Monday, May 17, 2010
... I eat in front of the TV.
I think this needs to change - STAT.
This is where I have these episodes of overeating I mention. I've always eaten in front of the TV - it's rare for me to even think of a time where I've been at home and NOT eaten in front of the TV.
I think building a new habit of NOT eating in front of the TV will combat the overeating. I'm eating good food - my house doesn't have a bunch of junk in it - but I'm still eating too much. I'm not tracking when I'm not at work, and coinciding with the not tracking at home is all the eating in front of the TV.
I'm NOT going to say I can't watch TV while eating -- but I'm going to sit at our table. I know I will make minor minor exceptions to this rule. It's just wrong to eat popcorn sitting at a table. Sorry. HAHAHA And if I'm drinking hot chocolate, I'm going to be cuddling on the couch. But seriously, I think I need to break the association of sitting on the couch, watching TV, and eating. I think I get this feeling like I need to constantly be munching. When I'm busy, out of the house, etc. - I eat better. When I'm at home and "relaxing" I'm consuming food almost constantly. This NEEDS to change. It's worse when I'm alone. If DH is sleeping.
I made these AMAZING "protein" bars for the bake/yard sale. Very similar to my previously used recipe (Heaven's Protein Bars on Sparkrecipes.com), only w/ applesauce instead of water in the wet mixture. Everyone raved about them! But I ate sooooo many between yesterday and today.
I am going to start logging my food on paper as well. I think I need to help rebuild the consciousness that if I'm not tracking it online, it still counts. :P I came to work and wrote down/estimated everything I've eaten so far today and it totals 1200 calories. THAT'S A WHOLE DAY of a dieter's calories in the MORNING. Well, obviously I'm not hungry right now for my usual "snack". When I entered my very light lunch plus a snack for later this evening, I come in at 1615. My goal is to come in close to 2000 calories today.
Yesterday I made myself too late to get to church on time, so I stayed home - didn't run - just stayed home and did some of this mindlesscouchtveating. By the time DH woke up I was full, but then I did eat a little more after he was awake. I was supposed to run 7 miles yesterday according to my selected mileage building plan, actually planned on 6.5... but I almost didn't go at all.
I started getting all guilty and depressed over not going to church AND eating too much AND not doing any chores around the house AND not running earlier and all of this nonsense. Luckily my DH is pretty much the best in the world. He helped me open up to him and he helped me feel better and also decide to actually get out there and do my run. He helped remind me that I would feel better if I did it - I would have a sense of having accomplished something instead of all the guilt and shame I was feeling.
ISN'T HE THE GREATEST????
I confessed to him I was afraid to talk about these feelings because I just feel so stupid for making the same mistakes over and over again - I eat too much, feel guilty and beat myself up. Until I get out of my little bubble of emotion inside my head. You know - it reminds me now that I'm writing about it of something that came up in Women Food and God... something that flipped a switch in my head.
She wrote about how we feelings are an emotion that happens - strictly the feeling that we have, and reactions are the conclusions we draw about what we're feeling. Over time if you have the same reaction over and over again, that turns into a belief. Anyway - she wrote about how people will experience a reaction that is based in the past - and not on actual current events.
For example - she wrote about how someone was feeling lonely because her daughter moved out of the house and through prompting about asking her what was wrong with being alone, she found out that she was tying the lonely feeling to being left alone with a pervert uncle as a child and that abuse and feeling out of control etc. Sometimes we don't follow our feelings to the root and we just get stuck in this panic place.
My guilt about eating to much.... my feelings of shame... I found I was feeling afraid to show DH these feelings because I was worried he'd get tired of dealing with my problems!! I dunno where that comes from, but the reaction that I was getting to that was being prompted by the feelings just didn't make sense once examined in the light. I was getting stuck in a dark place inside my head that WAS NOT REAL. You know? Does that make sense? Whether it's specifically based in a past traumatic event like the example in the book or not, sometimes these reactions - the conclusions based on feeling/emotion - can be debunked if we find out what we're really getting at.
I learned this a while ago when I examined some feelings around not thinking I could go exercise for whatever reason - corporate lawyer trainer was born! HAHAHA :D The logical voice of reason to tear holes in the stupid excuses my subconscious mind was supplying to me not working out based on some basic fear. Was I really afraid of people seeing me do some move and that's why I said I wasn't going to the gym cause I didn't have enough time? (After making myself not have enough time by dilly dallying... ) hahaha. You know? Some seemingly rational coverup reason for the irrational underlying cause?
*sigh* I'm maybe getting a bit too deep for anyone's good right now, even my own, but I am obviously, clearly, still a work in progress. I have great days where my relationship with food is healthy and I feel fantastic, I make great choices and feel like I am demonstrating my idea of a good healthy diet. And other days I eat mindlessly and even maliciously (acknowledging I'm full but saying dangit I want to eat this anyway so I'm going to do it) and I don't understand why. But I'm working on understanding the why. And in the process trying to minimize the damages by putting boundaries in place.
So - new boundary. Food is not a pastime for my mouth to have something to do while I'm entertaining my mind with TV. I will eat at the table. I will not require the television to be off, but I will set boundaries around my mealtimes and even the majority of my snacks by eating them at the table.
BAM! DONE!!!!!!! hahaha. :)
It might be the next step needs the TV to be off, but we'll try this first. I actually think it will make a big difference.
Anyway -- end result yesterday I did my run, got in almost 5.5 miles (so only 1 mile short of what I intended to do), did some stretching afterward, felt accomplished. My run was very uncomfortable for alot of it because of side stitches and stomach cramps. (*DUH*) DH and I went to see Iron Man 2 which was awesome but I did embarrass myself by struggling to stay awake and totally ANSWERING A QUESTION ASKED ON SCREEN TO ANOTHER CHARACTER out LOUD. YES. HAHAHAHA. I was just sitting there and I was like, "Yes" And then I was like - holy crap, did I just say that out loud?!??!? The theater was nearly empty - I think there were 3 other little bunches of 2-3 people aside from DH and I... so ... yeah I wonder if anyone heard me but DH... hahaha.
Today was a rest day from workouts. I went grocery shopping, got some great deals on some meat that I'm excited about - some eye of round steaks that mostly went in the freezer. It's Laura's Lean Beef brand, so very lean, and no antibiotics or hormones which I like. Woot. Also some chicken breasts on sale.
Rowing is switching to a sign-up system for every row and I left before I realized that I didn't sign up and can't email from work, but it's ok - tomorrow I will run 4 miles and do some more with my Freestyle Trainer. Ditto for Wednesday. And then Thursday will be a row and 4 miles running but maybe no Freestyle Trainer. I need to figure out a plan for what I will do with that thing exactly. I watched some awesome videos Saturday evening to get ideas and get pumped. :) It totally worked. HAHA But I still want to have a better plan of what I intend to do - I'd like to use it often, so a muscle group rotation seems to make sense, but it's such a great full body tool that I don't know that's the best way to make use of it. So I'm still thinking on this. Maybe Mon/Wed/Sun? Monday's typically been an off day, maybe Monday's I can actually do some lower body work plus upper body and core on it since it's a non-running day, then Wed/Sun I can do strictly upper body and core type stuff to supplement my run. Long run's are scheduled for Saturday's so Sunday's run will be short ones.. yeah. I like it! I missed one day this week though for this particular plan so we'll see. I might do Tue/Thur/Sun instead...
Friday, May 14, 2010
So I am really enjoying today's day off! My muscles are nicely sore from yesterdays workouts. :)
Not a lot to write about.
Still reading a lot about running running running running. The "plan" I'm using for building my mileage right now calls for 7 miles tomorrow and 4 on Sunday, but I'm thinking I'll flipflop since I have the yard/bake sale tomorrow morning set up at 6:30am. It's right ON this 4 mile trail I like, so I'm thinking get there at sunrise, do my 4 miles, and be there to set up. This will be great because I prefer to run in the morning than the evening, and especially since I'll be running again Sunday...
Last weekend I ran Saturday evening and was soooooooo not feeling like running again Sunday morning... so I didn't, ended up rowing Sunday afternoon instead of running and so my other run got tossed out the window. So this should work a lot better! Although there are forecasted storms for Sunday morning right now.... but I'm not planning to sign up to row if I don't get my run in this time!!! So that should help as well. :P We'll see. I might go run in the rain. As long as it's not lightning and whatnot. And maybe the forecast is wrong anyway... it's only a 30% chance.
I didn't track dinner last night -- but it was a giant skillet of veggies + tempeh pretty much. Good stuff. I used some Makoto Ginger Dressing for flavor, there were onions, red bell pepper, bok choy, garlic... I think that's all the veg. LOTS of bok choy! I added a splash of some brown rice vinegar after adding the leaves of the bok choy at the end (after adding the tempeh with the original veggies for a bit). It was really good! I sprinkled on some Gomashio (unhulled sesame seeds and salt) on top. The tempeh was so good to me -- like a mix between tofu and soft cooked cashews. I am totally sold! haha :D
Haven't tracked today either. I ate a lot. of cottage cheese + pumpkin flax granola this morning and a wasa cracker w/ a Tbsp of Natural PB on it. Good stuff - just a bit much on the cereal/cottage cheese front. Since then - an apple, my amazing steelcutoats/proteinpowder/cinnamon deal, almonds, strawberries+fage... and snack later is tuna.
VERY NICE CLEAN eating. :) The pumpkin flax granola is a processed item, but good ingredients. I'm happy with today's food choices aside from the amount of breakfast. I'm thinking tonight will be some grilled portabello caps (cooked in the oven w/ olive oil/garlicwhateverelse...) and then I can sautee some zucchini and squash that I picked up, and stuff that all in a pita w/ some feta cheese.... yeah. I'm stoked. :) hahahaha. Side of couscous maybe. woot. DH might say - WHERE's MY MEAT?! :D haha.
OK so since I have nothing better to talk about than detail all my food for the day I guess that's about it. I hope my yard/bake sale isn't a flop!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I got like 4 hrs of sleep last night, then I got up - assembled my Freestyle Trainer straps and headed to rowing. Rowing was good - but I think I was just not feeling it this morning due to being tired or something. It wasn't bad, just not awesome.
Then over to the park to run - I haven't run in this park in a WHILE cause it's close to where we USED to live... but I knew it had lots of swingsets where I could set up and the loop around the park is a mile - much more tolerable for 4 miles than something a lot shorter. I allllmost stopped after 3 miles... just so tired but I knew I was mentally tougher than that so I kicked myself in the butt and continued on for the last mile loop.
Then I could play with my new toy! :D
IT. WAS. AWESOME. I did some chest presses first thing after getting them set up. Like a very high inclined pushup/wall pushup but hanging from the straps instead of leaning against a wall or a stable bar. My arms were shaking trying to hold steady! :D I could realllly feel my muscles working for stability as well as the strength to press my body weight back up.
Next I flipped over - so like a long lean backwards - and did some rows. These felt GREAT. I definitely can work on leaning more on this to up the intensity as I progress, also you can do single arm rows. Very cool.
Next I took them over head, leaning face down/away again for some tricep presses. HOLY FREAKING CRAP! I felt like I probably looked like I was doing nothing but I know my tri's will be killing me later!!!! haha.
Then I brought my hands facing palms in straight ahead of me in the same lean to do some chest flies - opening with arms slightly bent to about as far as I thought I could go without losing it all (maybe upper arms got in a line, I hope it was close, but lower arms were definitly not with them) and then pressing back together.
OH I alternated sets (10 chest presses, 10 rows, 10 chest presses, 10 rows, then tris/flies/tris/flies)
I kind of attempted a pullover/lat pulldown thing but it didn't feel like anything and I hadn't really looked at that move so I'll have to look that up...
Then I got down and put my feet in the foot loops to try some ab stuff. This didn't last long! HAHAHAHA
Not solely because it was very challenging -- but also because I was on mulch/barkchip/whatever and although I cleared a space in the dirt for my hands I just wasn't feeling that situation. I'm thinking get some of those gardner knee pads or something. Anyway - I really LOVED the way it felt to do the suspended plank. Very challenging, but felt amazing. I was going to try bringing in the knees but I moved too fast and totally had to stop. hahaha. That's the thing -- when doing ab moves on this stuff you have to use a lot of control in the movement - which is GREAT for actually working those muscles. I played around bringing forward one knee at a time, and also tried the beginning of a pike movement which I was not able to bring in very far but felt very cool.
I'm excited to incorporate this into my workout routine! :D
Then to home and I logged everything, showered, and watched ANTM finale. I'm happy with who won - she deserved it! WOOT. Although the runner up was my favorite in photos for the most part... eat some food... and I have about 1 hr to nap before I have to get up and get going to work.
*sigh* SOOOO SLEEPY!!!!!!!! I did too much this morning but I couldn't help myself with any of it. hahaha. Tomorrow is a day off from workouts, though - so I will take advantage of the sleep I will be able to get tonight. :)
I think I may go over on my calories today as well -- in a purposeful, tracked, and controlled way. I am too drained right now to make it through the rest of the day on what I have been working with this week. I brought some more substantial snacks to help and I'm going with it. I might be able to make everything fit - gonna look up some sparkrecipes for the veggies and stuff I have yet to make and see what I can do - but if I go over, I will go over with real food and I will track it and make sure it's not a whole lot (about 200-250 cal max I think) and it will all be ok. :)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
That's what I ate last night. :) hahaha. But I'm ok with that. I was hungry, I ate real food... granted dinner probably could have been better from the get-go but I made what DH wanted which was hot dogs - and I had only one to stay within range, but then I was hungry so I ate a banana and went over range so...? eh. HAHA.
The hot dogs were a new kind for us - Oscar Meyer NATURAL - no nitrates. I think I still prefer my Hebrew National 97% fat free actually, but they were good. Smoked and Uncured. We ate them in pitas - mine w/ spinach, ketchup + mustard. I ate some baby carrots to up the veggie/filling quotient, but also some Terra Chips (original) which I think are on the healthy side of the chips scale, but still are chips.
ANYWAY MOVING ON FROM FOOOOOOOD.
Hungry today. I tracked everything and I realized I'm about 200 cal short of where I usually am before dinner. Well there ya go! haha. :P
This morning I waited too long for the UPS man to come and bring my freestyle trainer. Finally I said - DANA! Get your butt out the door and run! For time not distance. 20 min out and back and just get it DONE. Well I went about 21min out and then came back and would've been back faster (which is good considering the way out included a 5min walking warmup, but then again the way out is downhill and the way back is up hill so.. eh) BUT! I had to wait for a funeral procession to go by. Still beat the way out by about 15 seconds. :) haha. covered 3.2 miles in 41:45 which is about a 13min average pace, but all things considered (heat, hilliness, funeral processions) I'm good with that. Tomorrow will be an eaaaaaassyyyyyyyy run though. It's scheduled to be a 4. After rowing. woot.
And when I got back to my door - the freestyle trainer box was sitting there! Small but impressively hefty for it's size. :) I haven't "assembled" it yet - you have to do some of that yourself, there are instructions on the website - to get the adjustable buckles on there and the handles and the hanging S-buckles. (Very easy! just no time this morning.) But I did open it up and the handles have a great weight to them that I am happy about, the buckles seem heavy duty and whatnot. YAY!
That's about it for now...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I let a little bit of emotional eating get to me last night, but I'm ok with it. It's over. Moving on.
I just overdid some chocolate, but you know what? It's gone now. haha. Sad. It wasn't as bad as I have done it in the past, not too big a deal, but I still wish I had listened to what part of me was hungry that wasn't my stomach!
Well, today I am actually hungry and I will fill my stomach only with real food. And sugarfree gum. ;) And water. But no crap! Not that there is any in the house now -- it's pretty much allllllllll good stuff. :D YAY!
Reading Women Food And God by Geneen Roth at the recommendation of a sparker - who was it?!? KASHMIR? I don't remember. Whoever it was - THANKS! It's a bit ... psychobabbleoverspiritual for me at times, but mostly it's spot on thus far and I'm really hoping it can help me to get my relationship w/ food better.
This morning was a GREAT row - in the 4+ w/ 3 lovely ladies, not the racing lineup but our coach was in the launch instead of rowing and another great rower was in there (I was actually surprised she didn't want to race when it came up before to be honest), so it was a good workout. Then I tried my new shoes for 3 miles and it was a good run. I really pushed myself to keep my pace higher since I knew I was only running for 3 miles. It sucks that that means a pace of 11:19 per mile, but hey - gotta start somewhere. My last 1/4 mile was at a pace of 8min miles (2 min for the 1/4) so I know I have some speed in me somewhere. I also know had I been fresh (not had such a kickbutt awesome rowing workout) I could run a lot faster for a 1/4 mile but seriously - if I could maintain an 8min mile pace over distance I'd be seriously thrilled. Even taking it to that first 5K distance - that'd be a 24:48 5K I think? That's like 5:09 off of my current PR... LONG way to go in a short distance. But still. Imagining if I could develop myself enough to maintain that speed over a marathon.... that'd break a 3.5hr marathon if I'm doing my math properly.... HAHAHAAHA WOahhh don't expect that to ever happen, but seriously. There are people out there that do it!!!
The thing with running - seems a lot of people out there feel that all it takes is training and hard work to get to a position to be a Boston Qualifier for MOST people.... like not just a few. It seems the breakdown then is from BQ to elite for TALENT/biomechanics whatever to make that jump. Because I am such a new runner and I have never put in the kind of mileage that people usually have to go through to discover their potential for Boston Qualifying -- I really DON'T KNOW if I'm one who can make it or not. The theory is that while only 10-11% qualify for Boston (that number apparently including those who requalify running multiple marathons in a year), that the rest of the people don't put in the time and mileage and work to really test the limits of their potential.
For many that might not even be a remote priority OR a realistic possibility -- work/family commitments and other passions might mean that while they are a solid marathoner and love running marathons, they put in the smallest amount of training that will let them feel happy about their results - and that may be just to finish. I was definitely happy with doing that last year at my first!!! :D But now that I've seen how others do it... I'm game.
Assuming I am able to commit the time to training over the amount of time it will take for me to get there - I want to find out what my potential really is. Because it may take years for me to build up to that kind of training - building a strong high mileage base and then being able to incorporate harder speed work could take a very long time considering I will need to ensure I am not moving too fast for remaining injury free. Maybe as I go along other things will come up that preclude me from having the time to commit - like babies. HAHAHA or something.
But hey - as long as I am able I'm willing to give it a shot and see what this theory is all about. And I figure that if I still am not able to BQ, that's ok - I really am not considering that as a necessity to make my running career a happy one. :D I just want to improve and see what I can do.
So anyway -- I'm not sure I rambled HERE about this yet... maybe I did. But it's been on my mind a lot lately and I wanted to share. :)
Freestyle Trainer should arrive tomorrow - want to try that out with a 4 mile run as well. OH and TOM should also be arriving... yayyyy... *fingertwirl*
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