ZELLAZM   94,436
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ZELLAZM's Recent Blog Entries

Booked

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I just finished booking my trip to the States. I'll be leaving Germany on November 12 and plan to stay in Florida til after Easter, almost 6 months. Walking on water, folks!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SJG1953 11/3/2012 12:38AM

    Just keep your eyes fixed on the Lord Michelle. He will keep you atop the water! God is still on the throne and is still in the miracle business as you have already said. Remember your friends and Spark family love you and are still praying for you. Blessings, Shirley

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HEALTHIERKEN 10/30/2012 3:32PM

    Travel safely.
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TRYINGHARD1948 10/18/2012 7:23PM

    That is great.

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JOANNKW 10/18/2012 3:06PM

    Excellent.

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JANETELIZABETH1 10/18/2012 1:33PM

    Glad your plans are working out Michelle...be blessed!!

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REYNJANET 10/18/2012 1:33PM

    You are in my prayers. I can understand the task before you as we just had closure on all of Mom's things. Now my house looks like Mom's did.

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CYCLINGSANDY 10/18/2012 12:02PM

    Praying God will bless your socks off!

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FRANNIEDID 10/18/2012 10:16AM

    I hope you have time to do what you need to do. Hold close the wonderful memories I know you have of your Dad and your Mom. It is really hard to do but it can also be so worthwhile and somehow satisfying.

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VISUALLYRICS 10/18/2012 8:54AM

    Hand in hand with the Lord.... emoticon Phil 4:13 emoticon

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CAROLYN0107 10/18/2012 7:46AM

    I've booked my tickets from Nebraska to Africa for December 11 so I'm going the opposite direction, finally!! I'm not ready for the Firecrackers yet though.


Comment edited on: 10/18/2012 7:47:18 AM

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SUNNY332 10/18/2012 7:18AM

    How wonderful! Looks like you have allowed ample time to get everything done that you need to do. It will be a daunting job but also one that will bring back many wonderful memories of your Father.

Have a GREAT day today.

Sunny

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NCSUE0514 10/18/2012 7:01AM

    Have a lovely visit


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CAROL- 10/18/2012 6:11AM

    emoticon Hope you have a wonderful stay!

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One month later...

Monday, October 15, 2012

...and what a change my life has taken! I arrived back in Germany about 10 days ago, urged by friends and family to make it back to attend my graduation ceremony. I received my second master's in international theological education.

Then I attended a much-needed, 4-day retreat in Switzerland last week. Today I started back to work at the language school and have slipped into planning the annual international worship service at church this coming weekend. But I'm only here for a few weeks to settle my affairs here so that I can go back to the States for a few months.

Losing my dad has been traumatic on so many levels I can't yet begin to describe here. Now I have the challenge of walking through this time of grieving while at the same time handling the executorship of his estate. Those of you who know me know how much I love paperwork and bookkeeping. It is really going to take another of God's miracles to get me through this. But He is in the business of making miracles. In spite of the sometimes-overwhelming sadness, I'm also looking forward to seeing how he is going to work this together for my good and his glory.

I've gained a bunch of weight and am making a gradual fresh start here on SP. Since I'm selling my car here in Germany, exercise will be no problem for the next few weeks. Now that I'm back in my own kitchen, I can also be more careful of my eating and get out of the stress-eating habit. Will be off the prednisone taper soon, too, which will help get rid of some of the extra pounds and puffiness.

When I get back to FL in November, it will be time to inventory all of Dad's artwork, and pack up everything in the condo where he and Mom lived for some 25 years. There will be mementos to pass on to family members and friends, furniture to sell, accounts to settle. Stay tuned for the miracles.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNY332 10/18/2012 7:11AM

    Thank goodness, my older brother is the Executor of my Dad's Estate. He lives in New York and Dad lived here in MIssouri so we have had to have attorneys in both states.

As far as the grieving is concerned, I have my days. Every time I go to Hannibal, it seems so strange not going by the Home to see him. I know it is going to take time and it is not something I can rush.

Congrats on your graduation. That is awesome.

Hugs, Sunny

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FRANNIEDID 10/17/2012 6:12AM

    I am so sorry you have to go through this. I did get to pack up my mom's house with her as she sold it and moved in with my brother but packing up my dad's things when we did it was so very difficult. I have gained a lot of weight back with my mom's illness too, I guess it just comes with the territory. God will give you the strength you need to get you through this and help you come out stronger on the other side.

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NEWNAC304 10/16/2012 5:23AM

    Michelle,

My heart goes out to you. I know how difficult it is. Allow yourself to grieve. It's going to be so hard going through all of his pictures and things. Do you have a good friend ho can go with you to do this? We had to clean out my mom's house after she died and it was months after she died. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. So many memories were brought back. I hate the thought of you going through that alone.

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RUNNERRACHEL 10/15/2012 10:13PM

    God will give you the strength to handle everything. He will carry you through this time. emoticon

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FORMYDARLINGS 10/15/2012 8:05PM

   

You know what, when your mom died, your dad decided that he would wait until you had finished your degree before he went on to be with her. Take the time now that you need and move forward as you can. You have a mighty force by your hand and all your friends here and there to help you through everything. Love you,

Gini

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EJOY-EVELYN 10/15/2012 7:53PM

    Welcome home, dear. May clarity and purpose reign in your season of mourning as decisions continue to be required. I so dislike paperwork, too, so I don't envy all you have to go through! I hope to checkout the Corkscrew Sanctuary and a SparkFriend's consignment shop during my next SWF jaunt and will wave in your direction and perhaps even see if you're available for a cup of java or tea. Hug, hug -- Evelyn

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VISUALLYRICS 10/15/2012 5:42PM

    Dear beloved friend!! ((((HUGS)))) ...just had to give you emoticon cuz emoticon

OK...I have to send you a goodie....my heart is touched by your Beautiful spirit ...your Faith strong & True and your Trust in the Lord!

love you to the moon & back again.....:::::::: emoticon Laura

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CAROLYN0107 10/15/2012 4:02PM

    emoticon I just prayed for you. Keep us up on your whereabouts and activities. Let us know about the miracles you experience.

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HAKAPES 10/15/2012 3:18PM

    Sorry to hear about your loss.
I wish you courage for the grieving.
And welcome back for the restart at SP - nothing better for a restart than Herbst!

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JOANNKW 10/15/2012 2:30PM

    Zella, I'm keeping you in my prayers. It is a day I dread, but I have lots of siblings, and we are all in the US at least.

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 10/15/2012 2:18PM

    I've been thinking about you and know that you have been busy since your dad's passing. I'm sorry you have to go though all that you have to do with regard to closing the estate. Paperwork is my least fun thing to do too....particularly in wrapping up an estate.

I gained about 20 pounds last year at the end of my Dad's illness and after his death. It's an easy thing to do. The weight is coming back off now and it will for you too.

Hugs,
Kay



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Reunited and at peace...

Sunday, September 16, 2012



My dad passed away quietly yesterday morning at 5:30 AM. We had been able to move him to his hometown for rehab, and there were signs of improvement over the first few days. In the end, I think he was tired and ready to go. It's hard to know how much he understood his condition, but he would not have wanted to continue in this state for long. He may have known better than we did that he wouldn't be able to paint again and, for him, that spelled "goodbye" to this life. He had been so lonely without my mom who died two years ago.

I'll be in the States till the end of the month and will return to Germany to put my personal affairs in order. I'll likely need to return to the States shortly after that to take care of things here. Will keep you posted, but regular Sparking just isn't possible for now.

But YES, I'm taking care of me - and have some great support troups who remind me to do so.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CYCLINGSANDY 10/18/2012 12:03PM

    I was blessed to be with my Dad as He went home to Jesus. It was hard, but peaceful too.

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SUNNY332 10/18/2012 7:04AM

    Michelle - So good to hear from you via my blog. I have missed you. I too loss my sweet Father this past summer on July 10th, I miss him a lot but he too was ready to go.

So glad you are back. Hugs, Sunny

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FRANNIEDID 10/14/2012 7:54AM

    I am so sorry Michelle, I did not know you had lost your Dad. I just read this and I feel bad that it took so long for me to see it. As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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JERSEYGIRL24 9/24/2012 4:32PM

    Michelle,

So sorry to hear. My father passed away on September 13. Funeral was the 16th, same day as your father passed. So sorry I did not see this sooner. But my thoughts are with you, and maybe some day when you are ready for it we can "talk" some more because I think we are under extremely similar circumstances.

Peace and love,


Leslie

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TRICIAE2 9/19/2012 8:16AM

    emoticon

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EATVEGAN 9/18/2012 11:23PM

    Of course you will miss your dad, but how good to know that we need not grieve as those who have no hope. You will see them both again and in a perfect place. They've gone ahead, but in no time at all, you will join them and the Savior around the throne. Dancing!

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JEZEBELSK 9/18/2012 10:30PM

    I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 9/18/2012 9:40PM

    I am so sorry for your loss.
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JAXMOMMY 9/18/2012 3:04PM

    Michelle-- My sympathies and love! Know you are never alone in your grief. I'm sure your dad let go and is at ultimate peace. Please don't go away! Check in when you can! Keeping you in a virtual hug!! Peace, Melissa

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KATHYKIM 9/18/2012 9:51AM

    I'm so sorry to hear of you dad's passing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kathy
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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 9/17/2012 3:57PM

    I know you have wonderful support groups through your faith and I'm very glad of that for you. We will miss you here on SparkPeople while you are gone, but it's clear you will be taking care of yourself and doing what is necessary.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It doesn't matter how old we are when our second parent dies, it still feels like we have become an "orphan" in a sense. You are right that he wouldn't have wanted to continue living in such a diminished state.

My mom often says she is ready to die any time now since my dad died (a year ago yesterday). It's an understandable feeling after being married to someone for such a long time. It's good to know that your dad is at peace now and no longer suffering.

I hope you come back to SparkPeople at some point in the future. I'll miss you, but clearly understand you need to be focused elsewhere right now.

Hugs,
Kay

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NEWNAC304 9/17/2012 6:13AM

    Michelle, my heart goes out to you. I was just thinking of you the other day, wondering how you were and how your dad was doing. I am so sorry for your loss. emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 9/17/2012 12:57AM

    My sincere condolences, Michelle, on losing your Dad. How comforting to know that he will be reunited with your mom even though his loss will be hard for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time.
Blessings and hugs,
Helen
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SJG1953 9/17/2012 12:47AM

    Michelle, I too am saddened for your loss because I know how much the seperation hurts. I am also happy for your dad because I know he is in a wonderfully happy place with his Saviour and reunited with your mom. Many prayers for you my friend, for peace, comfort, and wisdom. Love and prayers, Shirley

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AEO_SUNSHINE 9/16/2012 11:31PM

    For those we love
Donít go away
They walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard but always there,
Still loved, still missed, but very dear

Sincere condolences - audrey

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TRYINGHARD1948 9/16/2012 10:41PM

    Blessings Michelle. So sorry to hear of your father 's passing. It will be a difficult time for the next while so do take care of yourself. Hugs.

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TANYA602 9/16/2012 9:17PM

    Oh Michelle, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. What a beautiful picture. Big virtual hugs to you.

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CAROLYN0107 9/16/2012 8:44PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad's passing but glad you were in the States instead of in Germany. May the Lord help you through these next days, through getting things settled back in Germany and then moving back to the States. Lots of transitions but the Lord will be with you and give you HIS peace.
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RURAL3 9/16/2012 8:22PM

    sorry to hear about your dad but praise God for the reunion that is happening. emoticon

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ABETTERSOUL 9/16/2012 5:52PM

    Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss of your dad. My prayers are with you. emoticon

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MTNGRL 9/16/2012 5:47PM

    Michele, I know how difficult this is. He is at peace and that is a blessing. Saying prayers for you as you walk this difficult road. You know you are never alone.
Love,
Em

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JANETELIZABETH1 9/16/2012 5:28PM

    Sincere condolences to you Michelle. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad but know he will be reunited with your mom and that is a comfort to your heart.
Praying for you at this time,
Love Janet

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REDRUNNERMOM713 9/16/2012 4:46PM

    I'm so sorry Michelle. It's a comfort to know he's in a much better place, but I know the loss of a loved one is not easy. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family. emoticon

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VISUALLYRICS 9/16/2012 3:33PM

    Dearest Michelle,
( ( ( HUGE ) ) ) emoticon my friend...I am so sorry for your loss.
Prayer coming your way for direction, peace, rest and above all to know you are HELD by Abba.

love you, Laura emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 9/16/2012 2:45PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Your father's peace and being there for him were so important. Glad you are taking care of yourself. emoticon

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PAMNANGEL 9/16/2012 2:45PM

    emoticon

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IFDEEVARUNS2 9/16/2012 2:14PM

    So sorry to hear about his. But glad he went peacefully. emoticon emoticon

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FORMYDARLINGS 9/16/2012 2:09PM

   

Michelle. I am so sorry for you that your dad is gone but I must tell you I feel great joy for him and your mom. Together they were a team and while it is so hard right now, I know you wanted them to continue as a team. Bless you and keep you safe and happy,

Gini emoticon

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CYALE76 9/16/2012 2:05PM

    So sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. emoticon

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NANAW12001 9/16/2012 2:03PM

  So sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.

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WALKINGBYFAITH2 9/16/2012 1:56PM

    So sorry for your loss, Michelle. Knowing that he is reunited and at peace is a great comfort. May your memories sustain you during the difficult days and moments ahead. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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A week later

Friday, August 24, 2012

...Dad is still hospitalized and I'm still in the States. He is able to walk with assistance and can understand quite a bit, but is still not completely aware of what happened, and has trouble expressing himself verbally. Today he had a feeding tube (PEC) put in because he's not yet able to get enough nutrition orally. This is actually a good thing, as it's more comfortable than the tube he's had up to know. And, of course, good nutrition is essential to his recovery.

We are praying that he'll be able to be transferred to rehab sometime next week. Right now he's in a hospital that's an hour away and it's a long drive twice a day. It will be nice if friends can stop in for short visits and also easier for me, especially now that my cousin has had to return home. She was here visiting when Dad had his stroke an extended her visit for over a week to be a help and support. We'll really miss her!

When we do get him somewhat settled, I'll need to get back to Germany to square away some of my personal business, and then maybe return to the US for awhile. Lots of things are still very much up in the air!

I'm taking care of me, exercising daily, maybe eating a little too much comfort food. The hospital cafeteria has a great salad bar and good soups at low prices so I've been taking advantage of that . I've had great support, especially in prayer power. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sometime I'll share all the amazing ways that God has answered those prayers and revealed himself in the past week.

Prayer focus for the next few days -

a bed for Dad in our first-choice rehab place
wisdom for me in sorting out and making decisions, especially financial ones
safe travel for my cousin
no major effects of the upcoming tropical storm to further complicate matters!

xox

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWLIBRARIAN 8/27/2012 12:51PM

    Sorry to hear about this. I know this must be a hard time for you.

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JOANNKW 8/27/2012 12:20PM

    Zella, I continue to keep you in my prayers.

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JERSEYGIRL24 8/26/2012 9:56PM

    My thoughts are still with you, Michelle!! I was thinking that I don't know anyone on the Gulf Coast, but then I remembered you!!! Also, my son actually goes to school in Louisiana, but nowhere near New Orleans. And my friend's brother in law lives on the Mississippi Gulf coast. Here's praying that you and your dad are ok and that you weather the storm safely!!!

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EJOY-EVELYN 8/25/2012 11:10PM

    Being an hour away may mean your Dad is closer to the area by the river and gulf where I'm at. May the Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) be a genuine boost to your levels of energy to bring on the healing that is so desired. Your prayers are powerful and I pray that your and your father's schedules come together beautifully during this difficult time of change and healing.
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JAXMOMMY 8/25/2012 8:33PM

    Michelle-- you and your dad were the first people I thought of when I heard of the storm heading your way! Thanks for the update and glad your dad is showing progress. Both of you are in my thoughts as you pray for your needs to be met! I know you are facing tough decisions, but know you will receive the guidance you need to make them! I hope your dad will be transferred to the appropriate facility for all of you and he will continue to make improvements! Also glad you are making sure to take care of you too! Hugs, Melissa

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TRYINGHARD1948 8/25/2012 6:49PM

    Michelle, I am so sorry to hear this. You and your family will certainly be my prayers. Blessings and hugs.

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 8/25/2012 5:26PM

    I will certainly keep you and your dad in my thoughts and prayers.

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REDRUNNERMOM713 8/25/2012 1:59PM

    Thinking of you Michelle! Glad to hear you're taking care of yourself. I hope your Dad continues to have a speedy recovery. (((HUGS)))

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EBLOOMING 8/25/2012 3:59AM

    Michelle, I will be in prayer for your needs ~

a bed for your Dad in the first-choice rehab place
wisdom for decisions

I was reminded today of this verse in Psalm 85:13
"Righteouness goes before him and prepares the ways for his steps."

He goes before you and prepares the way for His steps in these decisions.
Elaine emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 8/24/2012 11:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WALKINGBYFAITH2 8/24/2012 11:29PM

    Michelle, thanks so much for responding! I just know that the Lord is moving in very powerful ways in your life right now, even if it is not all clear to you. It's a good thing He is in charge of the plans! And I am so happy that you are taking care of yourself! It is so easy to let that go when we are focused on caring for everyone else. I will continue to hold you, your family and friends, and all your prayer intentions in my prayers as well. God's peace be with you as your journey continues to unfold, knowing that He holds you close to His heart. emoticon

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NEWNAC304 8/24/2012 8:57PM

    I hope ypu're able to find a good rehab facility for him. Thinking of you. emoticon

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VISUALLYRICS 8/24/2012 6:40PM

    emoticon dear Michelle for this update. You have been in my thoughts & prayers since your last blog. I will join you in prayer for all your needs to be met. God be with you and give you peace. emoticon

mush love...and I emoticon ~ Laura

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Prayers for my Dad

Friday, August 17, 2012

Dad fell the night before I was to leave for Germany. In fact, I had already checked in online.

It turns out he had a "brain bleed" and he is now recovering in the hospital. He is able to speak but confused and his words are garbled. He is aware enough of what's going on to be very frustrated with the situation. We are praying for good progress this first week, as that is supposed to indicate what his long-term expectations can be.

I'm so grateful that I was still here and am able to be here for him now. And for Jesus our Peace and everpresent help in times of trouble. And for your prayers!

(Edited: to clarify that I cancelled my flight and am still in Florida!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EBLOOMING 8/25/2012 4:03AM

    Keeping you in my prayers. emoticonGod is able to do heal your dad. I believe that. emoticon

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RURAL3 8/21/2012 11:52PM

    God's timing is perfect

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PAMNANGEL 8/21/2012 12:12PM

    emoticon

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JAXMOMMY 8/21/2012 11:31AM

    God always puts us exactly wehre we need to be! Keep us posted. I believe your dad will make a full recovery! Remember to take care of yourself!

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MOMFAN 8/20/2012 3:06PM

    Hugs and prayer.

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JERSEYGIRL24 8/19/2012 1:14PM

    As someone who has had many parental elder care issues, I totally empathize with you!! Thank goodness you were still stateside. All the best!! Keep us posted. emoticon

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TANYA602 8/18/2012 5:21PM

    Sending prayers and hugs your way. Please take care of yourself, as well.

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HAKAPES 8/18/2012 2:44PM

    Tonights prayers go for your Dad!

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JOANNKW 8/18/2012 2:10PM

    Zella, I will keep you all in my prayers. i am so sorry to hear this.

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 8/18/2012 8:53AM

    Sending prayers to your father and your family. What a great blessing you were still there.

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REDRUNNERMOM713 8/18/2012 8:49AM

    So glad you were still there for him. I will keep you both in my prayers. (((HUGS)))

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WALKINGBYFAITH2 8/18/2012 2:46AM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. What a blessing that you were able to stay and had not already departed for Germany. Remember to take care of yourself while you are heling him through this trying and emotional time for him. emoticon

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EJOY-EVELYN 8/17/2012 10:25PM

    May his healing this week amaze even his doctors! Prayers and hugs to you, dear neighbor!

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AEO_SUNSHINE 8/17/2012 10:06PM

    My hopes for a good outcome are with you at this time.

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TAINYC 8/17/2012 9:05PM

    I'll definitely pray for you and your family.

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 8/17/2012 8:55PM

    I'm glad you were still in FL too and able to be there for your dad. My mom always says "growing old isn't for sissies". What you dad is going through proves her point. Those years beyond 80 can be really tough.

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CAYCESMOM 8/17/2012 8:23PM

    emoticon

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NEWNAC304 8/17/2012 8:21PM

    I am so sorry to hear this. If it had to happen, I'm glad you were still there and able to stay. You and your dad are in my thoughts.

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RUNNERRACHEL 8/17/2012 8:02PM

    emoticon prayers for you and your dad!

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IDLETYME 8/17/2012 8:01PM

    Loving thoughts and prayers are coming to your Dad and to your family!
emoticon emoticon

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JUDYAMK 8/17/2012 7:55PM

    I will be praying for your Dad
Judy

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VISUALLYRICS 8/17/2012 7:50PM

    emoticon on the way to you & your dad, Michelle. I hope you have a smooth travel experience to Germany and strength for the coming week.


emoticon Laura

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