Thursday, March 25, 2010
I'm really blessed with friends! Thank you all so much for being so supportive--I did not mean to worry you. It's just sometimes I have that annoying little devil--you know the one, the one that sits on your shoulder and whispers "you're not good enough, it's not worth the effort, you're not worth the effort, it's not working...." Most of the time I do pretty well at tuning him out, but somedays it's harder than others. Just because I know that I can do this, that it is worth the effort--*I'm* worth the effort--and that yes baby steps do matter and it is working, that little voice still sometimes gets through and I have my doubts.
And then I have all of you who smack me (kindly) upside the head and said, "don't listen to him! Look at how much progress you've seen already! At how far you've come!" If you are doing the right thing most of the time, a few slips--even fast food (and wow I can't believe how many calories I can get in a fast food meal if I'm not careful--it's like they inject it with extra calories somehow!)--aren't going to undo months of good practices. You haven't failed so long as you don't give up. There is no failure here; there is just life. And life sometimes comes with speed bumps; we just have to roll with them and keep going.
I may not have seen a lot of weight loss--in the last 6 months I've seen a net loss of 1 lb, at most (though at least that means I've lost the weight I put on over the holidays)--and I'd stalled on the cardio (probably overdoing it after I got so sick last fall, which wouldn't surprise anyone who knows me) but I have PROOF that I still have made progress, that this healthy lifestyle thing is making a difference.
I just got the results from my yearly bloodwork for my physical, and everything--EVERYTHING--is within acceptable boundaries--blood sugar, salts, protein, liver enzymes, thyroid, etc. My blood pressure at the time was a little higher than I'd like, but still within the healthy range (I can't remember the numbers now, but it was something like 124/80). But best of all, my overall cholesterol was down significantly. My HDLs were still not high enough, but much higher, and my LDL and triglycerides were all a little higher than ideal but lower than they used to be. Whoo hoo! Take THAT, little devil!
I come from a family with a history of high cholesterol, despite careful, low fat diets. Even though I have never had high cholesterol myself, I had the same pattern of too high "bad" cholesterol and ridiculously low "good" cholesterol, which to me at least was a concern. I never want it to reach a point where the only way to manage my cholesterol is with pills, or, worse, to have a heart attack or a stroke because my arteries are clogged. So I'm very pleased to see progress there, and healthy numbers all around.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sometimes I feel like I'm some how a fraud, that I'm not living up to the promise of the healthy lifestyle--especially the last few weeks. This week I've sort of gotten back on track with the fitness. I went to the fitness center on Monday and did 30 minutes on the treadmill (apparently WAY overdoing things, oops) and then 40 minutes of strength training. Tuesday I went back and did another 30 minutes on the treadmill (which went a lot better, by the way. I still need to play around with the settings to find the optimal one for my pace, as I'm not sure the work out was quite intense enough, but I didn't feel like a wet noodle when I was done, either). Today I was supposed to do 30 minutes of treadmill and 40 of strength training, and I just couldn't make myself do that. I ended up doing about 25 minutes of my Bollywood dance cardio instead and am wrestling with the feeling that I somehow cheated.
On the upside, the Bollywood dance cardio is a serious workout for my thighs especially--it's a fun work out but leaves my thighs burning, and that's with me skipping the hopping maneuvers which I'm still not allowed to do. So it feels a lot more intense than the treadmill, though I don't know how it compares in terms of calories burned. Still, I didn't strength train.
Even that wouldn't be so bad except that I've also been way off on the food this week, too. Ironically, when I wasn't working out, I did really well on food--I ate within my calorie limits, I had fresh fruit and vegetables and whole grains, etc. I start hauling myself back onto the exercise wagon, intending to work out at least 5 days a week instead of 2, and suddenly I'm hungry All. Day. And making unhealthy food choices--I got into cookies, and chips, and candy. Today I caved in and got Taco Bell, which I've been craving for awhile now--and ended up eating 2,500 calories today as a result (that's really easy to do whenever I eat fast food, unfortunately).
. :2, Zanna: 0
It was my decision. I knew it was going to be unhealthy and I did it anyway because I wanted tacos and I didn't want the healthier option. And I think, in the long run, I can live with that decision, just as I can live, even if I'm not entirely happy with it, that the fact that I was hungry Monday and Tuesday meant I ended up eating more than my calorie budget. I am working with accepting the fact that I'm not perfect and I still am balancing my craving for sweet, salty, and fatty foods (though usually not all at once like this week) against being healthy. Once I get more used to working out regularly again, I'm hoping that my appetite etc. will get more manageable again. Getting my routine solid will help, too. Working on that.
I have this negative, nagging voice in my head that keeps telling me "you're just fooling yourself. You aren't making a difference. You aren't good enough. Who are you to give advice or support or even claim to be making a difference in your life? You had Archway cookies this week. Today you had Taco Bell and skipped your strength training." I feel like a fraud because I read about people who ban trans fats (guilty, this week--I had 2 archway cookies, at 1 gram of trans fat each) and I don't eat a lot of trans fats but they aren't banned, either. I read about people who have cut soda from their diet and I still drink about one can of sugared soft drink a day--lately I'm trying to cut back again from 2. I read about people who don't eat processed foods, which I'm definitely guilty of. I read about people who eat only whole grains, while I still eat a lot of refined grains. I only do about 30 minutes of cardio a day on average, with 40 minutes of strength training 3 times a week (at most, seeing as I skipped today), and I know lots of people who routinely do an hour or more. And so forth.
But you know what, I'm not a fraud. I'm not fooling myself. So I skipped strength training--I still did what was, for me, a demanding cardio workout. I may have had Taco Bell, but I still had whole grains and fresh fruit and drank my water and so forth. It wasn't perfect, but it was still better than it might have been. I'm making a difference.
Nextyear posted a quote in her blog from a man who first ran a marathon in his 60's--when asked how he did it, he said "Start slow, and gradually slow down." His argument is that most would-be marathon runners start out really enthusiastic and then quit because it's too much. The trick is to pace yourself so that you don't burn out.
Well, I think that's what I'm doing. Pacing myself. So white flour isn't banned from my house--I'm still eating more whole wheat than I used to. I've even found some whole wheat foods I like, though I still find plenty I don't (the whole wheat crackers I had for my snack today, for example, I won't be buying again. Bleah). I'm drinking more water, drinking less soda, and eating more fruits and vegetables--even on the days when I made other, less healthy choices. I never stopped working out, just slowed down, and now I'm working at being more consistent again. It's been slow, with a lot of trial and error, but baby steps do make a difference.
But I'm not a fraud, so long as I'm upfront about it, right? I'm not perfect, folks. I sometimes make unhealthy food choices. I sometimes skip work outs. I'm losing weight, but very slowly, and I'm struggling to find my balance between healthy and not feeling punished, deprived, or just having it just take up so much time it's not sustainable, and sometimes I slip and even backslide. But I'm still plowing ahead, working on those two steps forward for every step back. And from what I've read, that counts a lot. I have made real progress and maybe I slip up sometimes, but I'm still doing better and living healthier than I was before I started on this journey.
I just need to remind myself that this isn't a competition--it doesn't matter that one person I know eats no refined flour or another person eats twice as many vegetables or that another person runs/walks 40 miles every week. I'm doing this for me; what matters is that I'm doing the best I can within my limits for a healthier, fitter me. And that includes accepting that I won't always make unhealthy choices--what matters is that I make healthy choices more often than not.
But I do hope that I manage both food and exercise better tomorrow!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Well, I went to the gym. I came very close to not going, I confess. I really didn't want to go. I could go tomorrow, my inner brat said (to borrow the term from 41HealthyCindy); I'm tired. But really I just really, really, really didn't want to go. But I made myself go anyway.
I did 30 minutes walking on the treadmill, including about 5 minutes of warm up and 5 minutes of cool down. I have never used the treadmill before, but I'd read that you should raise the incline and even though I was aiming for a more relaxed workout (so that I wasn't over doing it) I still wanted it to be a decent work out, so I set the incline at 9 and the speed alternating between 2.5 and 3.0, trying to find a comfortable but brisk walking pace. But 2.5 didn't seem quite enough and 3.0 seemed to be too much, because my heart rate hit 180 and I was exhausted before I was half through, even though I wasn't actually breathing all that hard. So I'm a bit confused. I guess I need to experiment with it some more. I also wasn't sure how to enter it into sparks--there all sorts of things like percent incline and how many minutes a mile you go and stuff--but I'm not sure how level 9 translates into % incline. I did 1.3 miles, which wasn't great, but is better than having spent the afternoon on my couch.
I feel ridiculously out of shape for someone who's been working out regularly for over a year.
Then I did strength training, a mix of some new exercises (because I thought it a good time to mix things up) and some old ones. That part went okay.
And, hey, I went to the gym. I really didn't want to but I did anyway and that has to count for something.
Friday, March 19, 2010
I confess, I'm getting really discouraged when it comes to cardio. With strength training, I see progress--fairly quick progress at that, as I have been slowly increasing the amount of weight I can lift etc. With flexibility training, I can see progress--again, gradual, but not so gradual I can't tell. I can stretch farther than I had when I started. But cardio? That's a lot harder. Last summer, I saw progress, but since last fall when I got so sick, I got set way back and I'm still not even back to where I was last spring. In fact, I've been doing the exact same routine now since before Christmas.
Today I hit a new (since last fall anyway) record--2.1 miles, 271 calories. But my heart rate was way too high (190's--I know the machine isn't terribly accurate, but I was also struggling) and I felt terrible and couldn't breathe and in general was miserable. I should never have pushed it that hard. I was trying something new and on the one hand I hit a new record but I don't think the pay off was worth feeling so lousy. And while I was thinking of my time on my elliptical as "running" (though I knew it wasn't as serious a work out as running for real) I was disappointed to realize that I've been averaging only 4.6-5.1 mph. That's more like a fast walk or slow jog than really running.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I can't seem to break past this, why I'm still struggling with exercise induced asthma (which wasn't so much a problem last spring, summer--I didn't start having real problems with that until last fall when I got sick.) I talked to my doctor about it and he wasn't concerned--he says just use the rescue inhaler. Which I will, if that's what it takes, but I don't like taking it. Maybe come summer, when the air isn't so dry, I won't have as many problems. But in the meantime, I'm driving my heart rate up much too high, having trouble breathing, and often feeling wobbly and ill by the time I'm finished. I'm really struggling at finding that sweet spot that gets the heart rate up (to healthy levels) and burns fat and yet isn't too much. I read about how working out is supposed to make you feel good--energized, etc. I don't feel good when I work out; I felt terrible. And it's making it harder and harder to get back.
So. I think I need to try something different. I wish I had thought of it earlier this week, because the weather has been so lovely but a cold front is supposed to be on route, but I'm going to stop using the elliptical for a bit---or at the very least cut back on it--and try just walking for awhile. It doesn't burn as many calories and I'm not allowed to run or even jog still, but maybe that will help break through this stamina/heart rate issue. Maybe it's time to lay off on the intensity and worrying about how many calories I burn in a week for awhile. If the weather is nice out, I'll try walking outside. If it's not, I'll try the treadmill, or run dance cardio DVDs at home. Because when what I'm doing feels like I'm just constantly slamming myself at a wall, it's time to try something different.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Borrowed from Saasha17 because it sounded like fun...
1. What did you eat for breakfast?
** Today, nothing, because I had my yearly doctor's check up today, which meant fasting for blood work. Most days when I eat breakfast I've been having yogurt though I just got peanut butter to eat with toast for breakfast as an alternative.
2. How much water do you drink a day?
** 8-12 cups, depending on how much I exercise and the weather.
3. What is your favorite workout?
**I love tennis, though I don't really consider it a work out per se. I also enjoy water aerobics and yoga.
4. What is your favorite fruit?
**Hard call. Tied between pomegranates and raspberries, I guess.
5. What is your favorite vegetable?
** Tied again between jicama and green peppers
6. How many calories do you burn a week?
** between 1145 and about 1500 a week (I'm such a slacker compared to my friends!)
7. How many calories do you eat a day?
** 1 aim for between 1360 and 1710, which is what sparks recommends for my activity level. And I hit it probably 70% of the time (would like to hit it closer to at least 80%--that's a work in progress). I rarely go above 2000, though I did today (2500 or so, despite the fact that I didn't eat breakfast. Or maybe because of?)
8. What are your favorite healthy snacks?
**Seasonal fruit (clementines at the moment), trail mix with a mix of dried fruit and nuts, and cheese and crackers.
9. What do you usually eat for lunch?
**Depends. Left overs are common, or canned soups, or eggs cooked various ways, with fruit or fresh vegetables. I'm need to get back to finding some really easy, quick but healthy lunches.
10. What is usually for dinner?
**Whatever my husband feels he can eat and feels like cooking--often beef or pork with rice or pasta.
11. What is your favorite body part to strength train?
** Upper body because it doesn't hurt and I feel strong
12. What is your least favorite body part to strength train?
**the side muscles in the legs (abduction muscles? the ones that lift the legs out sideways from the body). Those are the muscles that deteriorated the worse and even after years of physical therapy, the physical therapy for those muscles hurts. It sucks. But it works, so I keep doing them.
13. What is your least favorite exercise?
** Running. I hate running, always have.
14. What is your favorite exercise?
** Leg presses on the weight machine. I'm not sure why--maybe because it's often the first exercise that I do--but it's kind of fun.
15. What are your "bad" food cravings?
** The worst? Mt. Dew--loaded in sugar, caffeine, and yellow #5, it's my biggest addiction. After that, sweets in general, chocolate in particular, and salty foods like chips or crackers.
16. What is your go to workout song?
** I have a lot of them--something like 250 (I can't access the playlist, because it got lost when my computer died, whah! At least all the music itself was backed up). A good candidate would be Perhaps, Perhaps by Dorris Day and Sing Sing Sing, a classic swing song. Anything cha cha, salsa, or meringue is good also. And I have a special fondness for 80's music, like Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cindy Lauper, because it brings back healthy, active memories (things like going rollerskating when I was young).
17. Do you take vitamins or supplements?
** Yes, flax seed oil and a multivitamin.
18. How often do you eat out?
**It really depends on the week. If we are away from home, which happens a lot, a lot. If we're home, very little. We don't tend to eat out when we're home because it's hard for my husband to eat out.
19. Do you eat fast food?
**sometimes--it's cheap and it's fast, and when we're away from home we don't necessarily have the time or money for a sit down place.
20. How do you stay motivated?
**Varies... I read success blogs and informationa articles and about what my friends are doing. I'm putting together a motivational collage and gathering quotes and reminding myself that I have to go stand up in front of all my friends this fall as a brides maid AND am going on a cruise (whoo hoo!) and I want to look awesome in my swim suit. Also, I try to remember how far I've come in terms of my hip and over all fitness and rediscovering things I enjoyed doing.
21. Who is your biggest supporter?
** My husband; after him my many friends. My friends have been great supporters. My dad has also been really helpful, giving me advice, equipment, etc.
22. How much weight have you lost?
**I need to weigh myself again--from my doctor's visit it looks like I've finally lost the weight I had put on over the holidays (grrr. And I was really disciplined during the holidays, too) so I'm back to 10-11 lbs lost at a guess. But I'm a lot healthier and fitter and my clothes are loose so I'm definitely seeing progress that isn't necessarily reflected in the scale.
23. How did you determine your goal weight?
**I split the difference between the upper healthy BMI for my height and the weight I was when I was an undergrad (which is at the bottom of my healthy BMI range) and split the difference. I figure when I hit my healthy BMI, I can rethink my goals.
24. Do you have a gym membership?
** No, though we have access to a community fitness center that's small but free.
25. How often do you work out?
**5-6 days a week, ideally, though the last few weeks have not been consistent. But I'm getting back into it.
26. How did you find Spark?
** A friend recommended it to me.
27. How much sleep do you get a night?
**8-9. Maybe I'm getting old but after seriously short changing myself on sleep for almost a decade, I jealously guard my sleep now. I really don't function well without at least 8 hours any more.
28. Are you a morning or night workout person?
** Strangely enough, a morning workout person. I'm a night owl, but our evenings tend to be really busy and chaotic and if I'm going to get it done, it tends to be in the morning. Though my husband is trying to go with me now 2 days a week, and those have to be in the evening because the fitness center is closed until after he's left for work (strange, but true. This may help explain why it's rarely busy when I'm there!)
29. Do you have a "cheat" day?
**Not on a regular basis, though I may have specific days (like my birthday) where I let myself have a little extra treat or something. But I don't have days where I eat whatever I want with no regard to calories.
30. Do you drink soda?
**My big sin :( Some day I hope to shake the soda addiction, especially since I can't stand diet soft drinks and each can is 170 empty calories. I was doing pretty well at paring back, and then the computer disaster hit and even though I restrained my caffeine/soft drink consumption, it did bounce up again. Sigh. But I'm getting that, too, back under control.
31. Do you drink alcohol? How much?
** Sometimes. I like a glass of wine now and then, or a shot of something like brandy or scotch. I don't drink regularly and rarely more than a glass or two when I do drink. Maybe I have a drink once or twice a month?
32. What is your favorite thing about Spark?
**I love sparks, but my favorite thing here is the friends I have made. You guys are awesome!
33. What do you not like about your body? What do you love about your body?
**At the momment, I hate my pudgy stomach and thighs. Seriously, my belly makes me look almost pregnant--a fine look if I actually *were* pregnant, but it's very unhealthy and I would love it to go away. What do I love? I like the fact that I have defined muscles in my calves again and I'm rather fond of my hair and eyes. Though I also get frustrated with my hair--especially right now, where it's in desperate need of a hair cut and not very cooperative.
34. Do you have a workout buddy?
**Not consistently, though my husband has been joining me more often and I have friends I walk with when we visit. Usually I work out alone, though.
35. What is the best thing that has changed about your life since committing to this Healthy Lifestyle?
**My hip doesn't hurt all the time. Seriously, I can't stress how liberating that is--and how encouraging. I was beginning to think that it would always hurt and I would never be able to do the things I used to love doing.
Second best thing? My husband has started taking better care of himself, too. He's exercising and eating better.
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