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Dating after Weight Loss

Sunday, January 06, 2013

I make no bones about the fact that I have been divorced and single for a long, long time. Like most single women in the 21st century, I've dated and had a few relationships, but love? No, not really. Along the path I've met some amazing men and some fantastic losers. My closest girlfriends are still waiting on me to write a book about all the bad dates and weird personalities I've encountered over the years. They've even developed nicknames for some of the worst offenders.

Two years ago, I found myself an unemployed grandmother-to-be. It was a scary time because for the first time in decades, every aspect of my life was uncertain. Where would I live, would I find a job, how can we afford a baby? What will happen to my daughter? There was no time to even think about dating or meeting men. I put my love life on the back burner.

Now, it's 2013. My daughter and grandson are doing well, I downsized from a three-bedroom house to a 2BR apartment, and I've been steadily employed for about a year and a half. I'm 50 pounds thinner and life is calm and stable. Time to get back "out there."

Like anyone else, I carry my fair share of "baggage" from previous relationships and tendencies to invest time and effort into men that aren't worth two dead flies. None of this has changed simply because I'm thinner. What has changed is that I have more choices about who I can date. It's not only about being slimmer, but feeling healthier and more confident about myself which attracts more people. When I was younger, I detested this type of attention. I'm sure it factored into my weight gain. Now that I'm older, I feel more grounded, wiser and focused about what I'm looking for. The unwanted attention is easier to deflect.

I think the biggest change is a new sense of calm about being single. It now feels like a choice, versus feeling invisible to the opposite sex. This calmness is going to help me do a better job of really evaluating if a man deserves to be a part of my life versus glomming on to any decent-looking man who gives me the time of day. It's given me the confidence to throw a few fish back into the sea because of varies character defects that I would have previously overlooked or rationalized. It also helps that nothing shocks me anymore. For example, last month I traded phone numbers with a man who I later learned was engaged by googling his name (And had the nerve to ask me for my number--seriously!?). Appalling, but there are a lot of scandalous people out there and not everyone who is good to you is good for you. That's key.

So after a long absence from the dating scene, I'm back "out there", meeting, greeting socializing and dating. I'm dealing with the challenge of eating properly during dinners out without looking like a "salad-eatin' b!tch" or abstaining from alcohol while I focus on dropping more weight. I'm also dealing with how to overcome the inherent awkwardness of first dates and conversation without giving into the strong urge to run home and pull the covers over my head. I'm also dealing with the reality of being a 40-something single grandmother in a society that worships youth.

Regardless of what happens next, I'm glad to be back on the singles scene feeling healthy and looking my best.




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARKLY 4/23/2013 3:23PM

    Love this post! I will be venturing out into the dating world and hope its not as bad as it was the 1st time around : ) going to try online dating at wlsingles. Hope to find someone with some common interests

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JAZZEJR 1/7/2013 6:41PM

    Hope your confidence is contagious :)

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LABRATIAM 1/7/2013 6:51AM

    emoticon emoticon

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LADYGSC 1/6/2013 10:15PM

    emoticon on the weight loss!!

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HDHAWK 1/6/2013 6:47PM

    I've been through the same thing and dated some losers as well. When I finally decided to take a break from looking that's when I met my husband. It took me a long time to accept how well he treats me. That was something I had to get used to. A good thing yes, but different than what I was used to. Being more relaxed about it is the way to go!

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ALLISON145 1/6/2013 6:34PM

    Glad you're finally taking some time for you!

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NEWATTITUDE2010 1/6/2013 3:51PM

  Congratulations on your weight loss. I am sure that if you apply the same discipline in dating that you will also reap great rewards....WooHoo!

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SONYALATRECE 1/6/2013 1:42PM

    Good luck with the dating scene!

Sonya

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3 pounds gone!

Saturday, January 05, 2013

I cheated. This morning, after 3 days on the South Beach Phase 1 diet, I weighed myself. To my surprise, not only had I lost the two pounds I gained over Christmas, I'd dropped another pound! Now, I recognize that water weight can really wreak havoc with your weight, but I had not weighed less than I do today in years. It's encouraging news after plateauing for months.

Maybe I revved up my metabolism? Maybe this cold I've been battling for the last week curbed my appetite? Maybe three days on a low calorie diet after all the holiday treats was a zig when I'd been zagging? I have no earthly idea. Still, it's a good feeling to know that I'm only 16 pounds from goal.

I still have 11 days to go on South Beach Phase 1. I'm glad it's having the desired effect of jump starting my weight loss before I return to my regular eating plan.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAZZEJR 1/7/2013 7:58PM

    Just take it! 3 lbs. down--YAY!!!

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ALLISON145 1/6/2013 12:08AM

    Yay!!!

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SPARKLE1908 1/5/2013 7:13PM

    emoticon on getting through the plateau!!!! Keep up the good work!

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BABY_GIRL69 1/5/2013 5:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon God bless, Dee

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BKLYNDIVA 1/5/2013 4:38PM

    Congrats, busting a plateau is great.

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SULTANA2013 1/5/2013 3:05PM

    emoticon and emoticon

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LAINYC 1/5/2013 2:48PM

    emoticon

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South Beach Phase 1--Day 2

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Today is my second day on the South Beach Diet--Phase I. The purpose of this 14-day eating plan is to banish food cravings, whisk away the two pounds I gained over the holidays and recharge my motivation.

Today, I followed my plan to the letter:
Breakfast--eggs and turkey bacon
Snack--celery and laughing cow cheese
Lunch--burger patty and grilled vegetables
Snack--pistachio nuts
Dinner--3 oz grilled chicken and a tossed salad
Dessert--sugar free jello and a dollop of whipped topping

All in all, a disciplined day. I even spent some time in the kitchen grilling vegetables, baking chicken breasts, cooking hamburger patties and washing/cutting/bagging celery.

In general, people lose 3-7 pounds during Phase I. Hopefully, I'll achieve similar results. My next scheduled weigh in is Wednesday, so we'll see.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAZZEJR 1/5/2013 2:02PM

    Good for you. I LOVE the fritatta recipes in that diet.

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X5X52000 1/4/2013 1:08AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUNSET09 1/3/2013 10:05PM

  It's the New Year baby and you're off to a great start! It seems as if you're learning to eat sensibly as well and that's always a good thing. Keep on, keeping on and much success on your journey and htrough the new year! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAKEMAKERMOM 1/3/2013 9:42PM

    Hopefully this will work the way you want and get rid of those danged cravings. They're the worst. Here's looking forward to a bigger loss!

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Here we go!

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Hard to believe that one year ago, I was 50 pounds heavier than I am today. Compared with the chaotic years of 2009, 2010 and 2011, last year was a pretty good year. I feel very blessed that the worst moments of 2012 consisted of solvable problems and not anything devastating.

I've been somewhat absent from SP for the last two weeks, for no real good reason and I have a two pound weight gain to prove it. However, the lesson I've learned from years of weight problems is that it's easier to take off two pounds than 52 pounds. So, now that I'm back and ready to get focused again, I'm confident that those two pounds will gone soon.

For 2013, I have set a goal to lose the last 20 pounds I'm carrying around and to reach my goal weight. The only deadline I've set is that they MUST be gone by my high school class reunion in August. Eight months is PLENTY of time to drop the weight, however my preference is that I lose it in five months. That's 1 pound a week.

To get myself back in gear, I've switched up on my eating plan. I'm saying goodbye to weekly meetings at WW. I like WW, but I don't like paying $42 a month to attend what's averaging out to two meetings a month. I also don't feel like getting up-to-speed on all the changes they've made to the program recently. Instead, I am kicking off this year with two weeks of the South Beach Phase 1 diet before I return to my regular SP eating plan. The idea is to jumpstart the weight loss and re-ignite my motivation to continue losing weight.

So, for the next two weeks, my eating plan will look something like this:
Breakfast: eggs, and turkey bacon
Snack: pistachio nuts, celery&hummus, or string cheese
Lunch: lean meat and a veggie
Snack: pistachio nuts, celery&hummus, or string cheese
Dinner: lean meat and a veggie
Dessert: sugar free jell-o+ whipped topping

No bread, little sugar, no fruit or starchy vegetables. Just for two weeks.

I also need to revisit my exercise routine and make some adjustments for winter weather. Generally, in the winter time, I exercise less at the gym and more at home. On the plus side, I have a stationary bike and some DVD's to work out to. On the minus side, I haven't worked out since I went running about a week ago.

Oh well, it does no good for me to get mad at myself. I'm human and I don't do anything perfectly. That's life. The good news is, I'm still here on SP, still blogging and ready to say goodbye to twenty more pounds.

Happy new year!

Onward and downward.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VANICIS 1/3/2013 2:59PM

    Good Luck!! Use that extra money to buy some clothes or take different types of classes. Zumba, Pole Dancing, Water Aerobics etc.

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SONYALATRECE 1/3/2013 2:37PM

    emoticon
One day and one step at a time... emoticon

Sonya

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KRISZTA11 1/3/2013 4:16AM

    emoticon to your successful 2012 and good luck to reaching your ultimate goal this year!

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CAKEMAKERMOM 1/2/2013 8:00PM

    Seems like the holidays threw a lot of us off, some of us more than others. You can get right back on track and we'll both find our goals this year!

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NESARIAN 1/2/2013 7:10PM

    emoticon

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X5X52000 1/2/2013 5:42PM

    emoticon

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BRENDA_G50 1/2/2013 5:10PM

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Self sabotage, dang it!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

This morning when I weighed in, I discovered that Iíve lost Ĺ a pound. I was elated because my weight loss has nearly plateaued. I have lost five pounds since early October. Iím exercising 3-4 times a week at best and have recently missed a few days of tracking my food.

This afternoon, I went to a luncheon and ordered a healthy entrťe. But when they brought out the desserts I lost my ever-loviní mind! I ate a huge slice of peppermint ice cream pie and five freshly baked cookies. Donít get me wrong, the food was absolutely delicious, but was it really necessary for me to turn into a human vacuum cleaner? Itís almost as if losing that Ĺ pound during the holiday season gave me the license to eat like it was my last day on earth. Whatís up with that?

To make matters worse, I have a holiday party to go to this evening, so no exercise and more tempting food. My body is not used to consuming such rich foods, so I already know thereís going to be a price for this mini-binge, aside from regaining that 1/2 pound I fought to lose.

The only strategy I have is to get back on track with my eating as best I can the rest of the day and really monitor my intake tomorrow, when I wonít have any luncheons or parties to sidetrack me.

Onward and downward (one day!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIBANANA 1/2/2013 6:12PM

  You have accomplished so much. A plateau will depress you though and make you feel "why not!" You will get by tomorrow and then I am sure with your history you will get back on track!

Diana

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ALLISON145 12/12/2012 10:14PM

    I'm struggling too, so I understand. The holidays are tough all the way around, but you can do this!

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NIKKICOLE83 12/11/2012 5:46PM

    I had a crazy week last week and a lot of luncheons and dinners since my co-workers from out of town were in. I was so nervous to weigh-in because of what I was eating. I made sure to down water like it was my job and I continued to workout at night. SUprisingly when I weighed in at the end of the week, I was 1.6 lbs down! I don't know what happened or why but I say continue to gorge water and keep working out. Enjoy yourself within reason and eat sensibly on the other days.

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X5X52000 12/11/2012 4:58PM

    emoticon emoticon

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KAKONOLADY 12/11/2012 4:33PM

    who knows maybe your body will surprise you and have a good loss thanks to the day of higher calories??? I ate like 4 servings of avacado tortilla chips yesterday and I stepped on the scale and was a pound down instead of going up!!- I work out 4-5 days a week too sometimes at lunch as well for an extra 30 minutes!!! Just shake it off and get back on track in the morning!!!

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CAKEMAKERMOM 12/11/2012 4:15PM

    Eh, it happens. Try to eat something healthy before you go so you're less tempted to snack all night at the party (it sounds like a snacky type of party?) and then you'll know you've had some good real food in you before you go.

Start over every day!

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SPERRIN2012 12/11/2012 3:52PM

    Doesn't sound to me like things are that bad. we all have special events to go to this time of the year so don't be too concerned with the holiday season. Just make the best decisions for yourself.

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OHANAMAMA 12/11/2012 3:49PM

    first of all, don't beat yourself up over this. I can fluctuate 1/2 pound within a few hours! :) You have done amazingly overall, so a little slip up won't ruin it all... set yourself a mindful goal for the party, and then hop right back on track right after. Maybe if it's not too late, go for a walk after the party to let yourself and your body know that the "treat time" is over. :) emoticon


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