Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I am convinced that eating crow puts on pounds. Here is an animated cartoon of what I turned into (in my own mind) when I saw myself accepting abuse from a new group. I am working hard now to keep my promise to myself not to get involved with these people and I use this video to remind myself of where I could end up if I keep eating crow.
I am naturally attracted to the high emotion, high frustration, low satisfaction excitement I had in my childhood. When invited to this kind of situation I get so eager that I hyperventilate, get stomach aches and the strength drains from my legs. I have come to view these symptoms as predictors of disappointment and so I try to avoid the situations that elicit these reactions.
Crow is like delicious pastry. The fat doesn't show up until after you have enjoyed the treat. The treat is feeling virtuous: kind, generous, forgiving, intelligent, a problem solver. I have had to restrain myself from furthering the cause of this exciting group with favors of information that could really help them: (1) an obscure bus I found that could bring the visitors in and out of the isolated area, (2) a source of cheap blankets and porta-potties that would really help (3) a bidding system that would help bring in the best price for the real estate (4) my great expertise at negotiating with neighbors for good relations with the group. I could do all of this and more. I am gifted like my mother was. And, like my mother, I am well on the road to giving my gifts away for fun and for free which will be responded to with total rejection.
Mom was fat: short, stocky, strong, thin hair, less than chisled features (like the song says, "less than Greek.") But she was bright, and she was a problem solver and she solved everyone's problems which cost only a little bit of money which she contributed. That is what I am turning into.
No no no. I will not allow that to be my mother's legacy. She is worth more than that. I will not contribute to this group now that they have slapped me in the face. This is not the first time they have treated me this way, either. This is the normal way that people treat people who let them get away with it. You have to stand up for yourself.
I am firmly convinced that eating crow is one of the main factors that has made me fat. No crow for me, thank you very much. A hot fudge sunday with nuts would be less fattening.
UPDATE: The blackguards have been dealt with.