XSCAPEREALITY82   4,009
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First Day

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Today I joined sparkpeople. I spent all day reading everyone's success stories, their trials and the struggles. It really helped me to realize this is not something I can snap my fingers at and change. I cannot just wake up in the morning and be skinny. I've never been skinny a day in my entire life. I was born big and I've lived the last 31 years being big as well. I would not even know what to do with myself if I woke up skinny.

I want to be happy. More than anything else in the world, I want to know that I am making smart choices. i do not want McDonald's to control my eating habits as they have for so many years. I want to show my family that has never believed in me that I can do it. i do not need fad diets, i just need the willpower to say no.

And most of all, I want to find motivation. I have always been a lazy person with lazy habits. There is an excuse for everything I do or more accurately don't do. I am tired of excues controlling my life. I am 31 and I should be an adult. I should stop letting bad choices I've made my entire life dicate how my future will go. It's in the future, I can change it if I want to. I can effect my outcome.

I don't know if I will be able to keep up with this blog but I want to. I think it will be goal of mine to discuss weight loss, food options and life in general as the days go by. I love having access to so many supportive people, reading to listen and to really get what I am going through.

A few things to know about me. I am obese to the point of, why is she even alive still? I'm 31, 5'9 and I weigh 384 pounds. I'm fat. But this isn't even the fattest I have been. By the end of last year, I was at 415 to 420 pounds. I never write my weight out, or say it out aloud. I have Type 2 Diabetes, which luckily is not as severe as some people's. I do not even need medication for it. I have tried working out, I have tried diets and I simply do not have motiviation. That is why I have decided to try a blog again. I am going to write about my thoughts as I try new foods and recipes.

I am married for five and a half years to a man who loves me just the way I am. However, in all of his time loving me, he's gained to an unhealthy weight as well. We both have Sleep Apnea and would rather drive the block then walk it.

I don't know how soon excercise will come but my goal is when I get to 350. When I was younger, I had more self confidence then I should have had. I never thought of myself as obese or disgusting. I don't know if i would rather have those days of denial back or not. Oh well, lets' see where this adventure takes us, shall we?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THE_SHAKESHAFT 2/19/2013 1:14AM

    Welcome!!

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TIMOTHYNOHE 2/17/2013 9:52PM

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USMAWIFE 2/17/2013 7:37PM

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AWESOMECAROL55 2/17/2013 6:09PM

    Believe in yourself....you can do it! Check out the Spark people motivational pages...some of the stories are really incredible! Just remember.... Baby steps! Be patient, focus on your goals, and keep moving! It takes time but it will happen!

Good luck on your journey!
Carol

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