Thursday, March 11, 2010
I know I have gotten away from my usual motivating introspective blogs -- and I promise I will come back to them. But in the meantime as I count down my days to being unemployed, here's an email I got from another friend that is guaranteed to make you laugh, especially if you're a woman!! Guys -- pay attention!!
The Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, but leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what you say)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)
Thursday, March 04, 2010
I had to copy and paste this email I got from my friend. Remember, my user name is "xhastedmomof2" so I especially found this hilarious!! Hope you enjoy this as much as I did!!
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food..
Each man must take care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished, and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, head aches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings and church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size, doctor's name, the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if...
he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
My MIL with my kids when they were little; she's still earning the right to be called "Mother!"
Saturday, February 27, 2010
OK, first things first! On Tuesday I went to the orthopedic surgeon with the tendinitis in my right shoulder in full bloom. This was my second time seeing him for my shoulder as I went to see him for the same problem almost 2 years ago. After examining the shoulder, he gave me the shot of cortisone and a referral for physical therapy. Several days later, I am still sore. Itís too soon to tell if the cortisone injection worked. But I plan to do a "Walk Away the Pounds" DVD later today and that will be my first workout in a few weeks! And until I start physical therapy on the 8th and the physical therapist gives me the go-ahead to ramp up, I will continue doing gentle, no weight-bearing workouts.
Alright, on to the main event. Thanks to budgeting shortfalls my job, along with several others, is being phased out. Thankfully, as of Friday, I was still employed. But how much longer is very much at issue. I have been applying for transfers to anything at or below my pay scale within a 50 mile radius of my home. Additionally, my resume has been flooded on the local job market for anything I qualify for. So far, only 1 interview and several rejections. Earlier this week, one of the hiring managers for one of the transfers I applied to sent me an email asking if I was willing to commute to the office. I replied that I had worked in that building a long time ago so commuting was no issue. He then said that he would arrange an interview for some time next week.
I decided I needed a stellar interview outfit but on a bottom dollar budget. We tried Kohlís but their petite section was more play clothes than business attire. We then tried Macyís. I found an adorable Alfred Dunner top and slacks outfit that was on sale Ė 40% off!! (I found a picture of the top on the web!!)
We then bought a nice strand of pearls and earrings to finish off the look. In total, we spent a hair over $100; so I feel like we did pretty good yesterday.
But getting out the door was painfully demoralizing!! I have not been clothing shopping probably in over a year!! I forgot about the unforgiving 3-way mirrors, the SIZES!!, and all the mirrors!! I had been feeling pretty accepted about my figureÖ that was until last night in the harsh glare of those ugly fluorescent lights and those oh-so brutally honest mirrors!! I wonít list what all looked so upsettingly shocking; but I am sure we all have pretty much the same complaints!!
I keep reminding myself Ė I am a work in progress in so many ways!! So the work continues! My plan is for the next time I go clothing shopping (probably in May for mother of the graduate clothes) to have a much more pleasant experience!
(And yes, I really did type this entire blog with my left hand so I'm resting my shoulder like a good patient!!)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
It started with a Sparkmail and I hope it turns into a wonderfully fun adventure!! MBSKIT, who has been doing a marvelous job with the Blooming Roses team, sent me an email asking me to help lead the team. Funny, but I had been recently thinking of making sure I keep active in Sparks, in spite of the recent worries I have had added thanks to looking for a job in this miserable economy!!
I had recently pulled back from Sparks so I could spend more time going thru Monster, MSN Career Builder, etc. No job yet but the bulk of the ads out there that I qualify for now have been flooded with my resume. So what to do besides sit by the phone after I do my workouts when I get home from my job that will be dissolved shortly? Well, I have been playing computer games! (Totally addicted to Sallyís Spa on the iTouch!! Itís like Diner Dash but you do facials, massages, manicures, saunas, etc!!) And my workouts have ground to a halt thanks to tendonitis flaring up in my right shoulder.
So MBSKITís Sparkmail seems to have come at a wonderful time!! This will give me a chance to make new friends, learn a few new things, and maybe give my poor overplayed iTouch a much needed break!!
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