Thursday, June 17, 2010
Hot tracking+running mama in full force still! :)
My sister was passing through town on her way to a summer course in Provo, UT at BYU in Mongolian - then going to .. .who knows where. Because she's looking for a job while she's out there which may end up being in UT or who knows, maybe somewhere else totally far from us. So she was my wakeup call this morning at about 6:30am and I threw on running clothes to greet her and wish her well, say goodbye, stay safe, etc.
DH was still up watching soccer. :) haha. So he got to say hi/bye as well. Then it was off for 2-3 miles.
Normally after a day of 2 miles the day before I would've wanted something at least 4, but considering I ran Monday I didn't want to accumulate too much mileage, so I set out on a loop at maxed at 2.8 (I'm calling it 3 but not quite), or had a turnoff that put me at almost 2 (1.9) in case the butt was feeling bad and/or I just felt like it should be shorter. BUT! I felt good - turning at that early turn just felt WRONG so I kept on. :) Glad to have gotten a GOOD one in.
I didn't track yesterday's dinner until this morning and turns out I was a little (126) below my calorie minimum, but given that I was higher in cals the night before AND that my settings are just for 1/2lb loss, no biggie.
TOMORROW's MY LAST DAY AT WORK! WOOT! :) hahaha.
The sad thing is I'm not 1/4 through my day yet even and I'm already counting down - this does not bode well.
OH I also wanted to blog about my lunch yesterday - I did something different. I am all out of books to read so I brought my PSP to entertain me for my lunch break. I ate my lunch WITHOUT ANY DISTRACTIONS. I tried to eat very mindfully - trying to remember what Coach Nancy said at the SparkConvention although I'm sure I didn't remember it all, but I do remember her talking about looking at the food and selecting your bite. So I was looking at my beautiful salad, trying to think about what I was putting on my fork - a bit of spinach, a bit of broccoli slaw, a bit of chicken.... does it have some dressing on it? Oooh this bite I'm gonna go for one of those gorgeous yellow grape tomatoes! :) And once I was chewing I tried not to mow it all down but to appreciate the textures and flavors I was experiencing. It was good! :)
I tend to eat REALLY FAST. So I tried to see how long I could take to eat my salad once I realized I was acting speedy for a few bites. haha.
Have eaten most things at the table, too. I'm feeling very strong and positive.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Just went in and entered all my food for today aside from dinner and doing great!
If you missed it, have a look at my Freestyle Trainer demo below - NOT super exciting, only a few things and one you can't even see, but you can get the gist. I would've loved to do more but it was raining forever and so the sand was more like a sand slushie. Not really MUD cause it's SAND but still gross and I was not getting down there or setting anything closer to the ground (like my camera) so..... yeah. :P
My run was kind of... awkward today. I felt totally anxious throughout it and was trying not to go "too fast" because I wanted to to be a recovery run of sorts from yesterday, but I felt like I couldn't slow down. Trust me - I still ended up PLENTY SLOW. But.... I dunno. It was just a weird feeling. I think it might be because I know I only planned to run 2 loops and I was just like GO GO GO GO GO so short GO GO GO get it done - no time to relax into the run. (2 miles) Eh. They can't all be fantastic.
Then it was the Freestyle Trainer and then I did Pilates when I got home. After a shower and some food I went back to bed.
Yeah - I faced the reality that if I don't get my butt up out of bed early, the run just isn't going to happen because the heat lately is ridiculous, so I'm falling back to a pattern like when I was rowing of waking up early, working out, and going back to bed to get a couple more hours of sleep. The good thing is I don't have to wake up AS early as when I was rowing, so I'm not totally dead. I'm hoping I can get a "normal people schedule" when we move. :) haha.
DH is still staying up all night and sleeping during the day. Somehow he is more productive on his dissertation this way and I am not going to complain about it because we still get very similar amounts of "TOGETHER" time. Plus he's been sleeping in the living room so he doesn't disturb me - and because our bed SUCKS and hurts his back (even I'm starting to really hate it) - so it means when I get back from working out I can't slip into eating on the couch and watching TV mode. HAHA. I eat my food like a civilized person at the table. :P
The good thing is, we have On Demand in the bedroom and I was able to still watch Losing It with Jillian Michaels to unwind and help me get back to sleep.
Is anyone else watching this show?
It still freaks me out how high of a weight loss goal she encourages people to reach for. I'm glad the daughters on the last show didn't lose something insane, but the mother... I am mind boggled at her loss. 74lbs in 2 months???? That is just... insane. At home. Not on the Biggest Loser Ranch with constant medical supervision and training all day etc. *shrug* I dunno man.
What I DO like about the show is it capitalizes on what was always one of my favorite parts of the Biggest Loser - when Jillian cracks people's shells and finds out WHY they are where they are and helps them have a personal epiphany that enables them to move forward and make lasting changes in their lives! (Well we hope they're lasting, they last at least long enough to do it on their own until Jillian returns for "reveal time") :) I'd rather have more of that on BL, less product endorsements, more working out, less drama.... yeah. :D I don't really watch BL anymore.
And bonus - I have NEVER eaten in bed and don't intend to ever start. The bedroom is a food free zone so it makes it REALLY EASY for me to stick to the plan these days.
Thanks for the positive job vibes! I still need them! :D haha. But you don't have to tell me, just keep sending them.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Just demonstrating a few of my MOVES - you can't really see the last one - sorry. And yes my keys are in my butt pocket. In case you were... wondering? haha. But we have a deep chest press, rows, and a back extention w/ overhead shoulder raise that you can't really see, but basically I go down into an L shape - butt back, leaning on my heels, arms forward (so I guess more like a blocky C?) and then open the body to straight and raise my arms overhead while keeping my legs straight.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
So yesterday I set up my tracking parameters to equal a loss of 1/2lb a week - following the ideals of the team I joined a few weeks ago - The Slowest Loser. :)
I am in a healthy weight range and I'm pretty active - I have my weekly calorie burn estimated at 3750, but as my running mileage increases or I am consistently running at higher mileages, I may need to increase that as well. I know that I will function better at requiring a smaller calorie deficit each week - so I'm not so hungry I'm tempted to binge, and I have plenty of energy to fuel my workouts. WOOT.
So yesterday it was very easy to stay within range. :)
I got some great grocery shopping done as well - LOTS of fruit in the kitchen. We have this clear plastic container (kind of a classy cylinder) that we use for our handheld fruit to stay out on the counter. It is filled with two gorgeous organic golden delicious apples that I couldn't resist, a bunch of plums, and some white and yellow flesh nectarines. I also have a container out of cherries that I have already washed - so I can easily eat a cherry every now and again if I need some small sweet munch. So good!
I bought some great granola from the local health food store that is made in AL -
It is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have eaten it today and yesterday w/ cottage cheese and a cut up nectarine. Yesterday I drizzled some agave nectar but today I went without - either way, delicious. The ingredient list is fantastic, I wish I had it here to list for you but very simple whole ingredients. :)
I also bought some of another old favorite treat of mine - unsweetened carob covered raisins. A very nice healthy treat!
Anyway - I'm feeling very positive with the tracking. It really takes all the anxiety out of eating for me. I felt really anxious before -- I THOUGHT I knew when I was eating well or not, but I didn't have the confirming numbers. I didn't realize how much anxiety that was giving me until I started tracking again.
Ideally - I'd like to be able to trust myself better. A lot of people commented yesterday (and very supportive comments THANK YOU ALL!! :D hehe) and mentioned tracking being a chore, how to think of it as not being that just another day to day activity and for me -- I actually like tracking. I don't mind putting in the numbers. I just didn't like feeling dependent and I didn't like the idea that I couldn't listen to my body and just eat the right things and not eat too much without the numbers telling me I was ok.
Well -- it's ok. I am ok that I need that support. I am ok with the fact that I need the reassurance of a system and of numbers to help me know that I'm doing the right thing. I have said it before -- and TURFGIRL mentioned it in her comment as well -- I didn't know what I was eating or how much or ANYTHING before 3.5 years ago. I had no clue. So that is about 23 years of my life. If I have to track my food for 20+ years into my future, so be it. I can deal with that. It's not that I find it unbearable to track - I just wish I could be more self-sufficient.
I will continue to work on listening to my body and not eating mindlessly. I can still really use the benefit of learning those skills for occasions when I am unable to track and do not want to sabotage my efforts to be healthy because I am eating at a social event because I don't want to have awkward silences... or anything like that.
KEAKMAN recently blogged about taking a mind-body approach. Looking at the reasons WHY and the internal while also taking the actions that will physically impact her body along the way. Well - I obviously did both recently. For a bit I said - 100% weight loss committed, change that tracker to 2lbs a week I did it before I can do it now, BAM LET'S GO. Then I realized there were some chinks in my armor of strength and I took some time to strictly explore the mind part, hoping the actions would follow. But without the structure, I went all willy nilly and gave myself even more stress.
So now I'm aiming to do BOTH.
Listen to myself in a safety zone. :)
I'm not sure I really mentioned my workouts after Saturday. To sum up:
Sunday - Pilates
Monday - 2 miles w/ some barefoot + Freestyle Trainer
Today - 5.23 miles
WOOT. Tomorrow will be shorter miles + Freestyle Trainer again. Thursday - medium miles... maybe 3. Depends how I'm feeling.
FRIDAY = LAST DAY AT MY CURRENT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Still no nibbles on the job front, I keep looking for new postings and applying to things I feel would suit me (regardless of the field). Good vibes are appreciated!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Well -- I'm apparently not quite ready to be without tracking so I'm going back to it again. Who knows for how long.
I know I have made the statement before that if I need to track for years and years so be it. And I really do believe that. It's a hard reality to face, but it's the truth. Being fit and healthy is more important to me than being free from tracking. I would LIKE not tracking to be an eventual reality for me, but I don't NEED for it to be. What I DO NEED is not to be overweight or unhealthy.
I feel good about my time without tracking - learning about my tendencies and exploring emotional issues that I didn't realize were there because they were being minimized (so much so that I barely realized I had any!) by tracking. However, yesterday the scale hit my WARNINGWARNINGWARNING number so the calories are going back in the books.
I AM still going to make a strong effort to work on some of these things.
And there is one big reason I think I have been struggling again -- eating on the couch in front of the TV. YEP! You haven't heard me mention eating at the table for a while now, have you??? That's because I stopped. I said - screw this I'm lonely and uncomfortable sitting over here and this is stupid I'm going to eat where I want to eat!
But apparently being "where I want to eat" for a long time made me uh.. .eat. more. HAHAAHA. *sigh* I get the feeling I will eventually graduate to a no-TV-during mealtimes eater...
But for right now, I'm going to go back to my original parameters of no food on the couches in front of the TV unless it's like popcorn or hot chocolate. And I'm not buying anymore hot chocolate this go around to the store that's for sure! :) And I will strive to be mindful of my emotional eating tendencies etc. - but I will still go back to tracking because I cannot tolerate my weight climbing. Just not gonna happen.
I have a lifetime to work on my emotional/boredom/stress eating issues - I want to at least remain at a healthy weight while doing so.
It's SO HARD to do this because it feels like failure, but I think the real failure would be to ignore the signs and keep making the same mistakes when I know there is something I can do to fix it. I talked to DH about this all yesterday and he was very supportive. :)
As for right now -- I'm gonna go run. Probably not very far... today is usually a rest day and I want to stay on the rest of my running schedule this week (tue-thur, Sat, sun) If possible - Sunday was going to be an evening run and when I went to check the temps I just got completely deflated of motivation.
95 with a feels like of 105. At 6pm. And not getting much cooler. The middle of the night low was 76. YEAH. Soooooo I said sCREW THAT CRAP I'M STAYING HOME! hahahaha. But now I've gotta face the music.
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