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WRITINGBLUEHAWK's Recent Blog Entries

The Weekend, Baby

Sunday, August 26, 2012

This weekend I played softball for the first time in THIRTY emoticon YEARS. I am on a co-rec team in a recreational league and we had our first game on Friday. Our team isn't very good, but in a league like this one, I don't think it matters. We didn't win the game, but I bet my teammates drank the most beer.

For me, it was an opportunity to reconnect with a sport I played for six years in my youth. Although our team practice wore me out, I didn't move enough during the game to justify entering it into my fitness tracker. Still, anything I can do that gets me outdoors, away from the television and interacting with people can only be a good thing.

I have nothing in common with my teammates; we are a motley crew. At 46, I'm the oldest and our organizer is 22 and an unemployed 2012 college graduate struggling to find work in her field. Our best player is a local television anchorman and there's one other fella who works in medical records at an area emergency room. Total, I think there's five women and eight men. This is going to be an interesting season.

Saturday, I visited consignment shops in my ongoing quest to rebuild my wardrobe on the cheap. I hit the jackpot at one store because I found Chico's brand separates in a Chico's size 2 (size 12-14). I had stopped shopping at Chico's because after my bout of unemployment, I could no longer afford to. In addition, I had gained so much weight that I could no longer shop there because if you are larger than a Chico's size 3 (about a 14-16), then you are relegated to shopping online. I found a travelers size 2 jacket and a matching pair of size 2.5 pants. Each piece only cost about $15, which is a really good deal. Yay!

That afternoon I had a "cheat meal" which keeps me from feeling totally deprived. Not surprisingly, I had barbecued spare ribs, along with grilled vegetables. I bring up this meal because it's important to note that if I'm really trying to transition from "dieting" to a lifestyle, then it has to include my favorite less healthy foods in controlled situations. I have been doing this most weeks since I restarted the plan. Sometimes, if I'm not craving anything in particular, I'll forgo it, but if I really have a taste for something, I just go ahead and eat it and put that craving behind me. I think for me, the key is that I feel in control because it's something I planned.

Today, I did my grocery shopping for the week. I'm trying a few new recipes including a low fat version of a chocolate cream cheese pie, chicken salad, and an old Weight Watchers turkey burger recipe that I just love. I also bought my week's supply of berries for my morning smoothies.

What remains to be done today is for me to strength train at the gym. All this back-and-forth debate going on in my head is useless. There's no debate. I have the time today, so I have no excuses.

Onward and downward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIBANANA 8/28/2012 8:26PM

  Good for you! No excuses is awesome. I'm proud of you for playing volleyball. Although you say you didn't get much of a workout I think that will change as your team gets better and as you say you are out and socializing and not sitting in front of the tv.! Yay for you!


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TACONES 8/26/2012 3:27PM

    Sounds like you really had a great weekend. emoticon emoticon

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To YOU, my Sparkpeople Friend

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Today, I was thinking about my blog and just APPRECIATING SO MUCH the support you have shown me through your Sparkgoodies and comments. emoticon

When I blog, I strive to be open and honest about all of the emotional ups and downs that accompany the journey to healthier habits. For me, the ability to write out my thoughts is actually quite therapeutic and it helps me to know that you and I are in this together.

So on those days when you are feeling bored, discouraged, stressed, depressed, anxious, angry, irritated, frustrated and upset please know that I've been there and completely understand and relate to how you feel. Changing habits that have been ingrained and programmed deep into our consciousness is TOUGH, but together, we will continue to push through it. emoticon

No matter what happens in your life, please, please, pretty please don't give up on yourself or your dreams because I refuse to give up on you. I wish you health, wealth and happiness.

Keep sparkin' !! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLKLILY 8/26/2012 10:37PM

    emoticon you too!

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BABY_GIRL69 8/26/2012 10:04PM

    Simply beautiful!!!! God bless, Dee

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MPLANE37 8/26/2012 8:46PM

    That helps. Thanks for the nice words!

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SPARKLE1908 8/26/2012 1:40PM

    Thank you for the kind words...having support is essential!!!

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BARBAELLEN 8/25/2012 10:56PM

    Trust me, while your blogs may be therapeutic for you, they have really helped me, too. You've shared some really great things you've either picked up somewhere or have experienced through your personal journey. No doubt we can't be expected to relate to every Sparker's blogs, but I always seem to be able to relate to yours. Thanks! Onward and downward. :)

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Inches Lost and Future Goals

Friday, August 24, 2012

Yesterday, I ran a SP report to learn where I've lost inches. Here are the results:

Bust: -4.5"
Waist: -3"
Hips: -4.5"

My waist to hip ratio has risen from around .80 to .85 because I'm losing weight everywhere except for my waist. Just aggravating, dang it.

I also recognize these truths about my body:
1. No matter what I weigh, my waist will only be about 6-7" smaller than my hips. (Yech for being apple-shaped).

2. For my waist to appear narrow, I would have to part ways with the few curves I do have and just look angular, you know, like Olive Oyl or a ruler. I'm not feeling this idea even if it means a smaller waist.

3. My waist to hip ratio still puts me at risk of diabetes, even though my blood sugar readings are now normal. Hopefully, this will resolve itself as I take off the last 24 pounds.

4. I am middle-aged and fighting hormonal changes that are causing my waist to thicken anyway.

I am looking forward to "evicting" the next 14 pounds in 2012 and just maintaining my weight during the holidays. My hope is that being on maintenance for awhile will help me build the skills I will need to keep the weight off. I'm joining Weight Watchers in October so I can attend the weekly meetings, meet some like-minded people and stay focused. In January, I will work on the last 10 pounds.

Once I get to my goal weight, I will evaluate how I look and feel, then decide what to do next.

One other thought I have before I close; I have not lost this weight alone. During my journey, I've met with a registered dietitian, a personal trainer, and a therapist. I've attended an eight-week weight loss support group, read articles on SP and elsewhere and dug out old recipes from my Weight Watchers days. It's all about leveraging expertise in areas where you're weak, so you can build a better, stronger, faster, healthier, and happier YOU.

Onward and downward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MPLANE37 8/25/2012 8:41PM

    Going strong. Keep it up!

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MRFUZZ 8/25/2012 1:44PM

    I have also noticed the waist to hip ratio problem. This has been a source of frustration to me. But, I am finally just realizing that for me, it will always just be my reminder that I will always be at risk for high blood sugar and cholesterol. I am still so much better than I was a year ago. You really summed it all up so well! Every time I exercise now, I remind myself what wonderful things the exercise is doing for my inner body functions and metabolism. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SONYALATRECE 8/25/2012 8:14AM

    Wonderful determinaton!
Keep up the endurance & motivation.

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SPARKLE1908 8/24/2012 2:11PM

    Wonderful goals...I know you will exceed them....you have been very focused and dedicated and it is paying off!!!

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JAZZEJR 8/24/2012 12:59PM

    emoticon emoticonInches lost are the best. And don't give up on that waist. I will shrink too!

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Life at a size 12

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Today, when I slipped on my work clothes I found myself double checking the label on a new pair of pants: size 12. I haven't been a size 12 in more than eight years and I can't believe I'm wearing one now. I do understand what has happened with vanity sizing and that today's size 12 is larger than the size 12 of 20 years ago. Regardless, it's a size that has not been a part of my wardrobe.

At work, I'd catch my image in the full-length mirror in the ladies' restroom. I might as well have been staring into a funhouse mirror. Sometimes I looked "average" in body size. Other times I couldn't tell that I've lost any weight at all. They say it takes your mind awhile to catch up with your appearance and I believe that to be true.

I've also noticed that I'm getting more attention from men. No, they're not wrecking their cars as I walk down the street (lol) but I am observant enough to realize that things are slightly different. Men that would've passed me by without looking in my direction are now making eye contact and speaking. Quite honestly, I can't tell if it's because I'm feeling better about my appearance or if it's because I'm slimmer. To hear my friends tell it, it's because I look younger so I assume this is the reason.

I read somewhere one woman's observation that the world treats women differently at size 18, 12, 8 and 4. I am starting to agree with that, yet at the same time it makes me sad. I was a cute and nice person before I dropped weight. Why didn't I deserve a nice smile and 'hello.' before?

It's late so I will close here, but this is definitely making me think.

Onward and downward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MPLANE37 8/23/2012 10:17PM

    I can tell you why: Because you are slimmer. But hey, it is not all that unfair. That can be another motivation to get still slimmer.

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SHE-LION 8/23/2012 10:13AM

    I think yours strides are wonderful and you should celebrate! I'm with you in spirit all the way. It's a doggone shame society as a whole cannot see each of us beyond the surface. I do know when I don't feel good about myself it's just as powerful an elixir as when I do. I am more vivacious and confident when I am on point and it shows. Right now I am not as confident and my negativity upon myself is there for anyone to read.

What can I say? Sad but true.

Celebrate, woman! You are beautiful! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/23/2012 10:14:24 AM

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ERICADAWN1986 8/23/2012 10:11AM

    Congrats on your new size!

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SUNSET09 8/23/2012 8:21AM

  Point well made as we can lose the weight, but ugliness is forever and not only in appearance, in attitude as well. The life style change is actually that, a life style change as your attitude, your confidence and you're wanting to do more, go out more and even attempt to wear a bikini or a bathing suit once again. It's a gradual change. This reflects outward as well and although there is a discrimination in oneís appearance, youíre probably radiating and opening up to allow attention as we can feel sometimes, what another person is bouncing off of themselves, especially in body language. The people who were there before you lost the weigh are the real deal! Enjoy the new you and know that we all have those choices to make. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KRISZTA11 8/23/2012 7:55AM

    I can agree with both explanation.
You feel better, you look happier... that may invite contact from men and women. I noticed that too.

On the other hand, physical appearance is very important to men (so I hear).
They may initiate contact with a woman they find attractive and may ignore others they don't like -it is not a conscious process.
For instance when I lost the weight I got many positive comments, 99% from women.
I'm sure men did notice I looked good but I guess they had no idea how I had looked before
; )

Enjoy being size 12!

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FLEURGARDEN 8/23/2012 6:56AM

    Woo Hoo! Congrats!

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HOTPINKCAMARO49 8/23/2012 12:37AM

  emoticon You go, girl! emoticon

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LATTELEE 8/23/2012 12:33AM


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FUSCHIA6 8/23/2012 12:28AM

    I read somewhere that what a man's attracted to is fixed at about 15 or 16 years of age. Since I read that, I don't feel bad about it anymore. Men can't help what is attractive to them & it's nothing personal. I can relate to the joy of being a size 12 again. I am not really a size 12, but I can now get them done up & that hasn't happened since I was 18 years old - almost 30 years ago. I can do them up, & very soon, I will be wearing them on a daily basis. Best of luck to you in your journey.

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SH9719 8/23/2012 12:25AM

    There is definately a bias based on appearance, but I honestly think that people who feel better about themselves exude a more friendly aura and thus seem more friendly. As you said yourself 12 is not exactly competing with 8s, but since you appearance pleases you, you probably appear more confidant and pleasant to others.


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Another pound gone

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

This morning when I jumped on the scale, I discovered that another pound has disappeared. Yay for me. Not only that, itís a number that ends with a ď9Ē, which is always nice. Over the last week, Iíve worked hard to stay mentally focused, keep my food environment healthy and to increase the intensity of my workouts. Itís been an all-out effort to keep pushing and Iím glad to see an outcome on the scale. Goodness knows it doesnít always happen like this, so I appreciate losing this pound.

Most of the clothes in my closet no longer fit me. Itís a great problem to have, but itís still a problem. Iíve been trying to shop at consignment stores, goodwill, tj maxx and places like that for newer stuff, but my budget is limited. Thus, I have very little to wear. Intellectually, I understand itís important to get rid of clothes as I lose weight, but emotionally, Iím having a tough time thinking about bagging up my 1xís, 2xís and 16W pants and getting rid of them. These sizes have been part of my identity for so long and some of the clothes are good quality. Maybe I should get them taken in? Is that cheaper than buying new stuff?

Iím also concerned about how I will handle the maintenance phase. Ten years ago when I lost weight, I thought that being thinner was going to change my life and all my problems would evaporate. Nope, I had the same problems; I was just thinner. Then, life started getting in the wayóstress, relationships, a death in the family, relocation, etc. A few pounds returned here and there. Then I played ostrich and stayed away from the scale. Two years later, Iíd gained all of the weight back. How will I respond when life starts getting in the way again? I think thatís part of why Iím having difficulty getting rid of those clothes.

I guess I will start reading some of the maintenance boards on SP to see how maintainers handle things.

Onward and downward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNEMAC5 8/21/2012 2:31PM

    Well done it took me a while to stream line my wardrobe but little by little I let go of the bigger sizes,
My problem was that I still liked some of my clothes but by taking them to the charity shop i thought some one else could enjoy them

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KNEEMAKER 8/21/2012 12:52PM

  You are about there. Keep on keeping on. I am so proud of you and all like you. I hope to join in your happiness one day. You are an inspiration dear.

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CAKEMAKERMOM 8/21/2012 12:51PM

    It is a great problem to have, and on a limited budget you can still buy new! I do it by buying on sale and on clearance. The stuff I've been getting for this season has been 75% off. I just got a package in the mail of a bunch of shirts (I think I bought around 8 shirts and a skirt ) for $70, including shipping. I have managed other items for a couple of dollars too.

I have been thinking of taking in a few of the nicer xxl's I still have and turn them into larges. Just by taking an inch in on each side should make them fit better?

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MOBYCARP 8/21/2012 12:02PM

    Getting rid of clothes: I struggled with that, too. I ended up taking my biggest clothes and folding them up when I ran out of room in a closet. The pile of folded clothes sat in my bedroom for several weeks before I got around to donating them.

The next time, it was easier. I went through to sort out stuff that was two sizes to big, and folded it all. Then I waited patiently for one of the charity organizations to have a pickup day.

By about the fourth pass, I was folding up 34" waist jeans because I didn't want to make a mistake and pull something that didn't fit out of the dresser. But it took me about 7 months of being able to fit into 32" jeans to get to that point.

So, there's an alternate path to getting rid of too-big clothes; not because you don't fit in them, but because they no longer fit in your storage space. And that's because you're getting clothes that do fit, and that you will wear.

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