Saturday, June 16, 2012
I've decided to move my blog off sparkpeople. Please check me out at http://gretchensjourney.wordpress.com/
You can subscribe to my blog there!
Thanks for reading!
Saturday, June 02, 2012
Today was the Annual Dam to Dam road race. The big one is the 20K, but I am not ready for that! So I have been training for the 5K. I had gotten a little side tracked with my training, I was having trouble pushing through the mental block of it all. I finally did that like a week or so ago. So prior to today, I hadn't run more than 10 minutes at a time.
As you can probably imagine, I was super nervous. I knew I really shouldn't be running this week to save my legs for today, so that really threw me. I didn't know what to do. So I just didn't do anything. I was just a little off all week. Then yesterday I had a bad headache and neck strain all day. I didn't sleep well and was up early. So not a great start for the morning of a run.
But I got up and fueled appropriately and was ready to go. We underestimated the time we needed to leave to get downtown, so by the time we parked, I only had about 15 min to get to the starting line. So that made me even more nervous and my anxiety kicked in. I needed to use the restroom, but couldn't find one and didn't have time. So I'm starting this thing feeling like everything is against me.
I'm standing amongst all these people trying to calm my nerves and get stretched out. I'm looking around at all the different sizes, shapes and ages of people. Even though there are so many different people, I just don't feel like I fit in. These people are all obviously athletes, what am I doing here? Then all of a sudden the huge mass of people start to move. It felt like we were cattle being herded to the slaughter. I couldn't quite run yet. As soon as we got to the start line, we could run. So off I went. There were so many people. I'm weaving in and out, around walkers. I'm feeling really good! No pain, not breathing heavy, just a good run. I'm passing people, keeping a good pace. The sun's in my face, beautiful weather. It was glorious!
As we get closer to the capital, we take a right and work our way around, and it starts to incline. I have sweat dripping down my face. My pace is slowing up. Lots of people are starting to walk. I just keep telling myself to keep going, I was afraid if I started walking, I wouldn't be able to get started again. So I just kept trucking along. At the top of the hill was a water station. So I did walk to get some water, but then started running again. The water did not sit well with me and it upset my stomach a little. Won't do that again.
But now we're going down hill! I think this is a little more than half way at this point. My left knee is starting to hurt. But otherwise I feel good. I just keep saying that I want to say that I ran the whole thing. Not that I had to stop and walk. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but my goal was to run the whole thing. So I just kept running. I watched Forrest Gump last night, so I think that gave me a little extra motivation!
Now I'm starting to count down the blocks to go. Only 8 blocks left, keep going. Only 4 blocks left, keep going. Then the crowds of cheering spectators was getting louder. I saw my husband cheering me on. Got a few high fives. I could see the finish. Now I have a little extra pep in my step and my stride is getting a little longer and I'm going a little faster! Excited to get thru the finish.
Finally...I made it. The time on the clock was 37.45. I'll get my official time tonight on the website.
Overall, IT WAS AWESOME! I really didn't think I could do it. But I just kept pushing myself and telling myself that I could do it. Now I know I CAN do ANYTHING if I put my mind to it. I may not have grown up an athlete, but who cares! I AM an athlete, I AM a RUNNER! Official time: 35:29. Pace 11:25.
Thanks to all of you for your continuous support!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Have you read Women, Food & God? I have read the book, but then I got it from the library on CD so I could listen to it while working out. I was listening to it this morning, from the beginning. It just hit me in the face....reality...truth. It felt good to have someone speaking to me that just got me at the core.
I think it was just chapter 1. She is talking about basically what I blogged about the other day. The fear of losing the identity that I have always given myself. I'm always on a diet, always trying to lose weight, looking for the next best thing. This is what my time and thoughts are consumed with. What am I going to eat? What am I going to wear? just this constant state of things that revolve around my weight.
Even some of my friends revolve around this. We are always talking about our diet, exercise, pounds to lose, etc.
So if I don't have a weight problem anymore, then what? What do I do? What do I talk about? How do I spend my time?
Is the fear of not knowing the answer to these questions what is keeping me fat? Is this why I subconsciously sabotage myself so I never reach my goals? Because I'm afraid that I may need to find something else to do? A different hobby?
It all just hit me like a ton of bricks! I'm at the gym on the tread, listening to this book, saying Yes, Yes, I do that, Yes.
So here I am now, thinking about this and my next steps. It's nice that I can read/listen to this book and get insight, but then I need to internalize it, believe it, change my mind. That doesn't happen overnight. But now when I'm faced with a decision, I can remind myself of why I may want to make a bad choice, and hopefully that will lead me to the healthier choice.
So last week, I didn't plan, prepare or anything. So needless to say I didn't have the best week. I didn't really go crazy with my food or anything, I just felt a little lost and unorganized. I didn't track for 3 days either. So I am back on track now, getting my food log completed for today, and ready to face the weekend. I'm going to get the rest of my groceries, get my kitchen cleaned up, food prepared and packaged for the upcoming week, and I'll be set. I feel better when I'm organized. We have a busy week with soccer this week, so not the best time to slack.
Here's to enlightening moments, baby steps, and progress not perfection! And also to the journey of finding me! And the things that I enjoy doing!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
For some reason, since last night, and all day today, I am really struggling to stay on track. I just can't seem to shut my mind off. So I thought I would BLOG!
This is one of those moments where I have to really think and evaluate. Why am I having cravings? Why am I wanting to make bad choices? I've been really doing good the last week or so, really feeling like I had a breakthrough. But for some reason now, I want to eat. Is this my way of sabotaging myself? I'm having some success, so I better stop? I just keep hearing those voices telling me, oh, it's ok. It's just 1 thing, I'll make up for it tomorrow. I don't need to work out. (I didn't workout Tues or today).
So I just need to stop, tell the voices to SHUT UP, and move on. Continue feeling good and making good choices. Get back to planning and preparing....NOW...not tomorrow.
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