Monday, December 08, 2014
I've accepted that there are factors I haven't addressed in my life which make me less likely to stay on track and complete my goals on time. Case in point, P90x. I made it all the way to day 9 and then BOOM, cold, BOOM, off the wagon.
(me falling off the exercise wagon, sorta)
But I'm not giving up, and I'm not going to dwell on the fact that I didn't meet my goal.
I still feel healthier than I did at my heaviest. And I also know there are things in my life that I really, really need to work on in order to make more of my healthy living changes permanent.
One of the big things is that I need more personal support. Once again, I find myself in a place in life where I don't really have positive people immediately around me who are making healthy choices. I don't actually have any support network, really. And for me, that's really bad. People make up so much of my motivation to make positive health choices.
Because right now, at least, I am lacking in the support department, I am going to make more of an effort to log on to Spark and read motivational blogs. If anyone has suggestions at ANY time, I'd welcome the links to the spark blogs.
One day I may find that I'm creating positive vibes and surrounded by positive people outside my computer, but until then, I'm going to seek out positive influences right here.
I'm also going to try to push forward with day 9 of P-90x tomorrow and 10 minutes of light exercise tonight.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Full disclosure, I took Friday off (I was supposed to do stretching) because I went to the gym, had a great run, but then started to feel sick, as though I had a cold
I decided to do both p90 workouts today: stretching this morning and core in the early evening, and I did!
So, I'm happy to report I'm still ON TRACK with the challenge. I'm glad that stretching was on the same day as core, because stretching was very relaxed. I really didn't put as much as I could have into this workout, but I put far more into core. Some of the compound moves were crazy! I had to watch and modify.
Tomorrow is day 9 and it looks like things will be heating up and I'll be using weights again. Looking forward to it. Almost there!!
Thursday, October 09, 2014
Today, Day 6 of my 12 Day P90x intro journey, was kenpo. This was my favorite workout so far. It was fast paced but not as jarring as some kickboxing dvds I've done. I had to skip the "X" treme jumps...I'm not sure what you'd call them, but I got a migraine earlier at work today and those jumps were NOT going to make my headache better.
I was really tired when I did this workout, and I'm looking forward to seeing how much more I will get from the Kenpo DVD when I'm feeling more rested. Next time.
Tomorrow is day 7!! More than halfway through my challenge!
Wednesday, October 08, 2014
Finished day 5 of P90x today (legs and back) and it wasn't as treacherous as yesterday. I modified less stuff but kept my reps lower way, way lower than everyone on the tape. The squats are very hard and I have to be careful because of my knees.
I'm very proud of myself for completing the 5th day of my challenge. I've struggled with anxiety and depression on and off since I finished my last degree a couple of years ago, and my recent move was a trigger.
My number one rule for depression is that I have to check in with my doctor if my depression starts interfering with work. But really, depression can interfere with your whole life. It may be one of the reasons I have such difficulty finishing personal (though not work) goals. I started thinking tonight that I've got into this habit of making life all about work--work for others--and even exercise has morphed into "I have to look good for work." Well crap, life is more than a job.
The big rational part of my brain knows I have so much for which I can be thankful and that there is a life for me that is happy and healthy--clinical depression can be like goggles that prevents me from experiencing that. In addition to sticking with this program, I've decided to see what steps I can take to get mentally healthier for me, not just for work. I know depression may well be a lifetime struggle for me, but I'm going to start waging a new battle by believing it CAN be better, and that I CAN find ways to cope so that depression doesn't prevent me from reaching my personal goals.
Day 6 tomorrow. I know I can do this. I believe in myself, and I believe the commitment I made to myself is worthy of being honored.
Wednesday, October 08, 2014
Day 4 (today) was yoga. I had a day where I was pulled in a million directions at work, I got kind of "down" about a few things. As much as I used to love yoga, I have been dreading this P90x workout.
I made it through the disc. With breaks? YES. I called my mom for 15 minutes. I took another break where I played a scale on the piano. There were a lot of "chatarangas" that I just didn't do. I substituted planks, I didn't hold poses for as long as they told me to do them. But I finished. And once I made it to the balance poses, I felt SO rewarded. Balance poses help tremendously with my anxiety.
But I wanted to quit before I started the workout. Until I made it halfway through the balance poses, I wanted to quit DURING the workout. My mind was furiously working through all the other important things I must do, shouting at me violently "you should be doing ____________" and then I would think about the things that made me angry from the day and how there are no solutions to some problems - - - at least not one where everyone walks away happy.
I wanted to stop the workout and take care of all these other things. Put my disc back on the shelf for "tomorrow" (you know, the tomorrow that never comes, lol).
But I promised myself I wouldn't quit P90x.
The right statement, though, is I WILL NOT QUIT ON MYSELF. This isn't about losing weight for me. If I don't lose one pound, I'm not stopping my workouts. I'm doing the right thing. I'm eating better.
This is not about lifting so much that my arms fall off or doing the perfect downward dog.
I want to *#$^ing finish something because I'm WORTH it. I'm worth the time. I get to come first in my life. I get to make a commitment to myself and keep it. It's just as important as any other item on the agenda. We only get one life, and we shouldn't keep putting ourselves back on the shelves for the tomorrow that never comes because one day tomorrow won't come. One day, I won't have another chance to give life 100%.
I promised myself I would finish p90x. I will. I may not do every sequence this cycle, but I plan to repeat the cycle many more times. I can watch the difficult parts. I can march in place. But I can't give up on goals I set for myself because there's something else to be done. There's always going to be something else I need to do. Always. It's not right to give up on yourself like that. This isn't about a workout for me. This is about making a promise and keeping it.
Tomorrow is day 5 of 12. And there will be a beautiful tomorrow, and another workout accomplished. I know it.
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