Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Just demonstrating a few of my MOVES - you can't really see the last one - sorry. And yes my keys are in my butt pocket. In case you were... wondering? haha. But we have a deep chest press, rows, and a back extention w/ overhead shoulder raise that you can't really see, but basically I go down into an L shape - butt back, leaning on my heels, arms forward (so I guess more like a blocky C?) and then open the body to straight and raise my arms overhead while keeping my legs straight.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
So yesterday I set up my tracking parameters to equal a loss of 1/2lb a week - following the ideals of the team I joined a few weeks ago - The Slowest Loser. :)
I am in a healthy weight range and I'm pretty active - I have my weekly calorie burn estimated at 3750, but as my running mileage increases or I am consistently running at higher mileages, I may need to increase that as well. I know that I will function better at requiring a smaller calorie deficit each week - so I'm not so hungry I'm tempted to binge, and I have plenty of energy to fuel my workouts. WOOT.
So yesterday it was very easy to stay within range. :)
I got some great grocery shopping done as well - LOTS of fruit in the kitchen. We have this clear plastic container (kind of a classy cylinder) that we use for our handheld fruit to stay out on the counter. It is filled with two gorgeous organic golden delicious apples that I couldn't resist, a bunch of plums, and some white and yellow flesh nectarines. I also have a container out of cherries that I have already washed - so I can easily eat a cherry every now and again if I need some small sweet munch. So good!
I bought some great granola from the local health food store that is made in AL -
It is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have eaten it today and yesterday w/ cottage cheese and a cut up nectarine. Yesterday I drizzled some agave nectar but today I went without - either way, delicious. The ingredient list is fantastic, I wish I had it here to list for you but very simple whole ingredients. :)
I also bought some of another old favorite treat of mine - unsweetened carob covered raisins. A very nice healthy treat!
Anyway - I'm feeling very positive with the tracking. It really takes all the anxiety out of eating for me. I felt really anxious before -- I THOUGHT I knew when I was eating well or not, but I didn't have the confirming numbers. I didn't realize how much anxiety that was giving me until I started tracking again.
Ideally - I'd like to be able to trust myself better. A lot of people commented yesterday (and very supportive comments THANK YOU ALL!! :D hehe) and mentioned tracking being a chore, how to think of it as not being that just another day to day activity and for me -- I actually like tracking. I don't mind putting in the numbers. I just didn't like feeling dependent and I didn't like the idea that I couldn't listen to my body and just eat the right things and not eat too much without the numbers telling me I was ok.
Well -- it's ok. I am ok that I need that support. I am ok with the fact that I need the reassurance of a system and of numbers to help me know that I'm doing the right thing. I have said it before -- and TURFGIRL mentioned it in her comment as well -- I didn't know what I was eating or how much or ANYTHING before 3.5 years ago. I had no clue. So that is about 23 years of my life. If I have to track my food for 20+ years into my future, so be it. I can deal with that. It's not that I find it unbearable to track - I just wish I could be more self-sufficient.
I will continue to work on listening to my body and not eating mindlessly. I can still really use the benefit of learning those skills for occasions when I am unable to track and do not want to sabotage my efforts to be healthy because I am eating at a social event because I don't want to have awkward silences... or anything like that.
KEAKMAN recently blogged about taking a mind-body approach. Looking at the reasons WHY and the internal while also taking the actions that will physically impact her body along the way. Well - I obviously did both recently. For a bit I said - 100% weight loss committed, change that tracker to 2lbs a week I did it before I can do it now, BAM LET'S GO. Then I realized there were some chinks in my armor of strength and I took some time to strictly explore the mind part, hoping the actions would follow. But without the structure, I went all willy nilly and gave myself even more stress.
So now I'm aiming to do BOTH.
Listen to myself in a safety zone. :)
I'm not sure I really mentioned my workouts after Saturday. To sum up:
Sunday - Pilates
Monday - 2 miles w/ some barefoot + Freestyle Trainer
Today - 5.23 miles
WOOT. Tomorrow will be shorter miles + Freestyle Trainer again. Thursday - medium miles... maybe 3. Depends how I'm feeling.
FRIDAY = LAST DAY AT MY CURRENT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Still no nibbles on the job front, I keep looking for new postings and applying to things I feel would suit me (regardless of the field). Good vibes are appreciated!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Well -- I'm apparently not quite ready to be without tracking so I'm going back to it again. Who knows for how long.
I know I have made the statement before that if I need to track for years and years so be it. And I really do believe that. It's a hard reality to face, but it's the truth. Being fit and healthy is more important to me than being free from tracking. I would LIKE not tracking to be an eventual reality for me, but I don't NEED for it to be. What I DO NEED is not to be overweight or unhealthy.
I feel good about my time without tracking - learning about my tendencies and exploring emotional issues that I didn't realize were there because they were being minimized (so much so that I barely realized I had any!) by tracking. However, yesterday the scale hit my WARNINGWARNINGWARNING number so the calories are going back in the books.
I AM still going to make a strong effort to work on some of these things.
And there is one big reason I think I have been struggling again -- eating on the couch in front of the TV. YEP! You haven't heard me mention eating at the table for a while now, have you??? That's because I stopped. I said - screw this I'm lonely and uncomfortable sitting over here and this is stupid I'm going to eat where I want to eat!
But apparently being "where I want to eat" for a long time made me uh.. .eat. more. HAHAAHA. *sigh* I get the feeling I will eventually graduate to a no-TV-during mealtimes eater...
But for right now, I'm going to go back to my original parameters of no food on the couches in front of the TV unless it's like popcorn or hot chocolate. And I'm not buying anymore hot chocolate this go around to the store that's for sure! :) And I will strive to be mindful of my emotional eating tendencies etc. - but I will still go back to tracking because I cannot tolerate my weight climbing. Just not gonna happen.
I have a lifetime to work on my emotional/boredom/stress eating issues - I want to at least remain at a healthy weight while doing so.
It's SO HARD to do this because it feels like failure, but I think the real failure would be to ignore the signs and keep making the same mistakes when I know there is something I can do to fix it. I talked to DH about this all yesterday and he was very supportive. :)
As for right now -- I'm gonna go run. Probably not very far... today is usually a rest day and I want to stay on the rest of my running schedule this week (tue-thur, Sat, sun) If possible - Sunday was going to be an evening run and when I went to check the temps I just got completely deflated of motivation.
95 with a feels like of 105. At 6pm. And not getting much cooler. The middle of the night low was 76. YEAH. Soooooo I said sCREW THAT CRAP I'M STAYING HOME! hahahaha. But now I've gotta face the music.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
That is how I finished my run today!
So -- I ran about 2 miles today, took 5 min of that walking warmup - did some hip flexor stretches at home to see how that felt - felt good. Nearing the end of my run I took of my shoes and went for it. It's a paved path - some asphalt some concrete - and at the end that I did barefoot I had also a bridge with wide smooth wooden boards and a short set of stairs. :) FUN! It felt really good. I think I will incorporate more and more on my shorter runs. I'd like to get some vibrams just so I'm not totally barefoot, but I have to admit it was pretty convenient to just slip my shoes off, pick em up, and keep on rolling.
I don't think I will ever run barefoot all the time, but we'll see. I do believe it will at least be a good tool in my basket of tools! :)
Then the shoes went back on for my Freestyle Training - while I love the idea of running in the grass, the only place I'd feel comfortable doing that is also in places where people walk their dogs. And I'm not loving the idea of accidently running in poo. And I don't want to go on ground that's more brambly. The path was good for me today, but where I was setting up my Freestyle Trainer was in dirt and twigs and dry grass tufts or whatever the heck and yeah - I wasn't getting my feet in on all that. HAHA :D
Freestyle Trainer workout was good today - so fast, can move from exercise to exercise so easily... if something is too hard you merely adjust your body angle to make it easier and continue (or vice versa) - so no delays of changing out weights etc. I just love it. Today I started with some assisted piriformis/glute stretches, then assisted squats, back extensions into overhead rear delt presses, rows, chest flies, bicep curls, tricep presses, standing oblique twists, and a couple of single arm rows w/ a twist. I think that's everything... yeah and that took 15 min with two sets of 10-12 for each item.
Looking at the river and the trees w/ the breeze blowing - who couldn't love that?
Last night was a bit of crazy eating. My DH - trying to be sweet and lovely - brought me dark chocolate and licorice and I ate it ALL. I mean, YES I love those things. YES I sometimes want it more during TOM. Could I have had the control to eat some and stop? Yes. But I didn't. I chose to eat it all. I know there was a part of me saying - if you eat it all, then it won't be around to tempt you anymore. SO STUPID. That reasoning is ridiculous. If I can remember that I will be able to have more later, I can have some now and it's no big deal, why should it bother me that there is some there that I am not currently eating?
The questions are still there, but I don't want to never have certain foods in the house. I have successfully had chocolate and licorice in the house before and portioned it perfectly. At the time I was tracking my food and fit it in my ranges. I need to learn how to transition that kind of mindfulness into a non-tracking setting. If I can learn to do this it will literally FREE me. I will be able to travel, go to parties, eat out, etc. and not overeat. And what better place to learn than at home? So no, I am not going to scold my husband and tell him never to buy me treats. It's not like he got me something ludicrously unhealthy like a Krispy Kreme bun bacon burger that's been deep fried or something. He didn't get some crazy processed foodwannabe abomination. That I would have just been like - uh, why? hahaha. :) FOOD is not bad. Eating is not bad. Overeating of any kind of food is detrimental to my physical and emotional wellbeing.
So moving on - this morning I had a lovely breakfast of greekyogurt w/ oats (that I left in the fridge to soften while I ran and ...trained) w/ a cut up nectarine and agave nectar. Then I had some PB and pretzel sticks.
Then I stopped.
:) YES! I DID IT! HAHAHA. A little voice inside said, you could go get more PB and pretzel sticks... you could keep eating... and another voice said - yes, but am I hungry? And there was no answer. So I pondered and waited and the answer was no. I am good. I am satisfied. THE. END.
So I was very happy with that success this morning! :) I know I ate a reasonable amount of food - I covered carbs, protein, healthy fats, and fresh produce.
So my affirmations again!
I will eat mindfully.
I will treat my body well.
Food is good!
Eating is good!
I will recognize my hunger and satiety.
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