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Still missing...

Friday, February 06, 2009

... and I'm just. Not quite right.

I'm being more productive at work, I'm getting in my workouts... but everything just feels less good.

It's like I have this anxiety gnawing at me in the background and I feel this constant need to be amused/entertained/distracted... otherwise I just get bundled into a bunch of nerves.

And the ache in my heart just won't go away. It's like I'm living life on pins and needles. I'm trying really hard to just think about the moment and be very PRESENT. It works sometimes, but mostly in those times when I'm being amused/entertained/distracted.

I need some all encompassing personal project or something.

This weekend I plan to do some things on my computer at home that I've been meaning to do... (load my new MP3 player for running with some music, upload some photos). So maybe that will help.

I'm still not where I want to be weight wise but it's going. I'm not too worried about it, it's just a matter of time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 2/9/2009 1:00PM

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}

Comment edited on: 2/9/2009 1:01:42 PM

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TRACYZABELLE 2/9/2009 6:14AM

    Hang in there! For him to not come home or show up, it makes me think someone took him in. If he was a friendly dog that is entirely possible. Hang in there!

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SKYFYRE 2/9/2009 2:04AM

    Dana, Sorry you are going through this. I hope distraction helps.
Think of you! Hugs, KRissy

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SLCOLMAN 2/7/2009 10:17PM

    Hang in there!

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MOM2ACAT 2/7/2009 5:52PM

    emoticon That's got to be so hard, knowing where Roscoe is, but still out of reach.
I continue to pray that he will come home to you.

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TRECECOOKS 2/7/2009 3:52PM

    I have been where you are, and I commend you for not eating non-stop; I was a basket-case. I continue to plead Roscoe's case before our Heavenly Father.

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TELERIE 2/7/2009 4:39AM

    emoticon A project sounds good. Something else to think about...

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**PRICELESS** 2/6/2009 9:26PM

    I anxiously await the day I get to open your blog to immediately see ROSCOE'S HOME!!

Until then, take care of yourself hun!
emoticon

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SWEATONCEADAY 2/6/2009 9:12PM

    emoticon

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Roscoe still missing... Birthday was good.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The best news? Water Aerobics rocks. :D Can be a totally good workout -- it all depends on what you put into it. I got a 502 calorie burn for 49 minutes -- average heart rate 146 and max of 175. And the instructor says I was probably working harder than the HR shows due to the cooling effect that the water has it lowers your heart rate. So rock on!

My husband gave a bonus on his test if all the students would tell me happy birthday -- so I had about 200ppl telling me Happy Birthday yesterday. :D We also went out for sushi last night.

SO. FREAKING. GOOD.

I ate WAY too much food -- mostly due to ordering some of those amazing donuts... but still. It was my birthday. That and Thanksgiving are like the two days a year that I really enforce the no guilty feelings rule.

I ate healthy the rest of the day as well.

Um.....yeah.

Today I'm back to feeling anxious and whatnot about the missing doggie. It needs to go away. But yesterday was a really great day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKYFYRE 2/5/2009 6:56PM

    Glad the birthday was good, 200 birthday wishes?! So cool! Nice burn in water aerobics too! Ya! Who care about the doughnuts, it WAS your birthday!!!

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KIMCATUS 2/5/2009 4:25PM

    Glad that you had a great birthday and I'm so sorry about the stress about Roscoe. Hang in there girlie!!

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MARLIE13 2/5/2009 3:53PM

    A very happy belated blog birthday greeting to ya! Donuts? At the sushi place? Ooh maybe I've missed some important donut explaining blgs. You are awesome! Way to rock the water aerobics!!

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KMKMOM 2/5/2009 3:21PM

    Happy belated Birthday! I'm glad you had a nice day. emoticon

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ANGELBLEU 2/5/2009 12:08PM

    Happy Belated Birthday girlie.. you so rock!

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SWEETZMIX 2/5/2009 10:32AM

    Happy Belated Birthday!! I didn't even know. I am glad you enjoyed urself and had a good time. I know ur upset about Roscoe..but all we can do is hope for the best!!

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SLCOLMAN 2/4/2009 9:10PM

    Glad to hear that you had a wonderful birthday!

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ORANGE-AVOCADO 2/4/2009 6:44PM

    Happy belated birthday! Haha, just to add to your 200 birthday messages already. So I feel like a total dork asking, but - you can take your HRM underwater? So cool!

Anyway, congrats on letting yourself go with the sushi and being guilt free. We all need those days once in a while. And I have complete and utter trust in your ability to get right back on target after a feast. :D Glad you had a great day and could get your mind off the doggie for a little while. You guys are still in my thoughts... :)

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TRACYZABELLE 2/4/2009 6:24PM

    How awesome! You really sound like you had a great day!!!

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SWEATONCEADAY 2/4/2009 5:01PM

    sounds like you had a great birthday!

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MDTWEETY 2/4/2009 3:40PM

    Happy birthday! It sounds like it was a good one! :)
And I agree, water aerobics ROCKS! Love it!

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TELERIE 2/4/2009 3:33PM

    Happy Birthday, Dana!
Hope Roscoe returns soon!!

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_RAMONA 2/4/2009 3:33PM

    Happy belated birthday, Dana! It sounds like you had a great day, and I'm glad to hear you're enjoying yourself despite your heavy heart!

{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}
Ramona

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TRECECOOKS 2/4/2009 3:28PM

    Happy Birthday!!

Still praying for Roscoe's speedy return. Hugs, me

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**PRICELESS** 2/4/2009 3:27PM

    Awww, Happy (late) Birthday!! I'm glad it was a great day =)
Roscoe is really about as stubborn as it gets!! Silly dog! Any more sightings??

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RHALES199 2/4/2009 3:19PM

    Glad you had a great birthday! Hope Roscoe comes home soon...

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I'm feeling so much better...

Sunday, February 01, 2009

... that I'm completely reassured this must have been the right decision, even though it's pretty much the hardest thing DH and I have ever had to do.

I mean, we just went through missing our dog through no choice of our own, and now we're going to go through that pain self-inflicted??? But I feel like I'm healing amazingly fast from this pain... I feel too much peace for it to be a coincidence.

Thank you for all your amazing comments.

Roscoe needs to come home for sure, but not having Columbus is the right thing to do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARLIE13 2/5/2009 4:02PM

    I'm glad that you were able to find peace and confidence in your decision. Still praying that Roscoe is returned home safely to you guys.

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LIVEYOURDREAMS 2/4/2009 10:23AM

    Dana,
Glad you are feeling peace! Still hoping Roscoe comes home, and thinking of you!
Hugs,
April

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TRECECOOKS 2/3/2009 10:17PM

    So sorry to have been behind on your blogs. I am praying for Roscoe's return, and for you and DH to have peace.

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SKINNYSOON13 2/3/2009 2:39AM

    Dana I'm so sorry! :-( I hope this means Columbus will find an even MORE loving home and Roscoe will finally come home. I'm glad you're feeling comfort and healing quickly. {{{HUGS}}}

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CECE0330 2/2/2009 5:05PM

    That must have been a very difficult choice to make, but it sounds like you are handling it well. Keeping fingers crossed that Roscoe finds his way back.

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LAFTERSFREE 2/2/2009 4:55PM

    im glad you are starting to feel more at ease with yourself for your decision. it's not an easy thing to do.. that's how you know it's probably right. Thinking of you guys!

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KMKMOM 2/2/2009 8:29AM

    Hang in there! I hope that Roscoe comes home soon. {{{HUGS}}}

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SLCOLMAN 2/1/2009 10:50PM

    Glad to hear that you are doing so well :)

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CALICAVEGIRL 2/1/2009 6:00PM

    My prayers are with you...

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GERRYGAIL 2/1/2009 11:47AM

    Hope your furbaby returns to you and I hope yourheart mends also.
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FITTYTIF 2/1/2009 11:46AM

    Hang in there. I know this is a hard time in your life. But I think you have a great attitude! Someday you will look back and realize that this is a time that had made you stronger!! Know we are here for you!
HUgs
Tiff

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ORANGE-AVOCADO 2/1/2009 11:46AM

    I'm glad you're taking such a positive outlook - I can't imagine how hard that decision was for the both of you. *hugs*

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LADY_DONKEY 2/1/2009 11:27AM

    I hope you can find some peace. emoticon

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Life is officially the worst thing.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

We had to take Columbus back because my DH who is home most of the time could not handle a new puppy and trying to work on his dissertation at the same time. Plus he loved being outdoors and DH did not feel this meshed well enough with our current living situation.

I'm completely heartbroken and devastated. I can't handle this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIMCATUS 2/3/2009 12:09PM

    Oh honey I'm so sorry but you did what was best for the puppy and that's what's important, even though it must have been so hard! *HUGS*

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SWEATONCEADAY 2/1/2009 11:02AM

    ah dana i am so sorry! chin up girl. it can only get better.

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RACHWI 2/1/2009 8:34AM

    I'm so sorry!! You'll get through this. We are here for you!
emoticon

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WOLFKITTY 2/1/2009 5:17AM

    Oh wow, Dana! It has been a serious roller-coaster lately for you and your doggies! :( I'm sorry that it didn't work out with Columbus, but you will have Roscoe back again soon, and maybe you can find a better fit for your 2 dog household!

emoticon
Joce

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SKYFYRE 2/1/2009 1:01AM

    Oh, Dana, I am so sorry! That sucks. I wish I had something amazing and enlightening to say, but I don't. Life is so challenging at times, you can make it through this, and I do hope that you hear that Columbus has found a home with a big yard!

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MOM2ACAT 1/31/2009 8:30PM

    I'm so sorry! emoticon

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MDTWEETY 1/31/2009 7:54PM

    I'm so sorry!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/31/2009 7:55:29 PM

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**PRICELESS** 1/31/2009 7:12PM

    I'm so sorry. I wish I had the words to say...
Huge Hugs being sent your way.

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SHINYSILVRVOLVO 1/31/2009 5:38PM

    I'm so sorry. emoticon

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BRUIN2 1/31/2009 5:31PM

    So sorry to hear that Dana. Sending hugs your way.

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SLCOLMAN 1/31/2009 4:35PM

    I have no words for you....
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))
)))))

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LASHERTHECAT 1/31/2009 3:32PM

    That's too bad... emoticon

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SEPPIESUSAN 1/31/2009 3:21PM

    Sending virtual hugs your way..... good for you for writing about your feelings, that seems to help for me sometimes.

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_RAMONA 1/31/2009 3:08PM

    {{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}

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TELERIE 1/31/2009 3:01PM

    Words fail me - here's a hug ... emoticon emoticon

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TRACYZABELLE 1/31/2009 2:58PM

    Oh sweetie, I am so very sorry. A puppy is a big undertaking for sure. Roscoe.. COME HOME Your mama needs you! emoticon

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CATIATM 1/31/2009 2:50PM

    I cannot think of anything to say that doesn't sound trite. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with so many different tough things.

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Still missing...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Eating's been ok -- haven't been diligently tracking exact numbers but I'm almost 100% certain I've been within range each day.

Missed a workout yesterday due to being struck with an awful stomach bug, but now it's gone and I got a jog/walk in with the new pup again today.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLCOLMAN 1/31/2009 1:43AM

    Sorry to hear about the stomach bug. I had it this week too and it stunk!! Glad to hear that you are feeling better!

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ORANGE-AVOCADO 1/30/2009 9:02AM

    This is kind of bizarre, but I had a dream last night that you got Roscoe back. You were posting pics of him and the new puppy rolling around and cuddling. It was very adorable, actually.

Anyway, here's hoping that dreams are prophetic! (and is it weird that I'm dreaming about my online friends?? LOL)

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SKYFYRE 1/30/2009 3:47AM

    Good recovery workout! Me and Ellebelle got one in too! Glad stomach flu is gone!

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RHALES199 1/29/2009 7:33PM

    Glad the stomach bug only stayed a short time, and glad you got a good wolk in with the new pup!

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TRACYZABELLE 1/29/2009 6:46PM

    I hate not feeling 1000% .. glad it was only a quick bug!

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**PRICELESS** 1/29/2009 5:55PM

    Glad you're feeling better! =)

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MARLIE13 1/29/2009 5:50PM

    Eww yuck! Sorry about the stomach bug. Yay on another run with the puppy. That's some good bonding time for the two of you. Good job on staying within range. You're being mindful and that's great!

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