Friday, August 24, 2012
Yesterday, I ran a SP report to learn where I've lost inches. Here are the results:
My waist to hip ratio has risen from around .80 to .85 because I'm losing weight everywhere except for my waist. Just aggravating, dang it.
I also recognize these truths about my body:
1. No matter what I weigh, my waist will only be about 6-7" smaller than my hips. (Yech for being apple-shaped).
2. For my waist to appear narrow, I would have to part ways with the few curves I do have and just look angular, you know, like Olive Oyl or a ruler. I'm not feeling this idea even if it means a smaller waist.
3. My waist to hip ratio still puts me at risk of diabetes, even though my blood sugar readings are now normal. Hopefully, this will resolve itself as I take off the last 24 pounds.
4. I am middle-aged and fighting hormonal changes that are causing my waist to thicken anyway.
I am looking forward to "evicting" the next 14 pounds in 2012 and just maintaining my weight during the holidays. My hope is that being on maintenance for awhile will help me build the skills I will need to keep the weight off. I'm joining Weight Watchers in October so I can attend the weekly meetings, meet some like-minded people and stay focused. In January, I will work on the last 10 pounds.
Once I get to my goal weight, I will evaluate how I look and feel, then decide what to do next.
One other thought I have before I close; I have not lost this weight alone. During my journey, I've met with a registered dietitian, a personal trainer, and a therapist. I've attended an eight-week weight loss support group, read articles on SP and elsewhere and dug out old recipes from my Weight Watchers days. It's all about leveraging expertise in areas where you're weak, so you can build a better, stronger, faster, healthier, and happier YOU.
Onward and downward.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Today, when I slipped on my work clothes I found myself double checking the label on a new pair of pants: size 12. I haven't been a size 12 in more than eight years and I can't believe I'm wearing one now. I do understand what has happened with vanity sizing and that today's size 12 is larger than the size 12 of 20 years ago. Regardless, it's a size that has not been a part of my wardrobe.
At work, I'd catch my image in the full-length mirror in the ladies' restroom. I might as well have been staring into a funhouse mirror. Sometimes I looked "average" in body size. Other times I couldn't tell that I've lost any weight at all. They say it takes your mind awhile to catch up with your appearance and I believe that to be true.
I've also noticed that I'm getting more attention from men. No, they're not wrecking their cars as I walk down the street (lol) but I am observant enough to realize that things are slightly different. Men that would've passed me by without looking in my direction are now making eye contact and speaking. Quite honestly, I can't tell if it's because I'm feeling better about my appearance or if it's because I'm slimmer. To hear my friends tell it, it's because I look younger so I assume this is the reason.
I read somewhere one woman's observation that the world treats women differently at size 18, 12, 8 and 4. I am starting to agree with that, yet at the same time it makes me sad. I was a cute and nice person before I dropped weight. Why didn't I deserve a nice smile and 'hello.' before?
It's late so I will close here, but this is definitely making me think.
Onward and downward.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
This morning when I jumped on the scale, I discovered that another pound has disappeared. Yay for me. Not only that, itís a number that ends with a ď9Ē, which is always nice. Over the last week, Iíve worked hard to stay mentally focused, keep my food environment healthy and to increase the intensity of my workouts. Itís been an all-out effort to keep pushing and Iím glad to see an outcome on the scale. Goodness knows it doesnít always happen like this, so I appreciate losing this pound.
Most of the clothes in my closet no longer fit me. Itís a great problem to have, but itís still a problem. Iíve been trying to shop at consignment stores, goodwill, tj maxx and places like that for newer stuff, but my budget is limited. Thus, I have very little to wear. Intellectually, I understand itís important to get rid of clothes as I lose weight, but emotionally, Iím having a tough time thinking about bagging up my 1xís, 2xís and 16W pants and getting rid of them. These sizes have been part of my identity for so long and some of the clothes are good quality. Maybe I should get them taken in? Is that cheaper than buying new stuff?
Iím also concerned about how I will handle the maintenance phase. Ten years ago when I lost weight, I thought that being thinner was going to change my life and all my problems would evaporate. Nope, I had the same problems; I was just thinner. Then, life started getting in the wayóstress, relationships, a death in the family, relocation, etc. A few pounds returned here and there. Then I played ostrich and stayed away from the scale. Two years later, Iíd gained all of the weight back. How will I respond when life starts getting in the way again? I think thatís part of why Iím having difficulty getting rid of those clothes.
I guess I will start reading some of the maintenance boards on SP to see how maintainers handle things.
Onward and downward.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Today, I have no particular subject on my mind, so I thought I'd share some of the more random thoughts that filled my mind this weekend.
Softball--Saturday, I participated in my first softball practice with the team. Mind you, I have not played organized softball in 30 years. We fielded balls, played catch and had a round of batting practice. I was surprised at how rigorous it was. Today, the muscles in my arms, chest, ribs, shoulders and back are sore and achy. Am I too old to be playing?? I'm sore but not injured so I plan to play through it.
Goal weight---Today, I told my family that I made my goal to lose 20 pounds between May and August. Forty-two out of 67 pounds are now gone, with 25 pounds remaining. My family is getting inspired by my journey, which is amazing to me. My mother started drinking morning smoothies like I do. She made up her mind after learning that our uncle also drinks them every morning. He's 96 years old and still going strong. Just amazing! My sister joined a softball league like I did. She told our mother that my weight loss inspired her to be more active. Wow. My next mini-goal? Lose 15 pounds by December.
Friday--When I made plans to go see "Sparkle", I was concerned about overdoing it with food. Fortunately, my health conscious friend and I ate dinner at a Sushi restaurant next door to the theater before the movie. I was a total geek and actually printed out the nutrition information from their website so I could make better food choices. We didn't need to stop at the concession stand when we got to the theater.
BTW, Sparkle is a good movie. I know the critics gave it 2.5 stars, but I've found that when the critics start raving about a movie, it's a good sign I'm going to find the movie boring, convoluted and confusing. Sparkle is entertaining. Jordin Sparks and Whitney Houston were good, but I really believe that Mike Epps and the British actress who played "Sister" stole the show. Mike Epps was so in character that you forgot it was him. His character was likable, funny and despicable at the same time. One other note; Whitney looked old, tired and a bit heavy. If you're expecting a more mature version of the beautiful woman from The Bodyguard, you will be disappointed. There were some moments in the movie that were sadly ironic. You got the feeling that Whitney was really playing herself and also passing the torch to the beautiful and talented Jordin Sparks. The character wasn't a stretch for Jordin, but she held her own--especially when she had to sing. She is also 50 pounds slimmer and looks great in every scene. Overall, I do recommend the movie as light entertainment, but don't expect to be blown away.
Clothes--I have few clothes in my wardrobe that still fit so I went to TJ Maxx to buy some pants that I can wear to work. I am between a size 12 and 14, which is frustrating. I ended up buying the 12's because in another 5 or 10 pounds they will be perfect. I will wear the pants with long tops and jackets until those 10 pounds are gone. On top, I'm a 14 or a 16, which is an improvement from 1x or 2x. I can even fit into some size L's.
I also went to my favorite shopping haunt and was delighted to discover that they moved the Women's clothing downstairs across from the misses department. In an earlier blog, I wrote about the store's discriminatory layout. If you wore a petite, juniors or misses, you could shop downstairs near the front of the store. However, if you wore a women's size you had to go to the back of the store, take an escalator to the second floor and walk behind the cookware section to find your clothing size. Yes, they hid the women's clothes upstairs behind the cookware! Well, I'm pleased that they came to their senses.
Anyway, I'm sure I'm rambling now, so I will stop here. I need to do some menu planning and grocery shopping to prepare for next week.
Onward and downward.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
This morning I weighed in two pounds lighter. I'm more relieved than excited because I thought my weight had plateaued. One of the most difficult aspects of losing weight is even if we do the program perfectly, the rate of our loss is going to be erratic. Lose 1 pound, gain 2 pounds, lose 1 pound, gain 1 pound, lose 3 pounds, lose 1 pound. That's enough to make anyone crazy. But the real challenge is when you KNOW that you haven't been perfect. Maybe you're on program 90% of the time, but the other 10%, well....that's life.
For me, it's been nearly 8 months of change. Some of my new food habits are becoming ingrained, which makes it easier, but I don't think I'll ever completely adapt to being on a food and exercise budget. Not when I was used to being sedentary and just grabbing and eating whatever I wanted with no thought about calories, saturated fat, or high fructose corn syrup. I know that if I return to that freewheeling lifestyle, the pounds will return. So here I am, doing what I'm supposed to be doing 90% of the time. It takes focus, commitment and effort to maintain consistency and the only way I can do that is to blog, read, and record what I do.
If you've ever watched Extreme Makeover--Weight Loss Edition, you'll know how inspiring the stories are. (If you haven't you can catch full episodes on Hulu.com for free) The formula for each episode is that a personal trainer works with a morbidly obese person to help them shed 100 pounds or more in 12 months. The first three months he actually moves into their home and turns their living room into a workout room.
In one episode, a man lost his home and was homeless while working the program. They had to move the exercise machines out of his house and put them in storage. Can you believe it? HOMELESS. Talk about stress. Life was definitely getting in the way, but he stuck to the program because it was all he had. He took up jogging at a nearby park, worked out at a community center gym and used their shower facilities to keep himself clean. By the end of episode, he had lost most of his weight, found work and an apartment and was dating a nice lady.
The lesson for me is that life is NEVER going to stop getting in the way. Stuff is always going to happen. Sometimes I eat more than I should. Other times I'm in environments where there are no good food choices. From time to time, I feel stressed, upset, angry, depressed, bored, worried--the list goes on. I cope by accepting myself as less than perfect. On some days, I will work the program brilliantly. Other days are so-so and other days I will want to forget. Yet here and there in the middle of muddling and struggling, a pound will disappear. I rejoice and then keep pushing.
Anyone who tells me that this or any weight loss program is easy is obviously on a different journey than I am. For me, it's not easy but SP makes it more fun. Somehow, I've managed to find a way to work the program over the long haul. I am only seven to eight months into a healthier lifestyle. I realize there are more lessons and more adjustments I will need to make as life goes on. But I'm ready.
Now, time to go celebrate my two pound loss by going to softball practice.
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