ZIRCADIA   49,207
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I'm still here!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

I mostly blog when I'm at work and was off between Thursday and now so... HERE I AM! :D haha.

The weekend had it's ups and downs fitness/nutrition wise... Thursday night my sister came and we had fun together! :) Fun activities included: running 2 miles and playing with my freestyle trainer, a big shopping trip to find some great jeans for my sister, eating at a new (to us) hole in the wall BBQ joint, and watching "Easy Virtue". Good times!

The weekend included some mindful and "good" eating and also some overeating. Overall it kinda balanced out -- I am coming up on TOM and I'm not at my recent high, I'm kinda in the middle of where I've been fluctuating so I'm ok with that.

I tried on a lot of clothes while shopping with my sister and discovered that while I am on average 1 size larger than I have been in bottoms - I seem to be finding a lot of that in a great butt and when I tried on some kind of... almost legginglike jeans, my legs looked so freaking fabulous cause you could see my calf muscles and everything. Although they were too small for the butt/hip area although the waist totally would have fit if I could have gotten them any higher up! HAHA. In short - while I'm not in love with my stomach right now (and honestly may never be because of it's weird fat/looseskin lump over the belly button) - in general I was kinda smoking hot. HAHAHAHAHA ok. That is a bit of an exaggeration. But I was honestly concerned that trying on all those clothes might depress me a bit but overall I felt fine and in some cases great! :)

I also confirmed that I DEFINITELY have a longer torso than the average Jane, and it MIGHT be in proportion with my height, but it definitely ruined my attempts to try on a dress that might otherwise have been just a bit snug. The widest "hip" part of the dress happened KINDA around my waist and it snugged up around my hips and butt in a very awkward way. *sigh* dresses will forever be a bit of a challenge for me. I found some jeans that fit like gold but I wasn't shopping for me. (no $$$ for anything that wasn't super cheap and I just wasn't feeling anything in that price range for me that much.)

Still a very fun outing and we successfully scored the perfect jeans for my sister! :)

"Easy Virtue" was kind of a good movie! I ended up really enjoying it even though the end was kind of sad... and good... at the same time. :) Essentially Jessica Biel is this modern American racecar driving firecracker and she marries a modern young man from a stuffy English Family that lives on an estate in the country and she has to go meet the family etc.etc. I think it's set in like... 30's? Not 100% on that... Just guessing by the clothing as I am not so good with historical event references. :) haha. Jessica Biel has a phenomenal body. I think it's fantastic to see a Hollywood Heroine with MUSCLES in her shoulders ya know? Not just soft and skinny.

Saturday I took off of running because we had such a marathon shopping day I decided all that walking deserved a bit of a break. Saturday night before I went to bed I did my favorite yoga podcast - "Lunar Cycle" or something... I love it. Very relaxing and good for the hips.

Sunday I finally got in my 7 miler! WOOT! 7.16 miles to be exact. I've been trying to hit that distance as my "long" run for a few weeks now and have been cut short for various reasons so I'm glad to hit that.

Another thing I've realized with my running is that I was NOT running as much as I thought I was before I was done with that regatta and all the extra rowing.

Mid Jan after I finally got back to running post marathon until I did the Mercedes Marathon relay in Feb I had a few weeks of 11 miles each and then WITH the marathon relay a week of 15 whopping miles!

Then it dropped drastically: My running miles went to 2, 8, 8, 9, 4, 5, FIFTEEN! (in 3 runs - 2.39, 5.23, 7.44 miles), then down to a 2 run week of 7 miles, then it was like 13, 16, 17 (includes 15 miles at the Relay for life!), 14, 20, 20, 16, 15....

So...... honestly I thought I was regularly getting at least 10-15 miles a week before I decided to build my mileage up... ok maybe I thought I was getting at least 15 honestly. And then when I started building I still wasn't getting in as much as I thought because a lot of runs got cut a bit short still... well I've recently had a couple of 20 mile weeks and then the past two have cut back a bit -- but on each of the 20 mile weeks I ran 5 times and the past two I only ran 4 times.

Anyway -- on the one hand it makes me realize I have a lot more work to do, on the other hand it makes me realize HOLY CRAP no WONDER I've been finding it so hard to get in the miles I thought I should be running right now... I mean rowing is great crosstraining but it's not the same as running those miles and I should take it slow. So I've been a lot more accepting of myself taking it easy and doing whatever I need to do to get the run in, if it means it's shorter then so be it. That way I can build up how my body needs to and not on a plan that was more ambitious than it should have been probably. I'll catch up to the plan eventually.

I just need to have my long run at 8-10miles by minimum 6 weeks before my half marathon in September... so.... by the 2nd week of August basically. I have plenty of time considering I can already run 7 comfortably -- so I figure I can work on getting the rest of my mid-week runs built up to consistently longer than 2-3 miles (if I can get in 4 5 mile runs then with an 8 mile "long" run I'm getting 28 miles a week so I should be in my aimed range of 25-35 miles per week going into marathon training later on). SLOW AND STEADY!

And lots of stretching and icing and glute and lat work and whatever all else I need to do to deal with the issues I've been having w/ my hip and piriformis and whatnot.

So that's running stuff...

I cut my hair. Just kinda cut off some dead ends - added some layers to get rid of some dead ends that have been following me around since my short hair cut. I'm not sure what I think about it yet - I'll take some pictures. :) haha. I also have a few pictures I can share from this weekend when I get the chance.

I also submitted a bunch of job applications this weekend. So hopefully I can just continue adding applications and will hear something in the next couple of weeks.

Monday I took off of running because I decided I wanted to try my Tue-Thu + Sat-Sun running schedule again and I was going to run in the evening but then my DH ended up not needing to work on his dissertation just then cause he stayed up late and worked on it the night before so.... we hung out and had fun spending time together and it was definitely worth it! :)

I'm planning to do yoga more regularly and really work my freestyle trainer.

Today I got in 2.4 miles - 3 0.8 mile loops w/ the 1st and last being kind of a warmup and recovery/cooldown loops and the middle being a speedier loop just to change things up and I ran the mid loop at what extrapolates to just under a 10min mile pace so I am very happy to know that I can still do that even if it's not for as long as I used to be able to. I had a good time with my freestyle trainer and picked up a few groceries, our prescriptions, and a new NON COTTON SPORTS BRA! FINALLY! hahahaha.

So..... megalong blog. That's it for now. I was scared to continue on with my nontracking experiment right now but I'm still within that same little range so I'm going to try to work on trusting myself!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLUTTER-BY)L( 6/8/2010 8:28PM

    Glad to see you are still here. I hope that sometime you are happy with yourself. You sound like your body is great. You have achieved so much. Be happy. I say that because I just want to be happy.

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SWEETZMIX 6/8/2010 8:10PM

    sO much info, I dunno what to say....can't wait to see the pics; jessica does have a hot body; glad you enjoyed your time with your sister; good luck on the job applications.....

It was just great "hearing" from you.

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SKYFYRE 6/8/2010 7:33PM

    Wow, you needed to blog! Heehee! I think your running sounds reall, on track for September. Honestly, you are getting miles in and if you keep it up you will have an easy 8 miler long run by then! Congrats on getting the 7.16 down! Wahoo!! Sounds like you are on the ball getting ready for the move, yeah! I hope you get a great job!

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DDHEART 6/8/2010 6:25PM

    I love the way you are learning to appreciate strength and muscles in others and most improtantly in yourself....isn't it a wonderful thing to see the changes in your body? keep having fun!

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KSGROTHE 6/8/2010 5:49PM

    emoticon on the running, and the fun time with your sister, and the balancing act with your food, and the hanging out with your husband, and the new NON COTTON SPORTS BRA! Whew! emoticon

Keep up the good work! You're doing great!

- Karen

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DREMARGRL 6/8/2010 4:46PM

    WEll.....My friend, I think you are doing great with the balancing act and......
I happen to think you really ARE .....SMOKIN' HAWWWWWT!
Loved your blog and catching up with you and what you've been up to. XO MaryAnn
Rawwk on, darlin'!

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JOPAPGH 6/8/2010 4:10PM

    Agree that Jessica Biel = hottie.

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MBSHAZZER 6/8/2010 3:51PM

    I'm so glad to hear you had a good time with your sister, and that the shopping trip was not traumatic! I find shopping traumatic, but because of money (I am a HUUUUUUGGGGEEEEEE tightwad thanks to the way I was raised - blame everything on mom and dad! - but that's the subject of another blog!)

anyway, someone just asked me to do something here at work! GAH! So I have to make this short, but good job with the running... slow and steady wins the race! :D

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Top two priorities checked off...

Thursday, June 03, 2010

...but that's it.

That's ok! I got some things done!

And some other things that really needed to happen... last night when we got home there were some dudes outside looking for their keys. So my DH helped them look for like...forever. HAHA Or it seemed to me. I got cracking RIGHT AWAY making chili. I've been meaning to make chili for a while now and kept doing something else instead.

I totally flew by the seat of my pants with this one -- it contained:

1 onion - finely chopped
1lb lean ground beef - no hormones/etc.goodstuff only.
1 can organic garbanzo beans
2 cans organic "chili beans" blend (no seasoning, just a blend of beans)
2 cans petite diced tomatoes
a couple Tbsp of Chipotle's in Adobo sauce - peppers cut up
chili powder
some dried minced onion to up the onion ante...
and some frozen corn kernels dumped in.

IT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!! Those chipotle peppers REALLY did their thing. WOOT. I have some leftover with my lunch today and I'm excited.

But due to the key hunting, and then some other people were going to come over to watch SYTYCD but didn't and we waited for them for a while, then that was 2hrs long... anyway. I ended up going to bed at 2am - which is about as late as I ever stay up and not my ideal for the night before planning to "GET UP EARLY". Then I got woken up twice during the night to examine a mystery thing that my DH found on the bathroom floor... black round shiny hard what the what? I was bleary eyed and was like, I dunno..... 2nd time it was I dunno but I'm cleaning the bathroom tomorrow so I'm going to sleep.

Well. 6:45 was just too much for me to handle after the 2nd or 3rd wakeup happened around 5:45 so..... I swapped my plan. I would get up at 9:30, bear the heat as it crept in and run 9:45-10:45 or so, hit the store FAST, get home and stuff put away by 11:30, then I'd have 30 min to clean the bathroom and still have about 45-50min left to get ready/eat/etc. Sounds great, right???

Well - I turned off my alarm at some point. Got woken up by my phone ringing at 9:45 though! But I took too long getting ready and trying to find out where to park at the VA, decided to check that out instead of the arboretum today. So....... I didn't start running till at least 10:30... didn't get back home till noon... had barely enough time to shower and eat and I was actually a couple minutes late to work (not that anyone really cares)... but still. No time to clean the bathroom. :( But before I left this morning I did solve the mystery of the little black things on the bathroom floor!

They were the tiny little end caps on the bristles of my brush that had come off. :P

Anyway. I am very glad I accomplished the things I did today. My run was a little shorter than the 4 I wanted - 3.4 instead - but I tried a new place and I got out and ran even though it was hot and humid. And while I didn't get the bathroom cleaned before my sister will be getting here tonight - I DID get us groceries! :)

AND - My sister is leaving Saturday night which is sad because I'd love to hang out with her forever, but it DOES mean I have Monday (which I took off to be with her) to get some "around the house" type stuff accomplished! :D Honestly if my sister goes to bed earlyish tonight and I'm still awake I might clean the bathroom tonight cause it's driving me nuts! I'm secretly hoping my DH decides to clean it, but somehow we have always had the bathroom cleaning be my domain and I didn't want to ASK because he's having a stressful meeting w/ his mentor today and I didn't want to add any burden.

So yesterday's to-do list carries over - only without the grocery shopping!!!! One down that doesn't come back... YET. :)

I hope to still run tomorrow with my sister! :D We'll see. The other stuff can wait until she's gone.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MBSHAZZER 6/6/2010 1:56PM

    I hope you had a wonderful visit with your sister! Man, your life sounds hectic!

I have a secret about the bathroom. I hate to clean it so I do a really cruddy job cleaning it and then BF gets grossed out and cleans it himself because his standards are much higher. Just sayin'....

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FITTYTIF 6/5/2010 2:21PM

    Hey there just stopping by to get back into the subscription of your blog. I have been so out of it lately!!!

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LITTLE_GIRL 6/5/2010 9:13AM

    At least you got the run in. :-) Have a great time with your sister and thanks a ton for the note on my blog the other day. You have been a real motivator for me. Thanks!

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SWEATONCEADAY 6/4/2010 11:59PM

    yummy chilli. i can't even remember what else you wrote cause i am still thinking about the chilli. emoticon

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 6/4/2010 1:36PM

    Chili does sound good. Just doesn't lend itself to cool thoughts.

Enjoy the time with your sister!

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250STRONG 6/4/2010 9:55AM

    Mmmmmmmm chili....... :) Have a great day!

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BRAVE_NEW_ME 6/4/2010 1:48AM

    What a great display of flexibility! Glad you were able to get those top two priorities checked off. =D

And that chili sounds AMAZING!

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SKYFYRE 6/3/2010 11:50PM

    Yikes! Way to get stuff done! And How cool that your sister is in town! That is nice, especially that she will run with you! I love that my brother will ride bike with me!

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DDOORN 6/3/2010 9:05PM

    Jam packed day!

I love playing with recipes that way too. Lately it's been my hummus...anything goes! The last time I sautéed onions, garlic, tomatoes and apples together then used the food processor to zap it all together with the 15 bean mix usually used for soups along with lemon juice, plain yogurt, olive oil, cumin, crushed red pepper and Louisiana lightning...yum!


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KNH771 6/3/2010 7:03PM

    Wow! You had an eventful evening. emoticon The chili sounds great. Chili is one of those flexible pantry things. You can just grab what you have! I almost always have some kind of homemade chili in the freezer.

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KARVY09 6/3/2010 5:27PM

    That chili sounds amazing, thanks for sharing!

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SEEHOLZ 6/3/2010 4:42PM

    Ummm, appearantly, I'm rearraging my schedule all week, every minutes-LOL!

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JOPAPGH 6/3/2010 4:26PM

    Flexibility is a virtue. Glad you got your run in and groceries!

Enjoy the visit...

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TELERIE 6/3/2010 4:21PM

    The chili sounds awesome! I really admire your reviewing and adjusting your program constantly and building in flexibility and doing what you can when you can.
Enjoy the visit from your sister and I hope you have a good run together!

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So how am I doing?

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

On my list from yesterday, let's see how I'm doing so far:

All I know is that I have a plan of action:

1. Talk to DH about my theory re: self-sabotage. emoticon
2. Do ST tonight at home so that I don't feel like I didn't do anything physical today. **** I actually did a couple sets crunches and pushups at work*** emoticon
3. Finish my mission to get the house in order (items other than a to be completed over time - ok actually tomorrow I want b and c to happen as well)--
a. Clean the bathroom tomorrow morning. ***NOT YET***
b. Pack away cold-weather/toowarm clothing ***Put a few things aside***
c. Create a space for sweaty workout clothes to air out - specifically! emoticon!
d. Pack the kitchen items that will not be used before we leave.
e. Pack other items that will go into storage while we're w/ the in-laws
4. GO RUN TOMORROW! emoticon
5. Make a grocery list tonight/tomorrow to be completed shopping on Thursday. Goal - use up pantry items as much as possible between now and when we leave.

So.... I still have:

1. Grocery list tonight shop tomorrow!
3. Clean the bathroom
4. Pack away clothes I won't wear between now and moving day
3. Pack the kitchen items not used between now and moving day
5. Pack stuff that's not coming on the move with us

See what I did there? I accomplished running today but I gotta run tomorrow so it stays. HAHA :D I also prioritized my list by how soon I want things done between now and moving day.

Tomorrow I WILL wake up EARLY to beat the heat for running! I will get my run done EARLY at the arboretum and then go grocery shopping like on one of my favorite days last week. :) Then before I shower I will clean the bathroom. Tomorrow's my last day of work this week and then my sister will be here visiting - HURRAH! I definitely don't want to have chores to do while she's here so that will help motivate me to get everything done tomorrow.


Talked to the DH last night. It felt good to tell him about how I was feeling. I think getting things accomplished around the house has really helped me to feel like I'm Getting Things Done, if you know what I mean. Yes, capitalized. You know that feeling! ACCOMPLISHMENT! SUCCESS! :D hahaha. My failure ANTI-drug! :) He seemed game to go w/ me to the park sometime at night, but he brought up how fun it'd be if we had a dog and I could run a lap w/ the dog and then drop the dog w/ DH for a rest break and then take him w/ me again, etc. And we got sidetracked and just looked at pictures of doggies for adoption and videos of cute puppies for like an hour. HAHAHA. *sigh* sad.

I did NOT do any ST at home last night - BUT! I suspected I might not and to help pass some time at work I did some crunches and girl pushups. I HATE doing girl pushups now. I hate my knees on the ground. I'd much prefer do an angled pushup full length or use my Freestyle Trainer for some deep chest presses or something. It feels so much more effective for the muscles I want to hit without being a pain for other areas (like my wrists and knees). But I did it. Stacking up achievement of small goals to create that upward spiral like it talks about in The Spark! :)

I also ran today - not the 4 miles on my training plan but ..... it was MISERABLE. Absolutely the worst run I've had in a while. My hip/butt was not happy w/ me for sitting all day at work the day before. It was feeling SO GOOD after a weekend of not having to sit here at work. :P I can't wait till this is not part of my daily routine anymore. I need to make sure I get up and move around and stretch throughout the day so that doesn't happen. Plus the heat and humidity were just SMOTHERING me. Tomorrow's run WILL be better.

Thanks for all the great comments on my blog yesterday.

I can do this.
I will trust myself.
I will be good to myself.
I will learn to love myself and realize I deserve both love AND being fit and healthy.
I don't have to be broken to be loved.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNETH7 6/6/2010 1:16AM

    I'm so proud of you! you really have it all figured out. Clean environments DEFINITELY destress me... I'm sure you'll feel better with less clutter.

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CLOVERR1 6/3/2010 2:00PM

    You hang in there; I'll do the same! Funny, we're both struggling a bit at the moment with weight/food/maintenance (andbelief in self) issues.

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MSSUNBUG 6/3/2010 9:43AM

    It looks like you've been doing a lot of thinking, reflecting, planning, organizing, etc. I know you know from your successes already that this is SO key to continued success. And yes, any sort of accomplishment or sense of success you can give yourself just tends to breed more of those things. I make myself to-do lists every day--and sometimes the content is like super lame, but I still do it--because I find it helps me to keep trucking and keep feeling good about myself if I get to check off the things I've managed to get done so far.

Keep puzzling through, and keep striving. You're right--you DESERVE both success and love!

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MDTWEETY 6/3/2010 8:54AM

    Congrats on all you got accomplished!! Love to see all those thumbs up icons! :)
Haha...re: your comment on my blog, my DH is a carnivore too. He would definitely NOT join me in my vegetarian week.

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TRACYZABELLE 6/3/2010 1:35AM

    Getting the shopping done took care of so many things on my list including self sabotage-- when you have your foods you will eat right! Looking forward to the next few days of deliciousness!

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    you rock dana. that is all i have to say.

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BRAVE_NEW_ME 6/2/2010 9:56PM

    Glad you're making so much progress towards your goals. Hope your tomorrow is as productive as your today!

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KSGROTHE 6/2/2010 9:02PM

    emoticon on getting so much done yesterday and having a great plan for today and tomorrow!

Keep up the good work! emoticon

- Karen

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JOHNBABJR 6/2/2010 8:11PM

    "I can do this.
I will trust myself.
I will be good to myself.
I will learn to love myself and realize I deserve both love AND being fit and healthy.
I don't have to be broken to be loved."

Amen, Dana!

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MBSHAZZER 6/2/2010 6:57PM

    Another GREAT blog! I love making lists! You are so organized - that is the first step to actually getting things done! Then you get to cross stuff off the list!

I love that you and DH got off track looking at puppies. Every time the BF and I have a serious but uncomfortable convo, the kitties break any tension!

Sorry to hear it was a bad run - sounds like tomorrow will better - early before the heat!

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DDOORN 6/2/2010 4:42PM

    Bouncing back as ever...Go Dana GO!

Hey, sharing a shout-out from another terrific member and her (4A-HEALTHY-BMI) recent blog about maintaining:


This is just FULL of insights for maintenance!


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    Conrats on getting your list together & prioritizing!

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SEEHOLZ 6/2/2010 4:09PM

    Lots that you already GOT done! Great job Dana--- keep pushing forward.

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RUNTRILAUGH 6/2/2010 3:34PM

    Love the affirmations at the end....

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KARVY09 6/2/2010 3:32PM

    Glad you ticked a few things off your list and had it out with the DH. Sorry the run didn't go as well as you'd like, but at least you gave it a try! And I think crunches and even girl pushups count as strength training!

I agree...

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Losing Weight is not that hard.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

No really, trust me. I've lost a lot of it and it's really not that hard.

You follow a set of parameters, and the math and science speaks for itself. Eat less, move more - weight leaves. Fixing these underlying issues that cause us to gain extra weight is WAY WAY harder.

I'm still not tracking at the moment because I want to learn what I do when I'm not bound by a set of numbers telling me what to do. It's very difficult for me to do this... *sigh* Very frustrating. There have been very good days on this tactic - showing me I know how to treat myself well and am capable of doing it! And then there are some bad days.

I'm trying to figure out what is eating me right now. Today I started to get ready for my run and I thought about all the STUFF that was cluttering around the house -- I would go run and come back and all that stuff would still be sitting there... so I thought to myself, maybe I've been eating worse at home this weekend because of all the clutter putting a background of stress and burden on me and wouldn't I feel great if I got that all taken care of? SO! I did it. I opted not to run (I figure this can be a little cut back week on my running or something so I don't injure myself and get overtrained 3 days off in a row is kind of a lot to me but this was worth it) and I got that all cleaned up.

It feels nice in the house but... there's more to do. I need to clean the bathroom. I need to take care of the bedroom.

There's something else I thought of that might be bothering me as well. So - my sweet and wonderful DH has been feeling "fat" lately himself - he's been gaining weight working on his dissertation and whatnot and he feels very self-conscious about it. I know he feels worried sometimes that I'm going to leave him or something. The thought came into my head that maybe I'm sabotaging myself so that he will not feel bad and that won't be anything that ever comes between us. Now that is stupid. Rationally speaking -- how could hurting myself be productive and positive to our relationship? It's not like I'm actually sacrificing something to his benefit... But I seriously wonder -- I'm doing most of my overeating when he is asleep and I'm by myself so I wonder if that separation is triggering those fears of being alone.......... *SIGH*

STUPID EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And FOOD! Why do we do this to ourselves? I'm a smart woman who knows how to take good care of herself physically, but I don't know that I really understand how to care for these things. At least not yet.

All I know is that I have a plan of action:

1. Talk to DH about my theory re: self-sabotage.
2. Do ST tonight at home so that I don't feel like I didn't do anything physical today.
3. Finish my mission to get the house in order (items other than a to be completed over time - ok actually tomorrow I want b and c to happen as well)--
a. Clean the bathroom tomorrow morning.
b. Pack away cold-weather/toowarm clothing
c. Create a space for sweaty workout clothes to air out - specifically!
d. Pack the kitchen items that will not be used before we leave.
e. Pack other items that will go into storage while we're w/ the in-laws
5. Make a grocery list tonight/tomorrow to be completed shopping on Thursday. Goal - use up pantry items as much as possible between now and when we leave.


I got problems, people! But I think that just makes me human, not a freak. It's hard to deal with. I have been tempted to just simply go back to tracking everything and following the numbers because I know that "works". Well - it DOES work. To lose weight. But I'm afraid that inclination is just another way of running from the hard work it's taking to figure these things out and that it will be much more beneficial to me in the long run to confront them even if it's causing my weight to fluctuate.

I did have some positive actions this weekend.

Saturday I ate too much between when I woke up (very late at like 12:45pm or so) and when I went running later. I stopped eating at around 3pm, so I was eating for around 2 hrs at least. Too much food. I did a 6.5 mile run - cut it short from 7 because of very threatening sounding thunder and the party! - and toward the end I started feeling REALLY sick to my stomach. I was bummed! The host of this party had prepared some of his awesome BBQ, etc. Well -- rather than adding more misery to my miserable self by eating more and more and feeling sicker at the party because I "didn't want to miss out" - I made myself a take home plate to sample the best looking items and just drank a LOT of water.

Later that night I was able to enjoy the food in the comfort of my own home and without feeling sick. So two thumbs up for that! I was proud of listening to my body and finding a way to be flexible.

Yesterday I also ate too much earlier in the day before my DH woke up but then when we went out he wanted to go get some pizza at this place and I was just like *BLURGH* well. We went anyway. I had a bit of the crust and one bite of the pizza because I wanted to taste it and a bite of the tiramisu. Honestly the pizza was NOT good other than the crust (to me). I was very proud of again not just eating to be a part of the group and ordering so I wouldn't MISS anything. I know that is ridiculous and I didn't act on it.

SO! :D One thing kind of conquered this weekend! I also was able to realize that sitting around at home eating and watching TV all day (yep, I was being mindless) made me have a horrible mental image of myself and that when we got out of the house both Sunday evening when I went to my friend's party and Monday evening when we went out to the pizza place (and Target) I was able to see myself in a mirror and in the glass front of the restaurant and realize I was not some huge fat miserable slob - although I was treating myself that way and feeling that way. I was sooooooo stuck inside my HEAD that I was out of touch with reality.

This new thing I'm trying is definitely not going to be a short term weight loss solution but I'm going to stick with it for a while longer. I'm still weighing myself so I do have a number to help keep things overall under control - I'm not trying to gain weight or anything... :P Of course it's gone up after the poor eating days but less than I imagined and I know after a few days of eating better and in reasonable portions it will likely fluctuate back down again. If not I will have to put my experiments on hold for a while so I don't let things get totally out of control to a place that it's harder for me to recover from physically. Does that sound reasonable?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUN_LIFT_EAT 6/2/2010 9:01AM

    Wow! Dana, this is an incredible blog! Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us. I know there are several portions that I can relate to, and I feel confident these themes resonate with a lot of people.

I think counting (you know I don't do it) can definitely serve as a surrogate for other areas of our life that need attention. Which is not at ALL to suggest that it cannot also be useful, healthy, etc.

The armchair psychiatrist in me is really feeling your self-analysis of the situation with your husband. Not to mention the changes you two have gone through with his graduation. Graduation is obviously "good stress" but it is still stress! And our relationships definitely impact upon and influence our diets, self image, etc.

Anyway, you are such a success story! So inspiring and amazing to so many of us, it is really cool how you "keep it real" and show peeps that it takes constant work. I feel like everyday I am battling freaking "psy-ops" in society trying to make us fat! And that is in the best of times, add any extra "stuff" to the constant market/societal pressures we face and it is tough!

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MDTWEETY 6/2/2010 7:48AM

    It does feel fantastic to declutter the house, doesn't it?!?! I've been working on that for a while, since we are getting ready to put the house on the market. I truly believe that when my life and stuff around me is cluttered, my brain becomes cluttered too, and that does not lead to good decisions. :) Glad you were able to pinpoint some of the emotions that could be holding you back. Maintenance is way harder than losing weight. I think it's always going to be a bumpy journey but one that is totally manageable. Thank goodness we have Spark! :)

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LITTLE_GIRL 6/2/2010 7:17AM

    Wow! You certainly seemed to have nailed it. I have have had a lot of those same emotions, etc... Thanks for sharing and letting us all know we aren't alone. And thanks for saying that losing weight isn't hard. While that is a tough thing for me to hear, I appreciate it and see it for the truth it is. Thanks!

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TRACYZABELLE 6/2/2010 7:17AM

    We are going shopping today-- I made my list!!

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SOHOJOSE 6/2/2010 4:22AM

    Wow, scary. I've been going through some of the same stuff as well.

Good luck to you. You sound like you got things under better control than I do. Great job on making a list and wanting to talk to the DH about your feelings. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

Thanks again for showing me that I'm not the only one out feeling this stuff.

Take care!

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WOLFKITTY 6/2/2010 12:17AM

    I know, I KNOW!!! OMG.
Take care, Dana! You're always a good example.

Love ya,

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    As for the tracking thing, I know when I was doing it seriously I tried to never miss a day and by the time I'd done it for three or so months I knew I could pretty much guess the calories in what I was eating. When I stopped for a week just to see what would happen I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was still doing okay once I started again!

That was a long time ago, though...I'm going to try to do that again! It is good to not be a slave to tracking and the trick to that is to try to work what a certain amount of calories looks like into your brain.

That's just what worked for me....and hopefully will again!

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DDOORN 6/1/2010 9:28PM

    Kudos, kudos and MORE kudos to you Dana!

Your blog is full of SMARTS just EVERYWHERE! Sure we ALL have problems, you betcha! But diggin' down in to unravel, to peel the onion...whew! THAT'S the hard work behind maintaining!

Thank you so much for sharing because I'll tell ya: I see an AWFUL lot of ME in your experiences and I'm betting there are BUNCHES of us all over who are reading your blog just nodding in empathy and having light bulbs going off over the insights you are sharing too!


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KSGROTHE 6/1/2010 8:29PM

    Great plan! I think for me, I haven't learned to get the numbers (especially calories in!) under control yet. So, losing weight seems hard to me because it seems hard to stay in my calorie range. But I know what you mean about how it theoretically is not that hard. I know what to do in theory, but actually doing it is another story!

Good luck with your well-thought-out plan! emoticon

- Karen

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ETTEZEUS 6/1/2010 7:42PM

    Hum, I never thought about not food tracking. To me, it's just become a habit. Now, there have been times where I haven't tracked in a while but it's was because of knowing that I overate at the restaurant or BBQ or friends house for dinner. Or the 2 weeks we were in NY, staying with family and not having a say in what was being cooked. And the results of not tracking were not good.

Your blog gave me something to think about.....mindful eating and knowing what and how much I eat, without tracking.


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TAMTAM64 6/1/2010 7:33PM

    You are right on target that it is way harder to maintain weight loss & figure out "what is eating you" than losing weight. Anybody can lose weight if they put their minds to it but really transforming the brain & way of thinking is the key to keeping it off.

I believe you have to be "aware" of what you are eating during maintenance but tracking every calorie and measuring out every portion is not the way to live til you die...

You know what the good choices are. You know what reasonable portions are. You know what it feels like to be hungry & full and you know what it feels like to overeat.

One of the greatest lessons you can learn is to "Trust Yourself" - trust in yourself that you are more than able to eat well, eat wisely, and enjoy your food without having to worry about gaining the weight back.

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SWEETZMIX 6/1/2010 6:43PM

    Very true, what causes us to gain weight, over eat and binge are really hard.

I think it's awesome your going to talk to your DH, maybe now that is finished with his dissertation maybe you guys can spend some extra time exercising together. Even if it is just a walk or some ST a day a week. I know it's alot easier when we, the BF and myself, are a team and on the same page. He can still eat way more than me, but he makes the effort to eat a little healthier and measure stuff for me. Plus him dropping a few pounds haven't hurt either lol

I agree about just getting your place together. I did a full clean of my apartment this weekend and realized it was full of dust (I leave the windows open.) But I know when things are in its place, it's kinda peaceful for me.

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JOHNBABJR 6/1/2010 6:41PM

    I like your plan, Dana, and love your positive outlook!

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MISSY_MAGOO 6/1/2010 6:12PM

    Oh Dana- you're sounding like me right now. Luckily I haven't gained any more, but that's purely because of all the running- if it wasn't for that I'd be in trouble cuz my eating has not been good. And I'm doing the same- eating while hubby sleeps or whatnot. Do I not want him to know I'm eating junk? I think it's those old ashamed feelings- knowing I'm doing something "bad" but not wanting to stop it. Notice I didn't say 'not being able to stop it'. I could stop- I could put the chocolate down and walk out of the kitchen, but I'm don't... *sigh* we both gotta figure it out.
And big pat on the back to you for doing so well at the BBQ- controlling the urge to social eat is one of my big struggles. Not just to be not left out but I think for me it's a "look- I eat! I promise you I didn't starve the weight off" thing... anyways- yay you on the BBQ!

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BRE7482 6/1/2010 6:09PM

    I think what you're saying makes complete sense. Also, if you're self sabatoging it's good of you to recognize it now. I have self sabotaged for different reasons before, but by the time I realized it, it was way too late. I know you'll get it all work out and do just fine.

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ANEPANALIPTI 6/1/2010 5:55PM

    I admire you a lot! Thanks for sharing!!!!

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SEEHOLZ 6/1/2010 5:04PM

    I love this blog--- i have been doing some thinking myself about tracking v non-tracking, stress, overexercising etc.
I commend you for DEALING with your REAL issues rather than just "controlling" them with tracking!

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    Totally reasonable AND I'm SO VERY where you are. I over did it some this weekend too and was all in my head feeling totally like my FAT self again when in reality I'm not - I'm a healthier and "lighter" person and the scales this morning did show an increase!! ARRGGHH!!! BUT, the one thing bad from this rather long weekend was the fact that I didn't drink my water each day as I normally do so I'm sure some of that is water weight and like you I'll continue to watch and if it doesn't go back down then back to tracking every single thing and putting off "learning" to eyeball everything!!

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    ooo i like sharon's brain training saying. i guess that is what i am working on too. what an insightful blog. very well written i may add too.

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MBSHAZZER 6/1/2010 3:38PM

    Dana, I think your plan sounds very reasonable. You are one smart woman! First of all, I think it's key to realize that tracking all the time is no way to live and no way to maintain. Just not feasible in the long run. Second of all, it's extremely insightful to realize that if weight were all about the math, not very many people would be overweight! There is sooooo much more going on than just food, so identifying those issues for yourself is the key to maintaining your weight loss.

Now, I've never been overweight, but I still have days where I feel enormous... so I can imagine that for someone who has lost A LOT of weight, it can be hard sometimes to reconcile the brain with the body... it sounds like what you are doing is GREAT "brain training" for continued success! And like you said, if things start getting out of control, you can always go back to the tried and true calorie counting before things get out of hand.

GREAT blog! :D

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KARVY09 6/1/2010 3:37PM

    Yeah, maintenance sounds terrifying to me, so I applaud you for being so honest about it and sharing your journey with us rather than just splitting and letting us wonder what happened to post-weight loss Dana.

I know that I gained a lot of my weight around bar exam time so I can understand what your DH is going through. Perhaps there is an activity you both can do that quick and enjoyable and makes him feel better about himself. I know if someone told me "OK, we're going to play tennis for an hour a week" during that time it might have allowed me to channel my nerves into something other than food.

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Rest Day

Friday, May 28, 2010

Yep. Not a lot to blog about.

Just wanted to say that when reading over my last blog I thought it seemed pretty mean/offensive when I said I got eyerolly over her spirituality. On the one hand - I have to admit, it's true - but it's not so much her beliefs as the way she writes about it -- like some new agey amorpheous spiritual ... I dunno. Hard to put my finger on it. It's the attitude and not the content. Because as I wrote, the content actually did resonate with me after I got past the initial annoyance factor of the packaging on those particular subjects. :)

I do have respect for other people's varying belief systems and would never roll my eyes at someone if they were telling me about their beliefs! I do draw a line somewhere but it's not at people who believe in a higher power that isn't necessarily God, or at people who are just atheist or something... more so at super crazy cult like beliefs. :) haha.

Looking forward to the concert tonight!!

I was looking at the weather forecast for the weekend trying to plan when I'll run and honestly - NO time looks good. I know I'll be up late tonight and probably tomorrow night (concert, party - although BWRC parties aren't known to be all night ragers or anything.. HAHAHA) and the heat and humidity here in AL are just NOT letting up anytime soon. Getting up early will most certainly result in a dead on the feet run, but sleeping in will result in having to run at the hottest part of the day. It's quite a conundrum. I'm thinking what I'll do is flip my runs AGAIN - I've been WANTING to do my "Long Run" on Saturday and the shorter weekend run on Sunday - like a long run and then recover run - but considering I have a better chance of getting to bed earlier on Saturday night...and there's a nice block of "mostly cloudy" weather on the forecast for Sunday morning.... I'm thinking 3-4 tomorrow and aiming for 7 again on Sunday.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 5/31/2010 9:45AM

    Hope the runs worked out like you planned.

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ANEPANALIPTI 5/30/2010 7:37AM

    Hope you get that run in! :)

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JOHNBABJR 5/29/2010 9:56PM

    Dana, I hope you're enjoying the concert. Good luck on your runs; I know what you mean about the heat and humidity!

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BRE7482 5/29/2010 12:14PM

    I saw the author when she was on Oprah a few weeks ago and had a few eye rolling moments myself lol! I hope the concert was fabulous!

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MBSHAZZER 5/29/2010 7:22AM

    Could you run in the early evening, or would that run into your plans?

I didn't think your last blog post was offensive at all. People's spiritual / religious beliefs, or lack thereof, are personal. If someone is sharing them with you, it's either because they trust you (and like you said, you would never eyeroll in that case) or because they are putting it out there in a public forum in a book, which then opens them up to criticism. FWIW, I do the eyeroll thing when I read about things that are a little "fringe".

Have a great weekend!

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KSGROTHE 5/28/2010 5:37PM

    Hey, do you have a day off on Monday (Memorial Day)? Maybe you could do one of your runs that day.

Have a emoticon weekend!

- Karen

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SEEHOLZ 5/28/2010 2:37PM

    Have a fun week-end! I checked out the book in the bookstore, but have to write my research paper first... more interested now.

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