Humor for Lexophiles (lovers of words)

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Thanks to my friend, Lorellei, for sharing this one with me.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
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The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
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The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
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To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
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When fish are in school they sometimes take debate.
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The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
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A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
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A thief fell into wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
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Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
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If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
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A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
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A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
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You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
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Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
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A boiled egg is hard to beat.
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A plateau is a high form of flattery.
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If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
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When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
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Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
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Acupuncture: a jab well done.

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Aerobics

Saturday, June 19, 2010

My friend, MaryW, shared this on FaceBook. I had to pass it along! Thanks, Mary! (By the way, if you have FB, please add me!)

The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it "jumping up and down.” -- Rita Rudner

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New In Town

Thursday, June 17, 2010

My need for the good medicine of laughter must not be quenched just yet. My friend, Perry, sent this to me today and I thought it was worth sharing!

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, Can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Office."

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Tellin' the Truth

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My friend, GamblerSC, sent this to me. I must still be in need of the laughter that is good medicine!

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

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How to tell when your anchorman is city folk

Sunday, June 06, 2010

I am admittedly a city girl. I've never had a garden. I've never raised livestock. I can so relate to this guy. LOL

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