Monday, April 13, 2009
I overate last night.
The REAL foods I ate were not so much the issue, it was all the FLUFF surrounding the real foods. Ham, asparagus, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob (CRAP, forgot to track the corn, oh well it won't add too much relatively speaking).... all fine. Even the deviled eggs weren't too bad.
But I ate 3.5 Pillsbury GRANDS biscuits at a whopping 190 cal each. Oh and then the candy. Dove Caramel filled Chocolates. I think those were the real culprits.
I estimated and I came in 1000+ cal over my top range -- and considering my top is like 2590 these days, that's really saying something.
Now here's the thing that's hard for me -- I KNOW I used to give myself one cheat meal a week. I didn't even STRESS the fluctuations because I knew they'd be gone soon -- this is when I was trying to LOSE weight. I didn't even TRACK it. And the fluctuations didn't make me freak out.
Maybe the fluctuations didn't scare me as much because they were on top of a loss so they didn't look as big?
But now... they terrify me! What gives???? I KNOW that my weight can fluctuate by at least 5lbs from day to day based on water retention and lack of sleep alone. So if I'm less than 5lbs over the top of my maintenance range I should not be freaking out.
Yet this morning, when I stepped on the scale after VERY little sleep, a major pigout last night, and TOM coming in a couple days and weighed less than 5lbs over my maintenance range, I went into full on lamentation mode.
PANIC PANIC PANIC.
I've been basically maintaining since last June/July, but I'm still so scared.
I know my clothes fit me JUST FINE today. I know my weight will easily go back down probably by the end of this week even considering TOM.
I was contemplating adjusting my maintenance range, but that felt like admitting I couldn't do this, or allowing myself to slip higher. I know have been able to stay within this range for quite some time. SO. Instead I'm just going to REITERATE to myself the terms and agreements of my self proposed maintenance range to reaffirm my desires for this process and try to stop these occasional freakout sessions (or lessen them or make them less dramatic or shorter or SOMETHING).
1. My maintenance range is 165-170.
2. I WILL NOT count weighins directly after a splurge meal.
3. I WILL NOT count weighins directly after a night of little-no sleep.
4. I WILL NOT count weighins within a week before or during TOM.
There will be at least one day a week except during TOM that none of these modifiers apply and I can get a real TRUE legitimate look at how much I'm weighing. If this weighin - under all happy circumstances - is over 170 for 2 weeks or more in a row, I will switch to losing mode to get back within range. OR if I don't get a chance to have a good circumstances weighin, but all fluctuating weighins are up above my maintenance range for 2 weeks - the same applies.
Otherwise - my ticker stays at 165, and I am NOT ALLOWED to BEAT MYSELF UP.
I know the weight I saw on the scale today is not really accurate. I need to try to let go of this deep down fear of gaining weight. And you know honestly, I shouldn't beat myself up period. If I gain a little weight, I just go back into loss mode and lose it again. All of this dramatic emotional roller coaster just ISN'T NECESSARY.
It is really difficult to use logic to talk myself out of these emotional freakouts because there is a part of me that is scared that I'm justifying myself gaining weight. But the rational part of me knows that isn't true. I just want to have some people out there read this and tell me -- am I justifying? Or am I rationally explaining to myself the truth so that I don't fall into an emotional trap of beating myself up?
I don't know how to let go of this yet. But I'm working on it.
In the meantime I can't WAIT to get in the gym tonight and really kick my butt with that MTC workout.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Weighed .5 higher than my pre-disasterpartyeatingevent this morning. WOOT. Here's what getting a good night's sleep can do for you! :D Even w/ TOM coming soon.
And my sunblock says "Expires 06-05" on the bottom.
Friday, April 10, 2009
:D :D :D
Anyway. On to regular business. HAHAHA.
I've been sitting right at the top of my maintenance range still, which is irritating me although I'm not going to kick my butt over it because hey, I'm still in my range, and TOM is next week, etc.etc. SO right now I will employ the super fabulous "patience" technique. My clothes all fit normally just fine, rockin the skinny jeans today, so all is well. Maybe I'm building back some muscle with MTC as well! :D Wish my body fat % scale didn't stop working and then die altogether. :( I'd love to get another one.
So today's MTC was soooo...... easy. No run beforehand, first activity of the morning so I was fresh... plus today's workout was kinda just... easier. I think this week was the light week of MTC but next week it kicks back into CRAZY INSANE mode. Don't believe me? I brought my book so I could show you what I'm supposed to do on Monday. :D
BEGIN DETAILED MTC DESCRIPTION - SKIP AHEAD IF YOU LIKE! :)
Decline Dumbbell Press - 20
Squats - 50 fast, no weight
Step Plyos - 1min (This is like doing step ups on alternating legs, only you're jumping between hence - Plyo - Plyometric - jump training...)
Butt Kicks - 1min (This is like running in place only your kicking your heels up to your butt.)
Plyo Pushups - 10 (yeah, pushups with a clap in between. I WILL attempt these from palm to toe format, but they may end up being from the knees)
Dumbbell Flys on Body Ball w/ Crunches - 15
Leg Extensions - 20, 12, 6-8 (Pyramid up w/ weight)
Knee Tuck Jumps - 10 (CANNONBALL!!!!)
Step Plyos w/ Dumbbells - 30 secs
Scorpion Pushups - 10 (5 per side - and yes, I do these from the knees usually)
Alternating Dumbbell Press on Ball w/ Elbow Drive - 10 per side
OK this is a hard one to describe, but basically you press up with the right side and keep pushing your right shoulder up while driving your left shoulder back and down rolling up so the point of your elbow is sticking into the body ball. It's killer.
Surrenders - 10 per side (Dumbbells straight overhead, step back, kneel down, both knees, step forward, stand up - repeat, never dropping dumbbells down. Then DIE.)
Side Step Plyos - 1min
Dips to muscle failure
Lunge w/ Military Shoulder Press - 20 per leg
Burpies - 20 (Squat, to plank, to squat, jump up!)
W Shoulder Plress w/ Leg Extension - 10 per leg (shoulder press w/ palms facing in so you kinda make a W shape, stand on one leg w/ leg bent at 90 degrees, push leg straight while pushing dumbbells up)
Rope Tricep Press - 20
Straight Leg Squat Thrusts - 30 secs (Normal Squat thrusts go from Squat w/ hands down to plank position and back. These ones you jump your fet forward, but keep your legs straight so it's almost like jumping into a pike position...maybe not a very tight one... hahaah)
Chair Pose - 30 secs (AKA wall squat hold?)
Side Plank w/ Inner Thigh Raise - 10 per side (For the record, I still can't really do the inner thigh raise, I try, and then end up holding the plank for 10-20 seconds per side instead... but I used to be unable to hold a side plank so this is still progress!)
END MTC DESCRIPTION
YEAH. That's gonna be a tough one. Next week is the final full week of MTC, and then there are the Day 29 and Day 30 workouts.
Tomorrow I get to run again (YAY) and go to Pilates (WOOHOO!). I really look forward to these Saturday workouts -- it's just such a happy place mentally, more relaxed and thoughtful, than the kind of feelings and thoughts I have while doing MTC. :D HAHAHA Those are all, I'm so hardcore, GRRR ROCK IT, PUSHPUSHPUSH... and um, running is like... wheee, look at the trees, breathe nice and even, keep that heart rate down (yeah not way down but lower and slower than I tend to try to run), then Pilates w/ my teacher's mellow out music going the whole time. :D It's very nice.
Things I'm hoping to be able to buy before I go to San Diego (but maybe not because I'm spending so much money on the trip itself, but hey, I can have a wishlist, right?):
New Sports Bras (mine are like.. fruit of the loom and they are soaking up sweat like nobody's business)
New Workout Tops (These men's V-Neck undershirts aren't doing so great either in the moisture wicking department)
New Workout Socks (they're just old.)
Skinny Denim Bermuda Shorts. Yeah. :P (I realized that I DON'T OWN ANY PROPER SHORTS. Only one pair of like.. workout shorts that are from BEFORE.)
New Sunblock - I'm pretty sure mine is expired, but I keep using it and I haven't gotten burned... YET. *eek!*
Anyone want to be my benefactor? HAHAHAHAHA j/k.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Today is GORGEOUS outside. HURRAY! :D I had the most marvelous run outside. Pulled myself back for the first half, but then didn't really manage to on the second half. The resultant pace was a 12min mile average so that's not too bad. I've been averaging slower than that until now.
Then it was on to MTC! I dunno if it's because I ran first (um, probably is) but today was tougher than when I did it on Monday, and seemed to burn more calories as well. I'm now just over 1000 from my week end goal of 4000 calories burned and I still have another day of MTC, a run, and Pilates. I'm thinking I might go over a little bit, but it might be pretty close. We'll see!
I'm SO stoked for the 8K I'm gonna do in San Diego -- it sounds SO fun and I bet it will be gorgeous. I'm in the process of planning some other things to do and I'm just too excited not to keep bringing it up, so you will be SO SICK OF ME soon, I'm sure. ;)
Last night I made it to a BIT above my calorie min, FYI.
Get An Email Alert Each Time ZIRCADIA Posts