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Samuel and Richard A Story of Love and Loss

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

This is the original story about my son's buddy. Decided to post it here too. So many have been kind about our loss.

Samuel and Richard A Story of Love and Loss

Richard’s Story

We lived in Uganda from Aug 2001-June 2002. Samuel was 11, Lucas was 6. We went to help build an orphanage-Children’s Center for The Rafiki Foundation, Inc. We were there just at the very beginning stages, so there were no children at our place.

Samuel and I went about once a week to Nysambia Babies’ Home. It was a very small orphanage. Mostly housing children under 4. It had about 8 rooms in a long building. This place had little money to do anything. It some days could be heart breaking to see, but we were able to look past all of that and just love on the kids.

I went with another lady at first and that first time I met Richard. He had a double ear infection, literally ears filled with pus and flies all around them. AND Richard had the biggest happiest smile on his face. I picked him up and loved on him.

I begin to take Samuel with him. I told him about the happiest baby I had ever met. Samuel and Richard immediately took to each other. My buddy was Thomas. Thomas is now a thriving child at the orphanage we were building.

An orphanage is a hard place to go. It is survival of the fittest situation. Many times the workers know details of the child or maybe there is something about the child that they don’t do more for them. It is survival for the adults too. Richard was not a favored child there and he wasn’t strong himself. It was hard because Samuel saw this neglect for himself.

Richard was born about Dec 7, 2000. He was found in a dust bin (trash can) outside Mulago Hospital in Kampala. He was admitted into Nysambia February 7, 2001. We started going to Nysambia in September.2001.

Once when we were walking into the building we could hear screaming and crying inside. As soon as we stepped into the building one of the workers looked at Samuel and said “your buddy is crying”. Samuel went immediately to his room, where he found Richard in his crib screaming. As soon as Richard saw Samuel though he stopped, lifted his hands toward Samuel. Samuel picked him up and Richard immediately stuck his thumb in his mouth and was happy. That is our most precious memory.

Measles took a run through the orphanage and several kids ended up in the hospital. Richard was there for a time. Richard was in the hospital and then we missed for a couple of weeks. So the next time we saw him he was so pathetic looking. He just struggled so, it was hard to see him.

We still tenderly loved on him. It was hard because Samuel so wanted to bring him home, but that was not our purpose. It was also difficult as we saw the orphanage struggled with putting a kid in a hospital vs. feeding all the rest of them. Food was not easy to come by there either. We would take bananas and sometimes-watered down juice.

The last time we saw Richard, they had a feeding tube down him. I had walked outside to see the other kids and Samuel went to look for Richard. When I found Samuel he was beside Richard rubbing his legs. Pathetic is the only way I can describe him. There was no meat on his body at all. His skin was tight all over his body. He looked too fragile to hold. Samuel looks at me and said “it calms him down when I rub his legs.”

Another volunteer from Europe came in she looks at me and said “poor baby he just needs to be held. So I very carefully picked Richard up and held him. He was miserable and in pain. I held him and gently kissed him and did my best to calm him. Another lady that volunteered from Holland came and together we tried to get him to eat some yogurt she brought. I probably held him for an hour or more just standing there in the room. I finally had to leave I gave Richard to her and she took him outside to hold.

Richard died sometime during the night. I believe they took him to the hospital. It was 2 AM March 13, 2002. They bury them immediately so there was nothing for us to see or do. That has probably been the hardest thing to deal with.

But through it all Samuel and I both have seen the hand of God. God allowed us on Richard’s last day to love on him and care for him more than he had had in many days. Richard will forever be a part of our lives. I am thankful for even as painful as it has been that Samuel learned to love this child that others saw as unworthy.

Samuel celebrated his 12th birthday shortly after that. He took some of his birthday money and gave it to the director to help off set Richard’s medical bills. The look on the director’s face will forever be etched in my mind. It was of shocked gratitude.

So this is Richard and Samuel’s story.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINAKATRINA1 3/16/2013 1:25PM

    Thank you for sharing their story. So glad you could provide the love he needed. It's just heartbreaking to know of all the children who have so little. Hugs.

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No Shelf life to Grief

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

There is no shelf life to grief. You grieve as long as you grieve. You grieve because you love.

11 years have passed since we held a baby boy that changed our lives forever. Samuel and I learned how love can transcend so many barriers. And how love continues on, once you love someone you can never forget.

Today there are tears, almost as fresh as that Wednesday so long ago that I sat on Samuel's bed and told him his buddy had died. How hard it is to help your child through his grief too.

Today I also try to have happy memories both of the past and of Richard's Present and forever. The Past-he was the happiest baby I'd ever met, he had the sweetest little smile with the whitest teeth, he loved to suck his thumb and have Samuel rub his toes (just like the picture) and most of all he loved Samuel and felt secure in his arms. But how I imagine him now-in Heaven, where he will never know hurt or abandonment, where his time is filled with love from others mostly from our loving Father.

I have a dear friend, also named Richard who lost his daughter on the 13th, in 2007. I imagine Lindsey being a loving big sister to Richard. And Wonder if at times he is a mischievous little brother to her.

I also try to imagine the reunion we will one day have with Richard.

We love you Baby Richard, Thank you for teaching us so much.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZOORHO 3/13/2013 8:28PM

    Thanks so much for the encouragement.

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  You're right that there isn't a shelf life on grief. You grieve because you love.

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FITANDFIFTY2 3/13/2013 1:25AM

    Oh he surely was an adorable baby!!! Both boys are very cute!! I am so sorry for your loss... I can only send Hugs and know that you find peace in knowing you will be with your little man in Heaven one day. Millions of emoticon to you!

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  Hugs on this anniversary of your loss. emoticon

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Going to bed early

Monday, February 11, 2013

Well trying to go to bed early last night sort of backfired. But at least it caused a good laugh. I'm trying to get better so last night I went to bed earlier than usual. I had a harder time falling asleep. Then I had weird dreams. Like dreaming I was in a panic packing bags for a camping trip and couldn't get it all done. I was running around like crazy.

Then I woke up had to go potty, and ws feeling tired from all the dream running around I had done. Did get back to sleep, but still dreamed about running around packing bags. Goodness gracious, I was exhausted from all the running around in my dream. I did wake up feeling okay though and got more hours of sleep than usual.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORNERKICK 2/11/2013 11:51PM

  ...now if you could only burn calories from your dream running!

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MAKINGHERPROUD 2/11/2013 10:32PM

    Haha really funny.

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TLG71567 2/11/2013 10:20PM

    That is so funny. I was apparently taking a kick boxing class in my dreams. My husband said I kept kicking him all night. LOL

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The rebuttal blog

Thursday, January 31, 2013

I wrote this as a response to someone else's blog. It was about caring for elderly parents. It stung. Everyone's life situation is different.
I decided to repost it as a blog so I'd have it for myself.

Ouch, I clicked on this because I did use/call A place for Mom. They are wonderful people and really helped me out.

I don't live in my parent's state, they have lived there 50 years. They have a great network of friends there and my brother lives there too. AND the weather for the most part is better down there.

My mom still drives. But in 2011, my dad's health fell apart. He ws diabetic and had dementia. My dad could not be left alone. We had to find a safe place for him to live. We also were concerned with how bad my mom was and thought she may need more care too. My brother and his wife both work full time. There wasn't anyway my parents could have stayed there.

Moving them up here WHICH WAS EVERYTHING I wanted in my hear to do. Wrap my momma up and bring her up here. But it would have taken her from EVERYTHING that was her life. I couldn't do that. She would have totally lost her independence.
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We found a nice place for them where they both got what they needed. My dad was on a floor that was secure and my mom was in her own apartment, but they have a cafeteria so that she can get meals. (She had gotten down to a very unhealthy 96 pounds living at home). They were in the same building so she could go and see him when ever she wanted.

Sadly my dad passed in July. But I'm so thankful my mom is in this place. She is very active, she got back some of her old spunk. She has friends, that she eats breakfast with every day. She does crafting, and exercising groups and so much more. If she were in one of our homes she would lose some of that interaction.

I Do talk to my mom several times a week. I don't get to visit as much as I like the finances just aren't there to do more.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


  The issue of caring for parents as they age is much more complicated when families are spread out. Like you, taking a parent into our house would mean they would leave all of their friends, the town they know how to navigate, activities they love, churches they love.

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TBOURLON 1/31/2013 9:07AM

    Enjoy the time you still have with her - even if it's a phone call. You're right, taking her away from everything wouldn't have been fair, plus it's her decision more than yours. I.m glad she has a good apartment! emoticon

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  I'm glad that you found the right place for your parents. Even though your dad wasn't there long it sounds like it gave me just what he needed at the end of his life. I'm glad that your mom has the companionship and resources that she needs now. emoticon

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Happy New Year 2013

Thursday, January 03, 2013

What will this year hold for me. Last year was an unbelievably difficult year. But there were good things too.

I'm looking forward to continuing my goal of healthy living. Not just dieting and exercising but living healthy. I want to make healthy choices in moving my body and in what I eat. I also don't want o beat myself up when things aren't perfect.

I'm still hoping to get back to blogging here.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILLYPILLY24 1/4/2013 1:31PM

    Living healthy really is the best goal - everything else will follow suit. Hoping 2013 is a less difficult year for you!

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  Hooray for fresh starts.

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  I hope that this year is much calmer and nicer.

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