Who Needs Enemies? With Friends Like That...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

With friends like that who needs enemies!!! Who needs friends that verbally abuse you in front of others? NO ONE! (referring to BL gray team)

It is easy to judge when you are not in someone else's shoes. You can say this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and it is but if you were there do you think you can be any better than Joelle? Let’s be honest with ourselves!!! It is one thing watching BL on TV and giving our opinions but if we were there with Jillian and Bob doing what all these contestants are doing do you think we got what it takes? Do you think you can survive it without any obstacles and hesitation???

The truth is although it would be nice to be in the BL we are not, but we can still work our booties off like BL contestants do. How many of us workout as intense and as long as BL contestants??? Probably none of us. So we really cannot say we would be better than those at the ranch because we probably barely manage one hour a day (if that) and probably at comfortable intensity. How about getting uncomfortable and leaving our comfort zone and push ourselves as if we were at that ranch. Let's see how much we can take it and how long we can take it.

We all say "Hey if I was in the BL show I would rock and kick butt" but I am sure that's what all these contestants said too. It is not the same to observe from the outside as it is to actually get your hands dirty. For that we do not need to be on the show. We can be our own Jillian and Bob.

I am sure a lot of us are more like Joelle than we are willing to admit, otherwise we would be skinny. We are afraid to push ourselves beyond the unknown, afraid of change, afraid of amazing ourselves, afraid of aches, pains and sweat. Sometimes we are just lazy!!! We make all kinds of excuses to justify not investing 30 mins a day in our health. When the truth is we can do 30 minutes a day. We choose to lie to ourselves to make ourselves feel better about not doing what we know we should be doing; EXERCISING, EATING BETTER.

What is my point? Well……..We all have reasons why we became overweight/obese. Maybe it was due to illnesses, maybe depression, emotional eating, carelessness, laziness, etc… If you look at your self and judge yourself you may find out that there’s a bit of Joelle inside all of us Whatever mental block issues Joelle is having that is preventing her from breaking through is the same things that are holding all of us back. We need to figure out what that is in us. It doesn’t make sense for one overweight/obese person (us) to be judging another one (Joelle) on what they are doing wrong or whether they are strong or weak, etc… when we ourselves are not an example to follow. If we had the answers we would all be skinny and healthier by now. Let’s humble ourselves and quit being so judgmental on Joelle because unless we are spending 6 hours a day working our booties off and doing something out of our comfort zone like she is we really cannot be certain we would handle it better than her. And if any of us thinks we can be better than any of these contestants on the show, why aren’t we working our behinds off now? Why aren’t we being consistent with our program? Why aren’t we being real with ourselves?

The truth is we don’t need a personal trainer to tell us what to do or how long to do it. We don’t need someone cursing at us nor putting us down to do it. We have ourselves and that is all we need, the will comes from within us. At the end it is our hard work, efforts, commitment, perseverance, discipline, attitude, thinking and willingness that will get us there. We are the ones investing the time and energy. It is what we do or choose not to do that will either make us or break us.

And if you still feel as you are not enough and you don’t have what it takes to push yourself beyond the comfort zone and onto success road than you can always (for motivation) record Bob’s little message (2nd episode) in your head (“JUST SHUT THE F*** UP AND DO IT”) and press play when ever you want to quit or stop.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEEHOLZ 1/23/2009 9:54AM

Hmmm... you sure have lots to say here and I hear you on some things and agree, but by the same token disagree with some things. First off: We really do not have the right to judge anyone, unless we put ourselves above God-- God is the ultimate judge; yet, we are human and we are going to "compare" ourselves and we are going to have opinions, based on our values. As much as I empaphize with Joelle with regards to not being able to handle her emotions and for that she shouldn't be judged, but work with a professional therapist maybe, you are also dead on about the issue of making excuses--- I am tired of my own excuses first and foremost and hence, tired of people who give excuses. She gives excuses? I can tell you, with a great consciounsce that I would do great if I was on BL, because I'd be "monitored" as to my food choices and I'd have no other option, but to suck it up. That's my problem. I am not accountable with my food choices to anyone and rather unwilling to do it. Do I push myself for 6 hrs per day-- heck no! But, I live in the real world. I do not have the time ( and that is not an excuse) plus I do not think that it is something you can put your body through an extended period of time. Honestly, it is not healthy. BL is drawing people in, because the contestants get the job on-- in a very short period of time. In that sense, it is deceiving, because it is neither healthy, nor realistic and might make people feel like "loosers" if they do not see the same results or keep them making excuses like you mentioned " I don't have 6 hrs to spend in the gym". I should push myself harder, yet I choose not to. Sometimes I do, like this morning. I pushed myself through a really good 5 mile tempo run and yes, I felt accomplished. But, then, I had to go to work-LOL. When I was really suffering from ED issues and my life was completely out of control, I knew that if I only could go to a ED clinic on some removed facility, I'd get better- but I didn't have $30,000 to spend and I guess, I didn't want it bad enough to make it happen-- I knew that it would work for the time I'd be away. The true test would be to deal with life on life's terms, with all the stressors and food temptations, fights, unfairness, tiredness, pains etc. So, I had to get over it and suck it up-- I didn't do perfect, but once I wanted recovery, I had to dig deep and work it. I really think that the reason BL contestants do change and stay fit afterwards is a) the follow up and all their friends know about them, so they always have that "pressure" and accountability and b) they never want to have to work so hard again! With all that said, I do not want to give Joelle too much compassion,because she gave herself enough for her and a few other people--she needs brutal honesty with herself. It's not about judging her, but about helping help herself! Sometimes, it is worth trappling on someone's feelings, or they'll never wake up! Part of our obesity problem is that people are "too accepting" so there is no pressure! That's my opinion and I'm sticking with it! Got to read your other blog... Report Inappropriate Comment

KALISWALKER 1/21/2009 3:24PM

I don't think Joelle's friend or trainer are treating her with respect. I think she is very depressed and not getting support from her team. Also, it likely wasn't her idea to be on the show, and especially alone. But Bob is the one who is responsible for motivating her. If she could motivate herself she wouldn't be there. Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

Will I Stay Lost Forever?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Some days I feel so irritated and frustrated. I feel this body is a trap holding me hostage. A maze I cannot find my way out of. I feel trapped in a glass mirror. It is horrifying imagining I can stay trapped and lost forever. Staying focused on one day at a time and one pound at a time is harder than it seems; especially when your journey is about 100 pounds long. You want to see the pounds magically disappear from your body. You want to look in that mirror and start seeing that trapped girl in it, starting to merge. You want to see those pounds melt away and the real you finally be free.

With so many people here in SP and in the world losing 100’s of pounds you think why can’t that be me? If they did it I can do it. It cannot be that hard. What I forget is that everyone is different. We all function to our own capacity and will and at our own speed. Unfortunately for me, it is a slow process. While the right ideas and intentions are there so is the hesitation, fear and impatience.

It is hard staying focused day after day when you dislike who you see in that mirror and what you see in that mirror. It is hard to treat your body and self with love and continuing to do what you have to do daily for that person in the mirror, when you hate what you see. It’s a love/hate relationship. It is so unhealthy and draining.

When I learn to see past the image in the mirror maybe then…….I can love myself enough to stay focused.

I love me, I love me, I love….. I am worth it, I am worth it……….. Yes I can, Yes I can, Yes I can……………………………..

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINDSONG~ 1/20/2009 4:53AM

If you didn't have stuggles you couldn't grow. You ARE worth every effort. Numbers are just that but living life well, making choices that are right and being the best you can manage is the end goal and those are things that make you who you are. Report Inappropriate Comment

SEEHOLZ 1/18/2009 2:49PM

You are so right-- it is hard, but all that means is that we, "with issues" whatever those might be, have to work harder, dig deeper and keep at it with more diligence and consistency than "them"--- I think there are true benefits associated with that that I need to embrace, not whine over! Anyways, I am proud of you for turning it around-- it's going to come together- just keep plugging away and live, love and do your best in the meantime! You CAN do it Yesi! Thanks for the reminder! You motivate me! Report Inappropriate Comment

KALISWALKER 1/18/2009 12:03PM

Yesi you are so worth! I know it seems like a big number, but we can do it. Each day we are learning to take better care of our bodies and it will get easier. Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

Jerry ripped my heart out tonight....

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I am so crushed, brokenhearted, and disappointed. Tonight’s outcome in Biggest Loser was devastating to watch. Two of the nicest people and the two that needed it the most fell below the yellow line; the oldest person Jerry and the heaviest person ever Daniel. Some times the twists in the show make the outcomes unfair. While some undeserving contestant gets the “Get out of Jail Free Card” getting another chance to redeem herself, (Joelle you should have taken the $25k and ran) the one that should have stayed was sacrificed. It tore me to pieces to see his face when he saw his weight lost. It crushed me to see him crushed and so down. So Fragile in that scale I wanted to reach out and hug him. Would I had a say so in the voting I would have chosen for Daniel to go but I am glad he stayed because he does need the support system and the boot camp or he will not make it at home. Jerry understood this and was so gracious about it and he did so well at home. Can I be your granddaughter?

Tonight’s episode left me thinking about what am I doing to myself? Left me thinking about my daily struggles and compulsiveness. I do well all day and in a matter of minutes before I know it here I go back into the vicious cycle of junk food, comfort food eating. If I am not giving in to the sweet tooth, than I am eating more than I should (no portion control). If I am not feeling hungry but am not chewing something here I go looking for a snack. I think it is my nerves that make me have to always be eating something. I just have not figured out why.

Like tonight while watching the BL, I was eating my dinner a big bowl of corn with butter, mayo and parmesan cheese (it taste good) but I ate a big bowl that was probably about 3 servings. I ate about 6 to 8 cookies. Not to mention I ate this after 6:00 p.m. I was not really feeling hungry. I just wanted something comforting to eat. What the hell is wrong with me??? What is it going to take for me to stop sabotaging all my hard work I put in all day? I am never going to progress if I do not get it together and get serious about this.

My heart hurts it hurts a lot for so many damn reasons built up inside of me. The outside reflects what I feel inside. I do not want to feel pain. I do not want to feel hurt. I do not want to feel fear. I do not want to feel disappointment. I JUST DO NOT WANT TO FEEL!!! Does food numb the pain?

I have been hanging on hoping to figure out what is wrong with me, how did I get to this point. Why haven’t I been able to break free from this body I am trapped in? This is not me. I do not even know who me really is.

Seeing Jerry’s face tonight on that scale crushed every bit inside of me. I was so mad at Joelle for her lack of interest and still being saved by luck but even more I was furious at myself. Because while Jerry, old and sick is fighting with everything he has and does not have, to keep moving and stay alive, here I am taking for granted my youth, power, gifts, and potential. Here I am eating a big bowl of corn and cookies. Even when today was my rest day that does not mean be careless and overeat. Instead of indulging or giving myself my daily dose of anesthetics (food), I should have been doing something more constructive. Reading my bible, taking a nap, went to church, a pedicure (homemade), etc…. Anything but eating!

I screwed up today and will see if there are consequences in the morning when I weigh-in. I figured just like I have decided to reward myself when I accomplish something I will have to give myself penalties when I screw up on purpose. I need to have consequences for my actions, maybe this way I will finally learn self control. To the best of my knowledge there is not a medical physical reason for my obesity, it is all emotional. I need to fight through those emotions and break free from this body that does not belong to me. I do not have a physical impediment holding me hostage I have an emotional one. I want to be free!!!
I do not need to be in the biggest loser show to win this battle. Many people like Daniel do and I am so happy they have come to this show and I hope it changes them forever. I am not one of those people. Yes I am obese and I need to lose about 100 lbs. but, I can do this my self; I just have chosen to accept defeat instead.

I screwed up today and today is almost over. Tomorrow better be a day of change and discipline. I need to find my way, I need to find me!!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALISWALKER 1/14/2009 12:01AM

Yesi, for me I can't have corn and cookies in my house or I will eat them. My resistance is better in the grocery store than it is at home. However things happen and the cookies sometimes jump into my cart LOL. We'll get better at this. I was happy to see how well Jerry and Estella look in the follow up. They will be fine. Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

A Box Of Chocolates

Monday, January 05, 2009

Every day is such a struggle, and like Forrest Gump used to say “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” That is the story of my life. Every day I never know what to expect. What kind of mood I am going to be in. Am I going to get up every morning confidant and determined, get my exercise done? Am I going to eat healthy, drink my water. Am I going to give-in to temptations and emotional eating? Am I going to once again allow fears, doubts and insecurities push me into despair and take over my peace of mind; Therefore all my progress and efforts falling out the window.

The truth is I never know what tomorrow is going to be like, not that anyone does. In a way I am terrified of the unknown. Not knowing what next week or next year is going to be like, etc…I have been trying to figure out why I haven’t been able to overcome obesity. Mentally I seem to keep hitting a plateau. The only thing standing in between me and my weight loss success is my own self. I am the obstacle blocking the way. Probably the fear of staying like this forever is holding me back.

I know we all have our battles to conquer for this and that. Most things are out of our hands and that is scary to me. I am still trying to discover the secret to happiness, security and peace of mind.

This journey is one I struggle with every single day. Trying to stay focused on my goal, by eating better, not give-in to comfort foods, and getting my exercise done even when I just want to crawl in bed. Most days I do great but on some days I lose the battle before I even get out of bed. Wondering what is the point of this or anything. Am I really going to be happier if I was thinner? Am I really going to discover who I really am? Will life be easier because I am thinner? So many questions I have no answers for.

Like I said, Is tomorrow going to be caramel-filled, cream-filled, fruit-filled or nut-filled? Unfortunately, I have no idea. All I can do is deal with it as it hits me. I am hopeful I will eventually find my peace of mind and that happy place.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HALLUCINATING 1/11/2009 8:50AM

Yesi, we all have a daily struggle and understand. I don't think losing weight alone is what makes someone happy but the road to losing weight helps build the confidence we need in order to be happy. As you hit a goal you have to know that nobody but you did it, you accomplished it all yourself. That in turn builds the self confidence. Every time you don't give in to the comfort foods, every time you get up and exercise you are a step closer. Nobody knows about tomorrow or next week or next year, that's what makes it all a mystery. You have to get there to see what's going to happen. I try to remind myself when things are going wrong "This too shall pass". It is NOT easy at the time but its true. The bad things will pass that come along and there are so many good things to look forward to. Keep up the good work and don't give up!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SEEHOLZ 1/6/2009 1:25PM

Yesi- I so hear you with regards to those daily struggles. Today, after a crazy night of getting up every couple of hours and eating a granola bar, I ended up having eaten 700 calories before I even got out of bed. It was 6:30am and I wanted to find any and all excuses not to go to work, to lay in bed and use it as a binge day--- thankfully my husband is off work today and as I laid there, trying to figure out how to leave work early or create some other place ( escaping to go see a movie or something like that) I suddenly decided to jump out, get my running clothes on and just go run. It turned out to be one of my best runs since the marathon-- it was tough, but I felt so accomplished, burned 800 plus calories ( per HR monitor) and was ready to deal with whatever the day might bring! My point is that we always have a choice what we are going to do next-- the past is just that, the past and even though we have to deal with its consequences, we don't have to dwell on it-- we are living right now and now is a chance to make another choice and if the last one wasn't good, this one might be great! I can really relate with never knowing whom I am faced with. One day, I am super happy, the next day I feel really, really crummy! Who cares? I'm done analyzing-- all I can do is try, try, try again.... just keep going Yesi... are you worth it? Of course-- is life going to be easier as a thinner person? Not necessarily at all--- all those things are still going to be there- the fears, the unknown, the variety of chocolates. You'll just be able to deal with them and let go of the fear. Don't make the mistake to think that thiness solves problems- it doesn't. But, practicing discipline, great attitude, emotional control and perseverance is going to bring you the confidence and ability to success at anything you set your mind to, including a body that reflects your true insight! One last thing: I notice you use the word "daily struggle"--- I completely understand that one, but I think the key is to rephrase that word and say something like daily opportunity, daily challenge, daily chance to make better choices???? Let go of the struggle and don't beat yourself up for not being able to do it perfectly... I have faith in you-- you are a very strong person! Report Inappropriate Comment

KALISWALKER 1/5/2009 12:19AM

Hi Yesi, keep trying and when you accomplish what you want, it will be worth the work. Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

It's Back To Square One!

Thursday, January 01, 2009

It is back to square one and time to start over again in this journey we call life. A fresh start and new opportunity to finish what I have started for a year now. Becoming healthier, happier, and thinner all while at the same time discovering who I really am. A task so difficult to accomplish that involves changing your eating habits, developing new habits (exercise), fighting emotional battles (emotional eating, stress, doubts, fears) and learning self-control, not giving in to temptations and feelings. Keeping your word to set out to do something and doing it no matter what you think and feel (laziness, etc…). NO EXCUSES!!!

It is so much easier said than done. Fighting internal thoughts in my head telling me why not to do what I need to do for myself and controlling me. Too many battles to fight and only me to fight them, it is overwhelming.

I am so tired of this emotional roller coaster and of not having control of my emotions, decisions and actions. I need to get it together. I need to fight myself every second to start moving forward for my health and my sanity.

So here I go again this New Year 2009 to finish what I started in 2008. 2008 was a hard year for me, so stressful… and I can only imagine what 2009 will be like but I cannot let that freak me out. I have to do the best I can today and worry about tomorrow… tomorrow!

I pray God gives me the strength to push and pull myself through this journey. To not let me give up on myself, to not let myself doubt my capabilities. To stay committed 100% and see changes not only physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I cannot do this alone. I need his strength to pull me through.

So I will try to do everything I can think off to keep myself motivated, committed and determined to not give up no matter what. If I fall 100 times I’ll get up a 101 time. I need this. I have to do this. It’s my health, my life. It is what I need. Now all I need is the confidence and discipline to see it through (that’s the tricky part).

It’s a long journey ahead of me but I can only take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROMNEY3 1/9/2009 11:39AM

I have so started over SO MANY times. This has been a four year journey at this point. I am up 20 lbs for 2008, but still down more then that overall. All I can tell you is never give up. Find strength in your faith and find a good freind to keep you going it does so help. Remeber the turtle slow and steadyy Report Inappropriate Comment

KALISWALKER 1/3/2009 9:25PM

Yesi please think of 2008 as preparation for 2009. What you have learned has prepared you to do better in the future. All the best to you in the new year. Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

DEBBIEKAY1 1/2/2009 8:34AM

Yesi you can and will succeed! Keep your goals in front of you at all times. Read all the motivational articles Put a picture up of what you want to look like or maybe a place you want to go. Yesi, I believe in you! Debbie Report Inappropriate Comment