Saturday, September 15, 2012
I feel like I have battling this bulge, so to speak, forever. I feel like I have a routine in place and SPLAT!!!....I fall right on my face. I can't stay motivated I find myself eating and don't even realize I have just at a whole can of planters pecans or that whole container of popcorn. I am so angry with myself. I feel disgusted, hate, depressed and on all that, with some current events going on right now, in my life, I am stressed. You and I would probably think being 340lbs with health issues would be enough motivation, but no..not me..no way. Why do I keep doing this? Makes me feel like I can't do anything, like I am a loser in life, in some way. I feel like people look at me and think that I just take up space on this earth or something. I want to get that motivation I have seen by some on here. I see people who have lost 100lbs or more, they make it look soooo easy, I know it wasn't, of course. :) My husband loves me I know, but I feel I am not being a good wife by being this way. I feel as if I have failed every single thing that I have wanted and tried to accomplish in life, this is just another line on the list. I was told once, by a therapist, that I was a compulsive quitter. She said that I started things just to quit them cause I felt I wasn't worth it or deserved it. I just wish I could wake up one morning and I would have the confidence, determination, willpower, motivation and love for myself to get it going.