Blindsided by a so called friend.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I had this friend and I say had because I don't think I want to remain 'friends' with folks like this. Honestly, I feel like I was set up to crash and burn - something friends do not do to each other. Ok, so this happened and now I am minus one relatively newish friend but I learned some very valuable lessons with the experience. Firstly, not to take every thing said at face value. Secondly, when I do happen to disappoint someone (and we all do now and then) not to punish myself too harshly over it. Yes, worse than the betrayal of my friend was my own response, which thankfully, I have at least recognized this time. My initial response to my ex-friend's misplaced anger was disbelief, my next response was disappointment in myself for letting them down. Then it dawned on me. I was totally set up to disappoint this person who presented one scenario (the one I was operating within) when in reality she was living in a totally different one. My error was I didn't pick up on that quickly enough. And with that disappointment and realization came a now unfamiliar urge to binge. I had made a mistake and was feeling the urge to stuff the realization of that mistake. I really thought that binging was behind me, my last real binge being more than 4 years ago. For two days I ate at the top of my range puzzled at how I could go from having a difficult time eating the minimally sufficient amount to having to exercise control again to keep from grabbing everything in sight edible. This was the emotional response I was not acknowledging to myself. I felt displaced, betrayed, angry and abandoned yet those things didn't register in my conscious mind, instead I was hungry. Thankfully, now I am just sad to have lost what I thought was a friend, but grateful to this person for shedding light on a strong trigger for my own self destructive behaviors. No matter how painful the experience, I remain glad that she was in my life to teach me some valuable lessons. B"H

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEST4CHANGE 11/11/2009 5:55PM

Sorry about the loss of potential friend & related pain. Strong negative emotions are my toughest binge trigger. Well done on identifying it and dealing with it.

~INDYGIRL 11/6/2009 8:10AM

MOM2ACAT 11/5/2009 4:36PM

HOLLYSNOWWOMAN 11/5/2009 9:45AM

I want to eat when I am stressed too but I am trying to replace that impulse with something more creative -- like exercise. When I grab up something to eat that I had not planned on I try to put it down and think about it for 15 minutes. So far, after the 15 minutes is up I am back in control and no longer want it. Sometimes are easier than others. It also helps to talk with my SP friends. You recognize your weakness and doing something about it. Good for you.

SPARKLE1908 11/5/2009 9:38AM

Sorry that this happened to you but everyone has a purpose in our lives regardless of how long they are in it...she taught you a valuable lesson so try not to beat yourself up about losing that friendship....if it wasn't "real" to begin with then you're better off without it.....

Type A personalities

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I have had many friends who were classic 'type A' personalities. I never suspected myself of being one. WRONG - today i realized how this type I really am. I always considered myself a laid back - slow moving sort of person. One of my bosses a few decades ago described me as a truly lazy person - and defined that as being a person who finds the quickest, easiest, and most efficient way of doing something correctly the first time. A left handed compliment to be sure but I liked it. It fit in with my belief that I wasn't some compulsive 'A' type but a careful 'B'. Well I guess I can learn a thing or two about myself still, even considering I'm no youngster but a grandmother of 3 pushing 60 and wondering have I changed or is this how I've always been I just didn't see it? (I'm leaning towards the latter now that I am thinking about it.) Hmmm type a? Who would have thunk! Strange how totally blind to oneself a person can be.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GONABFIT 9/30/2009 11:26AM

Yep I know what you mean! I sometimes wonder if I have a type A personality... then I quickly convince myself I don't! lol! (while I very well may be type A I do my best to stay balanced! :-D) Where there's a will there's a way!

The age of automation

Thursday, August 13, 2009

In this age of computers - I am spoiled. I have worked with this silly machines enough to realize how much they are capable of and how much of it depends upon my own careful attention to detail (no longer my strong point in every arena). So today, after a solid month of continuously and compulsively relying upon the amazing tracking and figuring software on this site I realized I made a crucial mistake right from the beginning. I put myself on a maintenance diet and not one which would help me remove the last 20 lbs. So of course, I didn't loose an ounce while I struggled to eat enough to fulfill the requirements of maintenance. So, FOO! Now I have started over after painstakingly saving food and exercise information so I have the record and re-inputting all the information for only this week, hopefully I will be back on track from here on in. In some ways I am so compulsive. I have kept daily food logs for more than 4 years now - it keeps me honest with myself so the thought of losing all the data from the past month just was too much to deal with. Wasn't going to happen even if I had to copy each entry out by hand (which thankfully I didn't). The really good news - I do not need to struggle to eat more than I really want the 1240-1590 calories I'm told will take the last 20 lbs off me will be no problem what was a problem was eating the 1720-2050 required for maintenance. Hopefully, over the next few months my metabolism and appetite will adjust and normalize so when maintenance time comes around that will be fairly easy too.

  

Wow goodies

Saturday, August 01, 2009

I've gotten a few 'spark goodies' and must confess I don't quite get the goodie thing yet. I'm guessing that is how you can say thanks for a story that motivates and certainly there are quite a few folks I would send goodies to once I figure out more about getting around on this site. In the mean time please just accept my thanks, fill out your food and exercise logs and get off the silly computer and get up and MOVE. I just love this smilie

  

Just because I can doesn't mean I should but sometimes

Sunday, July 26, 2009

it is worth the effort to find out. Watched a couple of the fitness ball videos and found that what i normally do to stretch and workout with my ball is actually exercise (good to find). I tried following some of the video and was not very surprised at what I could and couldn't do - what will remain to be seen is how it all effects my lower back (I'm hoping it has a good effect) I should know by tomorrow but for now I'm off to find an icepack to apply.