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ZEPPELINDOLL's Recent Blog Entries

Life's Many Bizarre Curve Balls..

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

I'm disappointed in myself and the things I allow myself to do when I feel I need someone's affection. Perhaps it's my self esteem that gets the better of me. I'm told on a daily that my face is beautiful but they kindly leave it at that. I hate the struggle that comes with weight and self love. I'm good at covering my self hatred with humor to come off as confident but to the people who really know me they know the true me. So when you hate yourself for being "fat" you tend to let other people treat you a certain way or you're blind to who these people really are... and by allowing these types of people to enter our lives will only hold us back.

This is about the man I dated for 2 months and dumped his sorry ass over 2 weeks ago.

I was really close to my weight loss goal (30 pound away) when I met Dev. He was a tall, dark (he was mixed), attractive trucker who had a touch of bad boy to him. The moment we locked eyes we fell for each other. I remember starring at me with this cute half grin telling me I was the one I had to be. Our relationship was intense from the get go. He lavished me with affection, flowers and bizarre gifts but he didn't stay that sweet for long. I had come to find out that he believed women had there place in the relationship and he hated feminism but known was as bad when I found out about his hatred for Jews. I was dating a antisemitic black man. He was controlling as they'd come. He would get angry at me for losing weight because I was already "hot" why am I trying to get hotter? So other men could screw me apparently. I was always be accused of something when I did absolutely nothing. Within 2 months I put on almost 25lbs. There's so much more to the insanity that is Dev and our 2 month relationship but that is a little too personal. When I found out who he really was I stayed with him because he scared me and I was scared of the consequences of leaving him. Fear isn't love.

The moral of my story is this. This is for all people but I want to share this with the people who are going through the same struggle with weight that I am going through. You have to love yourself before you can allow someone else to love you otherwise you're going to attract the wrong kind of love. I do not believe in hate of any form but I allowed myself to hate the most important in my life which is me. I allowed myself to care for someone so quickly that i didn't get to know him first and he turned out to be a nightmare and took me off my own personal path where I had my goals set and was achieving them but I felt the need to put this person before myself.

I vow not to have anymore serious relationships until I hit my goal because I know I can do it. I vow to learn to love myself as a whole so that others may love me.

Cheers to Confidence!


I'm so close I can taste it!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Ladies and Gents I am ONLY 30lbs away from my personal goal and 40lbs away from my overall goal! I am over joyed... all this hard work has been paying off. Seriously If I can do it anyone can! I hope all of you are doing well on your goals as well thank you for keeping me motivated


Coming to grips with who I am!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I will never have an hourglass figure and I finally have come to grips with that. I am Tall (6'1) with broad shoulders, busty, long torso and narrow hips. That's who I am and I intend to rock it! I now keep a picture of Mariah Carey (who happens to have the same exact body type as I do only she's fit haha) on my mirror to motivate me to stay on track.

For the last month I've been working with an amazing trainer who is changing me for the better, giving me the confidence to do workouts I was to bashful to try out before because I didn't know how to do them properly.

I feel as if this time I am going to make it. I've learned from my mistakes, I'm stronger and more confident emotionally and physically. I've lost the first 100lbs on my own but the last 65lbs I need help and I finally reached out for that help I desperately needed.

I hope all of you are reaching your goals, I know I don't know any of you but you all have helped me on my journey so much and I only hope that I can do the same for you. Good Luck!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTOMMC3 5/10/2012 10:27AM

    You go girl!


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Single Again But That's Ok!

Monday, April 23, 2012

I know now is not the time for relationships. I tend to lose site of my goals when I'm involved with someone else. I hired a personal trainer and am slowly getting back into my healthy eating habits so that I can FINALLY reach my goals! I'll blog again in a month to update everyone. 65lbs to go!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BDJOHNSON 4/25/2012 10:46PM

    Good luck with your fitness journey!

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In Love So I Packed On 30 :/

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

I lost over 100lbs I was 50 away from my goal and in July I started dating the man I am head over heels in love with and quickly put on 30lbs. He is tall and slender and can't even can't put on weight like I can. He also claims he didn't notice, but I sure did.
I'm kind of ashamed of myself, but I have no time for pity parties... I took off the weight before now what I need to do is get back in the saddle and lose 80lbs.
Time to finish what I started!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINASMILEY07 10/5/2011 11:16AM

    Welcome Back !! We are all here to help you through the process. Now that you have your man, it's time to integrate both your new healthy lifestyle into your relationship.

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BDJOHNSON 10/5/2011 6:15AM

    It's fun to be in love! I agree that it takes one day at a time.

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CAROLINA_KOUKLA 10/5/2011 1:16AM

  Congrats on finding the love of your life! You can do it! Take it one day at a time.

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