Thursday, April 07, 2011
I've been really busy I'm afraid.... got a major project this weekend (which I'm really excited about, but isn't health related) so I haven't been around much.
But I wanted to say that I got my team for the BLC 16.... and I'm really excited because I got the team I wanted, Wisteria Wolves, with 4_1Healthycyndi! Whoo hoo!
Or I should say.... ARROOO !
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Remember how my doctor was so upset with me because I weighed (at the office 180) and I couldn't figure out how I jumped 10 pounds? Well, according to my scale, I didn't. I weighed myself this morning, as well as finishing the last of my base line measurements for the BLC, and I weigh.... 169 lbs. Which is within a pound (and smaller, at that) than I weighed the last time I measured myself. And while maybe the Wii Fit isn't the most accurate scale out there, it has held up pretty well against the other scales I've had access to--certainly not off by 10 lbs! Nor did my other measurements jump by any shocking level--not that I was really expecting them too. If they had, I wouldn't be able to keep wearing the same clothes!
Anyway, for the BLC we were encouraged to record some non-scale measure baselines so that we can track our progress in ways beyond the scale. This seemed especially a good idea for me, since I struggle to even lose a little weight, and my total goal for the challenge is only 6 lbs--which places my goal right now for 163 pounds.
So my non-scale baseline:
How many flights of stairs can you take before becoming winded
Well, 20 flights before my legs hurt too much. I never really became winded.
How much weigh can you lift/How many reps
Bicep curls10 lbs, 35 reps
How many crunches
30 (to the point where pain/hard to do control, maybe not limit where physically unable to do any more)
Upper arm: 13.0
Lower arm: 10.5
What size are you wearing
Size 14, but its tight.
I can't say that I'm particularly happy with the size and physical measurements (I'm more happy with the fitness ones) but it's a baseline. That means it's my starting point, not my ending point--by the end of the challenge I hope to have improved all of these measures.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Borrowed from 4-1HealthyCyndi, though I have adjusted the days as I'm starting a day later than she is:
D -- DO IT -- Got something you've been meaning to get done? Organizing, cleaning, ST exercises...I know we all have those sort of things...5pt each day you get something done you've been meaning to do, but just haven't found the time :)
E -- EAT FREGGIES -- For every serving of freggies you eat give yourself 1pt NO MAX!
E -- EXERCISE -- For every minutes of exercise you do this week give yourself 1 pt :) NO MAX!
R -- REST -- Hunting takes alot of energy so be sure to rest up each night! Receive 1pt for every hour you sleep each night. NO MAX! (Starts with tonights sleep and then use Tuesday nights before reporting your number with WI :) )
D - 5pts.
E - 3 pts.
E - --
R - 8 pts.
Total -16 pts.
E -1 pts
R - 10 pts.
Total - 11 pts.
D - 10 pts.
E -2 pts.
E - --
R - 10 pts.
Total - 22 pts.
D - 5 pts.
E - 3 pts.
E - --
R - 7 pts.
Total - 15 pts.
D - --
E - 5 pts.
E - --
R - 8 pts.
Total - 13 pts.
D - 5 pts.
E - 7 pts.
E - --
R- 6 pts.
Total - 18 pts.
DEER Total - 95 pts.
I expected to have done a lot better-- especially on the freggies and exercise front, but that's not how it worked out. I'm disappointed in my score, but I had some pretty unusual curve balls thrown at me this week and I think under the conditions I made pretty good decisions and that's all that anyone can really ask of themselves. But it does mean that my score isn't as high as I wanted it to be.
On the upside, I started working out my base line scores for the BLC, though I decided to post pone it when I realized that the tetanus booster made my arm really hurt and maybe that wasn't ideal for seeing how much weight I could lift. But I did pretty well on the stair exercise (seeing how many flights of stairs I could walk up before coming winded) though I'm not entirely sure what they mean by "winded." I was breathing harder by the time I stopped at 20 flights (going up and down, not all up!), but I wasn't panting and I could probably have kept on going but I wasn't sure if they meant "breathing harder" which would have been a lot earlier or "panting" which I don't know that I ever would have reached-- my legs were pretty sore by 20 flights! And as it is I can really feel it today and I'm hoping to be able to fence tomorrow.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
This has been a pretty stressful week on a lot of levels. Oh, not all bad, and I think I handled most of the mini-crises and complications and juggling that came my way well enough. But that did mean that some of things that I had *intended* to get done didn't get done. I didn't do well on the DEER challenge at all, for a lot of reasons--mostly do to things coming up that I wasn't expecting and had to deal with. I didn't exercise, same thing. I ate pretty well, or at least so I thought, but that's about it.
But going into this morning, I was okay with that (or rather, I was generally happy with myself; I still don't regret my choices. Sure, things didn't go as I had planned but that happens and I think in every instance I made the right choice, at least based on the options available to me at the time. If I had known ahead of time, maybe I could have adjusted better, but things are surprises *because* you can't plan for them ahead of time). But then I had my yearly check up with my doctor and now I'm really frustrated and, frankly, angry.
Two years ago, I was the one who broached the subject of my being over weight, hoping he could give me some advice on how to deal with it (as I had been trying to deal with it on my own at that point for at least 3 years with out much success.) At that time, according to his scale, I weighed 188 pounds. His suggestion--eat less and exercise more. He said all I had to do was exercise "a little."
Um, thanks. 1) I've tried eating less and 2) I had been exercising/doing physical therapy on my hip at that point for at least 4 years. I had reached a point where I could walk maybe 20 minutes at a time, so it's not like I was in great shape, but it wasn't like I was sitting on my couch eating chips all day either.
But I was able to eventually get him to give me some more useful advice/suggestions. It was like pulling teeth, because he tended to be dismissive of my concerns, saying that if I would win a million dollars to lose weight or learn pilates or whatever I would do it. And I wanted to say--sure, because then I could afford to pay for a personal trainer etc. to help me do this, but I don't have a million dollars and I won't so I'm trying to make things work with what I've *got* to work with. But eventually I got information to help me get started. I also did some work on my own and was introduced, after asking friends for advice, to sparkspeople.com in April.
Well, I weighed in this morning at the office at 180--10 lbs heavier than my last weigh in at home, which wasn't that long ago. It's also somewhat heavier than I weighed in at his office last year, though I don't remember what that number is; I use my home scale for my records.
So I go in and he does the physical and asks me the normal questions and stuff and I try to get him to talk about my headaches, which are really plaguing me. Instead of talking about them, he instead got on my case about being overweight, warning me that I'm approaching a "dangerous" BMI and that I need to draw the line in the sand etc. I said I know, I'm trying but I'm having a really hard time losing weight. I've been working on this for 2 years and I've lost at best 8 lbs (it was at 10 lbs, but I kept gaining and losing weight and it's now at 8 lbs lost--at least on my scale, where I wear myself in basically the same clothes--workout clothes--and first thing in the morning so the same time of day). I'm working out--I fence, I do cardio of some kind 5 days a week, I strength train 2-3 days a week, I stretch, I watch what I eat and track it regularly and while how much I eat varies depending on how much I work out (lately it's been mostly between 1400 and 1700 calories; when I'm working out more it's closer to 1600-1900. According to my tracking of both fitness and food I'm burning 300-500 calories *consistently* more than I eat. Even in the last two months, when I was sick, I didn't usually eat more than 1800 calories, and often quite a bit less because I wasn't very hungry.
His response--obviously you aren't. I'm really taken aback, because I had been expecting him to say something like "let's work through this" like maybe talking about typical workouts or diet or whatever. Because, yeah, the math on paper is obviously not working but I don't know *why.*
Well, what do you want me to do then?
WTF? More? More what? I actually asked him that, totally taken aback--more what? He said, "more."
I already work out--or had been before I hurt my hip and got sick and will again as I get back into it--an average of about 8 hours every .week. I push myself as hard as I can and even sometimes push myself too hard, which is frustrating for different reasons I literally can't do more there--not right now. Maybe eventually. Hopefully eventually. But not now.
I track my food. If I drop below 1400-1500 calories, even if I'm not working out, I get hungry. As in, I can't concentrate on anything at all but how hungry I am and feel like crap because my blood sugar crashed and have no energy and feel like I'm starving and instead of enjoying a movie or hanging out with my husband or writing or cleaning the tub all I can think of is that I'm hungry. But the metabolism for a woman my weight and age is about 1800 calories a day--and he says that my metabolism etc. is "normal" because my thyroid etc. all says that I should be normal. But if my base metabolism is 1800 and I'm eating only 1500 a day, I shouldn't be *gaining* weight.
He offered to have me talk to a dietitian. By this point, I'm getting irritated, because I've done research, and I track my food, and I've talked to my aunt who *is* a registered dietitian and I've always eaten pretty well and we're doing better than ever. My carbs, proteins, and fats are mostly where they need to be. I drink water. I eat vegetables and whole grains and lean proteins.
He says then portions are the problem.
But I track everything as well as I can. Sure, I don't measure *everything* I eat, but I measure a lot and I read nutrition labels and I'm doing the best that I can. Sometimes I don't know and I have to guess, but I still do the best I can with the information I have available. Nothing more can be asked of anyone.
He says he's surprised because he thought if I were told something needed to be done by Friday it would be done by Thursday. I know that he thought if he appealed to my competitive, goal oriented nature, that would take care of it. And frankly, by my measures it should have. I've made a lot of changes, big and small; I've *tried* and I'm still trying and I'm still making adjustments and trying to do better. But I also learned a long time ago that simply throwing myself at the wall and failing over and over and over doesn't help anything; appealing too much to my competitive nature without the tools to do anything is a recipe for disaster.
He says that he guesses that it's not "important enough." Again, WTF? What does he expect of me? I'm working so hard at this. I'm constantly struggling between finding time to work out and other commitments. I try to do fun and active things with my friends. I'm trying to get enough sleep, to drink less pop, to eat smaller meals on a more regular basis, to eat healthier options, to eat enough vegetables and more whole grains, to drink my 8 glasses of water *every * day, to work out regularly even when that means carving out that time out of other things that are important to me. And this on top of an already very full plate. Being healthy is all well and good but I also want to graduate and there are other things I need to fit in there too, from domestic chores to something resembling a social life at least occasionally to the me time that keeps me stable. What good will having a BMI of 25 if I'm unhappy and stressed out of my mind?
I don't know what else to do. I want a healthy lifestyle, sure, but as part of my life, not overwriting everything else. I need to balance it with other things that are important with me. And yeah, sometimes that means a friend calls me up because he or she needs help and I end up not working out, but it also means that I *am* working out more often than not, and I'm usually eating well, and have made I thought real, positive changes that might actually last. If everything I do always takes second place to working out and cutting calories, and I'm unhappy and hungry and feeling deprived and punished etc., it's not going to work out in the long run.
I'm so angry right now. Angry with him, for his assumptions that I'm either lying about working out and what I eat or at least careless about it. Angry with my body for making everything so difficult. For setting me back at least one step for every two I take forward. I'm angry that despite doing my best to follow the (various) doctors orders for over *8 years* that I still deal with chronic, if not quite constant any more, pain--so that everything I do, from the gym to shopping to sitting on the couch typing this it hurts, at least some. I can ignore it, but it's there. And trying not to be angry with myself not so much because I'm not perfect--though if I were perfect I wouldn't have a weight problem in the first place--but because *I don't know how to fix it* By working my tail off and really paying attention to my food and water etc. I'm doing *well* to lose a half pound a week.
I know I'm getting stronger, healthier, fitter. I know that my hip is hurting me a lot less and that I'm able to do so much more than I had even a year ago, let alone two years ago. But apparently a lifestyle change and getting healthy isn't "important enough" to me.
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