YAMINOKODOMO   26,172
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My weight gain is starting to get to me..

Thursday, May 30, 2013

I came back full force to spark a couple of weeks ago. I had gained weight and knew I had to do something about it cause I really started to feel it in my clothes, and the way my arms kind of jiggle now, and how my stomach is starting to stick out a little more. I was doing really well, tracking my food, working out or taking long walks. I had lost 5 pounds from when I started sparking again. I weighed myself BEFORE the memorial day weekend, and I am now afraid to weigh myself tomorrow.. I had an awesome time this memorial day weekend. Went to PA for a night, went out to the movies sunday night and had a big BBQ on Monday with friends. But with all the food and drinks I had this weekend I KNOW I gained back those 5 pounds I lost.. lol I already knew I was gonna eat a lot on Monday. But all those leftovers, and going all over the place during the weekend kind of threw me off my game! So this week so far I havent tracked any of my food and yesterday was the first time I got SOME sort of workout in. Today I am going to walk home and then go to the gym. But my weight gain is starting to take its toll on me.

I woke up this morning and was trying to look for something to wear. Weather said it was gonna be 90 degrees today! First of all I got cranky cause my clothes are in a box right now and its annoying to look through the box and try to find a shirt because then the box gets super messy and I have to practically dig my way to the bottom or end up dumping everything on the bed picking a shirt and dumping everything back in the box. THEN putting on my jeans.. they all are SUPER tight on me but I refuse to buy a bigger size right now because A) That'll just depress me even more, and B) I dont want to get a bigger size for fear that I am going to think its going to be ok to eat a little more or whatever and then before you know it THOSE jeans are tight...

I am supposed to be in a wedding in August. My dress is already on its way and I tried on this dress before my weight gain and even then it was just a little snug.. Thinking about how I am going to lose some of this weight so I can actually fit in the dress is kind of stressing me out. I just feel so bleh about myself right now. I havent felt this way in a long time. I dont like my body and its messing with my confidence. I feel like wearing big shirts, I dont want to wear short sleaves, I was even thinking about how tights would feel so much more comfortable right now..

I am trying my hardest to push myself. I want to get back to where I was and I know this happens to people all the time, they lose then they gain, but it sucks that I was there and because of stress I just kind of gave up for a while. My weight started creeping up the scale and now its bringing me down..

I am sorry this is such a downer blog on a beautiful day! I just needed to let all this out. I want to feel beautiful, and strong, and sexy again. One of my sparkfriends (sokkernut) sent me the new Jillian Michaels book (thank you again!), and I put the new spark book on hold at my job so it should arrive hopefully by tomorrow. I am hoping these two books can also help motivate me because I really need all the motivation I can get!

Well hope you all are doing well and keeping up with your workouts and eating healthy! Stay cool and drink lots of water! I am open to any suggestions you guys may have! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TASOGAREBAN 6/3/2013 4:36PM

    Sigh. I just left a comment on this blog entry a few seconds ago and then somehow hit a back button. I was so motivational too! So I'ma try again.

SO. I totally know where you're coming from except that I made my super-depressed blog earlier than you, lol! BUT. Once I blogged I really did feel a lot better and the sun came out too so it was cool. BUT! I know that you're a very motivated person when you put your mind to it but you have to PUT YOUR MIND TO IT. Think about how you felt when you initially lost those five pounds and go from there. To have a dress coming in for you is also a heck of a threat because that gives you an actual deadline. But I know you can do it because you've done it before. You just have to want to do it again. And I think you're getting to that point where you will start wanting it again. Just take it a step at a time. A healthy breakfast, a healthy lunch. Meh, mess up a dinner but work out. Baby steps until it all falls in line and then you'll already be on your way so you won't want to get off the ride, y'know?

I know you can do it. Just WANT it.

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RUNJEWELRUN 6/1/2013 2:36PM

    Yay! You will get through it! I know what you mean about the scale. Glad to see you back!

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BOVEY63 5/31/2013 4:59PM

    Its always good to get your frustrations out, and that is what we are here for.
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Don't beat yourself up for what is in the past. Take another step forward today, one more tomorrow and so on. You can do it and you will rock that dress at the wedding!
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SOKKERNUT 5/31/2013 10:56AM

    You are very welcome Y, happy you got the books. I know this feeling all too well, stress has alot to do with our weight gain but it's how we handle it that counts. I have faith in you, emoticon emoticon

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NGCHILD 5/31/2013 10:18AM

    HUGS! You are fabulous. You did it before and you will do it again. I have no doubt. Walk the walk and talk the talk sister.

YOU CAN DO IT!

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BUTEAFULL 5/31/2013 10:16AM

    keep the emoticon as your motivation to stay on the straight and narrow...even if there is a party to attend between now and then

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PRUPLEBEAR 5/30/2013 5:33PM

    emoticon

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FUTUREMRSFENTON 5/30/2013 4:23PM

    I came across your blog. And my... it sounds oh so familiar.
Through my stresses I kinda gave up too. And I tell you.. it was so hard to get back at it. My clothes felt tight too and I was disgusted. It was like how can I pick myself up and make this happen?
First thing was I had to be in the right frame of mind. and I knew that. I had to focus and when I got disgusted enough looking in the mirror I was like.. oh no. this wont work.
I started cutting out so many things. soda, carbs, snacks, candy. starbucks. everything that I used as a crutch. so far... down 4lbs. And I no longer eat late... I choose what I eat very carefully. My bf doesn't think I need to lose weight at all. but its what I feel inside that makes me want to lose.

I would suggest making one change at a time. It can be very overwhelming to make too many changes at once.. we set ourselves up for failure. set a goal and once that's pretty much set in stone.. set another.

You can do it.. just remain strong and focused.. you will achieve great success!!!!

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WENDYSPARKS 5/30/2013 4:02PM

    emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 5/30/2013 3:52PM

    emoticon I know that bleh feeling....kind of feel that way myself. Just start back with the tracking and the walks and the workouts and you'll lose that weight again.

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Fell off the face of the earth but trying to make my way back!

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Hi spark friends!! I am so sorry I have been completely MIA for the past couple of months. SO much has been going on and I just couldnt get myself motivated to sign into spark, track my food and fitness, and keep up with all my friends, which sounds really bad and I do apologize! I hope you all have been well and keeping up with your healthy lifestyle! I have definitely gone downhill and if I dont do something about it I am just gonna keep gaining weight and I dont want all my hard work to go to waste.

I dont know how much I've gained cause I refuse to step on the scale... But I definitely feel it in my pants, I see it by how much my stomach is now sticking out, I see it in my arms, they've lost their definition and just starting to look flabby.. Its pretty bad. And what sucks is because I'm feeling like poop it kind of depresses me even more, but I cant seem to pull myself out of this rut.

I decided first things first though! Sparkpeople community and friends helped me the first time around so its time to reconnect with the website and you guys and make it work this time around too! I have a wedding in August that I am going to be in, I have another wedding that I MIGHT go to if my coworkers husband isnt up for going, and summer is right around the corner. I went to feel healthy, sexy and above all happy.

I do have a gym membership! I got it in january as part of my new years resolution. I am very excited about having it. I was going strong in the beginning but then things had started to get stressful at home and there have been a lot of changes going on that had slowly started to make it more difficult to stay motivated, and now I am just tired all the time and the thought of working out makes me even more tired. I havent been eating that great either, and also have been drinking a lot lately which is really bad and I really need to nip that in the bud because liquor has been the BIGGEST reason why I've gained so much in such a short time.

Im sorry my return blog sounds so depressing lol but I just sort of feel like I have to confess my sins lol.

But I see my coworker, who started weight watchers, watching her eat all this really healthy yummy looking food. Losing weight little by little and I feel that tiny spark that i know is in me, that wants to ignite so I am back to happy and healthy Nadine, but I just cant seem to light it up.

SO it is now or never. I can only make the changes needed to feel good about myself and as much as I don't FEEL like doing it, I HAVE to do it for me. I have to start tracking what I eat. I have to start tracking my fitness. I have to visit my sparkfriends and join some new spark teams. I want to start fresh. I am going to weigh myself when I get home even though in the beginning of my blog I said I refuse to.. lol I cant be in denial. I need a slap in the face to let me know how far I've gone off track and its time to get going in the right direction. I am going to use the two weddings to help motivate me! Also my friend said she wants to also lose weight so she can wear one of those bustiers that are out and oh so popular right now lol She turned to me and was like, "that's it! We are gonna lose weight so we can wear one of those for the summer!" So I am thinking about buying one and hanging it up somewhere where its in my face so I can tell myself every time I walk past it , "I am going to wear you and rock your world!" haha

I hope you guys arent mad/disappointed in me for falling off the face of the earth but I am slowly making my way back! They are baby steps, but hopefully this helps me get back to the body I loved not so long ago!

Have a wonderful spark day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOKKERNUT 5/24/2013 5:18PM

    emoticon back doll. We all go through this, its called life. I have faith in you. emoticon
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Maria

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TEENY_BIKINI 5/16/2013 1:00PM

    Welcome back, gorgeous. I wondered where you were... Hugs.

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PRUPLEBEAR 5/4/2013 2:24PM

    Glad your back!

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TASOGAREBAN 5/3/2013 3:36PM

    Hee I'm glad you're back on Spark! And yeah I'm taking home a shape magazine and tearing into it, gonna make a collage to hang on my fridge door! We really need to do this!

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NGCHILD 5/3/2013 1:12PM

    So glad you are back -- you were missed!!

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RUNJEWELRUN 5/3/2013 11:48AM

    Yay! Welcome back :) No one is mad at you :) Love ya!!

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BUTEAFULL 5/2/2013 11:34PM

    okay let's get to work on a plan
you and bustier gal work together and support each other
join one of the spark challenges they have one for every season and you don't have to start on a certain date just do the 8 weeks daily challenges
once you get started you will pick up momentum especially with the weather warming up
since you already have the gym membership....use it
now get going sweetie

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CITYZOZO 5/2/2013 11:29PM

    screw mad, i'm glad you are back with a force! hi! zo

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RHONDALYN10 5/2/2013 5:39PM

    Welcome Back!

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BOVEY63 5/2/2013 5:11PM

    So glad to see you back!
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NATPLUMMER 5/2/2013 4:47PM

    emoticon

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Plans for today!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

It is such a gorgeous day! I want to try to get all the things I need to get done in the apt early enough so I can go outside and enjoy the day!

My plans for today are as follows emoticon

1. Spark a little bit more!
2. Eat lunch
3. Clean up the kitchen
4. Run on the treadmill for 30 minutes
5. take shower, get ready
6. Take Phoenix for a nice loooong walk!
7. Bring phoenix back home, feed her, then meet up with my boyfriend! (We go to an old karate school that he used to go to to hang out with friends there sometimes.)

Those are my plans for today! I got off to a little bit of a late start today cause I woke up early, but then I layed back down at 10 and told myself I was only gonna sleep for 30-45 minutes, and I ended up conking out until 12.. LOL Ooops.. I wanted to try and clean up more then the kitchen today, but I want to take Phoenix out for a nice long walk before I meet up with my boyfriend so we both can enjoy the day. As long as I got the kitchen done for today, I will worry about the rest tomorrow!

I got this awesome tea from starbucks called hot cinnamon spice and its amazing! I bought a box to leave at work, along with a new halloweeny owl mug hee! And now I want to buy a box for the apt. Im dieing for a cup right now! lol Its so good and the taste of the tea is so strong which I like.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the beautiful weather!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTEAFULL 10/3/2012 1:33AM

    you would probably like Celestial Seasoning's tea Bengal Spice

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NEWNAC304 9/17/2012 6:19AM

    I hope you enjoyed the day!

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PRUPLEBEAR 9/17/2012 5:29AM

    Sounds like a good day!

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YOUNGNSMYLIE 9/16/2012 8:13PM

    Ooh, I really want to try that tea; sounds delicious! I hope you had a good weekend!

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BOVEY63 9/15/2012 8:38PM

    Hope you and Phoenix got out for you walk!
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You're probably out by now so hope you're having a great time!

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NATPLUMMER 9/15/2012 12:57PM

    emoticon Sounds like a fab day to me. Give Phoenix a pet for me.


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MIA but trying to make a comeback!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Hey sparkers!! Its been a LOOOOOOOONG time since I have hopped on to spark, wrote a blog, visited sparkteams and updated my spark page! But here I am! Better late then never emoticon

I gotta say I have missed my spark friends and have been feeling a bit guilty not visiting them and visiting my sparkteams.. I actually asked one of my other spark team leaders if she would like to take over the Jillian Michaels sparkteam because I havent been on it for a while. She said yes which I appreciated and said I can keep myself as one of the team leaders for when I do decide to come back to spark. Thanks again SACHABEE!!! emoticon

The past couple of months I had been fluctuating between the same 5 pounds but now I have gone OVER those 5 pounds which is not cool but thats all my fault and I am owning up to it! I workout here and there but honestly I havent been enjoying my workouts at all. I have gotten extremely bored with all my workout dvds and if I could I would totally join a gym but the gyms around here are a bit over my budget so I want to try and join team challenges to help give me a little push! I also want to get back into tracking my nutrition and making healthy recipes that I can find at sparkrecipe.

I want to pick out the hottest costume for halloween so I HAVE to workout and eat healthy to look good in it lol! I was gonna be a vampire but I started looking on the internet at all the new costumes and now I have changed my mind! Hee!

My first Half Marathon is also coming up. Its on October 7th and I am really looking forward to it. My mom is actually going to fly up from Florida to be here for it! I am super excited that she is going to be there to cheer me on lol. After that I want to sign up for a couple of other small races just to have things to look forward to. I want to sign up for a halloween 5k. I just have to wait and see when this years halloween party is going to be then I can choose which halloween 5k to do! I also want to do a 5 mile Turkey Trot on thanksgiving day. Its going to be at prospect park, which is a few avenues up from where I live, so I figured I can wake up early on Thanksgiving Day, go to the race, and that'll be my workout for the day! I think there is also a Jingle Bell 5k that I saw for some time in December.

I also want to try and do a lot of outdoorsy kind of stuff. I love this time of year and I want to try and get in some fall activities! I told my boyfriend I want to go apple picking this year then come home and bake an apple pie! I always brought up and idea to my boyfriend, TASO her fiance and our friends that maybe one weekend we can go eat breakfast at this place called Cracker Barrel, then go drive out to this little town that is by where my dad camps. The drive there will be beautiful especially once the trees start changing colors, so I am really looking forward to that! I also want to try and take my dog, Phoenix, to the park in the mornings as often as possible so she can run around and we can enjoy the beautiful mornings together!

I am also getting back into my knitting, I feel like knitting is going to be my fall hobbie lol I havent knit ANYTHING all year long but once labor day weekend was over I picked up my knitting needle and started going at it!

I hope all of you have been doing great and I am really going to push myself this time around to get back on and visit and track and do everything I need to to get back to my goal weight!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNJEWELRUN 9/12/2012 1:51PM

    Sounds very exciting! You are going to love Cracker Barrel :)
Best of luck on your race :)

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PRUPLEBEAR 9/11/2012 8:06PM

    You Rock! you always have so much going on!!! Your just wonderful! Glad you back!

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TASOGAREBAN 9/11/2012 6:54PM

    You changed your mind on your Halloween costume?? What are you going to be now?? I'm still stuck on Zombie. I need to get makeup too though so I have to start looking up makeup tips as well!

Do you know if Maggie is ok with holding the Halloween party at her place this year? I've been itching to go to Michaels to look at all the stuff and I especially want to go after Halloween to get in on those specials! Hopefully then I can plan to do next years Halloween party with plenty of time to spare!

And I can't wait for that Cracker Barrel day, OMG. I was telling Manny the next time we go to PA on a Friday night that I wanted him to go the long way to Allentown, through Easton and Bethlehem. I forget where we were exactly but last year we had driven in and coming down a street, there was a high school football game going on, bleachers all full of people in jackets and cheering and it was dark so they had those bright strobe lights on and I remember thinking, "This is it. This is part of Fall. The football games, the cheering. This is all part of the season." And I suddenly really wished then that I was into football! LOL. It sounds ridiculous but I told Manny that this year I wanted him to take the long way in again, see if we come across that school and another football game, see if I can recapture that fleeting moment, you know?

Anyways, Fall is going to be awesome this year!

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ASHLEYKAT 9/11/2012 5:45PM

    Welcome back! Seems like you're going to have a fast fall with all that running! Good luck!

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BOVEY63 9/11/2012 5:40PM

    So great seeing back on SP! Missed you!

Sounds like you have a lot coming up. Good luk with the half marathon - how awesome that your mom will be there!
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NATPLUMMER 9/11/2012 4:32PM

    Welcome back, Sweetie! You will totally rock a Halloween costume!!
Yay for your first HM!! Only another couple of long runs left ;-)

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SOKKERNUT 9/11/2012 3:29PM

    We miss you doll!
You will LOVE LOVE the Cracker Barrell!
Good Luck on your marathon that is right around the corner! Keep us posted.
Hugs
Maria

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RHONDALYN10 9/11/2012 1:19PM

    I've missed you!
Glad you are still running! You are going to do great for your HM and I think it is super cool your Mom supports you! Mine thinks it is stupid......oh well, can't pick our family.
Keep up the great work.
Oh, I was getting bored and bought the Supreme 90 DVD set - got it for $10 at Bed, Bath and Beyond. It is a 90 day program and so not boring!!! I love it!!!

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CAROLIAN 9/11/2012 1:08PM

    emoticon Glad you are back and raring to go Dont burn yourself out by doing too much at a time Good luck with your 5k etc and good for you picking your knitting up again, I have started mine again a 24" jumper for a little girl I knit for charities emoticon

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NEWNAC304 9/11/2012 12:39PM

    It's goof to hear from you again! I'm still plugging along. I need to get serious myself.

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Cutest thing EVA!

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to pick up a book that they were holding for me. I was kinda hungry at the time and was REALLY debating on getting a coffee from the starbucks they had in the store. I wanted a coffee but then again I didn't want a coffee cause I already new I wasnt going to chose healthier choice of a coffee from starbucks...

So I walked around Barnes and Noble, trying to avoid Starbucks lol. I went to the magazine section to pick up the Runner's World magazine and hopped on line to pick up my book and pay for the magazine. I was still debating with myself when I passed a little display that they had by the checkout line, "Dieting Tools." It had a bunch of those "Eat This Not That" books and there were also some calorie counter books, and so they had THIS on the table!



Isn't it adorable!! Its a small pretty looking calorie counter book. I love it because it doesn't look like a calorie counter lol It just looks like a regular little note book, its small enough to fit in any bag, and once again its cute!! I love cute things.. especially when it has to do with anything health wise and doesn't make me FEEL like I am on a diet lol. So I picked it up and instead of spending money on a coffee that would have been ridiculously high on calories, I got this calorie counter! I resisted the urge for a coffee cause I was so excited about my little purchase haha.

I am a bit spoiled with New York because calories are up everywhere! At restaurants, and fast food places, so I know what amount of calories I am about to take in, but my boyfriend, his family, and I go out to Pennsylvania a lot and so they don't have the calories up out there, and it becomes one of those things, for me, where its like "I don't see it so it wont hurt me" lol. But now I can bring this little calorie counter book with me when heading out to PA, or anywhere for that matter, so I know what amount of calories I am taking in and so I can make healthier decisions!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BYMYSLF892 6/7/2012 10:48AM

    That's awesome! I also record my daily calories in a little notebook because I do the same thing with the if I don't see it it doesn't matter. :) You're awesome keep up the good work and congrats on your triumph against starbucks coffee!

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PRUPLEBEAR 2/4/2012 2:17PM

    Very cool! and Cute!

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CITYZOZO 2/2/2012 1:54PM

    cute is right and healthy too, a marriage made in heaven

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ASHIKIME 2/1/2012 9:22PM

    That's so cool! It has the calorie amounts for different restaurants? That's pretty cool.. I'm going to have to find one...

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NGCHILD 2/1/2012 3:53PM

    Great choice!! You rock....seriously!!

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NEWNAC304 2/1/2012 2:34PM

    It's adorable! Great job avoiding the coffee. My choice from Starbucks in anything but healthy or lo-cal.

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BOVEY63 2/1/2012 1:16PM

    What a great find!
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BUTEAFULL 2/1/2012 1:07PM

    is it restaurant counter or single item foods counter?
BTW does look cute

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NATPLUMMER 2/1/2012 12:10PM

    Very cute!!
YAY!!!

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ANNIEONLI 2/1/2012 11:30AM

    YAAAAAY!!!! It IS cute! and so practical too! love these kinds of purchases! Good for you for resisting the urge too!

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