Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Yesterday I survived my first day 100% caffeine and soda free! Woo hoo!!
I'm still struggling sometimes with my emotional attachment to the beverage and I catch my self thinking like a 5 year old at times too...if everyone else is drinking soda and they are "healthy" and "thin" why cant I??
But deep down (sometimes VERY deep down), I know getting rid if this addiction is important to me and a huge first step towards a healthier lifestyle for me and my family. Trying to explain to my 3 year old why Mommy can drink Diet Coke but he's not allowed sounds ridiculous to my ears!
Still working through some headaches, but that's too be expected - I am a very headache prone person in general. Either way, I'm proud of myself and working towards day 2!!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Last week, I started working with a wellness coach. It's a long distance thing - she's in Saskatoon, Canada - but I couldn't be more excited. There's a loooong backstory behind our 1st chance meeting, but that's a story for a separate blog.
This week I'm focused on giving up soda - again. I still want to kick the habit in my logical brain, I just sometimes (or always) struggle with follow through. I gave it up awhile back but then slowly let it creep back into my habits and next thing you know my addiction was in full swing again. Lately I've even been having Mountain Dew for breakfast instead of coffee. Not a good plan!!
More than my focus on a healthy habits, my coach has given me a huge gift. One that I so desperately needed, but likely will never be able to repay. The gift of hope. For a long time now I've truly felt like a lost cause, destined to be obese and just get fatter and fatter as the years passed. My coach overcame obesity almost by accident. She was making healthy lifestyle changes over a number of years and they just snowballed into some excellent results.
Besides the obvious goal of weight loss (and a visible collar bone!), I am working with her as partners to figure out the best diet for me. I've detailed that I want a 3 prong approach. Level 1 is when life is content, I am not travelling and things are our version of normal (i.e. not tax season). Level 2 is for more stressful times or when I am travelling. I will make some compromises from my 'best' choices at this level. Level 3 is for high stress and when I'm barely hanging on by a thread. Here I might make many compromises to my 'best' choices but I will know which are smarter and will harm my progress less.
Any of my friends here knows that I tend to be an all or nothing type and I usually chuck it all and head to McDonalds when things are out of control or planning hasn't happened. This is my attempt to teach myself that I can make good choices, even in a tough situation or time. My coach has great positive thoughts towards our process and her excitement in working with me is so contagious and genuine. I like a plan and framework, so I feel like I might have finally tapped into a process that I can really get engaged and excited about.
Taking baby steps towards my long term goals feels great, but it's a very different approach for me! So, here's to a new sense of hope!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
My last blog was awhile ago - so this is just a quick update.
I got some awesome advice. Thanks everyone.
I'm o.k. - it's funny. Some things have changed big time since I first joined SP (like finishing my Master's degree, my son talking, etc.) but my weight sure isn't one of them.
I'm back up to nearly my highest weight ever. I'm also still traveling and I'm out of town today.
I think my real issue is priorities and I'm going to do my best to make a healthy lifestyle higher on my list for ME. Now that my son is getting older, things that seemed impossible in the beginning of this journey now seem like they could be an option.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Part of my confusion around my weight, trying to lose weight and figuring out what 'diet' works for me is this...how in the world do I lose weight when I don't totally get or understand fully what my food issues are.
I started pondering this when an awesome spark friend reached out to me to offer a helping hand. I'm afraid I didn't understand the massive value and significant gift that was being offered to me and sadly I missed an opportunity that will likely not come my way again. (MSSUNBUG I mean you - if you read this please take this as a public apology).
Then I had the chance to connect with a new spark friend through my best bud GOODBYE140. (You rock Beck, I'd be sunk without you!) Becky introduced me to MPALMER15. For some reason this Melissa has gotten to hear a lot of crazy stuff out of me in a really short time. She seems to get all this crazy thinking I do about eating raw and vegan-ish and I have now taken to over sharing with her whenever I get the chance. I just sent my first email to Melissa and it got me thinking about the root cause of my struggles. In a lot of ways I feel the root cause is that I have NO CLUE what my problem is.
Basically, I just don't get what my food issues really are. I feel like the label 'emotional eater' should apply, but in many ways I don't think that's true. I don't know that compulsive over eater hits the mark either. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, to celebrate, etc. I just like to eat junk and I indulge all the time whether it's due to lack of time, lack of planning, lack of ambition, lack of desire or just plan laziness. I know that my Sister is in a lot of ways an enabler or an encourager to 'come to the dark side' but I also know that if I put my foot down and showed up at her house with something prepared just for me she would just shrug and say, "ok, whatever, you're on one of your kicks again". My family is so used to me being 'weird' that wanting to eat 'weird' really isn't so shocking to them anymore. Clearly that isn't what's holding me back.
So, I'm stumped on what type of program or counseling or book could help me. Because I don't totally get the 'why' I don't know how to fix me. The only thing I truly can track back to is when I was very little I was always told I was going to disappear. I was a preemie baby and stayed teenie tiny until 3rd grade. People used to tell my Mom they were sorry, thinking I must be a really sick kid. My parents constantly tried to force me to eat thinking it was the right thing to do. I know at some point I got sick of being made fun of by my family and I started eating to shut them up. I certainly don't feel invisible now. I have a great family, a job I love and I just finished my Master's degree last spring. So why do I keep eating junk, making bad choices, etc?? I really really don't get why.
Maybe what I need is a counselor, but I don't know where to start with that either. I don't really feel 'messed up' but I do feel often that my weight is a lost cause and no matter what I do I'll always be fat so why try? I know that's in my mind a lot and it's not helped by the fact that at this point it's true. Even since joining spark I've lost and gained the same 30lbs over and over.
So - here I am trying to open my brain to you guys to see if you can figure out what I can't seem to. I work in a job where 'root cause analysis' is one of my specialties, so I'm sure you can understand why not getting to the bottom of this really bugs me!!
Any and all advice is appreciate - and please know I love you all, especially many of my loyal spark friends I didn't call out in this blog!
That means you:
LIVE2RIDE, RTBTMAY, MAMASPARROW, BLONDEDOG, LALAFLOWERS, THEBUNNYRANCH (and the rest of you too!)
Happy Valentines Day!
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