Back on track..well mostly

Monday, July 25, 2011

So after falling off track in June I have been getting back on track slowly.

Yesterday I went to the gym for the third time in one week with new exercises in hand...well actually memorized in my brain. It is too hard to carry an exercise list. I did a majority of them..when it got to the last two I physically was unable to do them due to shear exhaustion. I did replace them with less strenuous exercises though. I definitely feel the difference as I am still somewhat sore today.

I know one of the things that made it so easy for me to allow myself to derail other than losing my job was that I had not lost a single pound in the previous three weeks. So in the last week I went searching for a new routine and I think I have found one. I really pushed myself..which is extremely hard to do.

Today it is raining...hallelujah...but it is preventing me from walking like I would like to. So I got some housecleaning done. I tried to sit and watch TV but my legs keep telling me to get moving...they actually hurt more if I sit versus moving.

Gotta go get something done. I am feeling antsy sitting here typing.

  

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SKINNYSTRUMMER 7/28/2011 12:08AM

This is encouraging that you are back! How are you feeling today? Report Inappropriate Comment

Minor derailment

Thursday, July 14, 2011

So I had a derailment in the last month. I quit going to the gym, ate horribly, and sat around doing nothing. Then this week came around I forced myself into a mental decision to get back on track. I haven't weighed myself (a little scared to) but I will maybe next week.

My derailment started when I got laid off. I made too many excuses. Then a friend who had been picking up my daughter everyday couldn't do it anymore so that pressed into what had become my usual gym time. I kept telling myself to go after I picked her up but it just never happened. After that everything just went downhill fast. I spent all day either on the computer or watching TV and some kind of combination of both. I now know what time of day to find the Walton's and Little House on the Prairie on Hallmark and Criminal Minds on A&E.

When this week rolled around something just went off in my head that just got me back on track. I went to the gym on Monday for the first time in a month. Started eating the right foods and taking a conscious effort into thinking about what I should be eating. At first I told myself I can do this without Spark People but tonight I was cleaning up my inbox and found a bunch of Spark emails I never read. At first I was just going to delete all of them but then I read just the subject line and felt a kick. Then I decided I need to blog on Spark People. I need Spark to stay on track. Yesterday I got off my lazy ass and cleaned the patio (something my boyfriend has said he would do since April). Had my son get the beach chairs out of the closet and set them up on the patio so we can sit outside. I also got on my sons back about getting off the computer and doing cleaning (he really isn't liking me being home all day every day). Overall some kind of motivation bug got in me.

I am going to have lunch with a couple of my former co-workers tomorrow. One of them I worked very close with and have actually been having dreams of her stabbing me in the back because that is how I truly felt after losing my job. But I need to see her hoping for some answers since things didn't go down very well. We got along very well and considered her not only to be a work friend but a friend friend which is why I think it hurt so much. Although my boyfriend did tell me not to bring any sharp objects, lol.

I have been sleeping way too late in the day too. Not eating breakfast till lunch time. I know yesterday the reason I had the motivation to clean the patio and get on my sons back was because I had to be up by nine (yes I have been sleeping past nine) because my daughter has a reading club on Wednesdays that she needs to leave for at 11. Then today I slept well past nine and found that before I knew it it was one pm, half the day gone and I had done NOTHING! Knowing everything I had accomplished yesterday I felt ashamed with myself. I have set my alarm to wake me at nine everyday including weekends. Time to get this ship back in shape. My kids will probably hate me for ruining their summer but tough. A little hard work won't kill them. I am actually willing the rent my son out for hard work in return for cash. He may not be too fond of the idea but he needs to learn where money comes from.

My current plan for tomorrow is get up at nine while I would like to go to the gym in the a.m. I am not going to kid myself into thinking it will actually happen. I am not a morning person, I get going after lunch. I want to go to the gym, haven't been there since Monday. So maybe will drop my gym bag off at the gym before going to lunch then hit the gym after lunch. It will be at least one hour between eating and getting there so I should be good. It really is the only way it will happen. I know myself well enough to know that. I am a lazy person at heart, except get me going and there is no stopping me.

Well time for me to hit the hay. No more staying up till the wee hours of the morning for me.

  

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ILIKETOZUMBA 7/15/2011 12:26AM

I'm so sorry about your job. I think that could derail anyone. It's great that you're getting back on track! Report Inappropriate Comment

Taking my life back!

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

After several days of being an emotional wreck I am taking back my life. I signed the separation agreement and accepted my former employers' severance package. I couldn't take being an emotional wreck, not eating and not sleeping. It was taking too much of a physical toll on me.

As a friend told me, things happen for a reason. So it is time for me to move on in my life. Yes, the timing of being laid off was absolutely horrible but such is life. Working there for the past three years I gained A LOT of experience, made really good connections, and most importantly made good friends.

So today is a new day. I feel so much better, slept well last night. I ate a good breakfast and now I'm heading to the gym before it gets too hot and I melt between home and the gym. Then I'm off to the grocery store and pick up some stuff to make dinner tonight. Get everything done in the am while still somewhat cool so I minimize the time spent outside in 100 degree heat.

On the job front I already have phone interview scheduled for next week. Plus, have my resume submitted for two other jobs.

Stay cool!

  

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FITKITTYMAMA 6/9/2011 8:53PM

As someone who was laid off almost about a year and a half ago, I completely understand how emotionally draining it can be. Good for you on keeping a positive attitude and turning things around! Report Inappropriate Comment

Emotional train wreck

Monday, June 06, 2011

Emotional train wreck describes how I have felt since Thursday morning when I got laid off. I have lost jobs in the past, been laid off once and fired once but never have I ever felt like this over losing a job. I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past few days. Yesterday I just laid in bed and cried for an hour after my boyfriend asked how I was feeling. I had been fine before that but just him asking made me think about it which caused me to cry. I've contemplated counter offering their severance package but after some research found I would have to hire an attorney that I cannot afford. They didn't have to offer me anything and they are offering one month salary.
I am just plain hurt. I have been made at the company, my former boss and colleagues, and the unknown person who eliminated my job. I am upset that they are keeping me from talking with my friends there. They will not let me talk with my friends there until I sign the separation agreement. I lost all of my contact information which is preventing me from providing references. No one I worked with whether company employee or consultant will return my attempts to get in contact with them. I think this hurts just as much as being let go. I have never in my 12 year career been this emotionally attached to a job. I truly saw myself being with this company for a long time. I enjoyed me work more than I ever had before. I enjoyed the people I worked with more than I ever have before. I hardly ever woke up with the dreaded feeling of going to work. I really enjoyed my job.
My emotions are affecting me eating properly. I either do one of two things when upset. I either eat junk or don't eat at all. At first I wanted junk food now I just don't want to eat. I basically get so upset I forget to eat until I am light headed from not eating and force myself to eat. But even then it certainly does not qualify for a well balanced meal.
I don't want my kids to see how upset I am and the longer this goes on the harder it will be. My emotions are preventing me from exercising too. I never did make it Pilates yesterday. I started getting upset and just laid in bed and cried.
I have to move to on. It will be hard but I think if I just accept what they have offered me, sign the separation agreement and talk with my friends again it will help with healing my wounds. When I can talk with my friends again and hopefully get some answers this should help. I know when I see them it will be hard but I have to move on. I cannot live like this.

  

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DOLLYHOLLY 6/6/2011 10:45PM

I'm sorry you were let go and that you're feeling badly and it's affecting your eating. I too have been stressed lately. I think both of our eating is affected by the apparent betrayal of friend/relationships made. I hope you feel better soon. Report Inappropriate Comment

Rough few days but trying to understand

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. Just knowing that people read it does help.

I have managed to avoid the pizza and ice cream despite a bit of depression setting in. I also managed to avoid because the day before I was laid off I did a huge grocery shopping trip and I don't need that food going to waste.

I'm still in shock and I am not happy with the way the company handled my situation. After speaking with some friends they have encouraged me to do a little research and find out who else was laid off. Only because of the way the company handled my situation, it smells a little fishy. Two days after I received and provided them with my medical approval to return to work they lay me off. I couldn't even clean out my desk. I just want to make sure I don't have a wrongful termination situation.

Since I have been out on medical leave for four months I really have absolutely no time to waste in finding a new job. On the up side I spoke with two recruiters on Friday, one I have worked with previously and one cold called me less than 24 hrs after I placed my resume on Monster. Luckily there are a lot of small but growing pharmaceutical companies in the Greater NYC area. Plus, there is Pfizer in Manhattan who I have worked for previously. I left Pfizer for the company that just laid me off, but I left on good terms. In fact, my bosses at Pfizer didn't want me to go. In the long run though I gained A LOT of really good experience that makes me really sellable. Plus, I made some really good contacts.

Enough about my work situation. On Friday my daughter, my baby who isn't a baby anymore but really 12 going on 20 was in the school musical. After the previous few days I had had it was really good to get out. She was so wonderful. I am so proud of her, she is really shy but she wanted to be in drama. It is slowly but surely breaking her shyness shell. It was so cute and funny. They performed Seussical Jr. which was a musical mishmash of several Dr. Seuss stories. It mainly centered around Horton hearing a Who and no one believing him. My daughter was a Who and right up in the front row. That had to be really hard for her but she won't admit it, she is 12 after all.

Time for me to get myself together, eat breakfast and get to that 11:30 Pilates class. I haven't been doing my stretching the last few days and I can feel it in my back.

  

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SIMI44 6/5/2011 12:38PM

It's amazing how much better you sound after expressing the frustration and hurt - at the end. Your blog encourages me to do the same - analyze just how I'm feeling, express it and go on and up towards my goals. Good luck and enjoy your 12 year old treasure. Report Inappropriate Comment