Sunday, October 17, 2010
I know that I seem to be posting a lot of fairly negative blogs lately (or at least whiny, heh)--I'm tired, I'm stressed, etc. That's because I've been struggling for what feels like a very long time--first because I was so insanely busy and stressed because of that, and then because I wasn't so busy but overwhelmed with backlog of responsibilities while trying to get my balance back.
But not today. Today I'm actually quite proud of myself. This week I did not meet my goals of exercise 5 days a week--I only made it 4 times--and I completely neglected my strength training (boo, hiss) . BUT, I got in over an hour and a half more cardio than normal (my official goal is 100 minutes, usually I hit about 150) and almost 800 more calories than my goal.
Even better... Friday night I went to help out my friend's soccer team again, as they have had a lot of players out and as it's co-ed the rule is that you have to have 2 girls on the field at all times. Well, it turns out that for the first half of the game, there were only 2 girls playing, so we had to play the first half non stop (it's indoor soccer, and players swap out every few minutes, like hockey, rather than everyone playing the full half, like outdoor soccer). Thankfully we had some girls from another team come help out for the second half--it's hard enough to play through an entire period when the other team is just as tired, but harder still when the other team has tons of alternates and even your guys have only one extra player for relief. But I made it through--I was exhausted in addition to being out of practice and too slow, but I stuck with it.
That alone I would have been pretty happy with myself for being able to meet that challenge--me, who 6 years ago could barely walk. But then I turned around the next day (on very little sleep, unfortunately, because we got home from soccer late and then had to get up early to be on site) we went to an SCA demo at a Ren Fair. There we had 3 "active" demo times--a mix of armored combat and rapier--and I fenced at all three. Between the "active" (scheduled) demos, we had an area set up where people working on projects were working, and there I worked on my karakumidai with some of my non-fighter friends who were working on looms, spinning wheels, and bead projects. So it was a very busy day going back and forth between the two areas. I didn't get to see much of the fair, which was a shame because I haven't been to a Ren fair in ages and it was a perfect day for it--cool but not too cold (great fencing weather, too), in a charming wooded area.
But I'm really happy that not only was I able to play a tough game of soccer Friday night, but then I turned around and followed it up with a day of fencing. I'm paying for it now--I'm super sore today, all over, but it's the soreness of muscles that have been worked hard, not injury.
And then we went into Frankemuth and went to one of my favorite bead stores, and I'm very proud of myself that I managed to walk out spending less than $50 (I was really very restrained, whoo hoo! I don't go there very often, but it's very easy for a little pile of beads to add up! I would have gotten out of there for under $20 but I fell in love with a lampwork turtle bead right at the cash register, which was $14. I've actually been very good about spending money on beads this past year, and my bead guild's beading weekend getaway is coming up soon and I wanted to be able to spend money that weekend on beads and classes.
The downside of the weekend is that we went to the Bavarian Inn for their famous Chicken dinners, which are divine but I don't think anything that restaurant serves is "healthy." Ah well, no one is perfect, and up until that point my calories for the day had been really low so hopefully I didn't kill my calorie budget too badly!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Have you ever had those moments when things on sparks just clicks with what's going on in your life, like some grand cosmic message? First this week one of the teams I was on had a relaxation challenge (still working on that, by the way) and then everywhere I turn, someone is talking about overcoming being tired. First there was a sparks blog about energy boosts ( www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=fin
nk_is_empty ) and the link to energy boosting foods, then there was 4_1heathycindy's post about using caffeine as a crutch. There was another article or two as well. You get the idea.
Because, friends, I'm exhausted. I've been exhausted for the better part of 2 weeks and I have no idea why I'm struggling just to manage basic daily tasks. The first of those two weeks I wasn't exercising (still healing my knee) but this week I have even resumed exercise, and I'm just drained. My caffeine consumption (unfortunately in the form of sugary soft drinks) spiked as a result, going from 1 can a day to 3. Owie! And yet I have no energy.
Yesterday I was so tired I literally fell asleep on my couch. I had been exhausted all day, but I made myself eat lunch and then nearly fell asleep on the couch after lunch so I got up and went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes. And then I came home and worked on some stuff, but ended up falling asleep anyway. And I almost never take naps. I don't even take naps when I get 2 hours of sleep the night before--it's just too hard for me to fall asleep during the day. And I've been getting a solid 8-10 hours of sleep a night most nights. I was out for an hour, woke up stiff and uncomfortable and groggy and stumbled into the bedroom (where I was more comfortable) and slept for another hour (I know that naps are only supposed to be 20-30 minutes, but that never works for me. Most days, even when I'm exhausted, it takes 20-30 minutes to fall asleep, and if I'm tired enough to fall asleep during the day I usually sleep 2 hours--2 hours in this case of deep, dream-filled sleep). I woke up, scrambled to get ready to see a friend I haven't seen in ages, hung out (with yet more caffeine to get the blood moving again) and then crashed at my normal time and slept another 10 hours.
Why am I so tired? And what can I do about it?
Is it what I'm eating? Since we got back from the cruise, I confess we haven't eaten as well as normal--more fast food and prepackaged foods, though not all our meals were unhealthy. I had a while there where I wasn't eating the fresh fruits and vegetables I normally do (first because we didn't have them in the house, and later because the fruit flies made that hard) though I did have canned and frozen ones. But now I'm eating fresh fruits and veggies again.
Is it the lack of exercise, while my knee was healing? If so, then hopefully it will turn around soon, as I'm back to being active again.
Is it something else? Could it be that this nasty case of allergies maybe isn't allergies or something?
More importantly, what can I do (besides sugary soft drinks) to reboot my energy? I have a ton of things I need to do and right now even getting lunch feels like a Herculean task.
Monday, October 11, 2010
One of my sparks teams is having a weekly challenge to relax. As part of this challenge, we are encouraged to choose one or more of the following challenges:
"1. Take a nap at least one day this week.
2. Go to bed earlier than usual at least two nights this week.
3. Read a book for pleasure at least three times this week.
4. Do your exercises and then STRETCH exercise at least 3 times this week. To me stretching is like relaxing.
5. Limit the time that you are on your computer at least 4 days this week. Let us know your plan to do this.
6. After a long day, relax take a walk or and have a chat with a friend or else phone someone who is an encouragement to you at least three times this week.
7. Find at least one SparkArticle on SLEEP and post the link here and make comments on the article that you read.
8. Let us know on this thread what makes you RELAX. What is relaxing to YOU?
9. Take a SparkBreak Day and do no sparking but the essential...spinning the wheel and tracking for instance.
10. You name what you plan to do for Relaxation."
I have opted for 3, 4, 8 and 10 and possibly 7, though I think I have already read all the sleep related articles that sparks has.
This challenge came at a good time for me. I've been under a LOT of stress... for years, really. I told my mom-in-law that things would quiet down after the wedding this summer and she said "you always say that and it never does." I'm always running from one big demand to the next. I've had friends and family both tell me to slow down.
And to be honest, I don't know how. If I learned one thing on the cruise, I am not very good at truly relaxing.
Oh, I take time out for me. I read at least a little bit almost every day--it's necessary for my mental health and well being. I spent Sunday hanging out with good friends and "helped" with a cider pressing (I say "help" because they had for once way more people than they had expected--usually they have 10 or so and this year had almost 40, so there wasn't much for me to actually do). I spent Saturday being lazy with my husband. I do best at relaxing activities that demand mental participation--things like reading a good book, or playing a video game, or working on some kind of crafting project--things that don't leave my mind free to worry and fuss and think through problems.
But even so, I'm not very good at relaxing. Even when I'm reading, I don't sit still easily. I almost always have something in my hands when I watch television. I'm always aware--even more so when I'm home--of the million things I should be doing when I'm doing something else, whether it's cooking lunch or reading a book or cleaning a bathroom. I can't even relax physically--I can feel the ball of tension in my muscles, especially in the back at the base of the shoulder blades but up into my neck and skull and down into my lower back, even my legs and arms. I don't know how to get rid of it. I've had massages. I've tried hot baths. I've tried working out. I've tried stretching. I know that physical tension not only aggravates (and sometimes out right causes) my headaches, but it also contributes to my carpal tunnel issues. And yet it so hard for me to relax those muscles.
My mind is equally, if not more, chronically tense. I have a hard time getting my brain to shut up. Even when I am exhausted and trying to go to sleep, I have a hard time stilling my mind. I learned as a young child to tell myself stories before going to sleep--when I was a kid I think I did this mostly to entertain myself when mom and dad made me go to bed, but as an adult, it forces my brain to focus on something other than responsibilities and deadlines and other worries. I struggle with meditation--the only kind that I have any luck with so far are what I think of as moving meditations--things like beading, or knitting, or yoga, or weirdly enough strength training--basically activities where I'm concentrating on doing something and sometimes how I breathe, which leaves little room for worrying about that phone call I should make or what I'm struggling with in my writing.
Why do I have so much trouble truly relaxing? I don't know. I don't know how to slow down. Whenever I have free time, I tend to fill it--for example, we had a free weekend next weekend and now I'm thinking seriously about doing an SCA demo and helping a friend with a beading project. Both of which will be fun, don't get me wrong, but fun doesn't mean relaxing.
Part of it is probably my personality and part of it is probably muscle and mental patterns "learned" over many years of being in school. I always worked hard. Even when I wasn't working as well as taking classes in college, I was under heavy course loads and studying all the time. Then I started grad school and that kicked into over drive. I worked 80 or more hour weeks--I had no free time. I had almost no social life. I ate poorly and never got enough sleep, and yet was always behind. I pushed my body to the breaking point and beyond; I burned out mentally even as I injured my body (carpal tunnel and tendinitis) badly enough that I couldn't even handle basic home chores like dishes or opening doors. Then I backed off somewhat--I am no longer physically able to pull those kinds of hours, even if I could handle the stress--but the workload is overwhelming to the point it's hard just to get started most days. And then I have everything else going on, all my other responsibilities--my MIL's illness, family visits, my grandmother isn't getting any younger, my friend that got married, my officer position in a group I belong to (because someone had to do the job and no one else volunteered), household chores, etc. Oh, yeah, and taking care of me has to fit somewhere in there, too.
One of the things we do for the stress relief team is record our daily stress levels on a 10 point scale, with 10 being stressed halff out of your mind and 1 being completely relaxed. The lowest score I've ever given myself was a 5. On the cruise I probably dropped down to a 3, but I can't maintain that at home--and even on the cruise, where I had no responsibilities or anything I *had* to do, I never dropped lower than a 3. I just don't know how any more.
But by not relaxing, my body and mind doesn't really get a chance to recover. So I need to learn somehow not just to take time out for myself, but to really relax when I do so. I'm not sure how to go about doing that, but I'm going to try.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Grr. We came back from vacation to having tons of fruit flies in the apartment. I don't know where they came from or what attracted them, as we didn't have any food in the house, but it's making it hard to keep fresh fruit and tomatoes in the house. Even cooking is a pain. I've set my homemade fruitly traps and they've helped, but we still have them everywhere. The kitchen is the worst but there are a lot in other rooms, especially the bathrooms.
We often have fruit flies in the fall for some reason, though never as bad as this year--perhaps because we are able to respond to them before they get this bad when we're home? The only things I know that helps is to run bleach in your drains, avoid having standing water (so no pots soaking or anything if you can help it) and to put out fruit fly traps. Mine are simple. I take a container--I prefer bottles because they are disposable and have a narrow mouth--and fill them with a sweet fluid. Cider seems to work the best, but any aromic juice will do. Then you cover the top with seran wrap, secure it with a rubber band if needed, and poke a few holes in the top. That way the fruit flies smell the cider and enter the bottle, but they can't find their way back out and die. Simple, eco-friendly (especially if you reuse or recycle the container) and it works.
But so far all we've managed to do is thin the fruitflies a bit--and there are plenty left. Grrr.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
First of all, I beg everyone to understand and forgive me. I gave up last night of trying to catch up on everyone's blogs--I realized that I have over 75 blogs on sparks that I am subscribed to, and while not all of those are still active, it was still far too many for me to catch up after not following them for essentially months. I would get caught up on a few, and then go to catch up on someone else and the first few would post some more..... it was like trying to dig a hole in sand. It kept filling in as fast as I could read them.
So I went and resubscribed to everyone and am starting fresh, with new posts. This is not because I don't care what happened over the summer--I just don't have time.
Also, a few of my friends have apparently changed their names? Anyway, sparks cant' find them any more. So if you've changed your name over the summer, could you let me know?
My knee is doing a lot better--in fact it was starting to feel significantly better I swear the morning after I wrote my last blog. I did manage to pull a muscle in my thigh, however--doing nothing more than shifting in my seat on the couch, of all things. I didn't pull it badly, but I keep aggravating it doing things like getting out of the car or kneeling to deal with laundry, so it's still pretty sore.
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