WWREFUGEE1942   21,965
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Thursday, April 17, 2014

No more will I accept the humiliations of being the backup girl to a Don Juan. I am not a victim of family abuse because I have freed myself of my family. I am no longer fat because I have lost 70 pounds in the last ten years. I go to the gym every day and am building up my paper thin muscles. As my muscles wake up, so do I. He can take his money and shove it! I can get on without him very well.

Watch out for this sick game. You get used as a buffer between your "friend" and the one he truly loves. Without you his tottering romance would crumble but as long as you allow him to use you as emotional toilet paper he stays in good odor with his true love. Withdraw yourself and watch her reject him cruelly due to the stench of you not being there on a daily basis to clean up his filth.

This is a game I was forced to play in my family. I was the buffer between my sick brother and sister who were in love with each other. As long as I let them pull me into their sick game they could relate to each other if only to make fun of me. When I realized what was going on I withdrew and they were forced to face each other. They both recoiled in fear and that was the end of their relationship. Now I find myself in the same position with new people. Fortunately I understand the game and can get out before I turn into a butter ball.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARB4HEALTH 4/17/2014 4:35PM

    I enabled something from Google and it quit those adds that track me and then try to sell me something on each page I load. A bunch of adds are gone now.

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I am convinced that eating crow puts on pounds. Here is an animated cartoon of what I turned into (in my own mind) when I saw myself accepting abuse from a new group. I am working hard now to keep my promise to myself not to get involved with these people and I use this video to remind myself of where I could end up if I keep eating crow.
I am naturally attracted to the high emotion, high frustration, low satisfaction excitement I had in my childhood. When invited to this kind of situation I get so eager that I hyperventilate, get stomach aches and the strength drains from my legs. I have come to view these symptoms as predictors of disappointment and so I try to avoid the situations that elicit these reactions.

Crow is like delicious pastry. The fat doesn't show up until after you have enjoyed the treat. The treat is feeling virtuous: kind, generous, forgiving, intelligent, a problem solver. I have had to restrain myself from furthering the cause of this exciting group with favors of information that could really help them: (1) an obscure bus I found that could bring the visitors in and out of the isolated area, (2) a source of cheap blankets and porta-potties that would really help (3) a bidding system that would help bring in the best price for the real estate (4) my great expertise at negotiating with neighbors for good relations with the group. I could do all of this and more. I am gifted like my mother was. And, like my mother, I am well on the road to giving my gifts away for fun and for free which will be responded to with total rejection.

Mom was fat: short, stocky, strong, thin hair, less than chisled features (like the song says, "less than Greek.") But she was bright, and she was a problem solver and she solved everyone's problems which cost only a little bit of money which she contributed. That is what I am turning into.

No no no. I will not allow that to be my mother's legacy. She is worth more than that. I will not contribute to this group now that they have slapped me in the face. This is not the first time they have treated me this way, either. This is the normal way that people treat people who let them get away with it. You have to stand up for yourself.

I am firmly convinced that eating crow is one of the main factors that has made me fat. No crow for me, thank you very much. A hot fudge sunday with nuts would be less fattening.

UPDATE: The blackguards have been dealt with.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEET-SUE 2/4/2014 2:01PM

    Yes! Eating crow is for the birds!! Pass the humble pie, please. haha

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STR458 9/12/2013 6:59AM

    sounds humiliating and what does one do in response that is not eating... oh well lesson learned... but humiliation has to be one of the hardest emotions to counter-balance. I hope you could feel back in control of your time and money now that a few days passed, that's when I have to be careful to not tilt the balancing act of rewarding myself (overdoing it)

emoticon Have a great Thursday!

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Sunday, August 25, 2013

The devil grins when you slowly and methodically succumb to your weak minded indulgence. It is there all the time. You were born with it. You cannot get rid of it. The hope that we will one day eat like other men and women is the obsession that must be smashed absolutely.

When you need a fix, buy your demon off with a lesser evil.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMREITE 8/25/2013 8:42PM

    temptations are all around us. it is important to want to be stronger then the temptation.

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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

So far I have given up two morbidly obese best friends who nudge me off my track with their quirky comments. Today I realized my dog has been interfering with my diet by waking me up at night and demanding that I give him a midnight snack. It is just too hard for me to go through this without eating myself. So, with tears of sadness I have divested myself of another best friend. I have to remove all obstacles to losing this weight which has plagued me since childhood. My obesity is not a simple health issue. It is very deep, very complicated and actually demonic. All demons (selfish, crazy, mean people) are cordially invited to leave me alone. I am not a pushover any more.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEET-SUE 2/4/2014 2:20PM

    Yes, you cannot allow your weight losing determination to go to the dogs. Fido must go.

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WWREFUGEE1942 8/24/2013 12:40AM

    Hard cases have to go to extremes. I attract the morbidly obese. These people have to be directed to any weight loss program they choose but they must choose something.

Comment edited on: 8/24/2013 9:56:34 PM

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MLDRLD 8/19/2013 7:02AM

    Wishing you all the best as you continue doing what you believe is necessary in order to achieve your goals! emoticon

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WWREFUGEE1942 8/17/2013 9:37PM

    I think it is important to attack my emotional eating two ways: by developing a thicker skin and also by removing the really bad emotional triggers. I am a fragile ego which was battered in childhood to the point where I could not stand much attack. I want a stronger ego. But, in order to heal I have to remove the really savage attackers. It is wrong to subject a wounded spirit to more wounding. On the other hand, the goal is to heal and get strong, not to remain weak and wounded forever. I have to figure out just the right amount of stress to strengthen myself. Just like in physical exercise, where we learn not to damage our bodies with too much stress. I have to exercise, but not to the point of pain and certainly I should not just lie back and let my muscles turn to fat.

As far as dogs are concerned. I really really love dogs. I cannot imagine being happy without a furry beast cheering me on to glory as I go for walks and do the laundry. On the other hand, a dog costs a lot of money ($1000 - $2000 a year) and I am one broken axle from financial ruin. I am so sorry for myself but the truth is that I cannot afford a dog, even an angel spirit.

Comment edited on: 8/17/2013 9:39:17 PM

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MOONSTREAM 8/15/2013 3:05PM

    its hard to distance from friends & relatives who take you off track. Thankfully you have SP friends who are here to encourage you !!
emoticon emoticon

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FATHINSN 8/13/2013 9:00PM

    I wish I have courage to do what you did! Or how about you try to turn around the destructive friends, maybe you can influence them!

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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

I will probably go to my grave angry that I have not lost all of my weight but it is better to be angry than to be complacent. Even though I have to work as hard as I can every day of my life to lose weight, and even though I do not lose weight, at least I am not gaining weight.


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