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Amongst Other Things....The Fight.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Isaac made landfall in the wee hours of this morning. I have a few friends and aquaintences in NOLA and Baton Rouge areas and was able to check in with them via text and/or FB this morning. They are all doing ok, one of the girls that I worked 'with' before the big changeover at work happened still has power and the only damage so far is to the fence at her home.
My first husbands mother lives in Florida and I found out that when the power went out there when Isaac came through, she tripped in the dark and broke her hand. Hoping she heals quickly.
I am glad that that is the extent of damage sustained so far to some of the people in my life. I am keeping the rest of the area in my thoughts and prayers and hoping that Isaac gets unstuck and moves along and dissipates quickly.

Meanwhile in Lafayette, we haven't seen much at all...and being myself, I am more worried about the day off work that I had today than having to drive in the rain. I get paid hourly, which means of course that, if I don't work, I don't get paid. We are trying to keep afloat of the bills only on my paychecks. I am just hoping that my son's first full paycheck will be enough to pay his rent this month. My beau has not yet gotten paid from his new job and it will be a few weeks before he builds up enough commission to get a really good check. I did drive to work this morning to see if anyone showed up...as things are this week, I am at a standstill with what I can do until the sales manager gets a couple of reports done for me to be able to move my paperwork along. I came home this morning because no one was at work...in fact, pretty much no one was out on the road at all today! And we didn't even get any weather today!
Not that I want weather, but it stresses me to miss work right now with as stretched as my paychecks are.
I am going in tomorrow even if no one shows up. If I have to sit there for 8 hours and twiddle my thumbs, so be it. One of the things they told us with the new company was that the drivers have a 30 hour guaranteed pay...and they said that even if for whatever reason they can't drive on a certain day....if they show up to work, they get paid.
If I can't get my paperwork done tomorrow, I can go in and clean up the office, there is sweeping and mopping and vacuuming to be done!

Today feels like such a waste of a day, since I moved my jogging day up, today was an off day. I did get my laundry done and cleaned up my kitchen, but other than that, I slept....pretty much all day. I think I laid down on the sofa at 12 or 1 and didn't get up until 5 or so.
I think part of it was because I have been stressed out lately and not sleeping well at all at night, but part of it was because I was bored. I never know quite what to do with myself when I am not at work!

Oh! On my jogging yesterday....
After I got ready to go and stretched out and put my shoes on, I noticed that my feet, ankles, and knee were all actually pain-free all at the same time...weird.
We went out and jogged 4 intervals at 60 seconds each because I decided to restart my c25k program. When my Nike app told me that I hit one mile, it also gave me a pace of 18'41 per mile.
Right after that, it was time for my cooldown walk.... evidently, I slowed down a LOT because I ended up with a pace of 19'13 for the whole walk.

After we got home and I was stretching out, the endorphins hit back and I cried, then I got upset because I want so badly for my times to improve and realized that I was thinking that I was slow because of the pains in my knee/ankles/feet...but what I was feeling when I was jogging this time was MY WEIGHT! Even though I have dropped 21 pounds and my jeans are hanging off of me, I am STILL 289 pounds. I thought that dropping 20 pounds would make it a lot easier, but all I have found so far is that I still have a LONG way to go!

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that I have accomplished a LOT, and I KNOW that it was hard work and I am PROUD of myself for what I have done so far.
Although I will eventually dig my smaller clothes out, right now I am loving the feeling of my jeans bagging and wrinkling up around my waist, groin, and thighs, because it is a constant reminder of what I have already done!

My beau keeps telling me that if I don't want to keep up with the jogging, that its ok, we can stick with the gym and the pool...But I DO want it, I have dreams of running. I don't know what has changed in me, why this is something that I not only want, but its something that I need. I don't know why, it just is and if I don't keep at it....I don't know, I'm scared to NOT do this, I am afraid of failing myself, of letting myself down.

All I know is that whatever it was that changed in my mind, in my way of thinking, happened around the same time that my beau begged me to please work on my stress levels and to start venting my stresses and aggravations before it killed me.

While I might not know how much time I have left, none of us know for sure...if my time comes tomorrow, I want to go fighting.
I'm fighting to regain mobility.
Fighting to not be a prisoner in my own body, a slave to my aches and pains.
Fighting against what I physically cannot do right now.
Fighting to be a better example.
Fighting to give my beau and my family and friends the best possible 'Me' that I can give to them.
Fighting for what I want.
Fighting for what I need.
Fighting for what I DESERVE.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACQUEBO 9/1/2012 10:49AM

    Keep that fighting spirit. It will take you far. I was fortunate that I didn't have to miss any work, even though we didn't have racing on Wed night. we did have a draw in the morning so I still got my time in.
As for jogging, I don't. I will walk and eventually I will run, but I won't jog. My knees are bad and have been since I was young, and not overweight. It just hurts too bad. If you are able to jog that is great and if it is what helps your stress levels then by all means keep it up. Don't however beat yourself up if you aren't up to the standard that you think you should be, it will come when it comes. Go out do your jogging/walking and enjoy it. I think that is what you started it for. Just remember that no matter how slow you are going, you are still lapping the people who are just sitting there.

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GINNJEN1974 8/31/2012 6:34AM

    Stick with it. This is a fight that you are sure to win.

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POSITIVELY_EB 8/30/2012 2:31PM

    Glad you are OK!!! Keep working towards your goals! Your determination is AWESOME and you inspire me!


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    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RRBSKI 8/30/2012 11:44AM

    Whew!!! I was worried about ya..glad to hear you haven't been in the brunt of Isaac. You're sounding strong girl, proud of ya. Wishing you BUNCHES of overtime, strong knees, and continued strength..all the best.

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TRACYZABELLE 8/30/2012 2:14AM

    Keep fighting!!

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KAREN608 8/30/2012 12:20AM

    I hope they pay you for going in to work, people need income.
As to jogging, I am at 260 weight, and my chiropractor told me that jogging or running multiplies the weight somehow and for me not to jog while heavy. For a while I had a heel spur or cyst on one heel that got more painful then one day when it was unbearable .... disappeared after six months of my limping around. You do what you want since it makes you happy. I'm glad you can jog. My body isn't up to it yet but someday, I too, will jog!!!! I just have back problems and need to pace myself... I need the weight down some more first then, to move faster. I am more flexible now. One step at a time.

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LADYPIXEL 8/30/2012 12:11AM

    You can do this. You really, really can. I've lost a tremendous amount of weight (close to 100lbs -- it'd been over 100, but I did gain some back), and while I have bad knees and that won't change, I'm still about to do a 5k with a minimum pace of a 16-minute mile, and I'm proud of that. Keep pushing forward, and you'll get there yourself -- doing 18 and 17 minute miles right now is fantastic!

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Finnegan Begin Again!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Bonus point if you have seen that movie!
I swear that I am either stuck, or have bad karma of some such thing! Since I have started the program, I have had asthma attacks, panic attacks, twinged my knee, twisted my ankle, fallen in a hole, lost a pet, made a huge job transition, struggled to eat enough and/or eaten too much, ripped all the skin from my knee, and in about 6 weeks, I haven't made it past week two!

I made the decision to start over and progress the weeks like I should be doing and jogged w1d1 on Sunday and what is headed this way? Hurricane Isaac!

I would like to make a polite request to the universe to hold off the gale force wind and sideways rain until after my w1d2 tomorrow evening, thank you very much!!!!!

*drags the good karma fairy out of her hiding place*


Now get back to work!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSITIVELY_EB 8/28/2012 8:35PM

    OUCH!!! Keep moving forward! After Plan A, B, C, D, and E, you still have the rest of the alphabet!


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RRBSKI 8/28/2012 11:52AM

    All the best with Isaac...

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KAREN608 8/28/2012 12:36AM

    Well, reading your post, I thought about the obstacles in my life, which have slowed me down lately, yet I am not totally out of the race, just coasting. Thin people have awful days, and tragic things happen to them so I guess I need better coping skills! That fairy was very sweet. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it so let's keep at this. Begin as many times as it takes!

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KNEEMAKER 8/27/2012 10:54PM


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IREN0169 8/27/2012 10:31PM

    emoticon. Each day is a new journey, do what you can and never give up!

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Found it.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Things are a little calmer at work and / or I am starting to adjust to all the changes and stress.
I also weighed myself this morning, my official weigh day is tomorrow, but it looks like I was able to flush out the salt and garbage and will come in with my usual -1 pound. At this point, I will take it because I thought I might end up with a gain. I'll weigh in the morning and get my measurements and track it all in the morning.

My beau and I went to watch a 5k this evening. It was the Run Through The Jungle 1 mile fun run and 5k.
All of the proceeds went to the Miles Perret Cancer Services.

It was raining on and off today, but by the time we got to the park, it had stopped but it was still VERY cloudy. All those low fast moving clouds kept it cool but definitely promised more rain.

As we sat there listening to the music and people-watching (one of my favorite activities), I found myself commenting on shoes and watching the runners stretching out....I felt it. a little tingle in my chest.

I saw people stretching out in ways that I had not thought of, but will be trying out, a guy in a bright yellow tee was 'skipping' along and I told my beau that I didn't think I would be skipping around any time soon...I hadn't skipped since grade school, lol, he informed me that the guy was merely doing knee lifts...which I could see just fine, but it still looks like skipping to me, hehe!

A super skinny....well, I thought it was a girl, but later turned out to be a guy when I got a closer look at the finish line was running sideways while warming up, looking as light as air.

We also saw several in-shape, thirty-somethings strutting around. I made mental notes on who I thought would finish quickly, who would come in mid-pack, and who might struggle a bit.

Then an older man in orange shorts jogged (slowly) past us and I could have cried. He was doing just what I want to do. His body language seemed quite guarded, like he may have back problems or something of the sort. But the look on his face, nothing but confidence.

I had to look away and do a bit of deep breathing to keep myself from crying....it was finally back....my spark. It is little, but it's back!
Why would I identify with this older man? I have no idea, but I did.
I have no idea who he is, but if I see him again, I will be able to recognize him and will definitely have the courage to ask him.

After the starting gun went off the super skinny guy shot into the lead and it was mesmerizing to see the rest of the pack moving all together. After they all passed where we were sitting, we walked to the other side of the field so we could see where they came out of the woods and ran diagonally across the field before going back into the woods.

After that, we went back across the field and waited by the finish line. The really skinny guy came in first with a time of 15 minutes. I think the next few were within 2 minutes of that.
I was surprised that some of the people that I thought would do better didn't and some that I thought might have trouble did better.

Yes, it started raining...its Louisiana, after all! It didn't rain hard though, just a light sprinkle. I am glad I brought the umbrella because the sprinkles were covering my glasses. There were a few people that came in two at a time and sprinting like mad to the end!

There were 3 little boys that ran 5k as well, they were maybe 8-ish years old...2 of them came in around 25 minutes and the third one was closer to 35 minutes.
Most people left when their runner or runners finished, but we stayed and clapped for everyone! We saw the older man coming out of the woods at around 38 minutes, by this time the only ones at the last stretch were my beau, myself, one of the other runners, and one of the volunteers.
They took the clock down at 45 minutes, just before he made his last turn and headed down the final stretch, which upset me a little because he was almost there! He never stopped though, he glanced around at his audience of 4 and made it over the finish line and raised his arms!

I think I am going to restart my program and work on just moving forward each week and getting myself where I want to be instead of lagging on each week until I find a comfortable rut.

One step and then the next gets you where you're going.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HALINHALF 8/26/2012 2:24AM

    That was a great read! I'm sad to see that they took the timer down before the guy finished, however I'm glad to see that he finished. I am astounded by the first guy's time, 15 minutes is incredible, it took me a minute longer to run a mile in early July.

I hope you continue on with your "it" and emoticon, good luck! :-)

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KAREN608 8/25/2012 2:07PM

    It's great that the older runner is the one that taught the lesson of doing one's best more than the thin gazelle-like winner. So glad your spark has returned, I better stand aside and let you through!

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POSITIVELY_EB 8/25/2012 12:16PM

    emoticon It's interesting, isn't it, what ignites that spark! Good for you! And thank you for staying until the end of the race!!!


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JACQUEBO 8/25/2012 11:56AM

    I'm glad you've found a glimmer of the spark again, now fan it into a full blown flame. It sounds like you've got yourself working on a plan. Let me know if I can help in any way.
Congratulations to the man who didn't quit.

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RRBSKI 8/25/2012 5:46AM

    Great Blog!!!! Hat's off to the old timer...blood n guts. Glad to hear the Sparks getting hotter. Have a great weekend.

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Having trouble finding 'IT' again.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I am tired. I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired.

Last week was a long week at work. The sale of the company I work for finalized. Last week was a whirlwind of trying to get paperwork done. I worked 50+ hours last week, with no breaks I might add.
Monday was payroll day, no break but I ate like I was supposed to. I caught up my previous weeks paperwork and tried to get HR stuff pulled, copied, and put into folders for the new HR people.

Tuesday I spent 3 hours in a meeting with the new HR girls. I managed to avoid the doughnuts that someone bought, but caved in and ate a sausage breakfast burrito...when I put it in my tracker later, I could have cried. It was 300 calories!!!! How did they manage to get that many calories into something I ate in like 4 bites!
Lunch came around and pizza was ordered. I ate 2 slices. I somehow managed to stay within calories for the day..

Wednesday, HR was back out and fried chicken was ordered for lunch. I only ate one piece and a few fries for lunch. No breakfast, no morning or afternoon snack. Within two days all the drivers, salesmen, dispatchers, mechanics, myself, and 1 manager were properly paperworked, pee tested, and processed into our new company. 43 in all....I think its 43 anyways!

Only ran my c25k on Sunday and Tuesday. Tried to work some of the fast food off my behind on Wednesday, and thats the evening that we lost our ferret and I fell on the side of the road and hurt my knee and ankle. Perfect excuse to do nothing Thursday.

Speaking of Thursday, another long day at work, its getting to crunch time now. Stopped at BK for lunch.

Friday...got everything wrapped up at work. Ended up just under 50 hours for the week....went out to dinner. Chinese buffet. I worked hard and made better choices, but still no exercise at this point. Saturday, worked an hour and a half which will get me some nice overtime on my check.
We had to go out to Baton Rouge so my beau could get his testing done for his insurance license....peanut butter crackers from the vending machine for a snack and Greek food for lunch.

I MADE myself go walk on Sunday. We walked 3.10 miles in an hour (snail pace) I told my beau that I didn't WANT to go, but I NEEDED to go. I wasn't excited, I want to sit on the couch, I want to go to bed, I want more junk food.

The only plus to all this is that I can't eat the sheer amount that I used to. I think its the only thing saving my weight. I lost nothing last week, I am just glad that I didn't gain.
Today was another busy day at work, I actually hit McDonald's, Not only did I eat a double fish sandwich, but I ate fries as well.

I am feeling miserable. I am bloated, my fingers and toes are swelled up from the salt. I dragged myself to the pool today but only manged to walk out a half mile in there. My legs...no, not just my legs...my whole body feels fatigued. My spark is barely there. I'm afraid to actually not try for one day because I can feel the "I'll do it later's" looming, you know....
"I'll do it later, when I have time."
"I'll do it later, when I don't hurt."
"I'll do it later, when I get around to it."
"I'll do it later, when I feel better."

That "Later" never happens for me.
Now instead of fighting to lost that one measley little pound that I have been getting each week. I am fighting just to get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING.

We don't have internet at work yet, the new network is just thrown together, and evidently, me spending time on SP is not high on the to-do list.

I want to let y'all know, that even though I haven't been able to leave comments on the blogs and message boards, I have been trying to read them on my phone, but replying is difficult.

My beginning is close....just trying to reach it again.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 8/26/2012 3:11PM

    emoticon emoticon

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KAREN608 8/23/2012 12:16AM

    I hope you get good rest, and I wish I could give you a new 'SPARK' plug, because your engine has been misfiring for you lately... but your job sure has you stressed out yet.

Comment edited on: 8/23/2012 12:16:32 AM

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GETSALONG 8/22/2012 12:41PM


i love what he said... wish i could dump gas on your spark!!! never thought of it that way but that's exactly what we need, eh, when our spark flickers & threatens to blow out... which mine has... all too many times...

but i hear the frustration in your voice and underneath the desire even too... hold onto that and just keep taking the little baby steps you can manage each day... you don't have to do it all at once... each meal, each snack, each chance to get up, stretch and move is a choice you can make to nourish yourself, to pamper yourself, to help yourself feel better emotionally & physically....

and it sounds like you're going through some major, top5 type life stress at work (aka job change) ~ these always trigger chaos in us and take time to regroup and get a new balance & routine going but you will. You are strong, you are capable, you are smart and talented and you can do this... it may be hard but you CAN do hard!!! and you'll get it all going again! Have faith & trust the process... Choose to believe... u r worth it!!!

(((hugs))) jules

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JACQUEBO 8/22/2012 11:24AM

    Lots of good advice on here for you. I'll just say that I'm here if you want to try and change things up. Maybe we can meet on a couple of my days off and walk together or something. Let me know how I can help.

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SUKIE40 8/22/2012 9:32AM

    Girl - you are not alone!!! Your blog is so similar to my situation its scary! lol We get stuck in routine, bad habits. It is so much easier and cheaper to grab fast food. And just because we only eat a small fry we think we are doing something good. I make up all the same excuses as you and actually talk myself out of exercising or eating healthier - its always "I will do better tomorrow".

One thing that helps me is to focus more on the positive things I did that day and not the negative. Instead of saying I ate a sausage burrito for breakfast I focus on that I drank more water that day. It does help to keep the motivation going.

Take it one day at a time and focus on the positive and remember no matter how many times we go off track the most important thing is that we continue the journey!

-Sue emoticon

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RRBSKI 8/22/2012 4:14AM

    Sure wish I could dump some gas on your Spark...frustrating with only a keyboard. All I can say is when it was really glowing you sure sounded happy. You've made lots of progress....close your eyes, take 3 deep breaths and remember the reasons you have for wanting to "Spark".....VISUALIZE....how happy you felt each time you did one little thing towards accomplishing your goal. "To Spark or not to Spark" that is the question...I've got faith in ya girl. Down times pass...as do the good times....just gotta tread water in between. You can do it, I know you can. And to coin a phrase my baby sister used on me more times than I care to admit..."I'm gonna tell Dad on you." We're here for ya girl and so proud of the gains you've made, let's build on em. All the best.

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POSITIVELY_EB 8/21/2012 11:06PM

    First of all, emoticon! It's so hard when, for what ever reason, we lose the spark. I've done it several times since joining SP 4 years ago. I'll be honest! It takes work to get it back again - BUT it can be done! If you can't get BACK to what you were doing before, then maybe it's time to change things up a bit. Try some different moves, find some new recipes to try, whatever works to bring it back! Give yourself credit for what you've done so far! You've come a long way (baby - as the song goes!)! Celebrate what you've done and keep moving forward!


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Well...thats done.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Hi everyone!
It has been an exceedingly long week for me. A lot of stress and many bumps in the way.

Today was my last day with my company and Monday we start for the new owners. This week has just been totally crazy. I cannot believe it myself when I think of just how much paperwork that I processed through today! I do not mind big projects in the least...its doing all the teeny tiny things that irritate me!

I got a lovely email from one of my supervisors telling me how much she appreciated me 'working my a$$ off' and I thanked her for the opportunities she gave me when she hired me. She wrote back saying that if I ever moved out to that area, and needed a job, she would hire me again in a heartbeat and to keep in touch with her.

I appreciate feedback of any sort and I am a bit of an attention-princess at times. It was even more appreciated because I know how busy this week is for her too and she took time out to write me a personal email.

I am not happy about how my diet went this week, but I am being 100 percent honest when I say that I didn't have time to do it right. I skipped a lot of meals at work, and when I wasn't skipping meals, I was skipping snacks. And veggies were all but nonexistent this week.

No working out tonight either due to being at work for 11 hours with no break, and nothing to eat between noon and 6:30 and by the time I got home, we just decided to go out to eat. The place we wanted to go was packed with a 25 minute waiting time for a table, so we ended up hitting the chinese buffet.
I will say that although I overate, I did much better than usual and since I didn't have a chance to eat much today, I was probably still within calories. Chinese buffet is such a huge trigger for me! I had one trip to the buffet for a little of my favorites, and one trip to the salad bar. I figured that if my head was screaming for me to take another trip up there...it was getting salad! S, I ate salad and now feel stuffed to the eyeballs. We made a trip to GameStop and then to Walmart before we had to pick up my son and the walking helped settle things some.

I am feeling very full and satisfied, both with Chinese food and the satisfaction of knowing that I did a great job at work today....all week for that matter! Heck....make that for the last couple of weeks!

Tomorrow, my beau and I go out to Baton Rouge for his insurance license testing so he can start his new job Monday, so I am doubting that I will get any exercising done tomorrow either.

Sooooo, Sunday is it for me, back on track, back on food plan, back on tracking cals, and back on jogging!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RRBSKI 8/18/2012 2:02PM

    Glad to hear you survived the company changeover...well done. BTW, when I was driving trucks cross country I spent a lot of time down your way. TA in Lafayette and hauled chemicals out of PPG in Lake Charles...always had to stop for some good cajun food. Have a great weekend.

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POSITIVELY_EB 8/18/2012 11:25AM

    Glad you made it through the week!


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ADARKARA 8/18/2012 8:20AM

    I'm so glad to hear your beau got a new job. I know you were worried.

I hope working under the new company will be smooth sailing for you, although there are sure to be a few bumps in the beginning as everyone adjusts.

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KAREN608 8/17/2012 11:54PM

    Glad you made it through your tough week, and can get back on track soon. Those long days! You are an amazing employee.

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AMBERDUNN 8/17/2012 11:32PM

    Sounds like you have really been working some crazy hours. It is awesome that you are allowing yourself a break on not being 100% on with your plan and that you already have made your mind up to get back to it on Sunday.


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