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WRITINGBLUEHAWK's Recent Blog Entries

First temptation

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Today at work it was so cold that no one wanted to leave the building for lunch. Instead, my boss ordered pizza for everyone. When someone offered some to me, I declined. Instead I had a co-worker stop by a deli and pick up a salad. It worked out because people ate pizza while I was holed up in a business meeting with my salad. The only thing I screwed up with on that meal is that I didn't specify low-fat dressing. Well, next time I'll remember.

I eat out a lot as part of my job. It's just the nature of my work. I know that dining out is a big reason behind my weight gain. The other factors are a lack of exercise, stress, and a slowing metabolism. So part of my journey will involve learning how to make wise decisions in restaurants. Dottie's weight loss zone has a fantastic list of the nutrition content for chain restaurants. Still, when I dine at local places, the calorie content of the food is somewhat of a mystery. Right now, the main strategy I can think of is to keep my choices simple. Next week, I'm scheduled to have lunch in a Mexican restaurant. I need to figure out some wise food choices. I love black beans and guacamole, so if there's a reasonable way to include those ingredients in my food choices, then I think I can order something without evoking self-pity.

I love the sparkpeople.com online food diary. It's user-friendly and I'm able to access it at work and on my mobile phone as well as at home. It's really helping me manage my food intake. I went slightly over my fat intake today (thanks to the salad dressing), but with this tool, I will be able to make some adjustments. Wow, I'm sure I was consuming thousands of calories a day--not just from overeating, but from also overeating calorically dense food. I think that's what happens when I stop being vigilant.

I'm still trying to overcome the negative thinking. It's an ongoing battle, but I am charging forward. Persistence--not perfection.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILSHINE 1/8/2010 2:59PM

    Great job on declining the unhealthy choices. Livestrong also has great nutrition/calorie counts for various restaurants and foods. I guess the wisest choices are proteins and veggies, can't go too wrong with those choices.

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Arrgh! Outgrown my fat pants

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

This morning, I got up, exercised 30 minutes to a dvd, had a nutritious breakfast and got dressed. When I pulled up my pants, I was dismayed to realize that I couldn't even zip up the zipper, much less button them. Time was short, so I tucked the waistband under, threw a long matching top over my pants and dashed off to work.

Is there not a better reminder of the need to stay on program all day than wearing a pair of pants that you can't zip up? I know its a little ridiculous, but I swear it helped me stay focused. On the downside, I really felt fat and frumpy today. I refuse to shop for bigger clothes so I'm stuck doing these little fashion tricks until my waist shrinks.

Despite this bit of morning trauma, I'm still hopeful that I will eventually shed this weight. Actually, I expect to. I've continued to visualize a slimmer me and am nurturing that little voice in my head.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILSHINE 1/7/2010 8:38PM

    By the next time you put them on you'll see change. Take a picture of how they fit now. I have a pair of jeans I couldn't fit hanging on my mirror. I took a photo then and each time I try them on. I started where they wouldn't come close now they zip and button but still too tight. But when the scale don't move I can see success in the photos and you will too

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FWBLACK 1/6/2010 7:06PM

    Hang in there - keep at it!! It will come off -

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Gettin' down to business

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

I swear the devil is messin' with me. He disabled my computer this weekend and I was pullin' my hair out trying to get it fixed without partin' with a lot of money. Not sure if I've totally solved the problem, but I'm glad to be online this evening.

In the last couple of days, my mood has become very no-nonsense and business-like. I've been tellin' myself "Do what you gotta do to succeed," or "This is what it takes." I haven't been whining, although I've really had to talk myself into tracking my food intake and exercising. I also bought a DVD player for my new exercise area and treated myself to a new workout video. We're supposed to get lots of snow this week, so this is going to be helpful if I find myself snowed in again.

I'm no longer whining about how tough it's going to be. Since I'm back at work, I've been busy, so that's been a helpful distraction. Plus, everyone at my job's on a diet so my environment has been supportive.

The challenge is going to be staying on task when my environment gets less supportive. Fortunately, that's where this website and the sparkpeople community comes in.


Boredom is the enemy

Sunday, January 03, 2010

It's day two of my new eating/exercise plan and I'm snowed in...alone. I spent yesterday fighting boredom and a fierce urge to go in the kitchen and open the fridge just because. Why is boredom the enemy of any new diet program? When I realized what I was dealing with, that didn't make it any easier to abstain from grabbing something from my fridge. I did succeed in acknowledging the old behavior pattern and making a conscious choice to just say no. I visualized how I want to look when I reach my goal; how I'd move and what I would wear. I fantasized running like a gazelle even though I've never been particularly athletic. In my fantasy, I was wearing a fitted women's cap-sleeved t-shirt---not the oversized tees I usually hide behind. And a matching pair of runner's shorts.

Just because I know what I want, doesn't make it any easier to change my behaviors and for a brief moment yesterday I lamented at how much hard work this is going to be. It's one thing to launch into this program as a new year's resolution and quite another to strive for permanent change.

Yesterday, I told my counselor about my goal to lose weight and how well I had been doing last year until my family needed me. She made me promise that the next time I was in emotional turmoil, that I would cope by calling her and setting up an appointment. I think that's a good idea because last year I tried to be the "strong black woman" and ended up gaining 25 lbs behind stress.

I've made a list of why I need to lose weight, but now I need a list of what I will do to cope with stress, depression and emotional trauma. Here goes:
1) Pray/meditate
2) Take a bubble bath
3) Call a friend or relative
4) Exercise
5) Visit my counselor
6) Walk the dog
7) Give myself a manicure/pedicure
8) Clean house
9) Go to the library/read a book
10) Use this journal to vent, cry, whine and get everything out of my system

I know I'll need to refer back to this list sometime in the future. In the meantime, I will keep on keepin' on.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTAPECANB 1/3/2010 7:38PM

    I actually struggled with some of these things this weekend. Although it took me a 2/3rds of the day yesterday to realize what I was doing, I managed to pull myself back.Today was much better. It's the focus and determination that makes people strong. Keep on keeping on as you said and you'll nip this in the bud in no time. In the meantime, I have to find a way to cope with my being bored.


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MEXIFRO33 1/3/2010 4:16PM

    I'm right there with you on the whole 'eating because you're bored' thing. My mind immediately goes to the fridge as soon as I think "what should I do now?".

It's really hard to keep myself occupied so that I don't just drift into eating. I've been using a lot of your listed ideas. I find exercising, in particular, works really well. It not only gets my mind off of eating, but it's a positive thing to be doing. Cleaning, for me, works really well too.

When I do feel that I just need to snack on something I usually end up going for air-popped popcorn with no butter but a little salt. This is perfect because it has very few calories and it satisfies that snacking-on-little-bites urge that I get.

I wish you all the luck on your journey! Stay strong! emoticon

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Facing reality

Saturday, January 02, 2010

I weighed in this morning and learned that I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I am really disappointed in how I let my "all or nothing" mentality get the best of me. I used a difficult summer as an excuse to quit taking care of myself and right now, I'm kinda mad. My BMI is 32.5 which is "obese" and its a miserable feeling to know that I let it get this bad.

Nevertheless, I'm also hopeful about reaching my goal of weighing 155 again. I realized that typically when I drop weight, I start feeling good about myself when I reach around 185 or so. The problem is, I start slacking off and then abandon my program all together. For me, I think the key is keeping the pain of being overweight with me, so I can stay on task. In other words, it's okay to celebrate victories, but I need to be vigilent in reminding myself that there's still more work to do.

Today, I'm off to a good start. I had a healthy breakfast and exercised about 15 minutes this morning. I have an appointment later on this morning with my counselor, to help me with the emotional aspects of what I'm doing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIRCHDS 1/2/2010 10:56AM

    It is hard to face reality sometimes, but that kick in the pants is sometimes what you need to get motivated. Good for you on your great start to the day....don't give up!

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PANDA131 1/2/2010 10:28AM

    I am right their with you I climb back on the scale on New Years Day to see that I was 209 wow what a shock. I had let my marriage problems (husband leaving) give me an open door to the fridge. No more 2010 is going to be a good year. My goal is 145
I will be there by the end of this year. And you can too.
Have a great day sounds like you are off to a good start.
Susan emoticon

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