Thursday, January 07, 2010
Today at work it was so cold that no one wanted to leave the building for lunch. Instead, my boss ordered pizza for everyone. When someone offered some to me, I declined. Instead I had a co-worker stop by a deli and pick up a salad. It worked out because people ate pizza while I was holed up in a business meeting with my salad. The only thing I screwed up with on that meal is that I didn't specify low-fat dressing. Well, next time I'll remember.
I eat out a lot as part of my job. It's just the nature of my work. I know that dining out is a big reason behind my weight gain. The other factors are a lack of exercise, stress, and a slowing metabolism. So part of my journey will involve learning how to make wise decisions in restaurants. Dottie's weight loss zone has a fantastic list of the nutrition content for chain restaurants. Still, when I dine at local places, the calorie content of the food is somewhat of a mystery. Right now, the main strategy I can think of is to keep my choices simple. Next week, I'm scheduled to have lunch in a Mexican restaurant. I need to figure out some wise food choices. I love black beans and guacamole, so if there's a reasonable way to include those ingredients in my food choices, then I think I can order something without evoking self-pity.
I love the sparkpeople.com online food diary. It's user-friendly and I'm able to access it at work and on my mobile phone as well as at home. It's really helping me manage my food intake. I went slightly over my fat intake today (thanks to the salad dressing), but with this tool, I will be able to make some adjustments. Wow, I'm sure I was consuming thousands of calories a day--not just from overeating, but from also overeating calorically dense food. I think that's what happens when I stop being vigilant.
I'm still trying to overcome the negative thinking. It's an ongoing battle, but I am charging forward. Persistence--not perfection.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
This morning, I got up, exercised 30 minutes to a dvd, had a nutritious breakfast and got dressed. When I pulled up my pants, I was dismayed to realize that I couldn't even zip up the zipper, much less button them. Time was short, so I tucked the waistband under, threw a long matching top over my pants and dashed off to work.
Is there not a better reminder of the need to stay on program all day than wearing a pair of pants that you can't zip up? I know its a little ridiculous, but I swear it helped me stay focused. On the downside, I really felt fat and frumpy today. I refuse to shop for bigger clothes so I'm stuck doing these little fashion tricks until my waist shrinks.
Despite this bit of morning trauma, I'm still hopeful that I will eventually shed this weight. Actually, I expect to. I've continued to visualize a slimmer me and am nurturing that little voice in my head.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
I swear the devil is messin' with me. He disabled my computer this weekend and I was pullin' my hair out trying to get it fixed without partin' with a lot of money. Not sure if I've totally solved the problem, but I'm glad to be online this evening.
In the last couple of days, my mood has become very no-nonsense and business-like. I've been tellin' myself "Do what you gotta do to succeed," or "This is what it takes." I haven't been whining, although I've really had to talk myself into tracking my food intake and exercising. I also bought a DVD player for my new exercise area and treated myself to a new workout video. We're supposed to get lots of snow this week, so this is going to be helpful if I find myself snowed in again.
I'm no longer whining about how tough it's going to be. Since I'm back at work, I've been busy, so that's been a helpful distraction. Plus, everyone at my job's on a diet so my environment has been supportive.
The challenge is going to be staying on task when my environment gets less supportive. Fortunately, that's where this website and the sparkpeople community comes in.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
It's day two of my new eating/exercise plan and I'm snowed in...alone. I spent yesterday fighting boredom and a fierce urge to go in the kitchen and open the fridge just because. Why is boredom the enemy of any new diet program? When I realized what I was dealing with, that didn't make it any easier to abstain from grabbing something from my fridge. I did succeed in acknowledging the old behavior pattern and making a conscious choice to just say no. I visualized how I want to look when I reach my goal; how I'd move and what I would wear. I fantasized running like a gazelle even though I've never been particularly athletic. In my fantasy, I was wearing a fitted women's cap-sleeved t-shirt---not the oversized tees I usually hide behind. And a matching pair of runner's shorts.
Just because I know what I want, doesn't make it any easier to change my behaviors and for a brief moment yesterday I lamented at how much hard work this is going to be. It's one thing to launch into this program as a new year's resolution and quite another to strive for permanent change.
Yesterday, I told my counselor about my goal to lose weight and how well I had been doing last year until my family needed me. She made me promise that the next time I was in emotional turmoil, that I would cope by calling her and setting up an appointment. I think that's a good idea because last year I tried to be the "strong black woman" and ended up gaining 25 lbs behind stress.
I've made a list of why I need to lose weight, but now I need a list of what I will do to cope with stress, depression and emotional trauma. Here goes:
2) Take a bubble bath
3) Call a friend or relative
5) Visit my counselor
6) Walk the dog
7) Give myself a manicure/pedicure
8) Clean house
9) Go to the library/read a book
10) Use this journal to vent, cry, whine and get everything out of my system
I know I'll need to refer back to this list sometime in the future. In the meantime, I will keep on keepin' on.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
I weighed in this morning and learned that I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I am really disappointed in how I let my "all or nothing" mentality get the best of me. I used a difficult summer as an excuse to quit taking care of myself and right now, I'm kinda mad. My BMI is 32.5 which is "obese" and its a miserable feeling to know that I let it get this bad.
Nevertheless, I'm also hopeful about reaching my goal of weighing 155 again. I realized that typically when I drop weight, I start feeling good about myself when I reach around 185 or so. The problem is, I start slacking off and then abandon my program all together. For me, I think the key is keeping the pain of being overweight with me, so I can stay on task. In other words, it's okay to celebrate victories, but I need to be vigilent in reminding myself that there's still more work to do.
Today, I'm off to a good start. I had a healthy breakfast and exercised about 15 minutes this morning. I have an appointment later on this morning with my counselor, to help me with the emotional aspects of what I'm doing.
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