Tuesday, November 19, 2013
I never knew motherhood would be so tiring. I haven't got the time to do anything but feed the baby, sleep and eat. Thank God for my mother and my SO.
So this is just a quick update. My son Jaelan Kai was born on November 7, 2013, 7lb 9oz. He was delivered vaginally. Funny thing is I went to the hospital the Wednesday to be induced. I was told I had to be monitored for 24 hrs before they induced me. The doctor stretched my cervix and told me she was hoping that I went into labour before morning so she could avoid the induction. I started feeling contractions that afternoon and had him at 12:25 p.m. the next day. He was 10 days overdue and absolutely perfect!
Thanks to everyone, especially my Diamond sisters for your support. Thank you too Sanshe. Your comments really helped me to get through that difficult and long waiting period.
Here is a pic
Btw someone should have warned me that taking care of a newborn is hard work! lol
Sunday, November 03, 2013
... for every little thing is gonna be alright. (Bob Marley)
That song just came in head as I was thinking about writing this blog. This is just a update on what is happening with my pregnancy.
As of today my baby boy is 6 days overdue. I'll be 41 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Out of all the person I know who have had children, I do no know anyone personally who has been this overdue. But alas! here I am.
There is a saying that bad never seems good until things get worse. I totally get it. Three weeks ago I woke up and my biggest problem was that I had stretch marks. Last week Monday I woke up crying because it was his due date and he had not arrived. I thought he would arrive on his due date or before that. Was so disappointed that it didn't happen. Then I went to the doctor and things got worse. My doctor told me that the baby's head wasn't engaged, so he wouldn't consider induction, in fact, he would suggest I get a c- section by Friday. This C- section would be more expensive if my doctor did it but I had the option of going to a public hospital. Of course at the public hospital it is free, they have the best doctors, but the customer service is poor and waiting to see a doctor is long. I bawled my heart out. My heart was broken. I had the perfect birth plan, with my doctor at a private hospital with nice nurses, now I would have to tough it out in the public hospital system and I would be having a c- section, which to me was a last resort. I didn't see that coming. Suddenly the stretch marks didn't seem all that important.
Anyways, what is a girl to do? I felt really bad about all of this, seriously. I had a kind of guilt for a while. Did I do something wrong throughout my pregnancy? Did I exercise too much? Did I feel too good? Was I too happy? What? Why me?!!!!! I thought I couldn't manage all of this.
So off I was to the clinic on Tuesday to book a day for my C- section and you know it wasn't so bad. The doctor there told me to come back on Friday to be seen again and I would be admitted then and the c-section would be done on Saturday. I went to the clinic again on Friday, saw another doctor who told me that I'm 1cm dilated and the baby dropped a little, where as Tuesday the cervix was closed and his head wasn't engaged at all, so she is going to give him a couple of days to see if he can come by himself, if not I will be admitted and induced on Wednesday. Hallelujah! I didn't celebrate too much though because I know that anything could happen and I could still end up having a c-section. But I had time. The doctor did a membrane sweep and in the evening my mucus plug fell out. I know it doesn't necessarily mean I will go into labour soon, but for someone who was showing no signs of going into labour at all that is a good sign.
So now I am patiently waiting. I realize that a lot of these things are not in our control as much as we think t. Another thing I learned is not to bitch and moan when things don't go exactly how I want it, things could always be worse. I had originally thought that I couldn't possible wait an extra week to have my baby, now I am doing it. I am afraid of being induced, because I hear it is painful and I do not think in the public health system there is the option of pain meds, but if that is what has to happen for him to come out I am fine with it. I am not even against having the c- section either. I just want my baby here and healthy.
So this morning I play my Bob Marley and enjoy the waiting.
"Don't worry, about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright"
Monday, September 09, 2013
Today i learn to forgive because I know that without forgiveness true healing cannot begin.
I used to be one of those persons who hold on to grudges. If you did me wrong, I would need to do something back to you to show you how much you hurt me and to make myself feel better. If I couldn't do that I would hold on to a grudge just waiting for Karma to make that person pay. I could forgive, if the person was genuinely sorry for what they had done.
I used to avoid getting too close to people because I know I could hold on to a grudge and people being people usually mess up and my feelings are very fragile so they would get hurt pretty easy.
Then came my relationship. This is one of the longest relationship I have been in, and boy it has been challenging. My relationship in a nutshell... we met in College since 2006, were friends for a long while, then we started seeing each other last year, both of us wanted children, I got pregnant, we moved in and viola! I learned how much I hold on to grudges.
But holding on to grudges can be emotionally draining. And I credit this relationship for helping me to figure this out. Sometimes we would argue and I would spend the whole day in a rut, even when he says he is sorry I would allow that to mess up my mojo and hold on the hurt even when I didn't want to. I held on as if i would die if I just let it go.
So I have been doing some soul searching, not necessarily because of my relationship (which is great by the way, even with the occasional arguments I couldn't ask for a better partner) but because I want to be an example to my son. And in looking inside myself I realize that holding on to grudges does not feel good.
The other day he said something and I got upset, he apologized and I was still upset. I brought the hurt for a couple of hours and then I realized I didn't like feeling that way and so I let it go. Not because of him, but for me and man can I tell you it felt so good!!!!! When I came home that evening we had a great evening. Much better than the one we would have had if i had held on to the hurt for the whole day.
That day, I realized that;
1. People who have a problem forgiving others, usually have a problem forgiving themselves. I have had to deal with this for a while too. I would be so hard on myself when I mess up.
2. When you do not forgive, you hurt yourself way more than you could ever hurt the other person. Do you know how much energy it takes to carry all that around with you!!!
3. True healing can only begin when you forgive. When we hold on to a grudge we live in the problem our judgements become so clouded by our hurt that we cannot look for possible solutions. When we forgive then we can start healing.
And so today I learn to forgive so I can move on and truly start living.
"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits."
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