Wednesday, April 15, 2009
TOM came roaring in full force today, along with the constant morning munchies. Now, if I eat all my planned snacks, I'm left with a smaller than usual calorie allotment for dinner and I'm not even working out today!! But anyway -- it's still very a very doable range thanks to my super hardcore workouts planned for the week. *phwew*
I just made a quick trip to the local health food store to just pick up what would tide us over till next week and restock ingredients for the homemade snack mix pretty much. I am not enjoying being a girl today. :P
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
... WAS NO JOKE.
OH MAN. I was close to tears once or twice, had to kinda take a break a couple times, and at the end, I was stretching in child's pose and just praying thanks that I got through it all and let it alllllll gooooo........
I mean don't get me wrong -- I felt ridiculously accomplished and tough for completing that workout -- there are definitely benefits (other than the physical betterments I'm expecting), but it was a physically draining and mentally challenging workout FOR SURE.
The upside was that today's workout felt much easier by comparison!!! :D And glad of it, because otherwise I might have thrown in the towel! HAHAHA.
I didn't get going as quickly as I should have this morning and THEN realized I needed to stop and get gas... so rather than a 30min run before MTC, I decided I was more interested in making sure I completed my 2-rep-per-circuit cycle of todays workout than making sure I ran for 30min. I've just got 4 more workouts to complete this full out tough round of MTC and I didn't want to ruin my 2 rep record because I ran out of time. Good thing I did because I barely had time to run a mile afterward! At a QUICK pace! But -- I DID still run! I didn't just wuss out and call it a day. :P And I'm pretty proud of that.
Now I'm at around 1400 calories burned for the week so far and it's gonna be a close call to meet my 4000 calorie goal I think, but I still don't think I need to add in an extra workout tomorrow. (TOM should be making it's first appearance tomorrow and I don't want to be worrying about that AND doing grocery shopping and whatnot...) BUT! We'll see how I feel and how much time I have. Maybe I'll just wear those EasyTone shoes and make my shopping a POWER SHOP. ;) hehehe.
But anyway -- last night when I got home... I was totally drained and exhausted. I looked at my nutrition tracker and realized I still had 1000+ cal to get to my minimum and had eaten less than half of the carbs required to my minimum. !!!!! No wonder I was feeling so loopy during my grueling workout! hahaha. But I definitely listened to my body took care to make sure I didn't push beyond my limits -- I was just RAVENOUS when I got home. I ended up only coming in 7 cal below my max! GOTTA make sure I space out my calories better.
Today I ate breakfast, took an apple to eat right after working out, packed another snack for before lunch, brought a LITTLE more for DURING lunch, and my regular snack for between lunch and dinner. Hopefully this will help me feel a bit more balanced today. I'm glad I packed that snack for before lunch because I was getting SUPER HUNGRY about 30min ago (2hrs till lunch exactly) and it realllly did the trick.
I made a ton of hardboiled eggs over the weekend -- some went to deviled eggs for the Easter Dinner and the rest got decorated. I made some that looked like the people attending the party (in a generic trying to match haircolor/type, eyecolor, givin ya glasses or facial hair kind of way) and some other more abstract kinds, and cute kinds, and 3 had some Star Wars wrappers on them. :) I got the VERY LAST egg dying kit at Target and it was a Star Wars one. It was RIPPED and I asked if I could get a discount -- $2.69 for only $1 and nothing was missing. :) haha.
So anyway - it's been nice to have those available. I forget how much I like hard boiled eggs and then go for a long time without and then have some for a while. I go through phases. :) haha.
12 workdays till San Diego, 15 full days... WOOOOOHOOOOOO!! :)
Monday, April 13, 2009
I overate last night.
The REAL foods I ate were not so much the issue, it was all the FLUFF surrounding the real foods. Ham, asparagus, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob (CRAP, forgot to track the corn, oh well it won't add too much relatively speaking).... all fine. Even the deviled eggs weren't too bad.
But I ate 3.5 Pillsbury GRANDS biscuits at a whopping 190 cal each. Oh and then the candy. Dove Caramel filled Chocolates. I think those were the real culprits.
I estimated and I came in 1000+ cal over my top range -- and considering my top is like 2590 these days, that's really saying something.
Now here's the thing that's hard for me -- I KNOW I used to give myself one cheat meal a week. I didn't even STRESS the fluctuations because I knew they'd be gone soon -- this is when I was trying to LOSE weight. I didn't even TRACK it. And the fluctuations didn't make me freak out.
Maybe the fluctuations didn't scare me as much because they were on top of a loss so they didn't look as big?
But now... they terrify me! What gives???? I KNOW that my weight can fluctuate by at least 5lbs from day to day based on water retention and lack of sleep alone. So if I'm less than 5lbs over the top of my maintenance range I should not be freaking out.
Yet this morning, when I stepped on the scale after VERY little sleep, a major pigout last night, and TOM coming in a couple days and weighed less than 5lbs over my maintenance range, I went into full on lamentation mode.
PANIC PANIC PANIC.
I've been basically maintaining since last June/July, but I'm still so scared.
I know my clothes fit me JUST FINE today. I know my weight will easily go back down probably by the end of this week even considering TOM.
I was contemplating adjusting my maintenance range, but that felt like admitting I couldn't do this, or allowing myself to slip higher. I know have been able to stay within this range for quite some time. SO. Instead I'm just going to REITERATE to myself the terms and agreements of my self proposed maintenance range to reaffirm my desires for this process and try to stop these occasional freakout sessions (or lessen them or make them less dramatic or shorter or SOMETHING).
1. My maintenance range is 165-170.
2. I WILL NOT count weighins directly after a splurge meal.
3. I WILL NOT count weighins directly after a night of little-no sleep.
4. I WILL NOT count weighins within a week before or during TOM.
There will be at least one day a week except during TOM that none of these modifiers apply and I can get a real TRUE legitimate look at how much I'm weighing. If this weighin - under all happy circumstances - is over 170 for 2 weeks or more in a row, I will switch to losing mode to get back within range. OR if I don't get a chance to have a good circumstances weighin, but all fluctuating weighins are up above my maintenance range for 2 weeks - the same applies.
Otherwise - my ticker stays at 165, and I am NOT ALLOWED to BEAT MYSELF UP.
I know the weight I saw on the scale today is not really accurate. I need to try to let go of this deep down fear of gaining weight. And you know honestly, I shouldn't beat myself up period. If I gain a little weight, I just go back into loss mode and lose it again. All of this dramatic emotional roller coaster just ISN'T NECESSARY.
It is really difficult to use logic to talk myself out of these emotional freakouts because there is a part of me that is scared that I'm justifying myself gaining weight. But the rational part of me knows that isn't true. I just want to have some people out there read this and tell me -- am I justifying? Or am I rationally explaining to myself the truth so that I don't fall into an emotional trap of beating myself up?
I don't know how to let go of this yet. But I'm working on it.
In the meantime I can't WAIT to get in the gym tonight and really kick my butt with that MTC workout.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Weighed .5 higher than my pre-disasterpartyeatingevent this morning. WOOT. Here's what getting a good night's sleep can do for you! :D Even w/ TOM coming soon.
And my sunblock says "Expires 06-05" on the bottom.
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