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WRITINGBLUEHAWK's Recent Blog Entries

Still a stress eater

Friday, June 29, 2012

Yesterday afternoon, the Devil tried to steal my joy. At work, I thought we'd missed a critical deadline and it stressed out me AND my boss. Eventually, I found evidence that we didn't and all was well, but by the end of the workday, I had only eaten 500 calories which is unusual.

I arrived home physically anxious and mentally exhausted. Plus I was absolutely ravenous. I ended up consuming 1,200 calories at one sitting! Although my total intake was 1,700 for the day I learned a couple of things.

1) EAT your breakfast, lunch and snacks. I was going to leave for lunch, but couldn't because of the fire I was putting out. Thus, I only ate a few pistachios out of a package in my desk.
2) DON'T let yourself get too hungry. I was in a hurry to get to the doctor's office on time yesterday morning and only had time for 8 oz of juice for breakfast.
3) FIND something else to do with the stress. I should've eaten a light snack and, if I felt too tired for vigorous exercise before dinner, grabbed my headphones and gone mall walking. Or, I should've cleaned house.

Looking back, it was the perfect storm and I responded by returning to my old stress-eating patterns. Today, I'm doing much better with my eating plan. My appetite is normal and I'm feeling much more at ease. Lesson learned.

Onward and downward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLE1908 6/29/2012 9:31PM

    Lesson learned...it was a bad day and I understand about the stress eating...

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My blood pressure

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Went to the doctor's today, weighed in and got my blood pressure checked. My blood pressure has dropped from 150/80 in April to 110/70. When they gave me that new number, I was grinning from ear to ear. I've succeeded in lowering my blood pressure through diet and exercise! The scale also confirmed I'd lost 14 pounds since my April appointment.

It's nice to know that I'm changing on the inside as much as on the outside. Very cool! As a prediabetic, I am due to get my blood sugar checked in the next month or so. Hopefully, the news about my blood sugar will be just as good.

So happy right now, I could do a cartwheel! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLEURGARDEN 6/28/2012 10:10PM

    Woo Hoo! Way to go!

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RUSSELLORAMA 6/28/2012 9:48PM

    That's so amazing!

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ANNEMAC5 6/28/2012 5:03PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BECKYJ2224 6/28/2012 4:53PM

    Awesome.... emoticon

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AANGEL3 6/28/2012 4:35PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MDWSTRNR 6/28/2012 3:42PM


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USMAWIFE 6/28/2012 3:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

No, not Herman Cain's tax plan, but the elation one feels when they weigh themselves and the last digit on the scale is a "9." 139, 159, 189, 209, 239. For me, when my weight ends in a "9", it gives me a sense of accomplishment and progress.

In addition, "9" is the number of pounds I have left before I hit my second mini-goal; to lose a total of 42 pounds by the end of August.

This afternoon, I attended a weight loss support group that my employer started up as part of their wellness program. The facilitator described in graphic detail what happens to your body when your arteries are so clogged with plaque that it cuts off the oxygen supply to your brain or heart. If it happens to your heart, of course, that's a heart attack. If it happens to your brain, it's a stroke. What's scary is that once the plaque is there, you can't do anything to reverse it. You can stop adding plaque, but whatever you already have in your arteries will be there the rest of your life. Dang.

Anyway, on a lighter note, I've added a link to a retro Jazzy Spies Sesame Street video. If you were a child when this first aired, you are either a baby boomer or a gen-x er, like me. I'm a nostalgic person, so I really got a kick out of seeing it again.

Onward and downward!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLE1908 6/28/2012 1:45PM

    Congratulations on your progress!!!Keep up the good work!

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MDWSTRNR 6/28/2012 12:02AM

    (Don't know why my first comment didn't work, so I'll say it without using the "emoticon".)

Way to go!!!

Comment edited on: 6/28/2012 12:04:18 AM

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MDWSTRNR 6/28/2012 12:02AM

    (This didn't work. Hmm...)

Comment edited on: 6/28/2012 12:05:08 AM

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DIBANANA 6/27/2012 11:19PM

  It is great your job has a wellness program. I wish they had that when I worked. I might have been "scared straight" a long time ago!

42 pounds is awesome!


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TACONES 6/27/2012 9:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Oh how I love those 9's! Congratulations on your progress!

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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Wikipedia's definition of schaudenfreude is "pleasure derived from the misfortune of others." This week (God forgive me) I have a terrific case of schaudenfreude.

In 2010, I was pushed out of a previous position for reasons unrelated to my job performance, competence, relationships with coworkers or attitude toward my work. I wrote about the situation in an earlier blog where I referred to my former boss as "Miranda". (AKA The Devil Wears Prada). Without posting the new position, she brought in "Ruby"-- a less qualified, less educated person, paid her twice my salary, assigned her half of my responsibilities and installed her as my new supervisor. Yeah, I know, pretty vicious. And worse, "Ruby" behaved like an outsized diva, bullying me and her other direct reports.

After five years of job satisfaction, I abruptly left this toxic environment. My former co-workers and I wondered how long this new "marriage" between Miranda and Ruby would last. Six months? Eight months? I estimated eighteen months.

We got our answer last week. Twenty-two months. Ruby's staff threatened to mutiny, management investigated and fired Ruby on the spot. She had a major tantrum, yelling and cursing at one of the managers as security escorted her out of the building. Now, Miranda is facing a major project with a fall deadline and has no help. She will have to pay thousands of dollars for a consultant to complete the project.

Maybe schadenfreude is sinful, but hey, I'm human. I really have faith that you reap what you sow. If you treat others in the workplace with disdain, arrogance and disrespect, eventually it catches up with you. Hearing this story from former co-workers just cracked me up.

Okay, time to wipe the smirk off my face and get on with my day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLE1908 6/28/2012 1:53PM

    Karma works in wonderful ways...I totally understand your blog and I can't wait to experience some "shaudenfreude" myself!!!

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KRISZTA11 6/27/2012 11:52AM

    It is reassuring to hear that their unprofessional behavior didn't go unpunished.
If only life would be always so fair...
Good for you that you got out of it immediately!

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BARBAELLEN 6/26/2012 1:58PM

    They say what goes around comes around, but I'm not so sure I always believe it. Unfortunately, the Mirandas are out there and some of them are tactical enough to hold on, and it's sickening. I know you shouldn't care what happens to people like that, but when they do implode, a case of "shaudenfreude" would be the order of the day for me, too! . I know it's not nice, but you gotta love it!


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SONYALATRECE 6/26/2012 12:37PM

    I LOVE it and remember the blog so well.
God is good all the time! emoticon

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JAZZEJR 6/26/2012 10:43AM

    Sounds as if you're entitled to a few smirks over the workings of karma after enduring all you did. Glad you're in a better place now, so what happens to "Miranda" shouldn't matter to you one way or the other.

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Emotional Layers of Fat

Sunday, June 24, 2012

If you are an emotional or stress eater like I am, each pound that you've gained over the years probably symbolizes some transition or life event. Maybe it was relocation, graduation, marriage, divorce, death of a friend or family member, or other traumatic event. Or it could simply be a mundane lifestyle change or too many dinners out. Combine the weight gain with failed diet and exercise programs and you end up cloaked in multiple layers of fat.

I'll give you examples.

As a teenager in middle school, I was enrolled in P.E. class, a cheerleader, played softball and ran track. I walked two miles home from school nearly every day. I weighed 135 pounds.

Then I graduated middle school and started high school. I ditched most of the extra curricular activities and took the bus home from school. I gained 20 pounds and weighed 155. Did I ever take this off? No.

Then my family relocated from the midwest to the east coast. I became homesick and spent lots of time at home watching MTV. By graduation, I weighed 170. Then I left for college.

I was much more active in college. My dorm room was on the fourth floor in a building with no elevators. I walked to classes every day. I jogged and worked out at the gym with friends. My weight settled in at 155 lbs.

My last year, I moved off campus and took a part-time job at a fast food restaurant. I rode the bus to campus and ate lots of free burgers and fries. My weight returned to 170.

After graduation, I fell in love and got married. I dieted and exercised to look good for my wedding. I weighed 155. Got pregnant and had my daughter. My weight returned to 155. Then I got divorced....one year later, met another guy and fell in love...that relationship fizzed. Two years after the divorce I weighed 180.

Four years later, my grandparents died...
Then I accepted a new job and relocated....
Six years later, I lost my job....

Well, you get the idea. Being an emotional and stress eater, I gained weight with each life event and, with one exception 10 years ago, never took it off. Now, as I drop the weight, I'm once again confronting what originally caused the weight gain.

Right now, I've just lost the 20 pounds I gained while I was unemployed last year. I've also lost 10 of the 20 pounds I gained when my grandparents died. I now have 35 pounds left to lose; The balance of the weight I gained after losing my grandparents plus the 25 pounds I gained after my divorce.

The 20 pounds I gained after middle school? No plans to lose it, because I'm in my 40s and don't want to look boyish or angular. I believe that when you're older and lose too much weight, it draws fat from your face and ages you.

My granny died 10 years ago and my divorce was 20 years ago. It's time for me to stop carrying around these events on my body. Wouldn't you agree?

What are you carrying around? Are you carrying the events from your past into your present? Maybe it's just weight you gained from happy times---delivering a baby, a series of hot dates at fancy restaurants, weeks of graduation celebrations? Heaven forbid, if it's from something truly traumatic, please see a therapist and face those issues. Whatever it is, at some point the fat is visible baggage from the past and needs to go.

Onward and downward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIBANANA 6/26/2012 10:19AM

  Very insightful! I never thought of it in that way. I'm going to take a look at my issues.



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BECKYJ2224 6/25/2012 9:31AM

    Inspirational blog.. I know I have layers from emotional eating and I have been carrying them with me long enough. emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/25/2012 9:33:20 AM

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TRYSCHE13 6/25/2012 8:21AM

    You are a strong, determined woman to realize the root of your emotional eating, I know you will make your goal, or anything else you set your mind to. Make sure to post a reunion picture!

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KAYLA0041 6/24/2012 7:58PM

    Awesome blog, I am determined to remove some of my emotional layers too.

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KARENA228 6/24/2012 7:04PM

    Wonderful blog. Thanks for sharing, this was an eye-opener for me as well.

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MPLANE37 6/24/2012 5:02PM

    I was carrying the weight of starting a career. It was hard in the beginning, but over time it became easier, although the conditions did improve only modestly. May be I became wiser, content with what little I was able to achieve. Now I am losing all that weight, and only about 10 pounds left. This last 10 pounds seems to be really tough to lose though. We will see what I can do.

By the way, you have narrated it very well. You must be good at writing.

Comment edited on: 6/24/2012 5:04:19 PM

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CELLISTA1 6/24/2012 4:29PM

    Hi. I found your blog by chance and it really speaks to me. All my layers of fat are emotional :) - and they keep telling me they want to stay with me and I keep telling them it's time to go! Five added pounds a year for 10 years -- that's the fifty that brought me here to Spark. I'm so impressed that you've lost 30 pounds. Fabulous!

I noticed you have a photo of Chaka Kahn. I just saw her at the Hollywood Bowl two nights ago and she looked gorgeous! She wore those skin-tight cat-suits when she was bigger and looked great too, but honestly she looks sensational now. I heard she lost her weight on a liquid diet, though. Not a Sparky choice.

I'm going to take what you wrote seriously. I need to re-visit some of these emotional issues. And I'm going to add you as a friend, if that's okay.

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MISSB8604 6/24/2012 2:50PM

    REALLY great blog and I love how you consider each pound you've gained as an emotional layer of fat. That is exactly how it is for me. Thank you for this!

Onward and downward!!

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KATIEGARCIA 6/24/2012 2:33PM

    Thank you for sharing you story. You are a true inspiration!

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