big one with all the crap in there.
She does do housework....but only if I make a big deal about dragging myself up to do it or if my beau says something to her about it. She generally sleeps until mid afternoon because she is up all night watching Netflix (which I pay for)
Some of this would not be a big deal, because we would be spending the money anyways, such as internet and Netflix....but I shouldn't have to ask for her help IMO!
She complains about wanting to lose weight, but when I point things out about her diet, she shrugs and does what she wants anyways. I hate when people say they want advice/help and then ignore it.
I suggested to her today that both Sonic and Wendy's are hiring and she told me about how she was up til 4am putting her resume online for manager positions and the TSA and etc...and totally blew me and my fast food suggestion off.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to work in a fast food place, BUT I WOULD IF I HAD TO! If it came down to me working in fast food and me not being able to pitch in and pay my way....all I have to say is 'You want fries with that?'
SOOOO, what happens is that on Sundays...and some Saturdays too (or when I am off of work due to an impending hurricane!) , I have a 'nap'. Today, I got up at 6, puttered around for a bit, made breakfast...then it hit me. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I crawled back into bed and stayed there until 1:30 this afternoon.
I know that I don't get a whole lot of rest during the week and part of it is partly my body trying to catch up....but part of it is also that I am unhappy with the situation at home. When I get overly stressed, my depression builds up. When my depression builds up, I sleep.
Which also upsets me as I have worked hard on myself to be medication free and have been med free for about 4 years now.is is the second time that my beau and I have helped someone out and been taken advantage of.
It makes me resentful and sadly, this will most likely be the last time that we ever help someone out with a place to live who is not family. Which also upsets me that it only took 2 people to make that change in me. I am a giving and caring person but will not take the chance again on someone taking advantage.
I am sure that my beau and I will help others out in the future, but it will be in other ways.
Now....I am off to stretch and get my behind and all my aches and pains out the door for tonight's jog before it gets dark!
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