Never been so small, so thin, so powerful

Monday, June 04, 2012

I was dreading this day. AKA weigh in day after two weeks of slacking off, and gaining .4 pound last week. What was it gonna be? A one pound gain? Two pounds?

Well nope, I lost a pound, apparently. The scale felt weird this morning. As I didn't deserve this. But I do. Kinda. ANYWAY.

So I'm now down to 165.4, almost reaching my 165 pounds minigoal; I'm pretty sure I'll reach it in a week, which means I can get my reward, which is a new pair of running shoes - high quality shoes. I'm excited about this, for some reason.

I also realized that I'm nearing a 20 pounds loss, which is 2/3 of my total goal of losing 30 pounds. I was pondering this this morning while running on the treadmill, while my coach was making a new program for me for the next month and a half. About the program - there's a LOT of new stuff in it, jumping around and using machines I never used, so I'm kinda nervous, but I was really due for a change because my old program was boring to me now.

So anyway, I was thinking about this, and then more while in the shower, and I realized 2/3 means a lot to me. When doing my 30 minutes on the treadmill, at the gym, after 20 minutes I feel like I'm done already. After all, 1/3 is nothing. The worst part is done, and it's smooth sailing after that. 2/3 feels like a magical fraction to me. When you're 2/3 done, you're done. Almost.

I obviously won't stop working out and making all these efforts once I reach 163 pounds - I'll work even harder so I can reach my goal in time, which is early September (last week's step back will make this dangerous to achieve). But I'm feeling so light, so thin, so beautiful and powerful.

It's amazing how I look now. I've taken a deep look at my wardrobe and noticed that I got rid of more than half the clothes I was wearing in January. The only things I kept were really fitting tops - that are now just okay, some dresses, t-shirts and shirts that are naturally loose (I look even better in them now, thanks to smaller boobs). I kept absolutely no pair of pants, having gotten rid of my last pair last week (they were sweats that just wouldn't stay on my hips anymore even while just walking). I just came back from a 4 kms run (now thanks to Shelby (Wubby82) I don't know if I should call this a jog or a run, LOLLL) and I feel very fine, excluding for my sore ankles. My cardio is so good. Coach even told me I'm now above average, cardio-wise. All that's left is losing the extra fat. Just a little left on my belly, and then it's my thighs and arms - the two parts of my body that have always, ALWAYS been fat, even when I was a kid. Then we'll see. Maintenance. Or maybe going lower. We'll see.

But I just feel so good, and I feel so motivated. Sometimes I'm naked in front of my mirror and just looking at myself, and I feel so satisfied. I wish that everybody would feel that way. I wish all women and men would love and cherish their bodies like I love and cherish mine. It's cliche, but my body is a temple and I'm its best disciple :P

Anyway, I'm off to bed now. I'm hitting the gym tomorrow, with my new program - let's hope I don't crash and burn..! XD

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Not flawless; let's start over

Saturday, June 02, 2012

I feel lazy.

Even though they're somewhat easy to reach, it feels like I've abandoned my goals, aiming more for a "exercise whenever I feel like it" lifestyle, which is not good because I rarely feel like it these days. Ever since the boyfriend moved in I feel like spending time with him and the only times I truly feel motivated to go to the gym is when he's out of the apartment for his evening Maths class. BAD. Gotta work on my mental a good bit, I think.

So this week has been yet another one of slacking even though I started it really motivated. I guess that gaining .4 pound wasn't ENOUGH, so maybe that when I weigh in Monday I'll realize that I can NOT slack off like this. I can't afford to take a step back. Not when I've come so far.

I think my brain is telling me to "just wait" once I start my new job (with a regular working schedule now) to go back on track. That's my old way of thinking - let's do it later, not today. Well, NO. Today I decided to go to the gym and to go for a jog in the evening even though it's pouring rain. I also must take a walk outside since I've only went ONCE this week even though I was only working 3 days, which is RIDICULOUS. It's like I'm constantly waiting for Friday and Saturday to come in to realize that I haven't done anything and that I must hurry if I want to keep my streak going. And they're usually the worse days to get back on track, for me.

So I planned my whole week starting tomorrow, and I MUST RESPECT THIS SCHEDULE:

Gym on Monday, Tuesday and Saturday (any time of the day) + Thursday morning
Walking Monday, Tuesday and Saturday (my days off)
Jogging Sunday and Wednesday evenings
Swimming any day (since that's what my boyfriend prefers he usually wants to go at least twice a week, so no problem there actually)

Also:
Getting my 8 oz of water in EVERYDAY (I was on such a good, long streak and I messed it all up this week, sometimes drinking only 3 or 4 glasses...)
Stop going to the restaurant, DAMMIT! And ask the boyfriend to stop tempting me (Second Cup snacks and drinks may be good, but they're a hell of calories)


Let's make June the non-cheating, back-on-track month and keep it that way. I want to reach my goal by the end of Summer..!!!

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I. Got. The. Job.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
HHHH

I'm EXCITED

I GOT THE JOB. :D

So yeah. I had an "interview" this morning that apparently wasn't an interview at all. XD I actually just met with my boss/supervisor, she told me about the salary (YES), all the neat stuff I'll be getting (insurance plan, REER, social club, all that) and she showed me around the place (which is a confusing labyrinth) and yeah. I was so excited. It's hard to believe I'm going from a minimum wage boring student job to a full-time well paid "real life" office job. I'll be helping customers via phone, and I have access to many career possibilities because I have a "better" diploma (I don't know how to phrase that without sounding like a brat XD).

I picked up my boyfriend at his own job interview (we had one at the same time XD) and got lost on the way, then I wrote my letter of resignation, brought it to my current job, and left with my chin high. XD we grabbed a coffee at the Second Cup then I spent the rest of the day at home, chilling, feeling lazy and dreaming about the future.

Right now my boyfriend is making... SUSHI!!!!! :D vegan sushi obviously, with lots of veggies and cute decorations. I'm so taking a picture and showing you guys soon. I'm working tonight, but right now I'm on a cloud and nothing can bring me down.

I'm just so happy. Life will be so easier from now on. I'll have a regular schedule, so it'll be way easier for me to stick to a regular workout schedule. I think I'll be going to the gym on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays; going for a jog two days ouf of my three gymfree days, and keeping one day off. Also adding some pool time once a week as usual, but I can do that any time really. I'll also stop wasting my free time doing pretty much nothing at home and instead I'll get involved in my many hobbies, which have suffered ever since I moved here. I've barely painted anything, I haven't done any arts & crafts, and I want to go back to pixelling and computer arts.

I have renewed my passion for home decorating. Remember the 37 "used" magazines I bought Monday? Well they're all home decor magazines XD I've read 4-5 so far, and I'm so inspired. What I love the most about this is finding ideas that will suit my very tight budget. I never liked rich-looking homes anyway: to me they seem cold and lack personality. I have a ton of ideas to restore old furniture I have, and to use what I've bought over the years but never used to its full potential. I'm absolutely in love with garage sales, flea markets and discount places because you can find a lot of really cute affordable stuff that change your decor immediatly.

Since I got this job, with a really good wage, I'm thinking about buying instead of renting an apartment, in two or three years, with my boyfriend. Renting an apartment is a real waste of money when buying is an investment; also when you rent a place you have no real freedom for renovating and changing your space, and I usually think homes differently than most people. Anyway. We'll see with what money we can put aside and how well I'll manage it :P

So this week has been good fitness-wise, so far, I went for a jog yesterday and next time I go, Saturday, I'll make my route longer, going from 3.5 kms to 4 kms. It scares me, but I think I'm ready! With a desk job now I'll have less time to move, and everyone knows that working 8 hours a day sitting down can really damage your body; that's why I'll try to make the most out of my free time. I think my gym coach will be able to change my programs according to my "new lifestyle".

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Slack, bad results, clothes, etc.

Monday, May 28, 2012

I have SO MUCH NEWS to tell you guys right now.

First of all today was weigh-in and my week of slacking obviously gave me negative results. I gained 0.4 pound, which is not horrible, but still the first time I GAIN weight since January... I've always either lost weight or stayed the same. Ah well. Time to stop slacking off starting RIGHT NOW!

A major change in my life is occuring right now. I decided to not pursue my university studies. A bachelor's degree in literature was bringing me nowhere, and because of the huge strike that's prevented me from attending my classes since February, I feel very demotivated. I lost my illusions and somewhat grew up. I decided that I'll do what I planned a few months ago, later - probably when my boyfriend's done with his own studies (what I planned is getting a literary creation certificate instead, which is only 30 credits but would give me all the tools I need to be a writer without having all the boring, theorical, non-useful classes the bachelor's degree would have me doing).

Since I have a collegial studies diploma in accounting, management and administration, I wanted to get a job in this field instead of working minimum wage at a job I barely like, so I looked around on the government's website where employers can put job offers (it's very useful and the very first place I visit when I want a new job or when someone wants one). In the administration field there were more than 150 offers only in my neighborhood (it's a very demanding field everywhere apparently) so I decided to be very selective since I wasn't too pleased with my previous work experiences in this field, which were boring and always the same routine.

I selected 4 jobs I really liked the descriptions of and one of them is actually... the place where my sister works! Amazing XD they have a program there where employees can suggest people they know to fill in positions, so she sent my resume last Friday and TWO HOURS AFTER I got a call from them to schedule an interview. I was *excited*.

The interview was this morning, and I think it went well. If I have news by Friday it means I'm selected for the second interview. Right now they need to check my background and stuff like that, but I'm very confident. If I don't get it though, I still have 3 other places I'm incredibly interested in. This one job is for technical support for an accounting program that I learned at school; the others are these: assistant for human ressources (with a huge salary and I was always interested in HR), project accounting for a huge worldwide engineer firm (with Friday afternoons off), and a more humdrum job as a payroll technician for a large IT group (though I always loved working with payrolls).

My weekend went well. Saturday I felt way better than the day before, barely sick at all. After my gym in the morning - which was painful because I haven't attended a lot lately - and dinner, my boyfriend and I met a friend of mine and we walked around in Old Quebec for a while. Then we went to the university pub to eat supper. T'was nice. Sunday I was working all day long.

After my interview this morning I decided to go shopping for some reason. I spent... A HUNDRED BUCKS at Value Village. I obviously decided to take advantage of my 50% off for one of the last times :P would have cost me 200 bucks otherwise...!

Here are pictures of what I got (excluding the boyfriend's two pairs of shorts)


A sorta red dress but too short to be a dress, the straps cross in the back. I'll wear it over a t-shirt or without anything under. It's a medium.


Pink plaid blouse that won't close over my boobs, obviously... that's the problem with my body XD (or with clothing, should I say?) I still love it, and I can always wear a cami under! It's a medium.


A transparent striped blouse. I liked the feminine look of it, and I'll wear either my hot pink or my dark blue cami under it. Gotta wear it with a belt at the waist or I look like a potato bag. I also got this green belt because I loved the color! And I only got black waist belts, I need colorful ones. It's a large.


SPORT SHORTS! I used to hate shorts like this because it's not expendable a tall, it's like a guy's bathing suit. Now that I can fit in 'em, I love them :) I'll go jog with them, or just take walks, they're so comfy and I love the flashy patterns. They're large-sized.


Gym pants 1. The fabric is SOOOOO LIGHT. I wanted to show the top colors, that's why you can see my belly. XD medium size.


FLORAL SKIRT! For the Summer! :) I have a thing for floral these months, and for skirts and dresses, I think I'm rediscovering the true woman in me XD large size.


Gym pants 2. Nike for $5? Hell yeah 8D they're really comfy, the fabric is light... they're a size medium.


I just love the color of these capris. (I guess you can tell so far that I love flashy colors...) What I love with Value Village is that I let myself try everything before looking at the brands. After trying those on and definitely putting them in the "buy" pile, I discovered they're actually intended for... "old women"! The brand is Lindor, a store where people around 40 and over shop... I never even went there! Oh and - the brand is actually Lindor PETITE. So I'm a petite now? XD size 12, WOOHOO!


These shorts are the main reason I went shopping today. I saw them while working yesterday and couldn't resist their apple green color and their retro cut. Now I just gotta find a nice top to go with 'em and their retro goodness. (And get enough guts to wear them in public. I HATE showing off my thighs and their fat...) size 11!


A dress for an office job if that's one! I can button it up on my breasts but it looks kinda weird so I'm leaving it like that. I love it :) I don't know the size because the tag is cut off, but Value Village labelled it as 7-8, which I doubt XD


And FINALLY my new Summer dress (like I didn't have enough...) I love the pattern. And it's a size 10! And a Tristan, which is high quality! I only got it for $5! I'm happy 8D


I also wanted to show you guys the 37 magazines I bought. LOL. I'm a complete fanatic of interior design and decoration and architecture and homes and stuff, so I bought all the used magazines I could on this subject, which was 37. Usually they only have 5-6, apparently this time it was more XD ah well, I'll have stuff to look at for a long time! I also got 6 books at VV, and two more at Renaud-Bray.

After our shopping we ate dinner (late), played videogames, sat around, and after a light supper my boyfriend left for his first Summer maths class, which he'll be attending for 3 hours every evening, Monday through Friday. Ugh. Until the end of June. Re-ugh. Ah well. I went to the gym and did some laundry while he was gone, and after typing this I'm off to bed, which is now! XD

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I HATE BEING SICK!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! I feel so frustrated right now!!!

Well, on a positive note, I like my new hair, the color is great as always and the cut feels light, although maybe a little too thin. But it's getting thicker in a week so whatever XD

Didn't go to bed too late yesterday because I was dead tired. BUT I woke up dead tired this morning. WTF. I was supposed to go to the gym, but my whole body is sore because I hadn't trained in a bit. So I stayed in bed. But it didn't get better. After breakfast I just sat around. Then played some Wii Fit and was able to beat some of my highscores, which feels like a miracle XD

After my shower I started feeling bad. I was grumpy, tired, and a little dizzy. I was supposed to buy groceries with my boyfriend before heading to work but I didn't feel like going outside, for some reason. I felt like my old self when I was 16 and plain lazy and wasn't doing anything with my life. Scary.

I was all prepared to go to work, dressed, with my shoes on and my lunch packed and all, and I got reaaaaaaaally dizzy. I had to sit down, wondering what was wrong with me. Then I got nauseous and ran to the bathroom - where I fainted for some reason. Luckily my boyfriend was there and he caught me.

It's the first time in my life I faint. It's scary. When I got consciousness again I dragged myself to bed and crashed there. I fell asleep.

When I woke up 2 hours later my boyfriend told me he called work for me to tell 'em I was sick, and this is what the supervisor he talked to said:

"She has to call me. You can't call for her, you don't work here. She has to be the one calling. Also she had to call one hour before her shift."
To what my boyfriend replied that not only had I NOT planned this sickness, OBVIOUSLY, but also that I couldn't call since I was effin' sick and sleeping right now. She just repeated the same thing, then said that it'd be "added to her employee file and she'll get consequences". WTF?! When he told me this I went berserk, I was really pissed off. How NOT HUMAN is this?!

So anyway, I went back to sleep, so I slept maybe 4 hours this afternoon. Then we ate supper and I felt nauseous again. I really have no idea what's wrong with my body. I'm feeling extremely tired, and hungry, yet when I eat I get nauseous and feel full real quickly. So right now I'm taking it easy. If I'm still like that tomorrow I'll go to the hospital.

I don't know why I'm so sick these days. First a cold, then this. I hate it because it feels like a step back in my program. I can't go to the gym, I can't jog, I can't do anything but REST and yet I feel so tired. :(

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