Tuesday, August 04, 2009
So honestly, I really didn't think the recent events would affect me much emotionally in regard to eating -- but I forgot how much of a stress/anxiety eater I am!!!!! BOY HOWDY!
I was not tracking for a while... anyway.
I'm not far from where I like to be while maintaining (like I said last week before I left), but I feel soooo freaking fat today.
I know those of you who are at the beginning of your journeys are probably pooh pooh ing me, and I know mentally that I'm not fat, but dangit I still feel fat sometimes. And I think it's more than a lifetime skinny chick's "fat day" too. Because I actually feel my mental image of my body shifting back to my BEFORE days -- I know what fat is and I used to be there and while I rationally know I'm not there right now, I have been feeling that feeling of BEFORE-ness and I don't like it.
That's what comes of eating too much ice cream and cookies and candy and doing no strength training for a while. I feel mushy.
I'm lucky to have those pictures from Sunday's row to show me that I'm nutso and give me that objective look at where I really am -- but I also have to be honest with myself and objectively look at my ACTIONS as of late:
Lots of sugar.
No strength training (or veryvery little) for a QUITE A WHILE.
This week I am focusing on TRACKING TRACKING TRACKING and STRENGTH TRAINING.
This morning I ate 44.6% of my day's calories before I left for work. OOPS. Luckily my plan for the rest of the day still allows 516 calories (up to my cal max however) for dinner. And since I'm near my goal on protein and farther from carbs I figure grilled cheese and soup is in order. (We need to use the bread anyway...) That'll put me around 410 cal for dinner and even leave room for a little treat if I feel like I'll go bonkers without one. (a frozen applesauce for 50 cal or a Skinny Cow Dipper Pop for 80 - just got those today cause I had a coupon, I will let you know how they are later...)
This morning I had a TOUGH run -- My pace was between 12-13 min miles average (including my 5min walking warmup) and it was almost 4 miles in distance. It was SO FREAKING HOT. I didn't get started until about 9AM and forgot to put on sunblock also -- ugh. Bad business. BUT! I DID IT. I got out of the house and ran the distance I wanted to run today and then I went to the Aquatic Center and did an upper body Strength Workout. Tomorrow I should be running w/ my running buddy (if not I'll be running the same route on my own) and then I'll work my core and if my legs are feeling good I'll do lower body.
I'm not really stressing the lower body ST because honestly, my legs feel SO WORKED OUT these days from all the running and rowing... but I REALLY need to work on my upper body and core. My core is getting some work from rowing, and a bit on upper body, but not as much. If my legs feel good I'll hit lower body very simply, but I'm not going to put a major emphasis on it like I am with the rest of my body. Besides I'm a pear. I need upper body muscles to balance me out, right? :) hehe.
OH I also forgot to mention that TOM should arrive tomorrow so I'm sure that is also playing a factor in the fluffiness and the fat feelings that are brewing, and I'm not forgetting that. I'm trying not to address my feelings as much as my actions because those are quantifiable and can DEFINITELY be improved. I'm not making changes because "O - M - G I'm FAT!!!!" I'm making changes because yes... I feel a little off, and when I look at my routine, I can see areas that I have been very lax in and can improve.
Here's to having a very ON POINT week!!!!! :D
(Oh and I'm purposefully avoiding the scale until at least next Wednesday!)
Monday, August 03, 2009
For now. haha.
But at least the next two weekends won't be as long AND I will have some internet access.
I finally got my emails down to a more reasonable number... (70 something from 180 something) -- but all of the remaining ones are blog subscription notifications!!!!! So much easier when only so many people blog a day and I read them all that day... so sorry to all those who I normally read your blogs, it might be a while till I get back to that!
The trip was... stressful. That led to lots of stress eating. We did go grocery shopping though and bought nice healthy options, so I was mostly eating pretty good for you foods... just more than I should have... and then there was the ice cream, and the bag of licorice mix my hubby bought me before I left.... yeah. But other than that it was ok.
Just sooo much stuff. so much stuff. It was constantly overwhelming. I photographed every mug and beanie baby for sale purposes and there are like... I think over 300 mugs. My forearms were so sore the night after packing all that stuff from crinkling the wrapping paper around things that I woke up in pain and couldn't sleep. hahah.
The good stuff? Well, there was some fun looking through my grandma's jewelry and trying on old clothes. I actually claimed a top from a pantsuit that my grandma wore AND my mother wore. There are pictures, but they're all at home. I will post some later!
I got to see my brother off at the airport to his flight to Utah for the Missionary Training Center and now he'll be gone about 2 years before I see him again, so it was really neat to be able to see him off right at the gate since we were flying, too, we were past security. :) Then after seeing him off we went to our flight.
I also got to run with my brother twice and once my whole family went out. I can't remember if my dad is following Couch to 5K still or a variation, but he was on 3 min run intervals and sometimes I was running with him, my mom was walking, and my brother that usually ran with me was walking with her -- we'd cross a street to a block and I'd run to the end and back and walk with them to the next block, repeat.
My brother doesn't run as long as I do, but he's definitely faster -- I mean, I definitely expected that since he's like 21-22 and a GUY... but still. :P No fair! hahahaha the first day I was running almost as fast as I do with running buddy -- so slightly faster than regular easy run tempo, but not as fast as a tempo run really... and it was a little slow for him. The last day I tried to make sure I stayed under the 160's HR wise and it was obvious he wanted to go faster but he stuck with me anyway. (The neighborhood was not really good so he had to come with me! FORCED together exercise time HAHA) Anyway. The first day I initiated a sprint to the finish and at first he was behind me but when he figured out what was going on he easily overtook me. :P But let me tell you -- it was soooooo weird and awesome to be exercising with my family. That is not something that we ever did together, so it's kinda weird that we're doing it now that we're all adults, but it's really cool.
The first time when me and Christopher (brother) went running, we did some lunges and squats and pushups and crunches when we got back. I've been seriously neglecting strength training lately and I felt it! I think that's something I've really been missing and has just fallen by the wayside so my focus this week will be to really hit the weights.
This week is a Learn to Row camp and I didn't reply soon enough to get into the lineup for filling in with the newbies on the water this week, so there won't be any rowing for me -- so running and strength training it is! So tomorrow I intend to get in a nice longer run and then hit the weight room. And GO BUY GROCERIES.
My hubby stocked the kitchen with junk in my absence so my return to good clean eating is taking a little longer than anticipated, but boy am I ready for it!
Anyway... I'm looking forward to this being a short week, and having a more relaxing and fun weekend this time!
And now -- for ROWING PICTURES!!!!! :D One of my coaches took these and so I figured I'd run you through a typical rowing day kinda...
First we carry the boat down -- mostly we carry it at the shoulders, but when we get close to the water we go overhead. I
The things the shoes are attached to in the boat are called foot stretchers and they are on these rails with notches and little wingnuts so they are adjustable depending on your height -- a reallllly tiny girl rowed in the spot I was assigned last time the boat was out so I had some adjusting to do.
Once we're all in the boat we have to push the boat off the dock so we can get going!
This is actually the tiny chick who was sitting in my seat last time! :D SARAHISKIDA, a fellow sparker! Isn't she so cute? She's the reason I found out about this and we went to the Learn to Row camp together!
I LOOK SO BEAT in this picture! HAHA :D
I dunno what I'm waiting on here...
ANYWAY. There are tons more pictures but I didn't want to steal all of them. :) hahahaha.
Monday, July 27, 2009
So... I was on point with my workouts this weekend. I actually burned over 1000 extra calories.
I got a GREAT long run in on Sunday morning, went to church, then later went rowing. I cooked a healthy dinner for us, too.
I ate like crazy all weekend. It was like I couldn't stand to not be eating... I kept going back for more, something different... It definitely felt like an emotional eating thing but I can't really identify any emotions to confront so it's really difficult. Maybe I'm just feeling anxious about all the STUFF that's about to be going on. I don't think I feel all grieving about my recent losses, I think about it and I don't feel really sad... (which sounds awful but I'm being honest), I feel the way I wrote about the other day. Things were expected. My grandma actually died on the 12th so why now?
So I really do think it must be some anxiety over the whole trip that's about to happen and helping my mom and stuff like that. Something that's kinda hard to pinpoint, just an overall feeling of nervous energy and anxiety. LAME.
I really also have no idea what the trip will be like re: food and exercise. I will bring my resistance bands, my running shoes... but I really don't know what the day to day is going to be like. My parents are paying for everything because otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford to go -- we're staying in my grandma's house, so I dunno if we'll be grocery shopping and then eating in, or possibly doing a lot of eating out. Also I'm not sure how the day to day will go -- will I be able to sneak off and go run or will that be ... callous and insensitive? Do I need to stick around to everyone and be supportive and assisting at all times???
I wonder if my brother would go run with me... he made a noise before about possibly training up to go to Memphis with me. They have a half and a 5K also... so it's definitely possible considering he has been running regularly before now. Also my sister has said she'd be interested in training for the 5K when she gets back... anyway.
I think I'm going to look up my grandma's house and see what a running route would be like around her neighborhood... Even if it's just 2 miles at least I can get out and still run regularly so I am not way off track.
Bah. I feel good. I look skinnier than I think I am and I feel. I have to remind myself that just because I'm feeling "off" and had a weird weekend does not mean I've blown up overnight. It was weird, I went to a birthday party on Friday night and I saw myself in their full length windows and was like -- I look so skinny!!!! It was different than how I was FEELING. Still such a disconnect.
I had fun on Saturday though -- hubby and I slept in, went to see Transformers, stopped at the Academy Sports so I could eyeball some things and look at prices so that when we visit the running store where my in-laws live I won't just be like -- THIS IS CERTAINLY CHEAPER AND MORE AWESOME than anything IN TOWN cause this store RULES! :) hahaha. I discovered they have Gu and Clif Shots and Shotblocks and all that good stuff there, so I don't need to worry about that.
I want to try using nuun for my electrolyte drink and gain carbs from whatever I'm eating en route -- I just think that sounds like a good idea... so I want to try that and they DON'T have that here so I'll be looking for that at the running store. I can always order that online, but who wants to pay shipping if I don't have to -- we're already driving there and back so no additional costs for me if I get something there. My main hope is to find a good fuel belt and be able to try on a few to see how I like them. But that's next weekend.
Tomorrow I work 12-4 and then drive to GA.
I'll be gone until Sunday evening, so I don't expect to be logged into Sparks, although I'm sure I'll check in again tomorrow so no need to see me off just yet, just kinda FYI...
I plan to go to the Learn to Row camp tomorrow morning -- they'll be at the Aquatic Center and so hopefully I can erg a bit and then do some REAL STRENGTH TRAINING before I leave on my trip. That is definitely something I've been neglecting lately.
P.S. - OAR PAINTING PICTURES!!!!
First we had to clean and sand the blades (after scraping off the "A" decals), and tape them up.
After that we primed, sanded, and painted them. Then later in the day I came back to help apply the stripe decal.
LOOK how GORGEOUS! :)
The true color is closer to the one on top, or to the right of the one in the middle of the photo.
This is my coaches and the oars on the rack:
See the ones up top with the A? That is BASICALLY what they used to look like.
Also the clothes I'm wearing used to kind of fit me. That top is kind of a touchy subject with me -- it's like a 3X or something. I got it for free when I worked at Radio Shack and pretty much our store received ONE shirt... and the other people were "normal" sized so ... they gave it to me. :P It was a little big at the time but came closer to fitting me than anyone else, and closer than I wanted to admit at the time. The bottoms are old workout pants from midway through my weight loss journey.
We used the oars on our Sunday row and they looked SO GREAT out on the water. :)
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thank you to everyone who watched my clip and for the AWESOME amazingly wonderful comments you left me. :) You definitely warmed my heart and I am honored to be featured and to have such wonderful SparkFriends! *HUGS*
This morning I got up early to go PAINT OARS!! WOOT.
It was kind of fun, really.... and it went A LOT FASTER than we anticipated. We thought it would be a 3 day job, 7AM-12PM each day... well.... we were nearing completion when I left this morning at almost 11AM. I'm going back in an hour as the decals will be ready and we can apply those and they will be DONE. :D
The best part is that this means I don't have to wake up early tomorrow AFTERALL. :) *phwew*
So life is going to be really nutso for me in the next few weeks...
My grandmother on my mom's side passed away on the 12th -- it was not unexpected as she has been struggling with a very debilitating disease which caused her to have blisters all over her body -- it was awful. The medication caused side effects and she was having a tough time getting the condition under control and more recently she began to show signs of organ failure so my mom went down there and she passed soon after my mom arrived. I personally am so glad that she is no longer suffering, but even so, my mom is obviously having an extremely difficult time because ... it's HER MOMMY. It doesn't matter what an enlightened perspective you have on life and how much faith you have in the hereafter when you lose someone you love and is near and dear to you, you miss them in the here and now.
So anyway -- I will be flying down to South Florida with her next week to help sort through some more of my grandma's belongings (she was a COLLECTOR of many things) and to attend the services on 8/1.
And also my Uncle just died on Wednesday -- he also has been long struggling with disease, when we visited him the Christmas before last they had told him he had like 6 months to live a few months prior, so he REALLY hung in there as long as he could. Unfortunately due to the timing there's really no way to make it to his services... So that's two deaths in the family.
Then on the same day we fly to South Florida, we will also be seeing off my youngest brother on his Mission. He will be reporting to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT, and after that serving in the "Denver North" Mission and will be gone for 2 years. I'm REALLY glad I'll be with my mom for all of this.
Then the week after the trip to FL, we will be going to visit my inlaws! This is a happy thing because it's been quite a while since we've seen them and we'll be able to meet my SIL's boyfriend for the first time, so that is exciting.
THEN the week after THAT my sister returns from Mongolia!!!!! That is BEYOND exciting, I can't WAIT to see her! The only downside is I have to return her car to her and we really will need two cars this Fall so that means we're going to be car shopping. (Which is on the one hand exciting and on the other hand... $$$$$$$$$)
So lots of ups and downs for my family all in a very short period of time.
I have only cried once for someone dying that I knew... my baby brother Benjiman died when he was 15months old after a heart surgery. He had Down Syndrome and had heart defects. Anyway -- I'm sure it all depends on the circumstances. No one close to me has died suddenly in their youth *THANK HEAVENS, knock on wood, etc.* nothing unexpected... In the case of my Grandma and my Uncle I am just so relieved for them to be done with their bodies that were causing them such trial and discomfort. I do believe that we will be reunited in the life beyond this one, which is also a comfort. I'm mostly sad for my Mom and my Aunt and my cousins... My Aunt was married more than once before she met my Uncle, and to loser jerks from what I hear... (Or maybe she was just married once but had long term boyfriends that were jerks I don't remember...) in any case -- my Uncle was an amazing man and pure perfection for her. He will definitely be missed.
My Grandma was a character -- she was soooo funny. :) Always the teaser and joker, and yet at the same time she was such the epitome of GRANDMA when it came to being the perfect hostess, always making sure everyone was taken care of before herself and providing an ABUNDANCE of food. She never wanted anyone to worry about her or be concerned with her needs. Even when she was in the hospital, she would always tell my mom not to worry about her. She sent my mom out on a mission to buy a birthday gift for one of her nurses! She was also, as I mentioned before, a COLLECTOR. She had an incredible MUG collection -- rows of hooks on the ceiling and around the wall opening from the dining room to her kitchen held MUGS of all varieties. My favorites were the Star Wars Character Mugs (like one of C3PO and Darth Vader and Yoda) and the Kermit the Frog mug. :) She LOVED Disney -- loved loved loved Disney. They made frequent trips to Disney World, she had EVERY Disney Movie, and collected many Disney stuffed animals, a notebook FULL of Disney Pins, and my mom even tells me that she found a collection of Disney Hotel Soap. :) She collected the KMart Christmas Bear each year, Beanie Babies, Betty-Boop memorabilia, Garfield items, and a state quarter from every state for EACH of us grandkids! The Christmas we visited her last was a very special and wonderful visit. It was before she became ill, and my husband was finally able to meet her. They really enjoyed each other's company! I think it's because of her great sense of humor. I will never forget when he was getting ready to open his present from her and she was like,"OH NO.... this is the stupid one...." HAHAHAHA Talking about her gift! She was like, I didn't know what to get so... He opens it and it's an HERB GARDEN KIT!!!!!! :D hahahahah I was super excited, but yeah, not really a DH type of item. She noticed that we loved penguins (PENGUINOS!) and about a month or two after our visit we received a large package from her that contained: a GIANT stuffed penguin, two carved wooden penguin knick knacks, and a spherical penguin head candle. :)
Anyway -- she was the ultimate giver and a wonderful lady and we loved her and will miss her until we meet again.
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