Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Although I knew that one person I was up against did not only have experience from my department (thereby having the one advantage I have of being an internal hire and knowledgeable about company processes) but also was actually taking courses in MIS or something and therefore has more academic computer knowledge than I do and possibly a better fit.
So - the bright side?
I don't have to become a morning person! I don't have to work on Sundays, EVER! I don't have to do the at-home once or twice a month Sunday morning checks from 3-7am! I don't have to feel conflicted about taking a new position and then leaving really soon (which may or may not happen, but theoretically DH will be done with school this semester and if that's the case, I'd be in the new position like...4 months?)! Obviously I didn't mention the possibility that was over SOON but they know that he's in school working toward his PhD, and that I'd likely return to school when he's done. Oh well.
It was worth a shot. There is comfort in knowing things can stay the same to a certain extent. Also it would have been more of a challenge with the transportation I think -- since we have one car. DH would have had to take me to work EARLY in the AM so that he could have the car for meetings, and if he had a meeting that lasted longer then my shift would have been (which apparently happens on a regular basis) I'd be stranded at work again.
Not to mention that it was likely not a difference in pay, a possibility of it being less, not that I would have taken it if I thought it'd be consistently less, but my current position earns a commission, but does not really have any overtime, whereas the new one would have overtime on a regular basis, but no commission. So..... if my base pay stayed the same I might break even, might be less -- but it's kind of hard to say. Either way it would NOT have been a significant INCREASE.
I was mainly interested in shaking things up and learning something new. It would have been a good experience but it's not heartbreaking -- the main thing is being disappointed about not leaving a position that I'm dissatisfied with. BUT! I know that a lot of that is in my own hands -- my own attitude towards my job and the vigor and vim with which I take it on will make a big difference in how I feel about it as well. It's so strange how that goes -- but attitude and perspective make such a HUGE difference.
I have learned that this is applicable in all aspects of life.
If I get a poor attitude about my job - even if it might be founded in something very legitimately upsetting - it makes it difficult to rectify those things I'm upset about and to move forward in a positive manner. If I remain negative and keep to myself, with all my negative emotions and thoughts and bitterness swirling within me, and just keep doing the minimum because I'm resentful, and count down the hours till I go home -- everything SUCKS.
When I get a positive and go-get 'em attitude -- when I turn my negative experiences into positive ideas of how things can be better, and reach out to my colleagues, and pro-actively take steps to make things happen, I get a sense of accomplishment, my colleagues become more friendly and positive, and the only thing I risk is the sense of being undervalued.
That is the one thing that I struggle with really -- this feeling of not wanting to do TOO MUCH because I'm not being adequately rewarded for it. Considering my options are limited, I may not have a lot to GAIN from doing my best (in a worldly monetary and praise type way), but I can still be proud of what I do and portray myself in my best light.
I have often let my bitterness about not being promoted already lead me to not performing to my potential. Why shouldn't I be the best I can be at what I do?
It's frustrating to feel that I don't have the opportunities to really benefit in a tangible way from stepping outside the box, but it's what I have. So I need to make the best of it.
I am very grateful to HAVE a job and I want to make sure that I keep it and appreciate it! I know not everyone is as lucky as I am in that respect and there are a lot of positives here that I DO appreciate vs other jobs I have had in the past - *AHEM* Radio Shack *AHEM*!
In other news --
Rowing this morning was GREAT! :D It was a bit slow at first, and every time we STOPPED rowing I got cold, but when we were moving I was feeling good. I feel like I'm maybe getting the hang of being the STROKE seat. I hope that my music background will help me keep a consistent rhythm and whatnot -- the worst thing is being behind someone who is inconsistent and having to always adjust and second guess the timing. It was a LITTLE hard to tell at times how things were going because the starboard rower behind me today is one of our BRAND NEWBIES and so she was doing a lot of relearning -- but at times things were really good along the boat.
It's kind of hilarious -- our cox is a tall dude. Usually coxswains are tiny women. Well -- he's slim, and a man, so his narrow hips fit in the seat, but he has to fold up quite a bit. I hit him in the leg with my oar! A few times... ok the first time felt like kind of a hit, the others like I brushed probably mostly clothing - he said I didn't wound him or anything. HAHAHA. But I wanted to ask to make sure that although it didn't feel like I hit hard for me, I wasn't just like -- oh WHATEVER WILL'S FINE and I was bludgeoning him. (Not that he's a wimp, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a jerk!) The good thing is that means I'm getting a really good stretch, making for a longer stroke -- but then again, I'm 6'2" so that's kind of expected of me. If wasn't reaching far then something would be wrong!
After rowing I headed to the gym for NROL4W. Today was the LAST TIME I'm doing the normal Stage 1 Workout A! :D YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha.
Next week I'm doing a version of the Stage 1 Workouts A&B that does not require multiple sets of anything, just one set - using the same weight/setup as the FIRST week, but as many reps as possible. It's used as a demonstration to show how much stronger you've gotten.
I remember my first workout I squatted without any additional weight, I was doing wall pushups, and my step ups were on kind of a low step. Those are the main things I know will be significantly different, and I'm excited to BLOW THROUGH THOSE. I wonder how many wall pushups I can do now? :D hahaha. Today I was working on the second rung of the bench press thingie for my pushups -- so I'm still working my way down to full. I might need to push myself faster, but honestly, I want to be able to do them VERY STRONG when I get down to the full military pushup and not just be squeaking out reps with bad form. Ya know? So I'm taking it slow on that particular exercise. Upped my Squat's weights today and it felt good. Did better on my prone jacks -- completed two sets of 15 in a row without re-setting.
So I went home, had my protein smoothie, got things cooking for lunches, ate some PB & Pretzel sticks... and then I went CHOCOLATE CRAZY.
I have learned something I need to NOT buy again -- or possibly after a long absence reconsider w/ putting them in the freezer -- Dove PB Filled Chocolates. I went psycho on those beasts. I didn't eat the whole bag today -- because I had some on Sunday (didn't count, not sure how many), and I left TWO for DH today (with other lunch things so I'm sticking to my lunch prep plan for him, too). But yeah -- I had a lot of them.
I've discovered that the Dove FILLED chocolates just eat too quickly and are too rich for me to have as much self control with them as I do with the regular individually wrapped dark chocolates. THOSE I'm good with. They're a nice treat and easy to limit. But for some reason those PB ones DID ME IN.
I'm going to aim for very good behavior ALL WEEK, I hope to even avoid a splurge meal this weekend, although this will require careful planning on Saturday especially. (I added an estimate in the tracker and maybe I'll just aim to over burn calories this week?)
LONG BLOG. Who made it through?
P.S. -- Yes even more. Just wanted to add that I got direct feedback from the interviewer that I got just edged out with experience and that I did quote "nothing wrong", and that was the deciding factor, and encouragement to apply again if another position in the dept becomes available. So that was nice.
Monday, February 22, 2010
So I'm gonna try streamlining my SparkPeople involvement, last week I had a little scare that I couldn't get to my email from work anymore! OH NO! Well it's back today, but really, should I be that dependent? I was going nuts on Friday. HAHA.
Well, I could get to SP but still if I get this job I'm angling for my time will likely be limited to home only usage of the internet for personal stuff (which is probably how it really should be), and while I have it I will take advantage, just being honest, but I'm still going to try to shift a little.
This morning I deleted allll of my notification emails, so I'm going to slowly be getting unsubscribed from stuff. When I have time I will manually go and check on people from their pages and go to teams and look at threads, but I don't think it's necessary for me to be up to the minute on everything! :D I need to settle it down basically.
Anyway -- just wanted to give everyone another heads up, I know I talked about this last week but still.
This weekend was FUN! Food was... strange. It's not that I feel I really overate in total calories, but my meals were kinda more like I was before Sparks. LUMPED ALTOGETHER AT ONE POINT OF THE DAY. So I did indeed feel a bit overstuffed. Not TOO TOO bad -- not as bad as I have done it at times, but still -- not comfortable. :P I need to eat regularly! That is my new M.O. and I need to accept and plan for that because otherwise things get totally wonky.
I made DH his lasagna yesterday. :D I'm also going to try to get back in the habit of prepping healthy lunch stuff for him to eat with whatever crappy main entree item he'll eat for lunch... cause that's got to help a little bit.
So this weekend -- Saturday morning was yoga, zumba, and then a short run. Dude - yoga totally killed me! I didn't realize it at the time but my shoulders and arms are SO SORE. I think it might not have been a great idea to do that the next day after NROL4W -- but all the downward dog to plank and then ..." crocodile"? Slow tricep pushups (not that I did those great, I semi collapsed at some point but part of the workout was there) over and over are I think what did it. I definitely think I want to start doing yoga regularly but I may need to rethink my schedule -- either that or just get used to it?
Zumba kind of sucked -- I think I might just not like the instructor, but she also after the first song or two swapped everyone front to back and left us in the back. That class is packed and I make sure to get there early to find a good spot so I was ticked off the whole rest of the class, later on I just moved up on my own cause I was like screw this crap I'm gonna stand where I want to stand and it was ok but yeah... lame. Apparently there were some latecomers in the back who were making fun and being distracting to other class members, but honestly -- they were too late to have been let in the class in the first place, and because they were obnoxious the people who got their early to get a good spot get punished??? :P She should have at least rotated back or something. Honestly I think they should limit the class size even more....
Then a quick SHORT run -- 1.75 miles, 11:30ish pace, it was soooooo gorgeous outside and I was so sore already but I wanted to run so bad. It was a great run but I need to get running more this week so I don't just fall back to short mileage too much. I'm eyeballing the Oak Barrel Half Marathon - trying to do it with CLOVERR1 on 4/3, but not sure yet if we'll be able to do that, still kinda waiting on the budgetman's approval. ;)
SO! After that - home, quick shower, and it's BASEBALL GAME TIME! :D We went to a UA Baseball game w/ a friend who has season tickets and it was soooooooo fun. The weather was so perfect on Saturday it just felt great to still be outside. :D
But... I didn't eat after my workout, and didn't eat much before, and all those hours without food resulted in a massive meal postgame and that was pretty much all I ate Saturday. :( wah!
Sunday -- church, visit at home, then eating some food before ROWING and Officers' Meeting, then LASAGNA MADNESS! :D hahaha.
Rowing was sooooooo great. The weather was perfect, and it was all experienced rowers. We did some drills with inside arm only (The one closest to your oar blade so on whatever side you row toward). We've done lots of drills in the past with OUTSIDE arm only, but not much with inside only. OH MAN -- apparently I don't usually pull in a very balanced manner. Those first 15 strokes/rotations with inside arm only felt totally insane. BUT, I really got the hang of it pretty soon I think, and it felt great. I feel like I really learned some technique to improve my rowing on Sunday and that is AWESOME. :) The hard thing is remembering to implement the technique when you get tired/add more power.
Officers' meeting was tough, but not as tough as last week and I think we're getting somewhere with things anyway.
My DH is the greatest support for me and I've been feeling like he REALLY needs my support lately so I'm definitely going to try my best to be the sweetest most supportive helpful wife in the world these days and try to be there as much as possible. DH came with rowing on Sunday, but I was gone allllll morning Sat and Sun. This is pretty typical, but then again, he sleeps most of the time I'm gone so I guess it's ok. But still -- I dunno, I'm just thinking I am going to try to give of myself more to him than to anyone else. Life gets so full of STUFF and things that are important start slipping down the priority ladder. I haven't really let the workouts slip down, but maybe I've let him slip a little and that's just not right. I don't think it's really been anything BIG or BAD just something I want to pay attention to BEFORE it get's messed up, ya know? Family is the most important thing and HE is my family.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Why is that hard for people to learn?
Sure, you have to exert yourself, but doesn't it feel so good to have done that? Don't you find joy in making your body move? I know I do. Maybe at first it felt strange -- I didn't want people seeing me sweat.
I was always self-conscious about that -- don't breathe hard, don't sweat, that will make people notice how fat you are.
BAH. So stupid. People can see you, they know what size you are by visual input. So do whatever you want to. There's no shame in WORKING hard. In fact, I like seeing people that are working hard. It's more impressive than someone who looks like they're doing nothing. HEY ok I admit, I do find it impressive when someone is doing something that looks really HARD to me, and they look like they're just having a stroll in the park -- but why are they just strolling in the park? Why not take it to the next level? (And most of the time I might not notice someone who's just CHILLING in the gym anyway) So I have the utmost in respect for someone who is really working hard in the gym, regardless of their current physical condition. I don't mean people have to be miseralbe or look like they're in pain! I personally try not to grimace or moan or anything, but sweat?? I'll pour sweat out all day! :D I'll breathe hard, too! I don't feel self conscious about that crap anymore because I know it just shows I'm working it! :D
And then the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment post workout is hard to beat.
SO GO DO IT!!!
Anyway -- honestly my workout this morning was not spectacular as far as those things go, but it was good and it felt good to do it and I was happy. :)
I forgot to buy frozen fruit at the store yesterday!! NOOOO! I must get some this weekend or perish next week post lifting without my handy dandy smoothie. :P Or get creative. Today I had JUST enough frozen banana left to make a really nice tasting PB/Banana smoothie. I put the recipe up on Spark Recipes -- I think it came out to 396 cal and 30g protein? More calorically hefty than my usual, but still delicious and good.
1/2 cup silk unsweetened
85g cottage cheese 2%
75g frozen banana
1/2 scoop vanilla whey protein powder
1 Tbsp Natural PB
Also pictures went up for the Marathon Relay and I don't hate any of them as bad as I hated my actual marathon pictures -- maybe because I ran 18 less miles this day? HAHAHA But seriously -- this one I look like I'm Salsa Dancing:
I'm pretty sure I was air drumming. :) hahaha.
I kind of like this one cause I look like I'm actually moving - yay ponytail!
Apparently I also felt it was important to cheer myself on to the finish line:
I actually think that was my enthusiastic reaction to them calling our team name (from the mat right before where we are in this picture).
And me crossing the finish line! :D This will be the lowest clock number I'm ever below in a Marathon finish picture probably ever. OK so I'm not going to be super harsh on myself, maybe someday, but I'm certainly not counting on it so I'll take this!!! HAHAHA
And a couple others I don't think are awful just for the heck of it.
All the photos - Our bib number is 6018:
There are like -- a trillion pictures of CLOVERR1 because she just kept running to the end after her leg. :D hehe.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Hahaha. It was frantic -- I had to mail CLOVERR1's coat to her (oops - I have definitely done this before! Left things at my family's house or elsewhere and had to get them mailed to me!) and so I headed to the Post Office, we got everything boxed and ready and then - OOPS.
My wallet wasn't in my purse! So not only could I not check out, apparently I had been tooling around without my license. So back home -- and then BACK to the PO, and got that sent out and THEN to the grocery store. I was going to be cutting it close WITHOUT the turnaround, so when I got back I enlisted DH to help me get cold/frozen things where they needed to be, left the rest for him to deal with when he got back, packed my LUNCH, and left.
I grabbed a necklace and charm bracelet to put on in the car so I could feel slightly put together. HAHA.
I ate too much food this morning -- well -- I ate Girl Scout Cookies. That's really the one poor choice I made this morning foodwise -- so dinner will have to be a little more careful, but I have tilapia again! :D So that will probably be the food of choice for dinner for some great lean protein, I have a bunch of brown rice precooked (did that yesterday), but also have some other options if that doesn't appeal later. Just glad to know I have options! FOOD! hahaha.
When I started making dinner last night (which was awesome, BTW - rice, shrimp, asian/edamame blend veggies, egg, Makoto ginger dressing), DH was like -- SHRIMP? But tonight is... LASAGNA NIGHT! hahaha I NEEEEEEEEEEEver make lasagna. So, I looked up a Lasagna recipe on SparkRecipes and picked up the goods today. WOOT. I think I might cut some of the meat w/ TVP to see how that goes... The recipe called for 1lb, but I got 12oz of sausage. And I read recently about using TVP to stretch meat, so since this wouldn't need too much to stretch it to the amount the recipe calls for seems like a good place to start.
Tomorrow - NROL4W. Sat - Yoga/Zumba/Run I am planning on all 3 but we'll see. Sun - Row! :D YAY! I HOPE! It's supposed to be better weather... up to 60's!
I was running my errands and wishing I was RUNNING my errands, if you know what I mean, cause it was GORGEOUS outside. 50 and sunny and it felt beautiful.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
So my interview went well I think! Actually, I was interviewed by two members of the department, and when the first one left to get the other guy, he said you're doing great so far! (or something like that) So that was very encouraging.
This will be a much busier job, with more time commitment as well -- which means if I get it my sparking time will be significantly decreased so here's your forewarning! I'm sure I'll still be blogging, but I'll probably have to significantly cut down on the blogs I'm READING unfortunately - but hey, let's let me GET the job first before worrying about little things like that. ;) Hopefully my doing well in the interview is better than everyone else's interviews. They said they hope to have made a decision by the end of the week or Monday.
Took the day off from the gym today -- and no guilt. I always know it's a good decision when I have no lazy or guilty feelings from taking the day off. I'll be back at it tomorrow -- no problem!
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES - yep, I ordered some oh, I dunno over a month ago maybe? and they came in yesterday. I have eaten some and tracked every bit of them and soon they will probably be all gone and it will be just fine. :) I recommend the Thank U Berry Munch flavor, by the way -- not too bad calorically speaking and they taste very nice! :)
OH! And they fixed the times! Well -- who knows, some of the other legs distances/paces my still be off a bit, but they have amended them all and my official pace (well I think the result link STILL says preliminary) now displays as 11:39 for 8.21 miles! :D WOOT! I am soooooooo happy with that performance and it feels good to have it showing in print instead of me feeling like I'm just "CLAIMING" to have run that far/fast. :P hahaha. I'm just still really surpised that such a major race for the area had such poor planning as to not promote the correct leg distances, and then to not even show the correct information on the results until I'm sure several people complained. Hopefully they will learn a lesson from this! Because otherwise the race was really pretty good -- ok also the relay exchange points were poorly marked and without comforts to the waiting relayers... (Hence me waiting inside an open building on the UAB campus instead of out in the cold on a sidewalk somewhere! haha) which apparently they HAD in previous years -- tents with heaters and whatnot! Now THAT would have been even more fun!
I still would like to probably do it again... if we're around here another February.
My performance in this race also makes me excited about doing my first half marathon this year, whenever and wherever that may be! But right now I'm going to be focusing on these muscles still. :) I am anxious to move on to Stage 2 of NROL4W! Seriously! I need some new excercises. The change in reps and sets was such a relief finally but still... I'm ready to move on.
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