Thursday, August 30, 2012
Isaac made landfall in the wee hours of this morning. I have a few friends and aquaintences in NOLA and Baton Rouge areas and was able to check in with them via text and/or FB this morning. They are all doing ok, one of the girls that I worked 'with' before the big changeover at work happened still has power and the only damage so far is to the fence at her home.
My first husbands mother lives in Florida and I found out that when the power went out there when Isaac came through, she tripped in the dark and broke her hand. Hoping she heals quickly.
I am glad that that is the extent of damage sustained so far to some of the people in my life. I am keeping the rest of the area in my thoughts and prayers and hoping that Isaac gets unstuck and moves along and dissipates quickly.
Meanwhile in Lafayette, we haven't seen much at all...and being myself, I am more worried about the day off work that I had today than having to drive in the rain. I get paid hourly, which means of course that, if I don't work, I don't get paid. We are trying to keep afloat of the bills only on my paychecks. I am just hoping that my son's first full paycheck will be enough to pay his rent this month. My beau has not yet gotten paid from his new job and it will be a few weeks before he builds up enough commission to get a really good check. I did drive to work this morning to see if anyone showed up...as things are this week, I am at a standstill with what I can do until the sales manager gets a couple of reports done for me to be able to move my paperwork along. I came home this morning because no one was at work...in fact, pretty much no one was out on the road at all today! And we didn't even get any weather today!
Not that I want weather, but it stresses me to miss work right now with as stretched as my paychecks are.
I am going in tomorrow even if no one shows up. If I have to sit there for 8 hours and twiddle my thumbs, so be it. One of the things they told us with the new company was that the drivers have a 30 hour guaranteed pay...and they said that even if for whatever reason they can't drive on a certain day....if they show up to work, they get paid.
If I can't get my paperwork done tomorrow, I can go in and clean up the office, there is sweeping and mopping and vacuuming to be done!
Today feels like such a waste of a day, since I moved my jogging day up, today was an off day. I did get my laundry done and cleaned up my kitchen, but other than that, I slept....pretty much all day. I think I laid down on the sofa at 12 or 1 and didn't get up until 5 or so.
I think part of it was because I have been stressed out lately and not sleeping well at all at night, but part of it was because I was bored. I never know quite what to do with myself when I am not at work!
Oh! On my jogging yesterday....
After I got ready to go and stretched out and put my shoes on, I noticed that my feet, ankles, and knee were all actually pain-free all at the same time...weird.
We went out and jogged 4 intervals at 60 seconds each because I decided to restart my c25k program. When my Nike app told me that I hit one mile, it also gave me a pace of 18'41 per mile.
Right after that, it was time for my cooldown walk.... evidently, I slowed down a LOT because I ended up with a pace of 19'13 for the whole walk.
After we got home and I was stretching out, the endorphins hit back and I cried, then I got upset because I want so badly for my times to improve and realized that I was thinking that I was slow because of the pains in my knee/ankles/feet...but what I was feeling when I was jogging this time was MY WEIGHT! Even though I have dropped 21 pounds and my jeans are hanging off of me, I am STILL 289 pounds. I thought that dropping 20 pounds would make it a lot easier, but all I have found so far is that I still have a LONG way to go!
Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that I have accomplished a LOT, and I KNOW that it was hard work and I am PROUD of myself for what I have done so far.
Although I will eventually dig my smaller clothes out, right now I am loving the feeling of my jeans bagging and wrinkling up around my waist, groin, and thighs, because it is a constant reminder of what I have already done!
My beau keeps telling me that if I don't want to keep up with the jogging, that its ok, we can stick with the gym and the pool...But I DO want it, I have dreams of running. I don't know what has changed in me, why this is something that I not only want, but its something that I need. I don't know why, it just is and if I don't keep at it....I don't know, I'm scared to NOT do this, I am afraid of failing myself, of letting myself down.
All I know is that whatever it was that changed in my mind, in my way of thinking, happened around the same time that my beau begged me to please work on my stress levels and to start venting my stresses and aggravations before it killed me.
While I might not know how much time I have left, none of us know for sure...if my time comes tomorrow, I want to go fighting.
I'm fighting to regain mobility.
Fighting to not be a prisoner in my own body, a slave to my aches and pains.
Fighting against what I physically cannot do right now.
Fighting to be a better example.
Fighting to give my beau and my family and friends the best possible 'Me' that I can give to them.
Fighting for what I want.
Fighting for what I need.
Fighting for what I DESERVE.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Bonus point if you have seen that movie!
I swear that I am either stuck, or have bad karma of some such thing! Since I have started the program, I have had asthma attacks, panic attacks, twinged my knee, twisted my ankle, fallen in a hole, lost a pet, made a huge job transition, struggled to eat enough and/or eaten too much, ripped all the skin from my knee, and in about 6 weeks, I haven't made it past week two!
I made the decision to start over and progress the weeks like I should be doing and jogged w1d1 on Sunday and what is headed this way? Hurricane Isaac!
I would like to make a polite request to the universe to hold off the gale force wind and sideways rain until after my w1d2 tomorrow evening, thank you very much!!!!!
*drags the good karma fairy out of her hiding place*
Now get back to work!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Things are a little calmer at work and / or I am starting to adjust to all the changes and stress.
I also weighed myself this morning, my official weigh day is tomorrow, but it looks like I was able to flush out the salt and garbage and will come in with my usual -1 pound. At this point, I will take it because I thought I might end up with a gain. I'll weigh in the morning and get my measurements and track it all in the morning.
My beau and I went to watch a 5k this evening. It was the Run Through The Jungle 1 mile fun run and 5k.
All of the proceeds went to the Miles Perret Cancer Services.
It was raining on and off today, but by the time we got to the park, it had stopped but it was still VERY cloudy. All those low fast moving clouds kept it cool but definitely promised more rain.
As we sat there listening to the music and people-watching (one of my favorite activities), I found myself commenting on shoes and watching the runners stretching out....I felt it. a little tingle in my chest.
I saw people stretching out in ways that I had not thought of, but will be trying out, a guy in a bright yellow tee was 'skipping' along and I told my beau that I didn't think I would be skipping around any time soon...I hadn't skipped since grade school, lol, he informed me that the guy was merely doing knee lifts...which I could see just fine, but it still looks like skipping to me, hehe!
A super skinny....well, I thought it was a girl, but later turned out to be a guy when I got a closer look at the finish line was running sideways while warming up, looking as light as air.
We also saw several in-shape, thirty-somethings strutting around. I made mental notes on who I thought would finish quickly, who would come in mid-pack, and who might struggle a bit.
Then an older man in orange shorts jogged (slowly) past us and I could have cried. He was doing just what I want to do. His body language seemed quite guarded, like he may have back problems or something of the sort. But the look on his face, nothing but confidence.
I had to look away and do a bit of deep breathing to keep myself from crying....it was finally back....my spark. It is little, but it's back!
Why would I identify with this older man? I have no idea, but I did.
I have no idea who he is, but if I see him again, I will be able to recognize him and will definitely have the courage to ask him.
After the starting gun went off the super skinny guy shot into the lead and it was mesmerizing to see the rest of the pack moving all together. After they all passed where we were sitting, we walked to the other side of the field so we could see where they came out of the woods and ran diagonally across the field before going back into the woods.
After that, we went back across the field and waited by the finish line. The really skinny guy came in first with a time of 15 minutes. I think the next few were within 2 minutes of that.
I was surprised that some of the people that I thought would do better didn't and some that I thought might have trouble did better.
Yes, it started raining...its Louisiana, after all! It didn't rain hard though, just a light sprinkle. I am glad I brought the umbrella because the sprinkles were covering my glasses. There were a few people that came in two at a time and sprinting like mad to the end!
There were 3 little boys that ran 5k as well, they were maybe 8-ish years old...2 of them came in around 25 minutes and the third one was closer to 35 minutes.
Most people left when their runner or runners finished, but we stayed and clapped for everyone! We saw the older man coming out of the woods at around 38 minutes, by this time the only ones at the last stretch were my beau, myself, one of the other runners, and one of the volunteers.
They took the clock down at 45 minutes, just before he made his last turn and headed down the final stretch, which upset me a little because he was almost there! He never stopped though, he glanced around at his audience of 4 and made it over the finish line and raised his arms!
I think I am going to restart my program and work on just moving forward each week and getting myself where I want to be instead of lagging on each week until I find a comfortable rut.
One step and then the next gets you where you're going.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I am tired. I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired.
Last week was a long week at work. The sale of the company I work for finalized. Last week was a whirlwind of trying to get paperwork done. I worked 50+ hours last week, with no breaks I might add.
Monday was payroll day, no break but I ate like I was supposed to. I caught up my previous weeks paperwork and tried to get HR stuff pulled, copied, and put into folders for the new HR people.
Tuesday I spent 3 hours in a meeting with the new HR girls. I managed to avoid the doughnuts that someone bought, but caved in and ate a sausage breakfast burrito...when I put it in my tracker later, I could have cried. It was 300 calories!!!! How did they manage to get that many calories into something I ate in like 4 bites!
Lunch came around and pizza was ordered. I ate 2 slices. I somehow managed to stay within calories for the day..
Wednesday, HR was back out and fried chicken was ordered for lunch. I only ate one piece and a few fries for lunch. No breakfast, no morning or afternoon snack. Within two days all the drivers, salesmen, dispatchers, mechanics, myself, and 1 manager were properly paperworked, pee tested, and processed into our new company. 43 in all....I think its 43 anyways!
Only ran my c25k on Sunday and Tuesday. Tried to work some of the fast food off my behind on Wednesday, and thats the evening that we lost our ferret and I fell on the side of the road and hurt my knee and ankle. Perfect excuse to do nothing Thursday.
Speaking of Thursday, another long day at work, its getting to crunch time now. Stopped at BK for lunch.
Friday...got everything wrapped up at work. Ended up just under 50 hours for the week....went out to dinner. Chinese buffet. I worked hard and made better choices, but still no exercise at this point. Saturday, worked an hour and a half which will get me some nice overtime on my check.
We had to go out to Baton Rouge so my beau could get his testing done for his insurance license....peanut butter crackers from the vending machine for a snack and Greek food for lunch.
I MADE myself go walk on Sunday. We walked 3.10 miles in an hour (snail pace) I told my beau that I didn't WANT to go, but I NEEDED to go. I wasn't excited, I want to sit on the couch, I want to go to bed, I want more junk food.
The only plus to all this is that I can't eat the sheer amount that I used to. I think its the only thing saving my weight. I lost nothing last week, I am just glad that I didn't gain.
Today was another busy day at work, I actually hit McDonald's, Not only did I eat a double fish sandwich, but I ate fries as well.
I am feeling miserable. I am bloated, my fingers and toes are swelled up from the salt. I dragged myself to the pool today but only manged to walk out a half mile in there. My legs...no, not just my legs...my whole body feels fatigued. My spark is barely there. I'm afraid to actually not try for one day because I can feel the "I'll do it later's" looming, you know....
"I'll do it later, when I have time."
"I'll do it later, when I don't hurt."
"I'll do it later, when I get around to it."
"I'll do it later, when I feel better."
That "Later" never happens for me.
Now instead of fighting to lost that one measley little pound that I have been getting each week. I am fighting just to get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING.
We don't have internet at work yet, the new network is just thrown together, and evidently, me spending time on SP is not high on the to-do list.
I want to let y'all know, that even though I haven't been able to leave comments on the blogs and message boards, I have been trying to read them on my phone, but replying is difficult.
My beginning is close....just trying to reach it again.
Friday, August 17, 2012
It has been an exceedingly long week for me. A lot of stress and many bumps in the way.
Today was my last day with my company and Monday we start for the new owners. This week has just been totally crazy. I cannot believe it myself when I think of just how much paperwork that I processed through today! I do not mind big projects in the least...its doing all the teeny tiny things that irritate me!
I got a lovely email from one of my supervisors telling me how much she appreciated me 'working my a$$ off' and I thanked her for the opportunities she gave me when she hired me. She wrote back saying that if I ever moved out to that area, and needed a job, she would hire me again in a heartbeat and to keep in touch with her.
I appreciate feedback of any sort and I am a bit of an attention-princess at times. It was even more appreciated because I know how busy this week is for her too and she took time out to write me a personal email.
I am not happy about how my diet went this week, but I am being 100 percent honest when I say that I didn't have time to do it right. I skipped a lot of meals at work, and when I wasn't skipping meals, I was skipping snacks. And veggies were all but nonexistent this week.
No working out tonight either due to being at work for 11 hours with no break, and nothing to eat between noon and 6:30 and by the time I got home, we just decided to go out to eat. The place we wanted to go was packed with a 25 minute waiting time for a table, so we ended up hitting the chinese buffet.
I will say that although I overate, I did much better than usual and since I didn't have a chance to eat much today, I was probably still within calories. Chinese buffet is such a huge trigger for me! I had one trip to the buffet for a little of my favorites, and one trip to the salad bar. I figured that if my head was screaming for me to take another trip up there...it was getting salad! S, I ate salad and now feel stuffed to the eyeballs. We made a trip to GameStop and then to Walmart before we had to pick up my son and the walking helped settle things some.
I am feeling very full and satisfied, both with Chinese food and the satisfaction of knowing that I did a great job at work today....all week for that matter! Heck....make that for the last couple of weeks!
Tomorrow, my beau and I go out to Baton Rouge for his insurance license testing so he can start his new job Monday, so I am doubting that I will get any exercising done tomorrow either.
Sooooo, Sunday is it for me, back on track, back on food plan, back on tracking cals, and back on jogging!
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