Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Today, I slept in because I stayed up way too late last night. So, this morning I did not have time to get any breakfast. I thought I would be fine but my party is starting to get used to food at certain times every day. So I went to subway for "Brunch". I went ahead and got a footlong because it was 25 cents more, since I always get the subway melt. And a month ago, my subway routine would have included a regular coke and 3 chocolate chip cookies. Well today, it's diet coke because I just do not like all the extra sugar anymore and I decided to splurge and get one chocolate chip cookie. Worst decision of my life. My stomach is super upset now from the cookie.
I really love using myfitnesspal.com for tracking. I like to put in all my food and plan out my entire day. I think it's one of the things really helping me. Now I just have to start planning out my meals when I get home so we stop going out to eat all the time.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
So last night I went out with a friend for dinner. We ended up going to Red Robin and I was over on my calories, even with exercise by 400. However, when I looked over my calories for the day, I could have prevented it. I got a Raspberry LImeade and got one refill, which was close to my 400 calories. So today, I"m going to make sure I'm right at my recommended caloric intake and I do my bicycle for at least 40 minutes.
I posted on the wow ladies forum how I was going to be spending time on the computer this weekend. I just need to get work outs with the dog and walking done this weekend. I don't have the luxury of a bike or cycle steps at home to use so I may try to just use my Wii Biggest Loser game. or may new dance dvds that will come in the mail today.
I'm worried about how my knees are going to do, they get sore pretty quickly from walking. That's one of the reasons I enjoy swimming and walking in the pool, less impact pain. However, my husband and I made a deal this time around. No new gym membership until I can prove my commitment of one month. One month of working out will show that I'm making it a habit, then I get to join the gym again.
I know it seems silly but I like to give up easy and this way it proves to both of us that I'm ready for the changes in my life.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Well I spent most of yesterday, Sunday and some of this morning reading a blog by another spark user. It's amazing the journey every one goes through. I am suppoed to go see a dietician on Thursday but the hubby doesn't really want to spend the money right now. We are trying to buy a house next year and he wants all extra money going that way. I understand where he's coming from. And honestly, I don't think the dietician will tell me anything I don't already know or have learned.
I think my biggest problem is the fact I am lazy. I use it as an excuse for everything.
Yesterday was a really good day though. During work, I started using a bicycle step item so that I can cycle in between calls. I haven't been doing a lot of time on it, but I did 30 minutes yesterday which is almost 477 calories! It amazed me because it was not a lot of work but I know after I went for a while it would start to hurt. Also last night I treated myself to Wendy's for dinner and I was still under on my calories. I've found on the days that I work I am hungry, and I think that's because hungry to me stems from boredom.
On a positive note, I am extremely lucky with my job. At one of our work stations, there is a stability ball in an office chair type device so you can sit on it instead of an office chair. My manager came out yesterday and saw that I was using it and saw the bicycle thing under my desk and was so happy and was offering me tips and ideas to do more. It's such a great work environment and I'm lucky to have the chance to be able to do little things like work out, especially on slow days.
I need to find some more reciepes to try. This weekend I'm going to try to make all kinds of different foods so I can see what stuff I like and don't like. I've never really been taught how to cook or how to cook using differnet kinds of foods. Basically we eat sausage alfredo, meatloaf, fresh taste chicken, hamburgers, steak and spaghetti. I don't really make anything else and we go out to eat A LOT. Maybe some guidance into where to start with cooking at home?
Sunday, February 24, 2013
So I had a bad weekend. I ate almost an entire package of oreos and almost 1/2 a gallon of milk in one setting. Granted afterwards, I was sick like a dog for the rest of the day. So today, I started out with a fresh attitude. I got some dance DVDS to try at home and I thought about things a lot.
I was very upset yesterday, to the point of crying. Why? Because my husband is living life and I am not. He was invited to help some friends move and I stayed at home because I was afraid. Afraid of what you ask? I was afraid of showing up and not being able to help because of my weight and i was afraid of what everyone would think of Mike when they saw me arrive with him. Isn't that a horrible thought? To not want to leave your house because you are afraid of what everyone else thinks?
Boo freaking hoo. I think that is my biggest obstacle. I need to not care what people think of me. This is not the weight I want to be at the rest of my life so why should I care how people see me now? Won't it be great to be getting stares a few years from now because of how awesome i look? I think so.
I started over today. Today is the first day of my new streak. I did some light work out at work today. I work 12 hour days and it's hard to get a lot of work out in a sedentary job but I figured out a way. At work, there is a little bicycle part that goes under the desk and you just wheel away. I only managed to it for about a minute at a time, but I didn't give up after one minute. I went back and did it six more times. SIX more times. I can't just give up because something hard, there's always more ways I can push myself. There's also an exercise ball built into an office chair here that I'm going to try so I can work on my core while just sitting at my job.
Something else I realized today. I've already lost a LOT of weight. When I was living in Mountain Home and then California, I never wore jeans. They wouldn't fit me. I basically wore yoga pants all the time or sweats and never left my house. At my heaviest, I was closed to 420 pounds.
When I moved back to Idaho I took that 420 and turned it into 400 just by becoming a little more active. In my previous job, there was a weight loss competition and i ended up taking the 400 and changing it to 369. However, when I came back to the job I'm currently at, I went back up to 384. But still 384 is a lot smaller than 420 where I was 2 and a half years ago. I said back in June that I wasn't going to get to 400 again, and I won't. The next 00 number I hit there will be a 3 in front of it, then a 2. I want to be able to talk about all the positive things I'm doing for myself.
I'm going to binge eat. It's in my nature. Sometimes the fat girl wins the fight, and food gets stuffed in my face. However, if the fat girl wins, I just need to let her win, then put healthy girl back in place; instead of letting shame and remorse girl trickle forward. Mistakes are going to be made, it's human nature. I just have to stop letting myself be my own worst enemy.
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