Y_GHAZALY   5,126
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i'm in such a crappy mood today :(

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I'm sick & tired of working out & dieting like crazy every damn day........i'm busting my ass off but i still don't lose enough ..........if not gain. I hate the fact that i luv food so damn much, my husband eats junky fatty delicious food everyday in front of me, i hate my weakness during the weekends, i hate that my butt & thighs r so very big compared to the rest of me, i hate how tired & drained i feel after my cardio & strength training workouts, i hate how hungry i feel after my workouts, i hate how slow & boring this process is , i hate knowing that i'll never ever have slim thighs & a small butt no matter how much weight i lose, i hate how hard it is 2 find low calorie options in Egypt, i desperately wanna go back to Canada where healthy options were EVERYWHERE, i hate how before i get my period i feel like i wanna kill somebody & raid the fridge & i look extremely bloated, i hate how weak i am in front of anything fatty/sugary/cheesy............i hate that constant daily battle with "getting the hell off the couch" to exercise, I hate how sore my legs feel after my workouts, i hate how incredibly slow the numbers go down (or stay the same) on the scale, i hate how calorie counting has become my obsession, i hate how this is my only option if i wanna ever look & feel beautiful, i hate how i envy naturally skinny ppl for NEVER working out or dieting, some ppl even don't know what a calorie is! It feels like i'm never ever gonna reach my goal weight, esp. cuz i'm supposed 2 go thru the hideous IVF/ICSI trials where they're most likely 2 fail & i'm most likely 2 get fat.........even if i don't go crazy with the comfort food........i hate how all i ever do is focus on the size of my butt & thighs ...........i look at them & feel ugly...........i know this blog seems silly/stupid/childish, but i needed 2 vent somewhere.....................i'm so grateful 2 have on Spark People.................now i'm in tears ................ I HATE MY BUTT & THIGHS!!!!!! Off i go 2 clean the messy kitchen then torture myself on that damn treadmill ................I HATE WORKING OUT!!!! :(:(:(

Bad day for me :'(

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMYELIZABETH8 3/29/2011 12:07PM

    I know the feeling sista!!Believe me you are not alone! I'm sorry you feel miserable today. I'm sending some positive thoughts your way. I hope you feel happier soon!! Don't be discouraged. Keep doing what you're doing! emoticon emoticon

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JENNIFERKCM 3/29/2011 10:02AM

    Y is for Yasmeen! You have a very pretty name. Sounds exotic. Well, first off I think you are very pretty. I also inherited a big backside and hips...when I was skinny and those butt songs were out...guess who heard 'em all?! When I hear celebreties have had butt implants...I think are you kidding me!!!! So, here's to the big butt girl sisterhood! emoticon It must be very hard to not have a lot of good food choices. I'm not a vegetable nut, but I love fruit. I have stocked up on it and it's now my go to snack. I love it, it's filling, and I'm trying to be creative with it. As far as workouts...it sounds like that's really limiting to you as well. I'd probably go bonkers. For awhile...I hate it all too. I kept quiting. It wasn't until I somehow found the focus on being healthy that it changed for me. I started feeling horrible all the time, my blood sugar was bordering diabetic, and depression was setting in. I got so lucky in that I do have a bit of variety...and I don't always push myself that hard. I don't have a treadmill...but a bike...a ride it while watching a show I really enjoy. I wish I could find a way to encourage you more or tell you what your secret will be. You have so much stress in your life, and I am sure it adds to it. I find myself also binging on my husbands stupid little debbies and occasionally poptarts. Did you know a pack is like 440 calories?! If you can find a way to make anything more "fun" or at least interesting...your food...your workout...maybe the rest will slowly follow. You are soooooooooooooo worth it! You are a great person aside from just your looks. Hang in there! And darn it all....if you can't blog on Sparks about all the torture that can come along with "dieting" then where can you vent?!

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Y_GHAZALY 3/29/2011 9:31AM

    This is what rocks about SP , i feel like i have so many best friends who understand EXACTLY what i'm going thru ............guess we're all in the same darn boat together :) Well i calmed down a bit & wrote down the good things going on in my life .......nobody has an "all black" life , must be some white spots lurking somewhere :) I may never have that slim butt/thigh figure, but i'll always only be ME, YASMEEN , flaws & all :)

Well , i'm off 2 that treadmill (which i guess i'm lucky 2 have after all!)

I love u sparkers! :)

emoticon emoticon

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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 3/29/2011 9:07AM

    I really hope your day gets better!!

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KAELYNJ1S 3/29/2011 8:31AM

  I know how you feel dear. I really do. Most of my weight is in my mid section. Every time I put on a pair of pants this voice in the back of my head screams "Muffin top". Its so discouraging when you feel like you put in your all and the results don't show it. AND I am right there with you about the hubby. Not feeling like you have the family support is the WORST feeling in the world. We all hit rock bottom several times in our lives. The good thing about rock bottom is you can only go up. I have no doubt that you will find that spark of motivation again. Weight-loss is so hard. We are all here for you. I hope you feel better friend. If you ever need a friend, find my sparkpage. I will do anything I can to help!

Comment edited on: 3/29/2011 8:33:11 AM

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CATNIP14 3/29/2011 8:25AM

    Y! - hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs please feel better, you can get through this, you can. I LOVE you for using the word "crappy"- something about Spark always makes me think twice but bloody hell life really is crappy sometimes! Do you think it would help to give yourself permission to have one day off the exercise? Can you treat yourself to something - a manicure? a new hair cut? shoes (I'm a late developer on the shoe thing but now I can't stop it!) I know it's the combination of everything that is getting you down and you are a very long way from home, I really feel for you. Try and be nice to yourself, it won't always be like this.
xxxx

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NOMUFFINTOP3 3/29/2011 7:59AM

   

I know the feeling! Hang in there. emoticon

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NUTRON3 3/29/2011 7:53AM

    Hope you your day gets better. I have days where I feel really bad too and I just want to run away!

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calorie comparisions

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

this was copied from a Blog Entry by SHER71481



website: www.heb.com/yourHEBStore/SD-health-calorie
Comparisons.jsp

Food Calorie Comparisons

1/2 bagel (2 1/2 oz) 200 calories = 2 light waffles 140 calories
+ 2 Tbsp light syrup 50 calories
+ 1/4 cup berries 10 calories
3 oz apple chips 460 calories = 4 medium apples 320 calories
+ 4 pretzel rods 140 calories
1/5 bacon cheese burger 210 calories = veggie burger 85 calories
+ bun 110 calories
+ condiments 15 calories
+ lettuce tomato & onion 00 calories
1 3/4 oz breakfast sausage 160 calories = 32 large dill pickles 160 calories
2 oz cheddar cheese 240 calories = 30 dried apricot halves
1 (3 oz) croissant 320 calories = 2 Kaiser Rolls
1 Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream bar = 2 Haagen-Daz chocolate sorbet bars 160 calories 6 small dried figs 130 calories
1 chicken hot dog 120 calories = 3 veggie hot dogs 120 calories
1 cranberry scone (9 oz) 810 calories
1 Tablespoon Butter 120 calories:
Total: 930 calories = 14 slices raisin bread 840 calories
4 tablespoons low-sugar fruit spread 90 calories
1/2 cup rich chocolate chip ice cream 300 calories = 10 Toffutti Chocolate Fudge Treats 300 calories
Or 15 plums 300 calories
1/3 dry bagel (1 1/2 oz) 140 calories = vegetarian ham sandwich on light bread with lettuce, Tomato, mustard & pickle 140 calories
1 lemon bar pastry 420 calories = 7 scoops (1/2 cup each) lemon sorbet
1 cup cashews 880 calories = 8 baked small baked potatoes with salsa 880 calories
1/2 cup muesli cereal 160 calories = 5 wedges (1/8 each) honeydew melon
4 oz bologna 360 calories
2 slices pumpernickel bread 160 calories
Total: 520 calories = 4 oz vegetable bologna 120 calories
2 slices pumpernickel 160 calories
1 1/2 cups tomato vegetable soup 90 calories
3 cups mixed fruit 150 calories
Total 520 calories
7 oz low-fat, no salt, oat brand
Pretzel nuggets 800 calories = 3 bananas 270 calories
5 dates 150 calories
6 prunes 150 calories
6 apricot halves 50 calories
6 dried apple rings 40 calories
Total: 800 calories
1 medium serving French fries
360 calories = 4 ears of corn on the cob 360 calories
1 bagel (5 oz) 400 calories = 4 light pancakes 280 calories
4 vegetarian links 130 calories
2 Tablespoons light syrup 50 calories
2 cups sliced fruit 190 calories
Total: 650 calories
1 croissant with 3 oz cheese 650 calories = 1 1/2 slices fat free cheese or soy substitute 40 calories
2 slices light wheat bread 80 calories
Lettuce, tomato & salsa 10 calories
Total: 130 calories
X 5 sandwiches = 650 calories
1 cup of white rice 220 calories = 10 cups steamed seasoned cauliflower & grated parmesan Cheese 220 calories
12 oz unsweetened orange juice 160 calories = 6 small oranges 160 calories
1 pint light ice cream 800 calories = 32 low calories Creamsicles 800 calories
1 oz chicken nugget 80 calories = 1 1/2 cups vegetable lintel soup 80 calories
1 1/4 oz meatball 100 oz = 1 1/4 cups black bean soup 100 calories
1/6 wedge apple pie 480 calories = 5 baked apples with cinnamon, ginger & sugar sub 480 calories
1 raspberry tart 440 calories = 8 cups fresh raspberries with 8 Tbsp whipped topping 440 calories
6 oz corn muffin 530 calories = 13 slices oatmeal bread 530 calories
Or 4 English muffins 530 calories
Or 4 pita breads 530 calories
Or 5 dinner rolls 530 calories
2 oz Gummy bears 200 calories = 2 pound fresh pineapple
4 pound watermelon = 2 oz fruit slice candy
2 2/3 oz mixed nuts 400 calories = 10 cups popcorn 400 calories
2 2/3 oz potato chips 400 calories = 10 cups popcorn 400 calories
2 slices (1/6 each) cheese pizza 600 calories = 1 1/2 cups minestrone soup 110 calories
1 slice cheese pizza
2 cups salad with artichoke hearts & tomatoes 40 calories
Total: 600 calories
1 oz yogurt pretzels 140 calories = 2 pretzel rods 70 calories
4 plums 70 calories
Total: 140 calories


----------------------------
--------------------------
--------------------------
1 cup low fat granola = 560 calories
1 cup raisins = 440 calories
1 cup yogurt raisins = 1,120 calories
1 cup sugar-free jelly beans = 720 calories
1 cup dried cranberries = 760 calories
1 cup coleslaw = 150 calories
1 cup potato salad = 300 calories
1 cup pasta salad = 400 calories
1 cup three-bean salad = 180 calories
1 cup tuna salad = 420 calories
1 cup chicken salad = 520 calories
1 cup egg salad = 640 calories

  


the hatred MUST stop! :(

Sunday, January 09, 2011

I'm a very happy perky person, ask anyone who knows me. i'm rarely cranky or upset. I'm the one who'll be cracking all the jokes in any group, not the sad broken person who's quiet most of the time with a shred of a smile. However, lately i feel like i've been turning into that sad person. Always hating my life, not counting the blessings, throwing tantrums at ppl who love me, basically acting like a b****. I know why i'm doing that, it sums up 2 the fact that while i'm originally such a happy person, i'm also quite competitive & comparing. I have this certain relative of my husband's that's making my life a living hell. She's one of these "privileged" girls who thinks that the world revolves around her. Her whole family shows nothing but support. Moral & financial support even if she doesn't need it. I can't tell you how she acts/talks/lives like a total brat. She's 28, not 2. While i struggle 2 keep my home clean & tidy, she locked up her home 6 yrs ago when she got married & decided 2 make her mother a slave 4 her needs in her parents' home, cuz taking care of a home & husband is just "too much". While i've been working for 8 years now at tedious jobs that result in working from 10 to 12 hrs a day, she hasn't worked 4 a day & her father supplies her with a monthly allowance so she doesn't feel deprived. While i barely have time 2 look after myself, she always looks pretty (nothing else 2 do all day except look like a beauty queen). While i run all of my errands as well as my husbands', she doesn't flinch, she doesn't drive till now & she doesn't even bother getting anything done. She either barks at her mother or at her husband (who acts like someone sedated). In family gatherings she acts all sweet & polite then makes fun of ppl behind their backs. Although she's been such a failure at school, her family makes her feel like should win a Nobel prize 4 her incredible wit! They treat her like a long lost gem all the time. Making her become more of a brat as every second goes by!
If she's such a loser, then what the hell is my problem??
Having a person like that in ur family can be extremely unnerving. No matter what a failure she is & how successful i am , nobody will ever acknowledge that! Why should anyone do that? I've come 2 realize that hating her & envying how incredibly comfy her life is is gonna ruin mine. I have a husband whom i luv deeply, i'm healthy, i'm not crippled & i'm able 2 lose weight & look my best, i have C.V. that i'm very proud of, i have a beautiful home, i'm not ugly, i have great friends, i have a wonderful family & a great mom, i'm very independent, i can do everything on my own, i'm responsible, i can do whatever i want, nothing is limiting me ..........sadly sometimes i actually limit myself.

I HAVE to stop comparing my life 2 others, i HAVE to. It's gonna ruin what i have. I need 2 stop blaming other 4 my choices. They were MY CHOICES, nobody forced me to do ANYTHING. I have things that many ppl wish they had. Nobody is perfect despite how perfect their lives may look like. I CAN find a better job with human working hours. I CAN lose weight & look & feel extravagant in my pretty clothes, even in jeans! I CAN choose 2 pursue any degree i might need 2 cater to my future aspirations. I CAN make new friends. I CAN play my favorite sports to life my spirits up. I CAN pray to God to have a clear clean heart & conscious. I CAN live my best life. I CAN give a deaf ear to ppl who wanna bring me down. I CAN increase the positives & decreases the negatives in my life.

I CAN'T keep making the ppl who luv me miserable just cuz i'm in a lousy mood, esp. my mother, she loves me more than words will ever say. I CAN'T keep ignoring my blessings, one day they'll disappear & it'll be too late to have them back. I CAN'T take my health 4 granted. Healthy today, but who knows tomorrow? I CAN'T keep counting on my friends 2 4give me every time i b**** 2 them about absolute nonsense. They have much better things to do. I CAN'T blame anyone/thing but my big fat mouth 4 my big fat thighs & rear end. I kept shoving crap down my mouth 4 years. I CAN'T keep sulking 4ever, esp. when nothing is wrong with my life. One day i'll wish i appreciated what i had.

I'm gonna go back to be the happy, cheerful person i was. I'm just gonna do my best all the time to live my best & appreciate everything i have.

I'm sorry if i kept ranting like this, but i needed 2 let this out of me.

Good luck everyone
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICIOUS421 1/9/2011 7:38PM

    emoticon

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THE_KNIGHT 1/9/2011 6:01PM

  You said it. The thing is you CAN do this stuff, while this other person can NOT. Plain and simple.

Life is too short to be spent hating, talk about people who don't even deserve the time spent hating them.

I might suggest some time off... a change of scenery. It may help a lot.

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RAEANNE84 1/9/2011 5:42PM

    I am sorry about the way you feel but I have been feeling the same way lately. I have a few people in my life that I see doing the same things but you really have to try to figure out how to focus on yourself and the positive things in your life. I have been living with my boyfriend for just over four and a half years. He has full custody of his five children that he had with his previous fiance. She made her choices and inevitably had to leave her family behind. She loves to try to make our lives meserable. Just the other day she contacted me to threaten me for dropping her son off at her apartment and a few days before that because it was 30 degrees outside and I blow dried her daughters hair before taking her over to her place for the weekend. She takes things to an extreme. She has not had a job in two years but lives off of the government and her multiple boyfriends' money yet she tells the children that I am mooching off of their father. I can not begin to even discuss the amount of horrors that she has instilled on the children and their father and I however I still need to feel sorry for her. It must be hard to be so angry and moody all of the time. You can tell that feeling that way has impacted you and it sounds like it was temporary. Could you imagine feeling that way all of the time.

One thing that there mother has taught me is that I can never let her affect me. It only has caused problems in my relationship with my boyfriend. Good things will continue to happen to you if you live your life that way. It sounds like you have developed quite a life for yourself and can count your blessings. I know that every day (minus the 4 days a month while at their mothers), I get to see those five faces. I get to be in a relationship with me that is supportive and loving. My immediate family supports what I do and each day I grow. God only gives you as much as you can handle and it sounds to me like she must not be able to handle very much. You are stronger and in the end it will benefit you. I have family that behaves in the matter you are talking about and I also have family that looks down and speaks poorly about me do to being in a relationship with someone from the city, with five children, ten years older then I and is Puerto Rican (I am white). I except the fact that they have had not had the same opportunites that I have in life otherwise they would be more accepting. I have been fortunate and I will not miss out on my life's possabilities because of others. I don't allow them to control how I feel or at least I try not to. Some days are better then others. If you need any support please feel free to email or comment me.

I know that it is difficult but it is people like that and difficult situations that make you stronger. If it weren't for them you would not be who you are so keep fighting the fight and stay strong.

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Y_GHAZALY 1/9/2011 5:29PM

    @DANCINGJILL: thanx 4 ur kind words, & ur right, there r a lot of great actors out there, but it's none of my business, making my life as perfect as possible is hectic anyway, i should really only focus on my self :) this is why i luv SP. Ur never alone :)

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DANCINGJILL 1/9/2011 5:18PM

    Everyone need to vent once in a while... Now about this said family memeber... you should take a step back and look at the big picture. Yes, she may live a life of "luxury", but is she really happy? You have many great things going for you. And let me tell you 9 times out of 10, most people are going to hang around the happy person and will not use them, if that makes sense. She wants the attention because nobody else will give it to her. There will be a day she is going to regret all the crappy things she has done. So just live your life day to day, and enjoy the beauty that the world has to offer. You can do this. I have faith in you! emoticon emoticon

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one step back, 2 steps forward! :)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

So i sprained my ankle last friday & i got reaaaaaaaaaally depressed during the entire week. Of course i got sloppy about the calorie intake & i was not allowed 2 exercise or wear heels either! So after exercising for 2 or 3 hrs per day, i've gone to zero hrs & from counting calories like a religion , i've also gone to "ignoring the nutrition tracker" & eating at will. Needless 2 say , that was a combination 4 depression & lack of motivation especially if u add 2 that the winter blues that hit us here.

But today i've finally healed & i've organized my kitchen & made a list of the healthy food that i need 2 buy 2day 2 keep moving on with this journey. I'm determined not 2 let last week's setback get the best of me.

I'm not perfect & this long journey will never be easy or flawless, but only I can make this work. I NEED 2 pick myself up every time i fall.

No Other Way!!

Good luck 2 us all :):)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YESIWILLDOIT 12/11/2010 5:45AM

    YOU GO GIRL! emoticon emoticon

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SWEETMAGNOLIA2 12/11/2010 4:48AM

    Sounds like you had some productive "downtime" that will stand you in good stead in the long run. Good for you! emoticon emoticon

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Finally RESULTS! :) From 208 lbs to 190 lbs! 1st goal MET! :):)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm sooooooooooo happy!!! All the hard work exercising & the resistance to everything sweet & fatty IS FINALLY PAYING OFFFFFFFF!!

at one point, i actually thought that i'll never get the scale 2 budge, but it finally did! YAY!

i decided 2 use a measuring tape & get on the scale every 2 weeks instead of every week (also cuz of the water retention before periods). i found out that i lost 4 cms from my hips (from 132 cms to 128 cms) (FINALLYYYYY) , & 4 cms from EACH thigh (from 82 cms to 78 cms) !!! :):)

it really feels great! it is sooooooooo worth all the times my body ached from the cardio & strength training! :):)

& it really makes all the difference in the world that i track my food intake everyday on SP, i never thought it was that important :)

even on my cheat day, i'm not inclined 2 go absolutely crazy! & in restaurants i try 2 pick one item that i really want (say a big juicy steak with sauce) with veggie sides instead of potatoes or pasta or rice :):)

it really isn't easy, but u get used 2 it that it's a "way of life" , not a "diet".

i use olive oil instead of butter now , even on cheat days & i'm careful 2 use a capful (1/2 tbsp) at a time. Also splenda & pure sugarless vanilla extract r lifesavers :)

i learned how 2 make low calorie stuff that is good enough 2 eat on cheat days as well as regular days.

i met my 1st goal, but i have a long way ahead of me :) Still i couldn't feel happier or more accomplished :)

& i will do my hardest 2 control my intake during the upcoming holidays :( (gosh i'm so scared of that! :( )

at least i need 2 keep working out, even if it's just a walk on hopping on stationary bike!

prayers 2 all with that! :):)

Happy holidays everyone! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEDYFAY 11/21/2010 5:18AM

    Congratulations!

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THE_KNIGHT 11/17/2010 4:19AM

  You deserved it, id :D Keep it up...YES.YOU.CAN. :)

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BECKYLYNNE77 11/14/2010 2:49PM

    Way to go!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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Y_GHAZALY 11/14/2010 10:18AM

    Thanx u guyz!! :):)

this means A LOT 2 me :):)

Happy Skinny thoughts everyone! :):)

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MIMIKK7 11/14/2010 10:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ERIN4771 11/14/2010 9:36AM

    congrats chica!!! how awesome are you feeling?!?! keep up the great work!! emoticon

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SANDYJAKE 11/14/2010 9:23AM

    emoticon You rock! keep up the great work and great attitude

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KELI-RHODES 11/14/2010 9:19AM

    Yay! Congratulations!

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