Sunday, February 26, 2012
Scale up to 128.2 today. Not happy about that but once I realized that it is actually less than my 129 weigh in on Tuesday, I also realized, it could be worse. My food intake the past few weeks has not been great. That last two weeks I have had a positive (instead of negative) caloric intake difference. That is certainly not the recipe for weight loss success. I just need to stick with my usual program and avoid the extra eating that has gotten me stuck back up here. I can't help but wonder why I did/am doing this to myself. I do well and drop a few and then bam, for some reason decide it's quite all right to eat 5 chocolate chip cookies at 100 calories each, plus some ice cream and then get upset that the scale is creeping up. Really? Come on, girl all you really have to do is check the math. It will never work out the way you want it to with this extra eating you've been doing. So, stop doing it. The next time you feel like doing it, examine what it is that is causing the urge. Most of the time it is not true, genuine hunger and you know this. So, what is it? I do know the textures of cool ice cream melting and salty chips crunching are actually soothing but what are they soothing? I think they feel good in the moment but ultimately just add to whatever the issue is, be it loneliness, shame, self doubt. Giving in to those cravings just adds fuel to the fire and causes more lonelines, shame and self doubt. It's like when you drink and then the next day deal with the pain of the hangover. I was so concerned about just getting through the day and managing that hangover that I had little time to address the real issues in my life. I think these food binges are similar. I spend the next day worrying about the damage I've done, feeling guilty about the extra eating, wondering how long it will take for me to un-do the damage. This stops me from moving forward and either puts me a few steps back from where I was or it just keeps me in the same position. I need to stop doing it so I can shift my focus to more worthy things so I can have a more productive, happy life.