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YOUCANBESURE's Recent Blog Entries

You Could Call This Good News (pics)

Monday, October 03, 2011

so... You all know how i love pics (or im learning to love them)... they say so much more than I could ever articulate...

My Weight has fluctuated SO much over the last 5 years... but im most definetly at my biggest right now... I was looking through some pictures.. I wanted to find one to be my for sure unposed "before pic"

Heres a few of my choices...

...This picture is actually from 2008... May of 2008 to be a little more percise...
but it seems to be the most unflattering picture of my size...

.... okay, well then i stumbled upon an album entitled... "working out"...
its from the erra of my post progressive positive sparkpeople activity throughout the years...

I was in with my parents.. and before I got a gym membership, I would walk/jog/...and sometimes run (for a second) down the a little over a mile path from our house to the gas station.... sometimes id do it three or four times a day... and my sister and brother were so helpful... they would do situps with me at home, take the walk with me... and i was so happy, even before i lost a pound... then my mom got interested and we got a gym membership and kicked ass, losing a decent amount of work for a months time, there are tons of blogs from that time...but then we came here to indiana, and I lost all track again...

I feel ready again...
I really do, I can feel it pulsating in my veins..
I live far from my mother, sister, and brother so I wouldnt have there incredible support 24/7 like last time...
but after looking at these pictures...

this is just my brother and I resting after a workout...

My sister speed walking..

Me doing situps..

I always liked this..

me and my sister walking..

stop for a pic...

My brother..

Moving Forward..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APIRLRAIN888 10/3/2011 1:35PM

    you can do it! so lucky your sibling is right there, mine is miles and oceans apart

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 10/3/2011 10:55AM

    YOU CAN DO IT!!! Work hard and you will acheive your goals :)

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TEMPEST272002 10/3/2011 8:43AM

    Looking at these photos reminded you how fun it felt to connect with your family & to exercise together. I think maybe we have something in common - we're both "good-time" girls... always up for a little fun. I call my workouts "play-time". lol How could you make exercise more fun for you now? Maybe a recreational sports league or group classes?

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GRAMPIAN 10/3/2011 6:18AM

  Good luck with your efforts! emoticon

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More reference pictures... hopefully they come in handy starting really soon.

Friday, September 30, 2011

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YOUCANBESURE 10/1/2011 12:56PM

    Thank you!... I dont take lonely pics of myself very often.. i dont absolutely hate these pictures either because Im having a good time in all of them, but I hope to see these same kinda pictures in a year, and think I look good.

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TEMPEST272002 10/1/2011 9:45AM

    Most people's reference pics have them standing all self-conscious & sad looking. I like your version much better!

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APIRLRAIN888 10/1/2011 12:04AM

    woohooo reference pics are good!

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The Truth...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I have fallen into a depression that I am more embarrassed of than my weight itself...
I have accepted that everyone gets to see me everyday,..they know what I look like,..I cannot hide my physical instead I have hidden my inner pain,... I dont hide it well,... The spark I once had, diminishes every time I take a good look at myself... I dont take very good care of myself anymore, and I dont think I deserve more than what I can give myself.

...but the truth is...

I know I wont be like this forever, as much as I have beaten myself up, as often as I belittle myself, my acceptance over my own failure, My fragile shell being broken, My weekness, beyond every difficult day I barely make it through, I have NEVER thought for a SECOND I would be fat forever. Its not that its not an option, its more like its something I know... Im thankful for this, because its the only thing that ever brings me back.

...but the truth is...

i have never accepted why I am fat, Ive never, not even to myself... been completely honest. Im not even sure if I really know why, but I haven't ever put the blame on me... School, parents, genetics, depression, life, food.... Ive found lots of places to destribute all the blame. Truth is I eat too much of the wrong things,... Im WAY too over educated about food and excercise, to not have a way better life style.

..but the truth is..

I have no clue what Im doing,... Im weak, and I need someone to drag me through this,..

...but the truth is..

I dont trust anyone. I dont trust their motives, there intentions, their opinions, their loyalty... NOTHING... and I dont know why, It scares me all the time.

...but the truth is..

Im such a rambler, Ive already seen and been through so much, and now im stuck in this same ass situation, and Ive never felt so simple. I dont know what I want, or where I want to be. I think this puts the breaks on any other questions or problems I have going on around me.

...but the truth is..

Im a fool. I just obviously dont try hard enough. Does it really get more complicated than that??

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BONOLICIOUS2 9/21/2011 1:34PM

    Oh sweetheart, you are WORTH IT. You have a healthy whole body and a mind and you are here for a reason. You might not know the reason yet, but how will you ever find out if you don't give yourself a chance? Sometimes our motivation is hiding in the stupidest and most random places. Do some digging and try to find yours! And be proud of whatever it is!

I personally think you have the prettiest hair and I am jealous of it. Try not to be so hard on yourself doll - you are gorgeous! Think of weight loss as a way to be stronger and more bada$$, not to be some supermodel prototype society makes us feel like we should look like. You ARE SOMEONE, remember that!

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APIRLRAIN888 9/20/2011 11:40PM

    Omg i could have wrote this blog. Created the watch me shrink challenge to overcome this.....
It's private, will invite if u r interested. Go to my all the blogs titled watch me shrink from teammates and the comments...if u want to be part of it...msg me!!!

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Facebook and the damn tagged photos!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Sooo, some more depressing pics popped up on facebook..
I love having fun, and l love pictures that are evidence of that,
and I never, well rarely, untag a photo of myself, but my pride is tested at when pics like these show up...( and of course Im reffering to my obese apperance.)

The Jersey Shore Fist Pump! ( Im hating on the back fat here)

Id be lying to say I dislike this picture, I just hate being in a picture with a smaller female!

(sorry about the profanity!...but this picture was the worst of the worst... I look pregnant! uck)

..mostly i want these as reference to when out of no where pictures show up, and Im completely happy with them..and believe me, Ill share them with you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEMPEST272002 9/15/2011 1:37PM

    It's easy to get lost in "my back fat, my arm fat, my belly fat..." when looking at photos. This seems to be true for people of all sizes. We should just cut it out. You look like you were having a blast. Wish I was at that party with you. Don't worry, your body is going to transform over the next few months & you'll start liking your photos more & more. Happened for APRILRAIN88, happened for me & it will happen for you too.

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KELLYLEANN1028 9/15/2011 12:20PM

    Well, it looks like it was a fun night, at least! Don't let a few pictures you don't like ruin the memory. :-) I think everyone, the thinnest girls included, have pictures they hate. I say untag the awful ones. I assume there are others, so keep at least one to remember the night, and forget the rest!

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TINY67 9/15/2011 9:29AM

    We all got pics like those that we want to burn.

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APIRLRAIN888 9/15/2011 6:58AM

    It will happen..did for me

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Two Depressing pictures for the record.

Monday, September 12, 2011

First picture.

The Above picture shows me sitting kinda secluded at a party... Now, dont get me wrong I have A lot of fun with my friends, and loosen up a lot, but for whatever reason on the day, I was soooo self concious, I couldnt STOP obsessing over what people were thinking about me, and I was swearing to myself that they were talking about me...

Second picture.

The Above picture is me, and Yes I look big, But the problem I really have with this picture is how I am holding my back.. I have seen SEVERAL picture recently where I am doing this, without conciousness of it. It just really puts things in perspective for me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APIRLRAIN888 9/12/2011 11:37AM

    come join our watch me shrink pic. challenge u will love these pic. pic outfit post periodically

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YOUCANBESURE 9/12/2011 11:03AM

    My Friends are fun and easy going, and So am I for the most part, but when you are as overweight as I am, there are always times you cannot maintain a positive attitude,..there was just something throwing me off that day

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BONOLICIOUS2 9/12/2011 7:52AM

    Your friends look like an easygoing and fun group of people! Try not to let the negative thoughts hold you back from a good time! I know that is easier said than done. Sometimes we need pictures and an outsiders view to see ourselves in a different light. Try to love yourself - you are beautiful!

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TINY67 9/12/2011 7:30AM

    Use the pics as inspiration for you're self. saying I can make this all better (including the back). Good Luck!

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GRAMPIAN 9/12/2011 6:27AM

  You shouldn't be self-conscious. Might be an idea to have your back checked out. emoticon

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